Friday morning in the classroom was a scene of chaos and pandemonium, with wailing owls everywhere.

On this wonderful day just before the weekend, the Chinese class representative suddenly ran in to deliver an imperial decree—Old Qin had decided to commandeer the morning self-study for a small quiz: fifteen minutes, fifty fill-in-the-blank poetry questions, a blitzkrieg battle.

Che Ziming’s hands shook like a sieve as he flipped through his book. “Red Cliff Ode! Red Cliff Ode! I haven’t memorized the middle section!”

Wang Gou sighed gently from the side. “I advise you, sir, just let it go. Don’t make things hard for yourself.”

“That won’t do!” Che Ziming got anxious on the spot. “What kind of fart are you talking? I can clearly still be resuscitated!”

“That… is also fine,” Wang Gou said. “Don’t give up on yourself, sir.”

“Stop being a hype man!” Che Ziming found the page and roared: “There was a guest playing the dongxiao, playing along with the song! Its sound was wu! wu! ran (wailing)!”

Xie Lan’s scalp tightened.

The Red Cliff Ode was one of only two classical Chinese texts he had self-studied since school started; the other was Qiang Jin Jiu. Qiang Jin Jiu was already quite hard, but The Red Cliff Ode was simply hell-level difficulty.

Dou Sheng twirled his pen and looked at Xie Lan. “This sentence is a guaranteed test question. ‘Its sound was wailing/sobbing…’ do you know what comes after?”

Subconsciously, Xie Lan looked up at the ceiling and began to recall.

“Its sound was wailing… like… thunder piercing the ears (Ru Lei Guan Er), like thorns in the back (Ru Mang Zai Bei), like…”

“Like being struck by lightning (Ru Zao Lei Pi).” Dou Sheng sighed deeply and pressed the Chinese textbook onto Xie Lan’s hand. “Stop with the ‘likes’. Look at it again, look at it again.”

Xie Lan flipped through the book in pain, while Dou Sheng recited smoothly from memory beside him.

“Its sound was wailing, as if complaining, as if admiring, as if weeping, as if telling a grievance; the lingering sound was soft and winding, unceasing like a thread.”

This parallel phrasing had a natural cadence, and combined with Dou Sheng’s deep, unhurried voice, it sounded inexplicably healing.

Xie Lan couldn’t help but sigh with emotion, “Chinese sounds really nice.”

“If it sounds nice, learn a bit more.” Dou Sheng reached over with his pencil and circled the characters for ‘complaining’ (yuan), ‘admiring’ (mu), and ‘curling/soft’ (niao). “Look carefully at the character structure. Getting points deducted for typos would be too unjust.”

As he spoke, the back of his hand brushed against the back of Xie Lan’s hand. After brushing past, he came back and pressed against it for a moment, muttering, “You took medicine the day before yesterday, why are your hands still ice cold today? One fever reducer was too strong.”

Mentioning this made Xie Lan angry. “Next time, don’t use a pet medicine feeder to feed me.”

“Who told you to fall asleep?” Dou Sheng smacked his lips. “Quite picky.”

Fifteen minutes for fifty poetry fill-in-the-blanks; even the elite owls felt it was a bit tight.

Xie Lan was fine. He had only self-studied two classical texts anyway. A total of eight questions appeared from those, so he picked those out, wrote them down, and was done.

The only regret was that the key point Dou Sheng highlighted wasn’t tested. Xie Lan struggled over the bare test paper for a long time, and finally split the “Its sound was wailing” passage into two sentences and wrote them in the blank space at the bottom of the paper.

If there are no questions you know, you must create questions you know and answer them. He hoped Old Qin would give some sympathy points and let his score break 10.

---

With the start of the new semester, various exams and activities in the school were in full swing. Besides the upcoming city-wide Math Grading Test and the frequent quizzes interspersed weekly, the most eye-catching event was the Grade 11 Basketball Tournament.

Before P.E. class, the Sports Commissioner, Wen Zisen, stood on the podium and said, “This basketball tournament is the second and last time we’ll participate; there won’t be one in Grade 12. The format is the same as last year. The official matches start in May. The P.E. teachers decided that starting today, we will play a warm-up match every week during the two P.E. classes against Class 12 and Class 6, who share the slot with us. Any objections?”

The classroom erupted in jubilation.

