Chapter 36: N. The Unreserved Confession

“Are you really not drunk?” Su Hui tried to wake him. “Ning Yixiao, wake up.”

But he was truly incapacitated. He closed his eyes again, his head dropping until his nose brushed against the side of Su Hui’s neck, his hot breath lingering near his ear. Su Hui felt his legs go weak; unable to push him away, he could only turn his face.

Fortunately, Kofi heard the commotion and came downstairs. Seeing Ning Yixiao in such a state, she rushed to help, and Su Hui was finally able to disengage.

“Let’s carry him up.”

Supporting Ning Yixiao between them, it took an immense effort to get him back to that impossibly large master bedroom and onto the bed. Having agreed to stay out of his life, Su Hui felt he shouldn’t be here. He wanted to return to his own room and lock the door, but he feared Ning Yixiao would be uncomfortable and wanted to care for him.

Torn, Su Hui chose to instruct Kofi: “Why don’t you help him change his clothes? He reeks of alcohol; he’ll lose his mind when he wakes up tomorrow.”

Kofi looked distressed. “I… Shaw doesn’t really like us touching him. He’s a germaphobe.”

That was a fact Su Hui knew well.

She thought for a moment. “I’ll go pour some water, just in case Shaw wakes up thirsty.” With that, Kofi left.

The room was suddenly left to the two of them. Recalling the secret he had stumbled upon earlier that day, Su Hui felt a complex surge of emotions. He felt Ning Yixiao looked rather pathetic in this state—perhaps he knew nothing, or perhaps he sensed something and that was why he had gotten so drunk. In Su Hui’s memory, he rarely used alcohol to drown his sorrows.

There was nothing he could do but stand by the bed, watching the near-unconscious man.

This seemed to be the first time in six years he had looked at him like this. There was no eye contact, which actually made it feel safe.

In the past, Ning Yixiao didn’t love drinking. He disliked the taste, was thrifty, and almost never touched it. Before he left home, Su Hui would sneak red wine out, but it was always Su Hui who ended up drunk. The most dangerous part was that once Su Hui was drunk, he would agree to anything Ning Yixiao asked, leaving him unable to get out of bed the next day—a trap of his own making.

Ning Yixiao was always the sober one. This was the first time Su Hui had seen him collapse from drink. Only now did he realize how quiet he was when intoxicated—he wouldn’t throw tantrums, wouldn’t act out, just slept like a log.

Su Hui watched silently, noticing that he hadn’t even taken off his glasses; he had likely been working right up until he started drinking. He hadn’t worn glasses in the past. Su Hui didn’t know when he had become nearsighted, but he reflected that there was indeed too much he didn’t know.

Fearing he would be uncomfortable, Su Hui bent down and gently removed Ning Yixiao’s silver-rimmed glasses, placing them on the nightstand, intending to leave. But the second he straightened up, his hand was suddenly grabbed. The feel of leather gloves was unfamiliar, making his heart tighten.

A jolt ran through Su Hui’s entire body as he heard Ning Yixiao mumble.

“Don’t go…”

The words were blurred—both the sound and the content—but regardless, the object of his plea certainly wasn’t him.

Su Hui was sober. He pulled his hand away, adjusted Ning Yixiao’s pillow, pulled up the quilt, and left the room without looking back.

Xue Gao followed him down and accompanied him to his room. Su Hui didn’t speak for a long time, until Xue Gao pounced into his arms.

“Why aren’t you keeping your owner company?” Su Hui teased.

Xue Gao let out a few whines, rubbing against Su Hui’s neck as if saying, “I want to stay with you.”

“I’m not your owner,” Su Hui said, stroking his neck. “I’m just staying here for a while. Once I’m better, I’m leaving.”

Xue Gao seemed to understand, stubbornly refusing to leave his embrace. Su Hui held him, rubbing his perked-up ears. “If I disappear, will you miss me?”

Xue Gao barked several times.

“You will? I’ll miss you too.” Su Hui looked into his moist eyes, recalling the past, and whispered the words he had long wanted to say.

“If I go missing, you come find me, okay?”

