Su Hui returned to Brooklyn from Manhattan, then took the subway back to the school. When he got out of the station, the snow had finally stopped.

He was so exhausted that he could barely stand on the subway. He listened to the lecture in his headphones, bracing himself, and went to the teaching assistant’s workstation as usual. The office was empty, and Su Hui took out his manuscript paper to continue working.

Not long after, Professor White made a phone call, interrupting Su Hui’s painful rumination. He requested Su Hui go to his office, which already gave Su Hui a bad premonition.

When he entered the room, Su Hui saw Professor White’s furrowed brows, and thought, His news is truly well-informed, perhaps Bella Jones hadn’t only sought him out once.

“Eddy, you weren’t going to agree, were you?” Professor White came straight to the point. “What is this for? I don’t believe it’s really for the money.”

Su Hui actually smiled. “It is indeed for the money.”

The professor stared at his face and finally sighed. “What happened?”

Su Hui stared at an old coffee stain on his desk, pausing for a long time before speaking. “My grandmother is sick. Liver cancer.” He omitted many details, describing it as clearly and calmly as possible, with the intention that the professor wouldn’t worry about him.

But it was useless. After hearing it, Professor White stood up and walked over to him. “Why didn’t you tell me? I can help you.”

“You have helped me too much.” Su Hui lowered his eyes. “I can’t repay you.”

The atmosphere was heavy. Professor White placed his hand on his shoulder, patted it, and only said one sentence: “You know, I treat you as my own child.”

They had said this when they first met. Early on, he and his wife had had a child the same age as Su Hui, but unfortunately, he suffered from a rare disease and didn’t survive past eighteen.

Seeing Su Hui for the first time on the cold streets of Chicago, he felt familiar, and felt heart-broken.

“I understand that you are unwilling to accept my money, but medical expenses are a large sum. No matter what, your grandmother’s body is important; you must learn to compromise.” White said to him, “I have also thought about it just now and chatted with Eden. He said he also wanted to help you, to do a fundraising charity sale together.”

During lunch, Su Hui was brought to Professor White’s house, and Mrs. White gave him a hug the moment they met.

She said pityingly: “God will bless you.”

Su Hui didn’t quite believe in the existence of God, but if he were to die one day and really saw God, he would also find it difficult to tell him about the suffering and injustice he had encountered.

When he left, he found that there was an extra sum of money in his account, thirty thousand US dollars, under the heading of teaching assistant bonus, and the remitter was Professor White.

He sent a message wanting to decline, but the professor didn’t accept it, and told him that Eden was waiting for him at the dormitory entrance. Su Hui had no choice but to handwrite an IOU and leave it in the professor’s office.

Eden was a very enthusiastic person, with the sunshine and straightforwardness of a young Mexican-American boy.

After learning of Su Hui’s grandmother’s illness, he was very sad and took on the task of organizing the entire fundraising activity, determined not to let Su Hui worry, wanting him to focus solely on taking care of his grandmother. For this reason, he also joined forces with several other graduate students of Professor White, and they all made cupcakes and donuts by hand for charity sales.

Su Hui was very grateful to them, taking care of his grandmother in the hospital during the day, and at night, he returned to his rented apartment, cooked the wontons that his grandmother had prepared and frozen in the refrigerator, and brought them for his friends to eat.

The fundraising charity sale was chosen to be on the weekend, at the entrance of the school theater.

In the bleak winter, there were fewer people on the street than usual, but their charity sale was still proceeding smoothly. Eden specially designed a large poster and placed it to the side. Many kind-hearted people came up, read it carefully, and bought their donuts or cakes; some even left a lot of money in their cake boxes.

In fact, standing here and letting every passerby view his pain was not an easy thing, and their kindness made Su Hui feel even more powerless.

Time passed second by second, and waiting for charity, he couldn’t help but wonder, if he were more capable, would his grandmother not have suffered so much?

“We earned a lot.” Sarah on the side was very happy. Her cupcakes were favored by many. “It’s quite good; we could open a small cupcake shop.”

