Chapter 111: Side Story 11

Ding.

The UP you follow, @XieLan_em, has posted a new video — 《On the House’s Big Cat Switching Souls & An Ordinary Finals Day at T-University》.

The moment the video opened, bullet comments flooded the screen.

• It’s here!
• It’s here!
• Aaaah, Lan-zai actually posted a video?
• The sun must be rising from the west today.
• Holy crap, what’s the situation?
• ‘Big Cat switching souls’? No way, why do I have a bad feeling?
• Did they… break up?

Those excited, startled, and fearful comments were soon replaced by a screen full of question marks.

A rumbling purr, sounding like an imperial engine, accompanied a low perspective—almost crawling on the floor—as it swayed from the living room toward the bedroom.

The bedroom door was slightly ajar. The lens squeezed through the crack with tens of millions of viewers. Then, it tilted upward at a tiny angle to reveal the person on the bed.

The purring grew louder.

Xie Lan was wrapped in a quilt, sleeping. One hand rested on the pillow beside his face, his slender fingers relaxed, his chest rising and falling gently with his breath.

The camera suddenly accelerated into a blur. With a soft thud, the loud purring combined with the sound of rubbing against the sheets as the camera pressed right against Xie Lan’s face.

“Morning… mmm… Douzi.” Xie Lan rolled over to lie flat. His voice, thick with sleep, carried a lazy, magnetic quality as he reached out to touch the camera.

His hand passed just above the lens, stroking it rhythmically, as if petting something.

• Holy crap, I get it now.
• The camera is on the cat’s neck?
• WE are Wutong?
• No… he called us Douzi…
• I had to look back at the title.
• Did Douzi transmigrate into Wutong’s body?
• Holy crap, this is spicy?
• Big Cat possessing the little cat?

Xie Lan sat up and yawned, walking toward the bathroom. The camera immediately hopped off the bed and followed him with a wobbly gait. The field of vision only showed Xie Lan’s ankles and the hem of his pajama pants, accompanied by the buzzing of an electric toothbrush.

After brushing his teeth, Xie Lan finally explained: “Good morning, audience friends. This is Xie Lan dash Demon. It’s finals week. Douzi finished his exams yesterday, but I have one left. Fortunately, super hard subjects like College Chinese are over. Only Advanced Algebra remains today.”

• Oh.
• Redefining ‘hard’ and ‘easy’.
• ‘Math-related subjects are just a casual test’.
• LOL, can Lan-zai even pass College Chinese?
• Indeed, indeed…
• Lan-zai, can you pick us up? This perspective is uncomfortable.
• But I think this perspective is… ahem, quite good.
• The person above???

After washing up, Xie Lan bent over and scooped up the cat—and the camera—placing it on the bathroom counter. He yawned at the lens. “I’m going to make breakfast.”

The human left, but the camera stayed behind.

• Holy crap, Wutong, follow him!
• No, it’s not Wutong anymore.
• True… Douzi! Follow!
• LOL, what on earth is going on?

Prompted by the comments, the camera hopped from the sink to the toilet lid, then to the floor, swaying through the bedroom to follow him out.

Xie Lan was busy clattering away in the kitchen, but Wutong led the audience toward the balcony. There were two cushions by the sliding window for the cat. He walked straight to one, lay down, and pointed the camera at the opposite side.

There, Dou Sheng was sitting on the other cushion, his hands tucked in a “farmer’s huddle” (tucked into his sleeves), his head resting against the sliding door as he looked out the window.

Sunlight spilled across his face, making his fair skin seem to glow. His expression was indifferent as usual, but carried a hint of etherealness. Just like… a cat.

• Holy crap, I get it now.
• They swapped!
• LOL, the “Wutong” across the way, look over here!
• How about naming him “Dou-Cat”?
• That farmer’s huddle is quite standard.
• Why doesn’t Douzi just lie down flat?
• Douzi is amazing. Now that he’s a college student, he knows all these little romantic ‘roleplays’.
• Am I the only one worried that Wutong is neutered? So the one in front…
• HOLY CRAP.
• HOLY CRAP.

Dou Sheng had zero reaction to the camera. The sun toasted his cheeks, and he looked incredibly comfortable. After a long while, he opened his mouth and yawned.

• Don’t just yawn.
• You have to lick your fur.
• Expose your belly.
• Wanna do a split?
• Perform catching a mouse.
• Eat some canned cat food?