Wen Zisen looked down and made a few marks on the list. “But there’s a problem. Our class’s team members were all assigned to the class next door (Class A). We have zero substitutes left, and we’re missing three starters. I’m also drunk (speechless)… Who else is willing to sign up?”

Dong Shuijing turned around and laid on the desk of the Arts Commissioner, Liu Yixuan. “Can we still order our own cheerleader uniforms this year?”

“Up to you guys.” Liu Yixuan smiled. “If everyone is willing to pay out of pocket, we’ll order them ourselves.”

“We want to order them ourselves. Douzi mentioned to me a few days ago that he wants to record a few class group videos this semester. I want the girls in our class to dress nicely.” Dong Shuijing looked expectant. “Would Lolita dresses be too exaggerated?”

Liu Yixuan glanced at the back door, secretly took out her iPad. “Not necessarily. There are several daily-wear Lo-skirts on pre-sale for this summer. The ‘Endless Summer’ set would be very suitable…”

Yu Fei, who usually died against the wall daily, suddenly perked up and raised his hand. “I’ll fill a spot.”

“Great.” Wen Zisen immediately looked down to record it.

Then, the classroom fell into a moment of silence.

“Missing two out of five.” Wen Zisen pushed up his glasses. “The two new gentlemen, Xie Lan, Wang Gou, can you play?”

Wang Gou kneaded a pen with both hands. “If you let me play, I’ll play. I can play, but whether I can compare with you city kids, hard to say.”

“As long as you can play.” Wen Zisen immediately looked down and copied the name, afraid he would regret it. “Then we’re short one. Guys, perk up, anyone will do.”

The remaining thirty people in Class 4 were mostly girls; there were only twelve boys, and at this moment, no one made a sound.

Vaguely, Xie Lan felt people turning their heads to glance this way.

Not at him, but at the person next to him.

The owls stopped speaking, collectively activating a skill—The Stare of Pleading.

The atmosphere was deadlocked for a while until Dou Sheng, who had been burying his head writing in a large white notebook, put down his pen. “Alright, I’ll play.”

“Oh!!!” The class cheered.

Xie Lan was a bit surprised and subconsciously looked at Dou Sheng’s hand.

“Haven’t touched a ball in two years either.” Dou Sheng smiled. “Just save a spot for me to make up the numbers. No guarantee on ranking.”

Wen Zisen beamed with joy. “Done, done, done. I’ll hand in the list right now. Oh right, staying in the classroom for self-study is not allowed during P.E. Hurry up and move, everyone.”

Dou Sheng capped his pen and closed the large white notebook face down.

Before he flipped it, Xie Lan glimpsed a storyboard plan written on it. The title in the top left corner was “People Who Are Completely Opposite to Me.”

The whole class walked out. Xie Lan followed behind Che Ziming and Wang Gou, secretly taking out his phone to poke the pink TV app (Bilibili).

The theme for the new submission event—#Persona.

“Hey, I say,” Dai You waited ahead for Dou Sheng to pass. “Are you really going to play?”

Dou Sheng said indifferently, “Just making up the numbers anyway.”

Che Ziming turned back and whispered, “You haven’t played in two years, can you still compete?”

“You make it sound like the kind of ball I played two years ago was suitable for competition.” Dou Sheng curled his lip nonchalantly. “Being rusty actually adds restraint. Everyone stays safe.”

Xie Lan paused. “What does that mean?”

“Nothing.” Dou Sheng gripped his shoulders and turned him around. “Watch the road when you walk.”

---

Warm-up match. The P.E. teacher blew the whistle. The venue was the small playground between the main teaching building and the cafeteria.

Class 12 was the last science class, and the vibe of the two classes was quite different. The Class 4 owls all stood on the sidelines to watch, very supportive, while apart from the few playing, almost no one from Class 12 came.

But the players Class 12 fielded looked tough. The center was visually 1.9 meters tall, with weight matching his height. The small forward and power forward were muscular guys. There was also one walking back and forth on the court with two streaks of dyed hair and a stalk of grass in his mouth.

Xie Lan watched for a while, confused, and turned his head to whisper to Dou Sheng, “Why is he chewing grass?”

“Maybe a nicotine craving.” Dou Sheng glanced at the guy and looked away indifferently. “Or maybe some behavioral disorder, or pica. Anyway, in two years of high school, every time I see him, he’s eating grass.”

