The conversation ground to a halt.

After a long while, the chemistry teacher grasped the key point. “What do you mean by not understanding the questions? Is it a lack of understanding of the knowledge points, unfamiliarity with the angle of questioning, or something else?”

Xie Lan leaned against the windowsill, his left index finger gently hooking up and then releasing, an unconscious motion similar to a violin vibrato.

He was a bit anxious.

The reason for handing in a blank paper was simple: first, he didn’t recognize many of the characters; second, even if he recognized them, he didn’t know what they corresponded to. This was the truth, but it was very counter-intuitive—because overseas Chinese rarely had reading and writing skills as poor as his. Besides, even if the knowledge systems didn’t align, he should have at least heard of basic things like nitrogen, hydrogen, aluminum, magnesium, and the like.

He originally harbored a bit of hope to muddle through, because based on experience, a careful explanation would often lead to the next follow-up question—

The male teacher next to him suddenly realized, “Could it be a difficulty in understanding Chinese? Hey, but your parents are both Chinese, right? Logically speaking, it shouldn’t be.”

Here it comes.

Xie Lan shivered and moved away from the windowsill.

“They are Chinese,” he answered subconsciously, then his tone became hesitant. “But… they, um, are relatively…”

Relatively reluctant to speak Chinese.

Or rather, at Xie Jingming’s insistence, they rarely spoke Chinese.

“What’s going on?”

A nonchalant yet slightly displeased voice sounded from the doorway.

Dou Sheng wandered in with his messy bedhead, looking completely exasperated. “Walking to school together and you go off flying a kite halfway through. You’re really something.”

Xie Lan paused. “What are you doing here?”

“Dou Sheng is here? Perfect.” The chemistry teacher beckoned. “Teacher Hu said you two are close. Do you know his usual level?”

“Xie Lan?” Dou Sheng glanced at Xie Lan. “His math score is higher than mine. A rare god among men. What’s up?”

Xie Lan tried hard to suppress an eye roll.

The chemistry teacher was helpless. “Cut the chatter. He handed in a blank paper for chemistry, said he didn’t understand the questions.”

“Oh, is that so.” Dou Sheng looked back at Xie Lan and shot him a classic Dou-style bitchy look.

“……”

Xie Lan had a premonition that he would be dug into a hole and buried here today.

Dou Sheng turned back and didn’t answer immediately. He first gave a heartfelt yawn. He was genuinely sleepy; after yawning, his eyelashes were wet.

Infected by him, the male teacher from earlier also yawned.

Then the biology teacher followed suit and covered her mouth.

Xie Lan was about to roll his eyes when he suddenly felt a wave of drowsiness rushing down from his forehead into his nasal cavity.

Yawn—

“……”

This person was toxic.

“What’s there to agonize over?” Dou Sheng stepped forward and glanced perfunctorily at the test paper. “He went to the UK at three years old. Being able to stand here and loudly say ‘Hello teacher, my name is Xie Lan, I’m a returnee, my idol is the handsome Dou Sheng’ is already pretty good. You’ve got ‘Dream Pool Essays’ and ‘Qianshan in Xinzhou’ here. Who are you trying to kill with this difficulty? Why didn’t you just ask him to write out the ancient method of copper smelting from memory?”

The chemistry teacher was stunned.

But she quickly flipped through the paper. “That was the only question involving ancient—”

Dou Sheng nodded again. “Isn’t this about the class assignment? I advised him to focus on physics. My mom wants us to be in the same class so I can look out for him.”

Xie Lan: “?”

The chemistry teacher froze, turned to Xie Lan, and frowned. “You deliberately didn’t answer properly? You look down on my chemistry?”

“……”

Xie Lan could no longer tell if Dou Sheng wanted to save him or make sure he died a more thorough death.

But after a long time, Xie Lan still gave a soft “Mmh.”

The chemistry teacher’s expression became complicated.

“It’s just one little broken placement test, what’s the big deal? How about this: next monthly exam, he—” Dou Sheng turned and pointed, “Seventy in chemistry. I guarantee it.”

“Can he get seventy?” The chemistry teacher instantly relaxed, then said to Xie Lan, “Actually, education is different at home and abroad. A difference in starting points is understandable. Whether it’s seventy, fifty, or sixty, as long as the teacher knows roughly what level you are, it’s fine. Just don’t hand in a blank paper.”

“Okay,” Xie Lan said in a low voice. “I understand. Thank you, teacher.”

He paused, then added, “Next exam, I’ll reach the Class 4 average.”

The office suddenly fell silent.

Dou Sheng, who was sneaking candy from a pen holder on a desk, paused his movement, then the corners of his lips curved up slightly as he picked out a piece of imported chocolate biscuit.

“Ambitious,” the biology teacher said faintly from the side. “Then what about my biology?”

Xie Lan slumped instantly.