Amidst the discussion, the camera suddenly moved significantly, swaying rhythmically. The audio picked up a gradually intensifying licking sound—slurp, slurp—sounding incredibly sweet. The real Wutong had begun his daily grooming.

• Dying of laughter. Douzi is trying so hard to act as a cat, but the cat clearly has no self-awareness as a human.
• Douzi! What indecent thing are you doing?
• Douzi… no, Dou-Cat’s mouth is twitching slightly.
• I want to see how long he can hold it.
• I’m confused. Which line is about the human, and which is about the cat?
• To the person above: Is the human you mentioned the human or the cat? And is the cat you mentioned the cat or the human??

Xie Lan’s footsteps approached. “Time to eat.”

He bent down, scooped up the cat and the camera, and carried them directly to the dining table. On the table were coffee, toast, and cute sunny-side-up eggs.

The camera sniffed around, showing zero interest in human food. As it followed Xie Lan’s movements, the audience watched with wide eyes as Xie Lan took a large piece of boiled chicken breast from a container, diced it, microwaved it for a few seconds, and brought it to the windowsill.

• Damn, feeding the cat.
• LOL, only boiled chicken?
• Don’t be perfunctory, give the cat real cat food!
• Bad review for no canned food!

By the window, Dou Sheng finally moved, casting a calm glance at the container. His eyes flickered with a hint of human disdain.

• Warning this cat: you are OOC (Out of Character).
• A little kitten should like boiled chicken.
• If you want us to believe this setting, you have to eat.
• Eat! You must eat!

Xie Lan squatted beside Dou Sheng, placing a hand on his head and pressing down gently. Dou Sheng suddenly turned his head, looking at him quietly. Under the bright sun, one boy squatted and one sat, staring at each other peacefully. Xie Lan’s palm rested on Dou Sheng’s hair, stroking backward with practiced skill, then moved down his cheek to scratch gently under his chin.

Dou Sheng seemed to uncontrollably tilt his head, pressing his cheek into Xie Lan’s palm. One hand rested on his own stomach as he enjoyed the caress in the sunlight, closing his eyes comfortably.

• Holy… crap…
• The clown was me all along.
• DAMN!!
• No way, can you really lure the single dogs in just to slaughter them like this?
• So this video is just to let us watch Xie Lan pet his “cat”??
• Petting the Big Cat—Xie Lan is an expert.
• The person above… ahem, watch your wording.

Xie Lan petted him for a while, pushed the bowl toward him, and went back to the table to finish breakfast. Neither of them spoke to the cat (or the human). Xie Lan drank his coffee while finishing a short segment of the local morning news, then quickly ate his toast and eggs.

The camera remained on the table with Wutong. Xie Lan washed the dishes quickly, boiled water, vacuumed some cat hair, and tidied up the rooms with lightning speed. Not long after, an angry roar erupted from a corner of the living room.

“WUTONG!!!”

The camera instinctively flinched, rushing to the edge of the table and freezing to observe the enemy’s movements. Two seconds later, Xie Lan charged straight at the camera in a rage. The camera was about to flee, but he suddenly braked hard.

Holding a suspicious scoop, he pulled a 180-degree turn and stomped over to Dou Sheng by the window. Dou Sheng looked back slowly, gaze filled with despair.

“Why did you take your toy into the litter box again?!” Xie Lan snapped, flicking Dou Sheng’s forehead with his finger.

Snap. A crisp sound.

Dou Sheng was visibly dazed. He almost let out a human “Huh?”, but quickly pursed his lips, looking at his master with patient endurance.

Xie Lan was both angry and amused. He glared at the camera and pointed at Dou Sheng’s forehead. “I was wondering why the bouncy balls were disappearing one by one. Throwing them in the litter is fine, but if you dare carry one that’s been buried in litter onto the bed again, no canned food for a week.”

Dou Sheng stared at him gloomily. After a long while, his gaze shifted from Xie Lan’s head to the camera. His eyes gradually filled with “killing intent.”

• LOL.
• Douzi is currently cursing 100,000 words in his head.
• Douzi: What the hell does this have to do with me?
• Lan-zai is so in character.
• I’m so curious who came up with this video theme.
• This ridiculous? Definitely Douzi.
• But Douzi is the one being pranked, so maybe it was Xie Lan?

Xie Lan squatted in front of Dou Sheng and lectured him until his anger subsided. “I have an exam today. Douzi is going to a friend’s house to play. You are not allowed to cause trouble at home alone, understand?”