Che Ziming came over and said, “Class 12 is still missing one.”

“Should be complete soon.” Wen Zisen looked around. “I just saw Grass Bro texting someone.”

Grass Bro…

Truly a concise and vivid nickname.

Just as the voice fell, another person appeared on the sidelines.

Chen Ge had just shaved his head into a buzz cut so short his scalp showed. There was a new two-centimeter-long bloody scab at the corner of his left eye. His eyes held a silent, falcon-like coldness as he stood on the sidelines whispering to Grass Bro.

The P.E. teacher blew the whistle. “Last minute before the game! Teams get on the court ASAP!”

“Record some footage for me.” Dou Sheng stuffed a GoPro into Xie Lan’s hands. “Know how to use it?”

Xie Lan said yes. “What shots do you want?”

“It’s just the first practice match anyway. Whatever you record is fine. I’ll see if I can cut a reel later.” Dou Sheng smiled. “Won’t make it hard for you. Just record casually. Ensure there are people in the shot.”

“……”

The requirements were really low.

“I know.” Xie Lan turned on the camera with a cold face. “Go play.”

Yu Fei whispered to Dou Sheng, “Chen Ge is here.”

“So he’s here.” Dou Sheng glanced at Chen Ge. “Play normally. Were you planning to go easy on him or what?”

Yu Fei paused, shaking his wrist in annoyance. “Didn’t mean that. Just saying.”

The whistle blew, and the game started. Dou Sheng was the tallest on the Class 4 team, but he didn’t want to do the jump ball. With the opposing 1.9-meter center standing there, the Class 4 players looked at each other, and in the end, it was Wang Gou, barely over 1.8 meters, who went up.

The referee blew the whistle and tossed the ball. Logically, there shouldn’t have been any suspense, but Wang Gou exploded with astonishing jumping power in that instant. He jumped half a second earlier than the Class 12 center, leaped up like a leopard, hooked his arm back, and swiped the ball away.

The Class 12 center grabbed empty air; the ball had already been passed to Class 4’s backcourt.

Dou Sheng took the ball, dribbled casually twice, and passed to Yu Fei. Yu Fei ran quickly, escorted by the forwards on both sides. Dou Sheng dodged the players marking him with a few turns, stopping just outside the three-point line. Yu Fei faked past the defense and sent the ball out. Dou Sheng caught the ball behind his back and jumped directly from outside the three-point line—

The sound of the basketball washing through the net was carried a bit far by the wind.

The sidelines were quiet for a moment, then the Class 4 owls cheered.

“Quite good chemistry.” Dai You breathed a sigh of relief, casually draping his arm over Xie Lan’s shoulder. “Douzi’s form is good too.”

Xie Lan glanced at him and silently stepped aside.

Dai You’s elbow suddenly hit empty air.

“What are you doing?” He laughed angrily. “Aren’t we good brothers?”

Xie Lan looked baffled. “Good brothers don’t need to do this, right?”

Dai You had to grab Che Ziming to be his arm-rest human pillar and analyzed the situation on the court. “Wang Gou is quite strong. Jumping is superb, speed is enough, reaction is fast too. Just that his shooting is a bit inaccurate.”

Che Ziming laughed foolishly. “Gouzi is a rural kid after all. Unknown how many times stronger he is than us old, weak, sick, and disabled city folk.”

Dai You glanced at him. “‘Old, weak, sick, and disabled’ specifically refers to you. Don’t drag others into it.”

Che Ziming: “……”

Xie Lan didn’t join the conversation, his lens following the activity on the court.

Dou Sheng hadn’t told him in advance that he wanted to record footage, and he hadn’t prepared anything, so he could only go by feel.

His intuition was that friendly matches had few spectators and the atmosphere wasn’t hot enough. At most, a few frames would be used as transitions in the official video. So, it was important to create a sense of story with fixed-point frames. He could use the ball as a visual pivot to capture human movement, like in some basketball manga. For example, when the ball is stolen, record the instant figures cross; for dribbling runs, use fast panning and focus loss; for shooting, cut to a long shot of all players looking sideways, then freeze the moment the ball washes through the net.