Xue Gao whined, as if making a sincere promise.

Su Hui derived a shred of satisfaction from this. He felt so strange—wanting to draw security and warmth from a puppy. Over the past few years, lost in a long, agonizing darkness, he had often viewed Ning Yixiao’s existence as his anchor. As long as he knew Ning Yixiao was living well somewhere in this world, achieving the life he wanted, he could endure any amount of repetitive, nightmarish pain.

But after so much time, his wish had gradually shifted from “seeing him one more time” to “just hoping Ning Yixiao is well.” When he finally did see him, there was no sense of fated completion, only a descent into a new, messy mire.

It was never Su Hui’s feelings that time had worn away; it was Su Hui himself. He could no longer return to the person he used to be.

The next morning, Su Hui woke up groggily on the floor, Xue Gao curled up beside him. He glanced at the time—it was already 10:00 AM. Usually, Mark would be knocking at 7:00 AM sharp for breakfast, but today there had been no sound.

Su Hui got up, washed, and pushed open the door to find the living room empty. Kofi wasn’t there either. He called Mark, who sounded quite surprised.

“Eddy? Did you forget? I asked for leave yesterday. My father is ill; I have to go back to help.”

“Oh, I see.” Su Hui had completely forgotten, feeling quite apologetic. “I’m sorry. Take care on your way and please give my regards to your family.”

After hanging up, Xue Gao wagged his tail, begging for food. Su Hui put the chicken in a dish, set it down, and walked to the entryway. Ning Yixiao’s shoes were still there; he hadn’t left.

Thinking it over, Su Hui decided to make something himself. A hangover is brutal, and an empty stomach only makes it worse. If Ning Yixiao didn’t eat it, he would eat it himself.

He tied his hair back loosely and opened the fridge to find some vegetables and the beef Mark had marinated for yesterday’s stir-fry but hadn’t used. The knives were all locked away, so Su Hui simply used the pre-cut beef and diced onion in the bowl, took out some lettuce and canned tomatoes, washed the vegetables, lit the stove, and sautéed the onions and tomatoes until soft before adding water.

He hadn’t known how to cook at all in the past—every trip to the kitchen had been a destructive disaster—but after they separated, he had been forced to learn.

Actually, he could learn. Once a person has no one to rely on, they can learn anything.

The soup began to boil. Su Hui added the lettuce, then dropped the beef into the soup bit by bit, stirring it through. He was completely focused. After seasoning it, he scooped up a spoonful to taste.

“You’ve learned to cook.”

Ning Yixiao’s voice suddenly appeared behind him. Su Hui was so startled he choked, bracing himself against the counter, coughing for a long time. When he finally looked up, his face was flushed red.

But Ning Yixiao stood right in front of him, calm and composed, inspecting the soup. He had already showered and changed into a white high-neck knit sweater; he looked nothing like the wretched man from the night before. Xue Gao stood proudly at his side, his demeanor fitting his owner’s perfectly.

“I didn’t expect this,” Ning Yixiao said softly.

Su Hui regained his breath, avoiding his eyes. He dished the vegetable and beef soup into two bowls, one large, one small.

“This is yours.” Su Hui only carried his own, leaving the larger one on the counter. To avoid him, he didn’t even go to the dining table, sitting instead at the kitchen island.

To his surprise, Ning Yixiao didn’t go to the dining table either. He pulled up a chair and sat opposite him. Facing this situation, Su Hui was at a loss, so he lowered his head and ate his breakfast in silence.

“You’re eating so little.” Ning Yixiao remarked.

Su Hui didn’t look up. “Mm.”

Ning Yixiao took a bite. The taste was much better than he had imagined. He felt surprised, yet also sad; he didn’t seem to want to see Su Hui’s growth or changes.

He had a headache, his memory stopping before Jing Ming had force-fed him the so-called “date-rape drink.” Nothing had happened; he could barely stand up, let alone anything else. But waking up, he was somewhat disappointed to find he was still wearing his clothes from the night before—not a single item removed, not even his gloves. He could guess: Su Hui must have been indifferent, perhaps never even checking if he was alive.