He tossed things into Dou Sheng’s lap. “Here, these are for your boredom.”

The items included: a plush mouse with a long tail, a few hair ties, a yarn ball, and finally… a piece of dried fish.

Douzi slowly extended his paw… his hand, brushed the toys aside, picked up the dried fish, and stared at it against the sunlight for a long time. A look of deep existential crisis.

The chat roared with laughter. Xie Lan stood up and gave his head one more messy rub. “I’m leaving.”

Xie Lan shouldered his backpack and carried the cat. The camera switched to a first-person perspective of walking down the stairs. After two floors, he knocked on a door. It was opened by a handsome guy in a red T-shirt.

Ye Si smiled. “Douzi is here?”

Xie Lan hummed, handing the cat to him. “Didn’t you guys invite him to play games? I’ll come get him after my exam tonight so we can go home together.”

“Sure thing.” Ye Si laughed and rubbed the cat’s head. “Oho, why do you look like you just woke up, Douzi? Haven’t seen you in a while, why are you so ‘trash’ now?”

The laughing voice was cut off as the door closed. Xie Lan continued downstairs calmly, but the chat was anything but calm.

• WOC! Who is this handsome guy?
• I want his contact info in three minutes.
• I think he appeared in one of Douzi’s VLOGs, not sure.
• So you guys have such handsome neighbors? Slurp.
• Goddamn ‘Douzi going to a friend’s house to play’—you just left “Douzi” here?

The screen went black and relit seconds later at the T-University campus. Under the brilliant sun, students with books scurried along the tree-lined paths. In the final days of finals, the campus was in a state of war.

“Douzi went to a friend’s house, Wutong is staying home. You guys are spending the day with me.” Xie Lan switched to the front camera, but his cold, handsome face only stayed for a few seconds before switching back to the lush main road of the university.

• Still the same cold Lan-zai.
• Douzi can turn into a cat, the cat can turn into Douzi, but your Grandpa Lan will always be your Grandpa Lan.
• Classic Xie Lan.

Xie Lan walked briskly with the GoPro, seemingly giving the audience a tour of T-U until he entered the library. It was packed. Every study room, electronic reading room, and open lounge was full. The long tables usually only had chairs on two sides, but for finals, every available inch was filled with small stools. The density was suffocating. Even the “elegant seating” wasn’t spared—people sat on sofas, coffee tables, in the aisles between bookshelves, on the stairs, and even on the floor next to trash cans, laptops on their laps, debugging code with headphones on.

People were everywhere, yet it was silent. This ancient and solemn library radiated an indescribable pressure—the top academic institution in the country before finals looked exactly like this.

Xie Lan calmly scanned the floors with the camera. After twenty minutes, just before the standard 9:30 AM exam slot, he saw a few students packing up. He immediately went over, whispered his thanks, and took the vacated seat.

He adjusted the camera to point only at his practice papers and iPad. Xie Lan began his self-study.

• Holy crap, I’m afraid to breathe too loud.
• I suddenly want to study.
• Is this T-U?
• My school looks like this too, but maybe not this scary.
• Can anyone understand what Lan-zai is writing?
• Advanced Algebra, probably.
• No wonder I don’t get it.
• Is he even reading the problems? He’s writing without hesitation.

Slender, fair fingers gripped the pen, flying through mathematical equations. At the same time, a clock appeared in the top right—9:18. A small window suddenly popped up in the bottom right. The quality was blurry, with heavy distortion at the edges—definitely not what a modern portrait device should look like. The color saturation was low, somewhere between color and black-and-white.

It was a bird’s-eye view of the apartment, focused on Dou Sheng dazing by the balcony window.

• Holy crap, is that a pet monitor?
• As a pet owner, let me tell you: yes, it is.
• This quality is terrible.
• Why is Douzi still sitting there motionless?
• He moved!

In the footage, Dou Sheng slowly stretched, stood up from one cushion, walked to the water glass Xie Lan left, took two absent-minded sips, walked to the other cushion, sat down, and continued dazing. Two minutes later, he looked at the toys on the floor, used his foot to pull a toy mouse over by its tail, batted it listlessly a few times, tossed it away, and went back to spacing out.

• Holy crap, Douzi is so idle.
• What, his boyfriend isn’t home and he’s still acting like a cat?
• Is he going to act like a cat until night?
• So realistic. This is exactly my cat—sunning, dazing, sleeping.
• This is the cat life I envy!