After Dou Sheng scored two more 2-pointers, Xie Lan withdrew the lens from the court and pointed it down at the concrete ground beneath his feet, counting beats in his mind and zooming in and out to simulate the rhythm of the ball hitting the ground.

On the court, Dou Sheng glanced back inadvertently and saw Little Friend Xie Lan completely absorbed in filming his own feet.

Up, down, left, right, far, near, high, low—switching shots like crazy, seemingly to some beat. One GoPro might not even be enough for him to play with.

“……”

Dou Sheng couldn’t help stopping his run, revealing a confused expression.

“Move!”

Yu Fei almost missed a pass and had to snatch it back himself, roaring irritably, “What the fuck are you spacing out for!”

Hearing the voice, Xie Lan looked up and found that Dou Sheng had ruined a carefully organized attack by his teammates, and couldn’t help sighing.

“He doesn’t seem as active as Yu Fei and Wang Gou.”

Che Ziming raised an eyebrow. “Who?”

“Dou Sheng.”

Che Ziming frowned and clicked his tongue. “He was fine before just now. Just that one moment, he seemed to zone out and look our way. Is it because my purple hoodie is too handsome and eye-catching today?”

Xie Lan glanced at the so-called “too handsome and eye-catching” purple hoodie and silently chose to shut up.

The other four players of Class 4 were running madly, working hard to mesh since it was their first time playing together. But Dou Sheng wasn’t; he was constantly lazy. Even when he ran fast, it seemed perfunctory. When he caught the ball, he just tossed it casually, though his accuracy was okay, about five out of six.

It was like everyone else was in a hot-blooded high school sports anime.

And he was an old man flying a kite, pulling the string only when he was in a good mood.

Dai You sighed, “You don’t understand. Him being in this state is best.”

“What do you mean?” Xie Lan put away the camera and asked, “What kind of ball did he play before?”

Dai You didn’t make a sound. Che Ziming hesitated. “Not exactly street ball, not exactly fake ball. Anyway, it was… playing ball like fighting. Pure venting.”

Xie Lan was stunned.

He could roughly understand. He had seen similar 1v1s or 2v2s in schools in the UK. They called it playing ball, but it was actually beating people up. No rules, just rolling up sleeves and going at it. Crashing into each other just to score. By the end, either one side was on the ground unable to move, or both sides were injured.

“That was all back in junior high, ah.” Che Ziming looked at Dou Sheng, who was handling things with ease on the court, and tutted. “That was before our Douzi hit bottom and bounced back. Now it’s just gossip for after tea and meals. That’s why they say heroes come from youth. I don’t admire anyone else, but Douzi works. Aiya, if I could have a son like this in the future…”

Dai You slapped him on the back. “What are you saying!”

“Can’t I just say it! You guys are so annoying, always hitting me.” Che Ziming swallowed the second half of his sentence, looking speechless.

In the first half, Class 4 was effective. Class 12 lacked coordination. But they caught up in the second half.

To be fair, Class 12 wasn’t weak. Especially Chen Ge—he looked reluctant to have been dragged in, but his skill level was there. He stole the ball from Dou Sheng three or four times, and the attacks he actively organized basically all succeeded.

Liu Yixuan sighed softly nearby, “Class 4’s Twin Heroes meeting on the court.”

Dong Shuijing stood next to her, staring fixedly at Chen Ge without saying a word the whole game.

Near the final whistle, Che Ziming finally said to her, “Monitor, how about looking at me?”

“Look at you?” Dong Shuijing paused, withdrawing her gaze from the court. “Look at you for what?”

Che Ziming rolled up his sleeve without a word, showing off his biceps. “Am I big?!”

“Are you sick!” Dong Shuijing’s sadness was washed away by rage. She unleashed a flurry of slaps on his biceps. “Get lost! Think I can’t beat you!”

Che Ziming laughed while hissing in pain. On the court, Dou Sheng blocked Chen Ge’s final shot, dribbled across the court, and dunked.

Chen Ge didn’t chase. He looked towards the sidelines, his gaze sweeping lightly over Dong Shuijing and Che Ziming who were fighting.

Then he cracked his neck, turned back to Grass Bro, and said, “Returned it to you.”

Grass Bro fished out another stalk of grass from somewhere and put it in his mouth. “For the whole tournament period, you can’t miss a single game. Miss one, and that matter isn’t over.”

