Xie Lan didn’t understand how sleeping on the street for two hours could make Dou Sheng so high.

On the way home, this brother was humming all the way, and it was the theme song of a certain anime, “H.Bloody,” which just happened to be the one he loved to play the most on the violin.

This was the piece that made Xie Lan famous on YouTube. The arrangement was adapted into a style suitable for violin performance. The climax featured a driving rhythm and continuous variations, split into a conversational style where a single bow created a duet, igniting the whole audience.

But he couldn’t stand someone looping the song right in his ear, from outside the house all the way in, and even after they went to their separate rooms, the loop continued through the wall.

Until he fell asleep in a daze, and the tune was in his dreams too.

He slept groggily and woke up in the afternoon when Dou Sheng came to knock on his door.

“Scheduled for surgery, 3:30. Coming?”

Xie Lan sat on the bed, stunned for a moment. “Don’t we have to go straight to evening self-study?”

British High School rule: Return to school for self-study at 6:00 PM on Sunday.

Dou Sheng gave a hum of confirmation. “You’ll get used to it.”

On the way to the pet hospital, Dou Sheng suddenly asked, “Do you want to live in the dorms?”

“Hm?”

“I kind of want to.” Dou Sheng yawned. “Living in the dorms means sleeping an extra half hour in the morning. Going home on Friday and Saturday nights won’t delay anything.”

Xie Lan acknowledged with a hum. “Whatever works.”

If Dou Sheng wanted to live in the dorms, he definitely had to as well. Otherwise, it would be weird living in Dou Sheng’s house alone.

Dou Sheng smiled. “If you don’t want to, you can continue being a day student. Two kings on one mountain; when the Big Cat is away, it’s only right for the Second Cat to guard the territory.”

When they arrived at the pet hospital, they found Yu Fei wasn’t there. He was said to have gone to catch the black cat’s kittens. Che Ziming and Dai You were both there, and Wang Gou had come along too.

“I’m in the same dorm as you guys now.” Wang Gou rubbed his hands in excitement. “Just finished packing. Dai You said he was coming, so I came along to take a look.”

Dou Sheng nodded. “Where’s the cat?”

“Just went in.”

There was no small window on the operating room door, so the group could only sit in the waiting area.

“Respiratory anesthesia is fine for now,” Dai You explained. “Now it’s just routine surgery. We’ll see if the cat can wake up afterwards.”

Wang Gou sighed. “Gonna be a wait.”

Che Ziming clasped his hands together. “My palms are sweating. I’ve known Mimi for almost two years. I hope nothing happens to her.”

Wang Gou raised an eyebrow. “Has it been two years?”

“On the day of enrollment registration, Hu Xiujie said there was a wild cat at the classroom door and asked the boys to chase her away. Yu Fei and I went up. We thought it was a fierce big cat, but when we saw her, we were dumbfounded. It was a milky little black cat, turning back to meow at us.”

“Well then,” Wang Gou tutted. “Love at first sight!”

Che Ziming nodded bitterly. “If something happens to Mimi, we won’t be able to live well either.”

Wang Gou immediately waved his hand. “Don’t say that. Live well.”

Xie Lan was anxious at first, but listening to these two talk, he suddenly felt the tone change.

Dou Sheng lifted his eyelids. “Are you two performing Xiangsheng (Cross-talk)?”

Che Ziming paused. “Yeah, how did we get into this mode?”

Wang Gou: “Eh?”

Che Ziming turned his head, frowned, and glared at him. “Is it because you keep playing the Penggen (the supporting role in cross-talk who feeds lines)!”

“Indeed.”

“Stop being the Penggen!!!”

“Alright then.”

“……”

Dou Sheng laughed angrily, and Xie Lan couldn’t help but chuckle a couple of times too.

The surgery took over half an hour. When the cat came out, she was wrapped in a small blanket like a baby. The nurse put her directly into Dou Sheng’s arms.

Dou Sheng’s movements stiffened instantly. “How do I hold her?”

“Just hold her like this, support her with your hands.” The nurse laughed. “Relax, yes.”

The black cat in the small blanket had her tongue sticking out, a normal reaction after anesthesia, looking a bit comical.

The nurse said she should wake up within half an hour. As long as the cat could wake up, there wouldn’t be big problems.

As soon as the nurse left, Xie Lan noticed Dou Sheng secretly poking the kitten’s protruding tongue.

“?”

Are your hands itching for trouble?

Dou Sheng said, “I’m speeding up the awakening.”

Whether it was because the kitten’s body became stronger in adulthood or the Dou-style awakening method worked, the cat actually woke up in about ten minutes.

Her first reaction upon waking was to rush out of the wrapping, but she was ruthlessly held down by Dou Sheng.

“Only know how to run. Strangled by fate, aren’t you?”

The little black cat struggled frantically. “Aow—”

“Screaming won’t help. Congratulations on a two-day hospital stay.” He casually took out his phone, recorded a video, sent it to the group chat tagging Yu Fei, and then carried the cat inside to the doctor.