The “Dou-Cat” activity in the small window was too sparse and boring, so the chat returned to Xie Lan. Xie Lan was racing through finals review papers. Sometimes a message would pop up on his iPad, and he would open and reply to it in front of the camera, only blurring the avatars and names in post-production.

“God Lan, help with Question 18 on Practice Paper C.”

“I’ll take a photo and send it.”

“Xie Lan, pinging you. Are you on campus for summer break? The orchestra is playing at the Children’s Palace on the 29th for charity. Interested?”

“Yes. Contact you after the exam today.”

“Great!”

“Lan-na, you left your meal card in the dorm yesterday. I’ll bring it to the exam for you?”

“Oh, thanks.”

“No biggie. Oh, Old Wu said the new nut-crusted ribs at Canteen 3 are good.”

“Canteen together after the exam tonight?”

“Sure. Is Douzi coming?”

“He went to a friend’s house for games.”

“OK OK.”

“Hello UP, I’m the PR for [Brand]. Interested in promoting our product?”

“[Link]”

Xie Lan looked at the link for two seconds. “Sorry, I don’t do health supplements.”

“God Lan, I’m back. Did I miss a case in Question 18?”

Xie Lan looked at the photo for a while, then typed: “No, your interval…” He deleted it, picked up the camera, grabbed his phone, hurried out of the reading room to a quiet corner, and called the person directly.

• I’m crying, Lan-zai’s college life is so fulfilling.
• Busy and happy.
• A very real finals day.
• Lan-zai is so sharp when discussing math.
• Calm and sharp. I don’t understand, but he looks so cool!

With the camera facing the wall, Xie Lan debated fiercely with his classmate. In the bottom-right window, “Dou-Cat” woke up after sleeping all morning in the sun. He stretched again, walked a few circles around the living room, went back to the window, shook the morning bowl, ate a few pieces of chicken breast, chewed slowly, and then lay down on the sofa. He looked at the sky and gave a soft sigh.

• Why did he sigh? Do cats sigh?
• Cat owners tell you: yes, they do.
• Why does Douzi look unhappy?
• He’s just being a dedicated cat actor.
• Isn’t that what cats do? Sleep, eat, daze.
• Theoretically yes, but… he looks kind of lonely.

Xie Lan spent ten minutes explaining the problem before returning to study. Lunch was a quick meal on a public bench near the campus cafe. He slept face-down for five minutes, finished composing a song in the afternoon, and left the library at 3:40 PM sharp.

“Going to the exam. 4:00 PM to 6:30 PM,” he told the camera. “I’m signing off. Watch the cat at home.”

The main screen went black, and the small window in the bottom right popped up. Time sped by, but “Dou-Cat” seemed frozen. He got up only three times the whole afternoon: once for water, once to bat a yarn ball back and forth, and once when he sat up abruptly and looked warily toward the door. Like any house cat, whenever someone passed by outside, he would stare intensely at the door for seconds, then return to normal once the person was gone.

Waking and sleeping, sleeping and waking… until Xie Lan finished his exam.

The pet monitor occupied the main screen, with Xie Lan in the small window. At 6:30 PM, the T-U canteen was overflowing. Amidst the massive background noise, Xie Lan and his friends discussed the exam while eating, then laughed about summer plans. Exchange programs, internships, travel… Xie Lan announced his plan to take one or two ads to boost his bank account.

• He really doesn’t treat us like outsiders.
• LOL, Ad-Daddies, come find him.
• Lan-zai is likely financially independent; Douzi mentioned it.
• Hey, why is Douzi sleeping again?
• Doesn’t his head hurt from all that sleeping?
• The canteen is so lively, but Douzi is so lonely.
• Yeah… suddenly feel like Douzi is a bit pitiful.
• Crying, what time is Lan-zai going home??

After dinner, Xie Lan went to the orchestra and practiced for over two hours. Since the semester was ending, those going home for the break left snacks for those staying for the charity performance and said their goodbyes.

It was past 10:00 PM when he finally headed home. It was dark. Xie Lan held the camera as he walked into the residential complex. “Finals are over,” he said softly, looking tired yet relaxed. “I’ll be in Beijing for about twenty days. Douzi has some Bilibili business, and I need to discuss a commercial performance. After that, maybe travel, or go home, I’m not sure.”

He entered the building and walked up the stairs. In the other frame, the dark living room was shown via night vision. Dou Sheng suddenly woke up, sitting on the sofa in a daze, and yawned.