“Whatever.”

“Chen Ge seems to be having a hard time in Class 12.” Che Ziming dodged Dong Shuijing’s kitty-punch attack and leaned over to whisper, “Those guys in Class 12 are the ones who bullied Gouzi. They form gangs outside every day. Chen Ge probably has a beef with them.”

Dai You sighed heavily. “What to do? How do we help him?”

“Don’t help.” Dou Sheng came down from the court, casually taking the GoPro from Xie Lan. While checking the footage, he said coldly, “Let him stay quiet by himself. Why bother with him?”

Dai You handed him a bottle of water. Dou Sheng tipped his head back to drink, glancing down at the camera from the corner of his eye.

After a moment, his bobbing Adam’s apple suddenly paused.

He slowly put down the water bottle, brought the camera closer, rewound a bit, and watched it again.

“There’s actually a unified narrative angle? It’s the ball?” He looked at Xie Lan in surprise. “Studied this? Professional?”

Xie Lan felt he was being cool and aloof. “No, just recorded casually.”

“Recorded casually, and it turned out like this?” Dou Sheng frowned, looking at the clip simulating the basketball hitting the ground. “On the court, I thought you were filming your own feet.”

Xie Lan: “……”

What kind of intellectual disability would do something like that?

Che Ziming suddenly laughed triumphantly in front. “Douzi suffers from PTSD from being pitted by me. Before, he asked me to help record footage. I got excited and filmed my own shoes for two hours.”

Xie Lan: “…Oh.”

So it was you.

---

He enjoyed watching the game during P.E., but his head started hurting as soon as he returned to the classroom. A splitting headache type of pain.

It was hard to endure until school ended and he got home; Xie Lan felt like he was about to perish. He climbed the stairs with heavy steps, his head so dizzy he could fall at any moment, hands and feet weak.

Growing up, he’d had plenty of colds, but this one was excessively uncomfortable. Besides the physical discomfort, there was an indescribable distress in his heart.

A bit empty.

Xie Lan was embarrassed to admit that a big guy like him would miss his mom just because of a cold, so he just drank a cup of hot water and sat on the bed scrolling through Bilibili.

Bilibili’s livestream event for this period ended tonight. The top 16 on the Popularity List and Tipping List would get promotional traffic next month. Currently, Dou Sheng was 18th on the Popularity List and 25th on the Tipping List.

“Why are you looking at this?” Dou Sheng brought him two more pills of the previous medicine. “I’m not pushing for this list.”

Xie Lan frowned. “Why not push?”

Dou Sheng said indifferently, “The Popularity List looks like it’s only two spots away from 16, but for non-livestream Uploaders like us, the viewer count is always about the same each time we stream. Without a big event, it’s hard to push up. The Tipping List is even more out of the question. Fans opening a Captain costs 198, an Admiral 1998… why bother? I always suppress them and don’t let them push.”

Xie Lan said “Oh” and tipped his head back to take the medicine.

Dou Sheng added, “Streaming games tonight. If your head hurts, sleep first. Wake up and see if you want to be on camera then. Don’t force it.”

“Mmh.”

This cold medicine was very drowsy-inducing.

Xie Lan lay on the bed looking at the dim night outside the window, gently rubbing the plane tree leaf under his pillow as drowsiness set in.

Dispelling nightmares was pure nonsense from Dou Sheng. The reason he kept this leaf was perhaps just because of a sense of familiarity.

The plane tree is a plant with a solitary temperament, but Mom said it also blooms. From April to June, tender, graceful petals grow between the leaves, and then it is no longer so lonely.

Xie Lan placed the leaf under the pillow, turned over, and fell asleep.

This sleep was heavy and muddled. Someone was chasing him in his dream. He couldn’t see the person’s face. At first, he thought it was Xie Jingming, then realized it wasn’t. He just ran and ran while being chased, sighing with exhaustion in the dream.

“Wocao!” (Fuck!) The person suddenly cursed.

Xie Lan, running in the dream, instantly snapped out of it.

—He was clearly running on the streets of London, why would the chaser curse in Chinese?

When he sat up, his chest and back were drenched in sweat. It was too hot under the covers, and his head returned to that semi-lucid, semi-chaotic state from when the medicine first kicked in.

It was completely dark outside. There was a cup of warm water on the bedside table.