After finishing up, there was only half an hour left until evening self-study. Che Ziming and the other two were going to eat at the cafeteria. Dou Sheng was too lazy to walk, so he dragged Xie Lan to eat rice noodles near the school gate.

At the closest shop outside the West Gate, Dou Sheng ordered Spicy Beef for himself and Golden Soup Pork Bone for Xie Lan. They were served in individual clay pots, still bubbling.

Xie Lan had never eaten this kind of slippery noodle before. After tasting a couple of mouthfuls, he felt it was okay.

“I want to discuss something with you,” Dou Sheng said suddenly.

Xie Lan looked up. “What?”

“No update this weekend.” Dou Sheng looked peaceful. “There are a few too many ads next month. Need to plan the commercial scripts. Taking a break this weekend.”

Hearing this, Xie Lan didn’t speak. He lowered his head and drank two mouthfuls of soup with the wooden spoon, continuing to slurp the rice noodles.

Dou Sheng clicked his tongue. “Is that okay or not?”

“Whatever,” Xie Lan said indifferently. “It’s your career, not mine. You’re the one losing followers, not me. You decide.”

Dou Sheng: “…………”

Xie Lan put down the spoon. “Do you want to be a Mukbang streamer forever?”

“What?”

Xie Lan looked at him. “Just doing Mukbang from now on? Not recording any other video content?”

“That dialect video you came to school to record in the middle of the night, you’re just keeping it for yourself?”

“Never going to overcome camera shyness?”

Dou Sheng froze for a good while, then clicked his tongue. “Your spoken language has improved quite a bit.”

Xie Lan kept a stinking face. “As long as it’s something I know how to say, I can say it very fast. This is the power of DNA.”

Dou Sheng couldn’t help laughing.

But he didn’t respond to Xie Lan’s words. The two continued slurping rice noodles. Occasionally, when Xie Lan looked up, he would catch Dou Sheng nonchalantly withdrawing his gaze.

He didn’t know if his implicit meaning just now was too obvious, but Dou Sheng seemed a bit inquisitive.

Just after finishing the meal, the group chat started buzzing frantically.

Yu Fei sent ten stickers in a row.

Fishy: Any living person come help, fuck, I’m gonna get scratched to death by these cats.

Fishy: Yangchang Alley entrance, hurry come.

Fishy: Anyone there?

Soon Che Ziming replied.

Cherry: Bro, class is starting soon… We’re all sitting in the classroom.

Dai You: Can you stabilize the cats first, talk after school?

Fishy: You come try stabilizing one for me.

Dou Sheng looked down at his phone.

RJJSD: Whose self-study tonight?

Dai You: Old Ma’s self-study. Hu Xiujie is said to have taken leave today. You aren’t thinking of…

RJJSD: Xie Lan and I are going to help.

Xie Lan: “???”

“Did I say I wanted to help?” Xie Lan was speechless. “I haven’t written the math paper yet.”

“Do you even need to write math? Come with me on this trip, and later I’ll show you my summarized universal arguments for Gaokao essays. Deal?”

Such naked trading was most despicable.

Xie Lan snorted coldly. “Deal.”

Yu Fei went with the mentality of finding Mimi’s kittens, but ended up finding a litter of unknown kittens, five in total including the mother. The mother ran away, leaving four kittens panic-stricken. Yu Fei tried to stuff them into his bag, but the cats struggled too hard and he didn’t dare use force. Stuff one in, one runs out—it became an automatically looping GIF, a perpetual cat-stuffing machine.

Xie Lan was drunk just looking at the scene.

“I say—” Dou Sheng said while helping him stuff cats, “What on earth are you doing?”

“Whatever, caught them already,” Yu Fei gritted his teeth. “From now on, any stray cat around here, I see one, I neuter one. None shall escape.”

Dou Sheng asked seriously, “Are you a ruthless ball-cutting machine?”

“Ball-cutting?” Xie Lan paused. “What does that mean?”

Yu Fei sighed beside him. Dou Sheng took out his phone, poked at the dictionary, and showed it to Xie Lan.

Xie Lan glanced at it, and caught off guard, the roots of his ears turned red.

It was normal for boys to discuss this, but seeing someone seriously show you the written definition of such a term was a bit unbearable.

When they arrived at the pet hospital, all three were sweating profusely.

These four kittens were full of energy today, competing to shout in the hospital. Meows rose and fell.

“Have to do it one by one. You can pick up the cats after 9 PM,” the nurse said while writing the order. “All little male cats. No hospitalization needed. Just release them normally after neutering.”

“Death of Eight Eggs (Wang Ba Dan)¹.” Dou Sheng suddenly said beside Xie Lan.

Xie Lan shivered. “What?”

Dou Sheng thought for a moment. “A brief way to say neutering four cats and cutting off eight eggs in one breath.”

“Oh.” Xie Lan sighed. “The beauty of Chinese lies in its conciseness.”

Beside them, Yu Fei revealed an expression of doubting life.

This trip was much faster than yesterday. They paid and left.

It was only 6:40 when the three walked near the school gate.