Su Hui also smiled, his smile very faint. “Then I will patronize it every day.”

Another female classmate was a Japanese international student, Aoi. Looking at his red-rimmed eyes, she couldn’t help but feel a little distressed, stepped forward to hug him, “Don’t be sad, we all support you.”

Eden nodded. “Yes, everything will get better.”

He tidied up the remaining donuts, rubbed his hands, and waited expectantly for the visit of the next kind-hearted person.

But what they waited for was an uninvited guest.

“Who told you to hold a charity sale here?”

Several burly young men walked over. The blond leader, Mike, was a student in the photography department. They had a conflict in the gallery before; the cause of the contradiction was racial discrimination, targeting Su Hui and Aoi who were of Asian descent, and also insulted the Mexican-American Eden.

This time Mike appeared again, and it was hard not to think it was intentional.

“We have reported it.” Eden was neither servile nor overbearing. “If you are just looking for trouble with us, I will go to the school security.”

Traffic flowed on the street, and Mike smiled. “Go find them. You guys who only know how to beg should leave. This place does not belong to you. Look at your own dirty skin! Damn yellow race!”

“You had better watch what you say!” Sarah, also a white person, couldn’t stand it any longer.

After the last incident, Su Hui roughly understood the other party’s personality and wanted to turn big problems into small ones, so he pulled Eden’s arm. Eden only replied with one sentence: “Is that so? Then, did you white people grow up on this piece of land from the very beginning?”

He didn’t expect this sentence to provoke Mike. He rushed up and kicked Eden in the stomach hard. Su Hui saw it and pushed him instinctively. The people following Mike saw this and also rushed up to pull him away. Fists fell, Su Hui had nowhere to hide and was beaten to the ground.

The poster that Eden worked hard to make was damaged and fell to the ground.

Seeing that the situation escalated, the crowd wrestled together. Aoi immediately ran to find school security and pulled the few people apart, but the situation was serious and it reached the school leaders.

Mike’s father was an entrepreneur who donated a lot of money to the school, so his mistakes were largely erased, and the matter was left unsettled.

Su Hui was called in alone for a conversation.

The director sat in front of the desk, his face half-hidden by the shadow. “You know, your identity is very awkward; you are neither a student nor a teacher. At the beginning, it was Professor White who strongly recommended you to us, so we could break the rules and keep you as a teaching assistant.”

Su Hui hadn’t heard these words for the first time, and he understood the implication.

“I know.”

“This might be a bit offensive, but the fact is, we have many reasons to let you leave school, but we decided to keep you. Eddy, this is a very difficult decision.”

The fundraiser finally obtained four thousand US dollars, which was enough to pay for four more days of hospital stay in a general ward. Su Hui pre-paid his teaching assistant salary, but it was just a drop in the bucket.

As expected, he was not too disappointed. He bought water and took medicine, and returned to the teaching building. Su Hui had a ledger. Keeping accounts was a habit he had cultivated over the past few years. He recorded every penny he got in the book and crossed out the expenses in the hospital.

In the upper left corner of this page of the ledger was a memo he had written earlier, reminding himself that he had to go to the clinic for electroconvulsive therapy this weekend. It cost one hundred dollars, excluding anesthesia fees.

Su Hui stared at it, pondered for a moment, and finally crossed out all the treatment reminders.

He spent the whole afternoon in the student studio, discussing concepts with an undergraduate who was preparing for a competition.

It was called a discussion, but in fact, most of the time it was the other party expounding and demonstrating with drawings. Su Hui sat on the side, organizing his thoughts in a notebook. When the other party finished speaking, he gave his suggestions one by one. If he really couldn’t summon the energy, he would wave his hand and let the student come closer to look at his computer.

“Your main theme is the three-dimensionalization of the oil painting style. If the colors can be more intense, in terms of material selection, you can replace thin tulle with textured cloth with thicker paint. Of course, this is just my suggestion…”

Looking at the information and pictures provided by Su Hui on the screen, the student felt enlightened. “Thank you, Eddy. I think I have new ideas. Thank you so much!”