Just as Xie Lan was about to lie down and sleep again, he suddenly heard another “Wocao” from next door.

Then came a very ethereal “Ah—”, very forceful, but a suppressed force, probably not wanting to make a loud noise.

But the four kittens didn’t cooperate, howling aowu aowu along with him.

Xie Lan checked his phone, 22:28. Dou Sheng was probably livestreaming.

So he drank some water, got out of bed, walked out of his room, and peeked next door.

The door was ajar and opened with a push. The room was pitch black. Four cats were lying on Dou Sheng’s bed, their eyes blinking brightly in the dark.

The only light source in the room was the computer. Dou Sheng sat in front of it. There were two huge curved screens on the desk; the left was a dark and gloomy game interface, the right was the livestream chat. Just as Xie Lan pushed the door in, the left screen suddenly jumped. Through the headphones, Xie Lan heard the crisp crack of a cervical vertebra being snapped—

A white figure suddenly teleported from the distance to close up in the camera, grinning at Dou Sheng in front of the screen.

“AH!!!”

Dou Sheng slammed the mouse down, let out an uncontrollable ghostly scream, then bit his lip hard to stifle it back, punching the air wildly.

The mouse fell to the floor and inexplicably clicked again. The ghost flashed forward another centimeter, two streams of blood flowing from the corners of its eyes.

Dou Sheng instantly ripped off his headphones and stood up. “Can’t take it anymore, today’s stream ends…”

He turned around and met Xie Lan, who was holding a cup.

“AH—!!! AAAAAH!!”

The bullet comments exploded instantly.

–Scared Daddy to death.

–Fuck, the comments warned you just now that your door seemed to open.

–Living definition of “Timid as a Bean” (Dan Xiao Ru Dou).

–I really want to know what you saw…

–Isn’t the woman still on the screen? Who did Douzi see?

–Don’t scare me!!

Xie Lan reached out and gently poked the switch on the wall with his index finger.

Click.

Lights on.

“What are you doing?” Xie Lan calmly raised his cup and took a sip of warm water. “Yelling and screaming, are you letting people sleep or not?”

Dou Sheng, whose pupils were experiencing an earthquake, froze for a long time before stabilizing.

He was wearing fluffy pajamas, headphones still around his neck, looking at Xie Lan in a daze.

After a long time, he said despairingly, “How many times have I said it, why do you walk without sound?”

“I couldn’t find my slippers.” Xie Lan rubbed his bare feet on the floor. “Did the cats carry them away?”

“Cats aren’t dogs. You definitely kicked them under the bed.” Dou Sheng rubbed his arms frantically. “Scared me to death. I went cold from the top of my skull to my heels.”

Xie Lan didn’t understand what “top of the skull” meant. His head was muddled, like a pot of thick creamy oatmeal porridge. He walked to the computer with his water cup and calmly glanced at the female ghost on the screen.

His face entered the livestream frame just like that. His soft black hair was a bit messy from rolling in bed, his skin creamy white, and the tips of his ears slightly flushed from the heat of sleep.

Those pitch-black eyes took a while to focus before meeting the camera’s gaze, then glancing at himself on the screen.

“Eh?” Xie Lan paused. “This counts as being on camera, right?”

The bullet comments paused for a few seconds before suddenly filling the screen like a wall being built.

–Who??? HOLY! SHIT!

-So… so handsome!

–Could this be Douzi’s true form?

–Oh wow, Douzi was scared out of his body?!

–Handsome guy look at me!!!

–Look here!!!!!

Colorful bullet comments instantly blocked the livestream image. Xie Lan couldn’t even see his own face. He had wanted to fix his messy hair in the camera—he saw a tuft sticking up just now—but there was no way now, so he gave up.

Dou Sheng turned the lights off again and muttered, “You look quite natural on camera.”

“Just not used to it, not unnatural.” Xie Lan said plainly, “I just came to say hello.”

The bullet comments fought frantically, to the point where no one could be seen clearly.

Xie Lan cleared his somewhat hoarse throat. “Hello everyone, I am the person living at Douzi’s house. See now? Male, I am male. Identity proven.”

As he spoke, he casually tugged at his pajama collar. “I came back from the UK. This is the pajamas Auntie bought me. I live at his house. Cough cough, have a bit of a cold, just woke up, can’t fake it.”