“I’ll study it first and see,” he said after a long silence.

Biology teacher: “……”

Coming out of the office, Xie Lan could vaguely hear through the door several teachers discussing the things they had heard about him these past few days. It turned out his perfect math score was already widely known, but no one mentioned his sixteen in Chinese. Old Qin probably hadn’t said anything.

Before walking too far away, the last half-sentence he heard was the biology teacher saying she needed to compile junior high biology knowledge points for him first.

“British High teachers aren’t bad, right?” Dou Sheng asked lazily from beside him. He had one hand in his trouser pocket and opened his mouth for another yawn, successfully making Xie Lan sleepy again.

Xie Lan tried hard to suppress the urge to yawn, turning his head to look at him.

Dou Sheng said calmly, “What are you looking at? Are you shocked by this decadent, cool-type academic god handsome guy who pulled an all-nighter right in front of you?”

Xie Lan said speechlessly, “Why don’t you go die?”

Dou Sheng laughed instantly, choking on his laughter twice, then yawned again.

Xie Lan lowered his eyes to look at the floor tiles ahead. “Don’t you have anything you want to ask?”

Dou Sheng raised an eyebrow. “Ask what?”

“Just those questions you lied to block just now.” Xie Lan’s tone was very bland. “Aren’t you curious yourself?”

Dou Sheng smiled indifferently. “Just don’t want to ask. Curiosity killed the cat. No, killed the Big Cat.”

The two walked down the corridor in silence. When turning the corner, Dou Sheng said softly, “Don’t you also have a lot of questions you haven’t asked me? About my family, my past experiences—you don’t have that curiosity about me either.”

Xie Lan’s steps faltered slightly.

“This is tacit understanding,” Dou Sheng said nonchalantly, fishing out the biscuit he had just openly robbed. He broke it, tore open the wrapper, pinched half, and tossed it into his mouth.

“Want some?” He casually handed the rest to Xie Lan.

Quite a few people had gathered near the notice board ahead. Students were coming out of various classrooms one after another heading there; the corridor was getting noisier.

“Don’t tell me they’ve posted the class assignment results already.” Dou Sheng glanced over. “You go look first. I’m going to the restroom.”

“Okay.”

The people from Class 4 had all come out too. Che Ziming sprinted to Xie Lan’s side, eyes wide and round. “Lan, what on earth is going on with you? Are you dissatisfied with the domestic education level and using this kind of performance art to express your resentment?!”

Xie Lan’s arm hurt from being dragged. His gaze swept across the class lists, landing on the leftmost “Math/Physics A”.

Dou Sheng was first. Math 148, Physics 99. Total score for two subjects: 247.

Dai You was second, 229.

Dong Shuijing was third, 224.

Wang Gou was fourth, 223.

Xie Lan scanned down. The scores of the Class 4 students below were packed tight, separated by single points, all the way to 214, Xie Lan.

Physics was only 64, which was within expectations. The question stems were just too long and convoluted. Besides proper nouns, there were many characters he didn’t recognize. He had read the final big question at least twenty times, drawing lines and circles to break up the sentences in the stem, until the whole area was marked into a mess, but he still hadn’t figured out what the question wanted to express.

Anyone who saw his paper would sigh with emotion that he had done his best.

But what drove Che Ziming crazy wasn’t the Physics score of 64, but the all-subject scores and the grade-wide ranking written on the far right.

Math 150, Physics 64, Chinese 16, English 105, Chemistry 0, Biology 0.

Total score 335. Math/Physics rank 14. All-subject grade rank 470.

“In our class from now on, you really are the brightest star in the night sky, a touch of green amidst ten thousand flowers,” Che Ziming tutted behind him. “Are you drawing eggs with Chemistry and Biology here? Just Nima ridiculous.” (Note: ‘Nima’ is a curse word, literally ‘your mom’, used for emphasis like ‘fucking’.)

Xie Lan asked casually, “What does ‘Just Nima’ mean?”

“Ah.” Che Ziming touched his nose. “It’s for emphasis. Like, how is it just so ridiculous!”

“Learned it.” Xie Lan nodded.

His gaze landed on the English score which was far lower than he imagined, and he suddenly froze.

He forgot the English teacher!

Xie Lan turned and squeezed out of the crowd, just in time to see Dou Sheng coming unhurriedly from a distance, accompanied by a woman with a somewhat cool temperament wearing a goose-yellow shirt dress.

Xie Lan had seen her on the teacher profile board. Ge Li, Class 4’s English teacher.

Ge Li waved to Xie Lan from afar, gesturing for him to come speak where there were fewer people.

“You’re Xie Lan, right?” Ge Li’s voice was relatively gentle. “I’m Class 4’s English teacher, Ge. I heard from Teacher Hu that you came back from the UK?”

Xie Lan gave a confirmation. “Hello, teacher.”