In this art school in New York, Su Hui’s illness received very tolerant treatment. He didn’t need to cover it up and could face himself directly. Most of the students he usually had contact with knew the ups and downs of his condition, but even when he was at his worst, he was at most not at school and never had any bad behavior.

Even during the depressive period, as long as medication could control it and allow Su Hui to speak, he would do his best to help them.

The students in the fine arts department liked this teaching assistant very much.

“Can I invite you to eat pizza?” The student asked very enthusiastically. “Or dumplings, I heard that Chinese people here like to eat them!”

Su Hui refused with a smile. “You’re welcome, I still have things to do today, how about next time?”

At six in the afternoon, he left the school and saw a familiar car in the block of the department building.

“It’s cold.” Liang Wen walked over and handed something in his hand to Su Hui with a smile. “Hot chocolate, drink a little to restore your spirit.”

Su Hui took it but didn’t drink. He had been in contact with Liang Wen intermittently these days and told him about his grandmother’s illness. Su Hui knew that Liang Wen was worried about his condition, but he really couldn’t put on a better facade.

“Don’t worry.” Liang Wen opened the car door for him. “I’ll take you to the hospital.”

Su Hui didn’t answer and sat in the passenger seat silently.

Just after fastening his seat belt, Liang Wen handed over a Band-Aid.

“The corner of your mouth is broken, your grandmother will feel distressed if she sees it.” He said, helping Su Hui lower the rearview mirror.

This was the first time in these few days that Su Hui had looked at himself in the mirror. Inside, he looked bloodless, and the corner of his mouth was stained with blood scabs and bruises.

Su Hui tore open the Band-Aid and applied it to the corner of his mouth, concealing a bit of the scar.

In Liang Wen’s consulting room, he had shown enough of his ugly side, no matter how bad, silence was already the most dignified way to get along.

But all the way, Liang Wen talked to him very carefully, using some guiding language habits used by psychologists, mixed with his daily life, trying to make Su Hui have more reactions, but until they reached the hospital, Su Hui didn’t say a word.

He looked haggard, as if he had returned to the first time Liang Wen saw him overnight.

“I helped you hire a female nursing worker.” Liang Wen said, “She took care of my mother before, she is a very careful person. It is always inconvenient for you to do it yourself, and she is also more professional.”

Su Hui nodded and finally opened his mouth. “Thank you. The cost…”

“You don’t need to worry about the cost.” Liang Wen smiled, followed him to the inpatient department, “I have pre-paid for three months.”

Su Hui didn’t want him to be like this. “I still have money now.”

“Listen to me, I am a doctor.” Liang Wen’s tone was gentle, his attitude clear, and he accompanied Su Hui to the ward. The nursing worker he hired had already started working and was wiping the grandmother’s body. Seeing this, the two went out again.

“I want to consult again to see when surgery can be arranged for us.” In the corridor, Su Hui said in a low voice.

Liang Wen glanced at his watch. “It should still be in time now, go wait for the doctor.”

Seeing the grandmother’s pale face, Su Hui was very worried. The doctor’s words last time were still ringing in his ears. The spreading speed of this cancer cell was something he couldn’t wait for. If he could have surgery one day earlier, there would be one more hope.

After waiting for two hours, the previous attending doctor finally came out of the operating room. The other party looked heavy and came straight to the point to tell him the situation: “Your grandmother’s vital signs showed a major fluctuation again this morning. We re-checked, the situation has worsened, and new complications have appeared. This situation is even more thorny than before.”

As a doctor, Liang Wen, who was on the side, knew the doctor’s rhetoric very well. “Do you mean to give up the previous treatment plan now? Can the surgery still be done?”

The doctor looked at him and finally looked at Su Hui. “The conditions for this kind of surgery are very strict, and I have never done anything similar, so my suggestion is to transfer to another hospital immediately, but we have contacted some hospitals with this condition, and they have no beds now. Resources are very tight.”

The speed of the worsening illness didn’t let Su Hui pant, just like a huge stone pressed on him, becoming heavier and heavier.