His speech was a bit incoherent. Partly because he wasn’t used to livestreaming, and partly because his Chinese wasn’t fluent enough.

It was a bit like an oral exam. No matter how fluent you are usually, facing strangers still makes you nervous; the brain and the mouth have their own ideas.

The comments were all question marks and exclamation marks, mixed with a few abbreviations Xie Lan didn’t understand, like “AWSL” (Ah, I’m dead/so cute), “CPDD¹“, wondering what they wanted to express.

The viewer count jumped crazily. When Xie Lan first glanced at it, it seemed to be 252k, now it was 400k.

Notifications from the “Cartoon Girl” (Bilibili mascot) kept popping up on the screen; a string of IDs were opening Captainships, Admiralships…

Xie Lan suddenly remembered and immediately said, “Don’t spend money!”

Dou Sheng specifically said tonight he didn’t want fans to pay for these useless things; ad revenue was enough for an Uploader.

However, Xie Lan couldn’t stop it at all. The crackling Captain notifications blinded the eyes.

Until Dou Sheng walked over. “Stop opening them. Showing off your money, right? That’s enough.”

–Get lost, I’m paying for Cousin.

-Cousin, look at me, pink bullet comment!

–5555 Cousin is so handsome!!

–A’Wei is dead!²

-A’Wei is dead!

–A’Wei died without an intact corpse!

–A’Wei crematorium!

Xie Lan was shocked. “Who is A’Wei?”

–233333 (Laughter)³

–A’Wei is someone who bullied you and called you Cousin before.

–Put that way, 400,000 people died instantly in the livestream room.

-Cousin, what’s your name?

-Tell us your name and we won’t call you Cousin.

Xie Lan immediately said, “Xie Lan.”

–Lan Zai (Cub/Baby Lan)!

–Lan Zai is so good~

–Unilaterally declaring you are Mommy’s cub!

–You are so cute! Very cute!!

Cub?

Xie Lan frowned at the comments, finding it hard to digest this title.

Dou Sheng laughed while sighing, pulling a chair to sit next to Xie Lan.

“Anyway, this is the person boarding at my house. Ah, I saw that video you guys made. Don’t make trouble blindly.”

-I want to make trouble even more now, fuck.

-I am the video creator. Sorry my previous production was too rough, I’m remaking it.

–Seconded!!

–Although our Douzi isn’t a good person, he is a good dog. I agree to this marriage!

–Male fans quietly watching you female fans dance.

–Have some self-respect okay? Can the British little brother accept this kind of teasing?

–It’s precisely because he’s British that he should accept it.

–xs (Laughing to death)

Most of it Xie Lan didn’t understand, and what he did understand passed too quickly. Sitting in front of the screen for a long time, besides being speechless in capital letters, his eyes were a bit tired.

The Cartoon Girl jumped on the screen. “User – Are You Two Wearing Couple Pajamas – Opened Admiral!”

Dou Sheng laughed angrily. “Throwing money around to cause trouble here, right?”

The comments uniformly brushed past: “Show some respect to the rich lady.”

Dou Sheng tugged at his fluffy collar. “Are you guys blind monks⁴? Look, mine is furry, his is cotton, just the stripes are a bit similar.”

Xie Lan couldn’t help curling his lip and whispering, “But this is my first time seeing you wear this too. Why don’t you usually wear the furry one at home?”

Dou Sheng’s expression froze.

The comments instantly turned into a sea of joy. “2333” and “lol” were symbols Xie Lan could understand, so he hooked his lips along with them.

With this smile, the comments quickly turned back into AWSL.

Dou Sheng said speechlessly, “I wrap up thicker when playing horror games. My back gets cold, you understand?”

“Don’t really understand.” Xie Lan said plainly, “What’s so scary about ghosts?”

“You’re not afraid of ghosts?” Dou Sheng was shocked, gesturing in the air. “The floating kind, long hair, white dress, bleeding from eyes when crying.”

Xie Lan paused. “Don’t understand what’s scary. No wonder the comments say you are timid as a bean⁵.”

Dou Sheng stayed dumbfounded for a good while.

The comments mocked the streamer for being a weak chicken; thousands of mocks in a minute.

Until the livestream assistant suddenly reminded them: Online viewers broke 500k.