Yu Fei returned to his usual listless look, dragging his feet lazily in front. Xie Lan poked at his phone in the back.

He was trying to search for the ID using Dou Sheng’s WeChat nickname RJJSD, but unfortunately, no such person was found.

Actually, he could ask people around him, but that was risky. First, he wasn’t sure if Dou Sheng was only hiding it from him. Second, he wasn’t sure if Dou Sheng had bribed them in advance.

Xie Lan glanced at the phone Dou Sheng was holding.

The most direct way was to peek. Click open the app, glance at the ID. A one-second matter.

“Holy shit.” Yu Fei stopped abruptly.

Dozens of meters away, Hu Xiujie stood at the school gate, her face livid.

In her hand was a stack of three phones: an iPhone without a case, a Vivo in a red “Get Rich” case, and an old-man phone suspected to be a relic from ancient times.

If memory served, they belonged to Dai You, Che Ziming, and Wang Gou respectively.

A trace of ruin was added to Yu Fei’s decadent face.

“Put phones away, quick.” Dou Sheng whispered without moving his lips.

Xie Lan paused, subconsciously stuffing his phone into his pocket.

“Help me, I don’t have pockets.”

As the words fell, his pocket sank. Dou Sheng had stuffed his phone in there too.

“Stand straight, all of you!”

Hu Xiujie looked fierce. “Daring to skip my self-study. Skipping a whole period, and walking so slowly too!”

Yu Fei and Dou Sheng skillfully stood in a row, toes on a line.

Xie Lan had never seen this battle array. He followed suit, running to stand beside Dou Sheng, aligning with him.

Hu Xiujie walked up to Dou Sheng first. “Phone!”

“Teacher, I didn’t bring it.” Dou Sheng’s voice softened. “It’s the second semester of Year 2, who still brings a phone?”

“Are you tricking a fool?” Hu Xiujie raged. “Popular, aren’t you? Skipping class and three people tip you off, and you still dare say you didn’t bring a phone?!”

Dou Sheng sighed. “Really didn’t bring it. My mom ordered it, starting from returning to school this week. The three of them didn’t know I didn’t bring it.”

Hu Xiujie looked like she couldn’t be bothered to listen to his nonsense and reached out to pat his pockets directly. “No pockets?”

“Yeah,” Dou Sheng said. “You can search the backpack.”

There was nothing in his backpack. Coming for Sunday evening self-study, this brother arrogantly brought only a pack of cookies and two bottles of cocoa milk.

“Going to school, Dou Sheng, or are you on a spring outing with me here?”

Hu Xiujie was so angry her eyes were popping out. “Did you do your homework?”

“Anyway, when you check tomorrow, it’ll definitely be done,” Dou Sheng said.

Hu Xiujie sneered. “It better be.”

Yu Fei couldn’t escape his doom. His backpack had been sent to the classroom long ago. The phone hidden in his sleeve was immediately caught by Hu Xiujie.

Then Hu Xiujie walked toward Xie Lan.

Xie Lan’s heart tightened.

“Did you bring a phone?” Hu Xiujie questioned. “Teacher trusts you are an honest child. Tell the truth!”

Xie Lan was a little scared.

It was strange to say, but growing up, he had never been yelled at like this.

But he didn’t show fear on the surface, whispering, “Didn’t bring it.”

Hu Xiujie glanced at his pocket and sneered. “Think your new teacher won’t search you, right?”

“Pants pocket, take it out yourself!”

Xie Lan: “……”

Suddenly remembered a probability experiment.

One black ball and one white ball in a pocket. Grab one at random. The probability of grabbing the black ball or the white ball is 1/2. They do not interfere with each other; they are independent random events.

Xie Lan reached into his pocket and pulled out the phone on the outer side.

Regrettably, it was Dou Sheng’s.

Dou Sheng’s face went wooden.

Hu Xiujie sneered. “As expected!”

“Sorry, Teacher.” Xie Lan imitated Dou Sheng’s obedient look and whispered, “Won’t dare next time.”

“There is no next time, just this time.” Hu Xiujie pointed to the small table under the flag platform. “Skipping self-study. You three go write reflection letters. Don’t come back to the classroom until you finish. Xie Lan! Yours is 800 words! All Chinese! Bring the reflection to exchange for the phone after evening self-study.”

“……” Xie Lan whispered, “Teacher, how about I give you the phone, I don’t want it anymore.”

“He’ll write!” Dou Sheng immediately pinned down Xie Lan’s hand. “He’ll write. Teacher, I’ll teach him. I’ll teach him word by word.”

---

1. Note: In Chinese, Wang Ba Dan (王八蛋) is a curse word meaning ‘Bastard/Son of a Bitch’, and “Egg” (Dan) is often used to refer to testicles (balls).
   Dou Sheng is playing on the fact that the character for “King” (王 – Wáng) sounds exactly the same as the character for “Death/Perish” (亡 – Wáng).
   So, while he sounds like he is saying the curse word “Bastard” (Wang Ba Dan), he is actually saying: “The death of eight balls.” ↩︎