“If you stay in this hospital for treatment, the safest thing is conservative treatment, but the treatment effect…”

Su Hui understood the meaning of the doctor. This is a dilemma choice.

He braced himself and contacted other hospitals with Liang Wen. Liang Wen also called his teacher for help, but it was useless after an hour of busying. After all, there was a not-so-small industry boundary between psychologists and oncologists.

“The current inpatient wards are very tight, and the arrangement of clinical surgery is also very difficult.”

Liang Wen saw that his condition was not good, and patted him on the shoulder. “It’s not early now, let’s eat something first.”

Su Hui shook his head, he had no appetite at all.

“The most important thing for you now is to support yourself, in case you collapse, what will your grandmother do?”

Hearing this, Su Hui’s frozen expression finally loosened a little.

“I want to go out and smoke a cigarette.”

Dragging his heavy legs, Su Hui came from the inpatient department to the garden outside the first floor of the hospital. It was called a garden, but the large lawn here was completely withered, covered with white snow, and the redwoods planted on one side were thin and weak.

Liang Wen accompanied him to the bench, and heard Su Hui say thank you.

“Why thank me?” Liang Wen smiled. “Didn’t you also help me a lot? You don’t have to be polite with me.”

Su Hui shook his head. “I didn’t play any role, you are helping me.”

“We are friends, aren’t we? You help me, I help you, this is human nature.” Liang Wen spread his arms, gave him a hug, and laughed when he exited, “Don’t have a burden for what I said before, now there are too many emergencies, I understand, you can consider it after a period of time.”

Su Hui thought of his confession not long ago, but his heart couldn’t stir up any waves.

“I am very cautious.” Liang Wen smiled, “Actually, from the beginning of seeing you, I have selfishness, otherwise I might have asked you to be my patient directly. But I also have to follow professional ethics. After weighing, I introduced other doctors to you, because from the first time I saw you, I developed good feelings for you. But this does not mean that we must have a future. Even if you don’t accept it for the time being, I can wait. I have waited for two years, and I don’t mind longer.”

Su Hui knew all of Liang Wen’s devotion. His opening, every help he provided, Su Hui was very grateful and would never forget.

“I know, now…”

But he couldn’t lie to his heart.

“Okay, let’s not talk about this for now.” Liang Wen smiled, turned his head and saw a shop not far away, and said to Su Hui, “Wait here, I’ll buy you something to eat.”

Su Hui was not hungry, but he couldn’t stop him.

After Liang Wen left, he felt tired, sitting alone on the bench, and took out his cigarettes and lighter.

The wind was not strong, but the fire would not light up, once, twice, no matter how many times he tried, it was failure.

Shaking his hand to take the cigarette off, Su Hui buried his head and cried very suddenly.

The picture of Ning Yixiao and Bella standing together was like a film played by mistake, playing back slowly and repeatedly in his mind. He couldn’t stop working, couldn’t stop at any point in time. As long as he stopped, he would think of him.

It was as if he had been forced to swallow a very bitter and hard stone, which he could neither swallow nor spit out, choking out tears all over his face and fingertips.

Su Hui hung his head, crying silently as if he had given up on himself. The pain could no longer be suppressed. His whole body was shaking violently, and he couldn’t even clamp a cigarette.

Not long after, the sound of footsteps approached on the snow.

Su Hui regained consciousness, tried to calm himself down, wiped the tears on his face with the back of his hand, cleared his throat, did not look up, and pretended that he had not cried.

“Back so soon.”

The other party didn’t speak.

Su Hui frowned, looked up, and his sight fell on the expensive leather shoes in front of him, the hem of the cashmere coat, the silver buttons, and the hands wearing leather gloves.

The wind picked up, scraping the cheeks like a blade, blowing so painfully.

In the blurred field of vision, the person who was least likely to appear appeared, looking down at him. The most familiar face, the most unfamiliar expression, the most embarrassing time, everything seemed to make up the climax of this nightmare.

But Su Hui didn’t even want to wake up.