“New high.” A hint of a smile spread in Dou Sheng’s eyes. “Uploaders usually can’t get data up for livestreams. Unlocked this achievement for the first time. Let me take a screenshot.”

–Didn’t you say you didn’t care?

–Who said they’d be a Zen Uploader in the future?

–Douzi, you reached 16 on the popularity list, just squeezed that guy down.

–Then I gotta go scout next door.

-Thanks to Cousin!!

–To be honest, Cousin is really good-looking.

-I’m simply in love.

–Shut up, he belongs to Douzi.

Xie Lan no longer had the energy to correct the title “Cousin.” Anyway, gender had been self-proven; let them call him whatever they wanted.

Colds make people easygoing.

He silently moved his stool back, exiting the frame.

A wave of mournful roars rolled across the bullet comments instantly. Ignoring them, Xie Lan put on his headphones and entered Gong Zi Ye Shen’s livestream room.

Gong Zi Ye Shen had just turned off the game. Glancing at the comments, he asked with a smile, “What dropped off the list? Which list are you talking about?”

He looked down and tapped his phone, realizing, “Right, this period’s popular streamer event, right? Did I drop out of the top 16? Oh, really… Doesn’t matter, I don’t care about this… Thanks to the Little Fairy of Ye Shen Family for opening Captain for me, love you muah! Thanks to Tsundere Little Potato for opening Admiral for me. Admiral, wow, rich lady, private message me, I’m a bit embarrassed. Everyone who opens Admiral tonight gets my QQ number, but this isn’t encouraging you to spend money. Fundamentally I still hope you spend less… Thanks to Ye Ye Ye Bu Shen’s Captain, thanks to jsoed’s Admiral, thanks…”

Xie Lan gradually revealed a cold expression of “Are you sure you’re not trying to make me laugh” at the phone.

He paused and closed Gong Zi Ye Shen’s livestream room.

Can’t watch him when dizzy; easy to get dizzier.

The phone on the desk suddenly rang. Dou Sheng picked it up and looked at the screen. “Call for kitten delivery. I’ll go out to take it.”

He paused as he spoke. “Hold the fort for me for a few minutes.”

As soon as Dou Sheng left, a colorful bullet comment drifted across the screen, spoken by some Admiral.

–One hour left until this event ends. Biting very tight with the popularity list next door.

-It’s fine, Douzi is temporarily leading.

-But next door is chasing fiercely. Viewer count is soaring. I just came back from there.

-Next door stopped playing games, preparing to show talent. Probably going to fight to the end.

Dizzily, Xie Lan clicked open Ye Shen’s livestream room again. The so-called talent show was still that pink electric guitar. Ye Shen had just clicked open the previously remixed backing track on the computer; strumming the electric guitar a couple of times would make up a performance.

Regardless of how Ye Shen’s electric guitar playing actually was, the remix level was good. One could tell big money was spent to find a professional to make it. And this kind of music had a great atmosphere, easily creating an appearance of being quite impressive.

Xie Lan watched him for a while, then looked up at Dou Sheng’s flashy curved screen.

–Does Lan Lan have any talents!

–Doesn’t Lan Lan do violin? Can you give us one!

–Lan Lan! Lan Lan! Lan Lan!

–Don’t force him.

—

1. Shipping them as a CP. ↩︎
2. AWSL stands for the Pinyin “À Wǒ Sǐ Le” (啊我死了), which translates to “Ah, I’m dead.” It is the Chinese equivalent of “I’m dying” (from cuteness/excitement).
   Because AWSL sounds like the name “A’Wei” (A-Wei-Si-Le $\rightarrow$ A’Wei dies), Chinese netizens created a fictional character named “Ah Wei. ↩︎
3. It comes from the Mop (Mario) Forum, where the emoticon for laughter was code #233. The more 3s added to the end, the harder the person is laughing. ↩︎
4. This refers to the character Lee Sin from the game League of Legends, whose title is The Blind Monk. He is calling the fans blind for thinking their pajamas match. ↩︎
5. The Original Idiom is “Timid as a Mouse” (胆小如鼠 – Dǎn Xiǎo Rú Shǔ). The fans replaced “Mouse” (Shǔ) with “Bean” (Dòu) because of Dou Sheng’s nickname (Douzi/Bean). ↩︎