The screen split into left and right. Xie Lan reached the door. Dou Sheng suddenly whipped his head toward the entrance.

In the left frame, the old flat key entered the lock and turned. In the right frame, Dou Sheng bounced off the sofa and jogged toward the door. The moment the door opened, Xie Lan reached for the light switch.

Click. The lights came on. The room was bright.

The frames merged smoothly as Dou Sheng lunged forward and hugged Xie Lan. Xie Lan reached up to rub and massage his head. The only sound in the video was a deep, happy purring. Although everyone knew it was just an added audio track, in that moment, it sounded exactly like a boy who had waited for his “master” all day.

“Mimi,” Xie Lan coaxed gently. “Was being a cat at home fun?”

Dou Sheng didn’t say a word, just continued nuzzling his cheek against Xie Lan’s shoulder.

The video went black.

• Holy crap, suddenly tearing up.
• I think I suddenly understand.
• Even though cats don’t hug their owners, that moment was so emotional.

The video was black, but not over. Seconds later, it lit up again on a different day. Dou Sheng and Xie Lan had changed clothes. On a sunny afternoon, Dou Sheng sat before the camera. In the background, Xie Lan was using a teaser wand to play with Wutong. The boy and the cat weren’t looking at the lens. Xie Lan waved the butterfly wand intently, and Wutong chased it, leaping around. Despite being out of breath, the cat stared at the “prey” with his tail high, full of joy.

“Hello everyone, I’m Douzi, Peerless Handsome Dou dash Indifferent.” Dou Sheng clapped his hands with a smile. “The ‘Douzi and Wutong Swapping’ VLOG is a wrap.”

He took a sip of Coke. “Haven’t updated in a while. These three weeks of finals were crazy. Not just T-U, but most students home and abroad find the pre-finals period grueling. Early mornings, late nights, coursework, clubs, and daily chores pile up. Hair falls out by the handful.”

“Actually, the original intention of this video was simple. One morning before Xie Lan and I rushed to an exam, we found Wutong had dragged many bouncy balls into the litter box. They were filthy, and the dirtiest one was on our bed. I was furious and scolded him. But it happened again the next day, and the day after. So I bought this monitor to see when the little brat was ‘committing the crime.’ Instead, I accidentally recorded his whole day.”

A clip of Dou-Cat appeared in the corner: dazing, sleeping, wandering aimlessly.

“So, maybe you understand what this video is trying to express now. Cats are very popular online, and many students or young professionals have started raising them. But do people really pay attention to a kitten’s life? They say cats don’t need companionship, but looking at Wutong, he clearly needs his master’s attention and longs for a bit of play every day.”

Dou Sheng smiled. “No matter how busy work is, you can take ten minutes away from your phone to tease the cat. No matter how panicked you are for an exam, you can walk around the house with a teaser wand while memorizing notes. Since you have an apartment cat, don’t forget to make its life as rich as possible in this small space.”

The audio played that loud yet soothing purr again.

“A while ago, Xie Lan and I collected ‘warm moments between pets and owners’ on Weibo. We found the most common submissions were videos of pets rushing to greet their owners at the door. Every little life is waiting for companionship.”

The screen split again. The right side played a montage of follower submissions—different doors opening to find the same wagging tails and fluffy bodies lunging forward.

The main frame on the left shrank as the outro faded in.

“So, without further ado, please enjoy these clips. You all understand what I want to say.”

“I am the Big Cat, Douzi. He is the Small Cat, Xie Lan. And that over there is our kitten, Wutong.”

“See you in the next video!”

---

Author’s Note:

The phone rings.

Keyboard-Thumper picks up: “Hello? Summer break started and you aren’t back at the Egg-House? Trying to fly?”

Lan-Egg (Xie Lan) whispers: “Keyboard-Thumper, the cat-care video Dou-Egg and I made won an award!”

“Oh?” Keyboard-Thumper curls her lips: “What’s the next video?”

Lan-Egg freezes: “Next video?”

Through the phone, he whispers with Dou-Egg for a few moments.

Then he replies: “We’ll film it after coming back to the Egg-House. Maybe about caring for plants.”

Keyboard-Thumper sneers: “And then?”

Lan-Egg: “Then? Then… caring for Egg-House public facilities?”

“There’s still ME!” Keyboard-Thumper finally roars: “Care for ME! Thank you!”

Dou-Egg mutters in the background: “We should be caring for the keyboard instead.”