“How old were you when you went to the UK? Did you attend junior high and primary school in the UK?”

“Yes,” Xie Lan said. “I… went out when I was three.”

“Three?” Ge Li was surprised, then smiled helplessly. “No wonder you tested like this.”

Xie Lan didn’t understand what she meant, but he knew he didn’t test well.

The vast majority of questions on that paper looked like… how to put it, similar to asking [I raised a ______. A. Small Dog; B. Dog; C. Doggie; D. Little Doggie].

He sighed and said in a low voice, “Just Nima ridiculous.”

Ge Li: “What?”

Beside him, Dou Sheng suddenly elbowed him hard, mouthing in shock: What are you saying?

“Hmm?” Xie Lan was a bit confused. “What’s wrong?”

Ge Li frowned and looked at Xie Lan for a while, then shook her head and sighed. “Just back in the country and already picking up bad habits. Makes sense, hanging out with Dou Sheng every day…”

Dou Sheng was speechless. “I’m getting shot while lying down here.” (Collateral damage).

“Alright, alright.” Ge Li waved her hand. “It’s like this. I’ve dealt with some students who went abroad. Based on experience, the later they go abroad, the better they test when they come back. Someone like you who went out at three is actually half-British already. Your grammar is definitely awkward; you have to work hard to patch it up.”

Xie Lan gave a confirmation. “Not British. Not half either. Anyway, I will try hard to keep up.”

He hated the label of ‘British’ too much, especially after Xie Jingming tried desperately to paste this label onto him, and even wanted to find him a British mother.

Ge Li nodded. “Also, you have to tell Teacher Hu about the three-years-old thing. The teachers all thought you went out in high school and came back, since that’s been the case before. Alright, let’s talk about English in the basics class this weekend. Don’t forget to sign up.”

“Teacher.”

Xie Lan stopped the person who was bustling away.

Ge Li turned around. “Something else?”

Xie Lan paused. “Um, English. Can I make it up myself?”

“Why?” Ge Li frowned. “Do you know what the average English score in Class 4 is? 132. You are already dead last.”

Xie Lan sighed. “I have a few subjects that are more urgent.”

“What could be more—?” Ge Li frowned and glanced at the big list. Following the Math/Physics A list down, she found Xie Lan, and then looked to the right.

Then she was stunned.

Truly, dumbfounded.

Xie Lan sighed. “Is it ‘Just Ni’—”

Before he could finish, he was poked by Dou Sheng again.

Dou Sheng took over the conversation. “Is it ‘Just Ni’—Just Nin (polite ‘you’)—English is actually considered okay for you. The chemistry and biology teachers are lining up to have breakdowns.”

“……”

Ge Li’s expression was grave. After a long time, she slowly nodded. “That’s actually true.”

Ge Li left. Dou Sheng glared at Xie Lan. “Are you sick? Who did you learn ‘Just Nima ridiculous’ from?”

“Che Ziming.” Xie Lan didn’t understand. “Isn’t it for emphasis? English test was not good, ‘Just Nima ridiculous’. You usually ‘Just Nima’ can eat. Teacher Hu is ‘Just Nima’ scary—”

Dou Sheng didn’t finish listening to this string of analogies. Without a word, he headed into the crowd, hooked his arm around Che Ziming’s neck, and dragged him to a corner for a talk.

After the class assignment lists were posted, all the classes began a vigorous “moving house.”

Class 4 had relatively few changes. A total of sixteen people left, all entering the neighboring “All-Subject A” class except for Chen Ge. There were four newcomers including Xie Lan. One of them was wearing a full school uniform with a red sweater collar turned out—Wang Gou, who scored a beautiful 148 in math.

As soon as Wang Gou came in, he looked around for his “benefactor.” Finally, he sat down contentedly on Xie Lan’s right, separated from Dou Sheng by one person and an aisle.

There was the sound of moving tables and chairs everywhere; it was very noisy. Dong Shuijing happened to be distributing application forms for weekend make-up classes. Xie Lan chose Chinese between the Saturday morning Chinese basics and Math competition, and Biology between the Saturday afternoon English basics and Biology basics.

Other subjects could be solved by himself. Sunday could be left free.

He suddenly remembered something and said to Dou Sheng beside him, “It’s Friday. Do you have time tomorrow night?”

Dou Sheng: “Hm?”

“You’ve helped me a lot these past two days,” Xie Lan said. “Consider it a thank you. I’ll help you prepare the basin of meat sauce you need to drink.”

Dou Sheng froze, then quickly said, “No need, I can do it myself. And you have class tomorrow afternoon, right? The timing isn’t right. I plan to record in the afternoon when the light is best.”

“Don’t be polite with me,” Xie Lan smiled. “Your update teaser clearly said Sunday. I don’t have class on Sunday.”

“……”

He didn’t know if it was an illusion, but there was a flash of panic in Dou Sheng’s eyes.