His frustration was real, and so was his anger, but seeing Su Hui alone in the kitchen cooking soup, Ning Yixiao still felt his heart ache. Even after being hurt and abandoned by him, Ning Yixiao stubbornly believed that someone like Su Hui shouldn’t have to suffer even a little.

“Do you really want to see me so little?”

Seeing Su Hui refusing to raise his head, Ning Yixiao deliberately put down his spoon. “In that case, I might as well leave.”

Sure enough, Su Hui looked up, lips pressed together.

“You… finish eating this first.” He quickly lowered his head again. “It’s not very good, but it’s better than an empty stomach. Just… bear with it.”

The cool morning light filtered through the white curtains, casting a glow over Su Hui’s eyes and the loose strands of hair framing his face, making him look incredibly soft. His skin carried the faint, woody scent of shower gel, mixed with the smell of laundry softener—the same scent Ning Yixiao used. It felt as if they had never parted, as if they were just spending an ordinary morning together, no different from the past.

Ning Yixiao doubted Su Hui knew what “bearing with it” actually meant. He smiled and began to eat the soup in silence.

Su Hui had things on his mind, so he subconsciously ate very slowly. A long time passed, and the soup in his bowl hadn’t decreased much. Ning Yixiao noticed and tapped his knuckles on the counter. “What are you daydreaming about? Eat properly.”

Su Hui snapped out of it. He lifted his eyes, debating whether to tell him what he had seen yesterday.

Unexpectedly, Ning Yixiao spoke first. “I heard you went to Bella Jones’s studio yesterday.”

Su Hui froze, somewhat surprised.

“And you were mistaken for a print model.” Ning Yixiao’s lips curled, as if he were joking.

But that wasn’t the point at all.

The point was, your fiancée kissed someone else.

Su Hui frowned, struggling for a long time before attempting to speak. “I… Bella seems to…”

“What is it?” Ning Yixiao smiled. “Don’t tell me you actually agreed to be her model.”

Su Hui shook his head, looking Ning Yixiao in the eyes. “There is something I want to tell you. Don’t be angry when you hear it, don’t be sad, just stay calm.”

Ning Yixiao looked at him, wanting to say that the things that could make him angry or sad were things that would never happen again. Su Hui couldn’t possibly be trying to break up with him again at a time like this.

“Go ahead,” Ning Yixiao said, meeting his gaze.

“I’ve been debating whether to tell you. Maybe telling you is bad for you, but I thought about it—you’ve helped me so much, and keeping this from you would be wrong.”

Su Hui took a deep breath and mustered the courage to confess to Ning Yixiao. “Yesterday at the studio, I saw Bella… kissing a woman.”

He felt nervous, terrified that Ning Yixiao would be truly angry, so he kept trying to soothe him. “D-don’t get emotional. I don’t know the specific circumstances, I just saw it. I didn’t ask her, I just came home. Maybe there’s a misunderstanding…”

Before he could finish, Ning Yixiao burst out laughing.

Su Hui was bewildered. He watched as Ning Yixiao rested a hand on his forehead, laughing uncontrollably, as if Su Hui had told a joke.

“What’s funny?” Su Hui didn’t understand. “Has the way you get angry become this strange now?”

Ning Yixiao had never imagined this matter would be revealed in such a dramatic fashion. He suppressed his laughter and looked at Su Hui. “I’m not angry.”

Su Hui frowned, his eyes full of confusion.

The smile on Ning Yixiao’s face vanished completely, and he repeated it. “I’m not angry. The woman you saw is named Chloe. She’s a photographer, and she’s Bella Jones’s ex-girlfriend.”

Su Hui was even more confused. Ex?

“Then aren’t you and Bella…”

“We aren’t together.” Ning Yixiao’s tone was calm. “To be precise, my engagement to her is just a trade of interests. I needed the Jones family’s financial backing as a springboard for my Series C funding and IPO, which has basically been achieved. She needed to get engaged to me to get the property and trust assets she’s entitled to.”

Ning Yixiao paused, then added: “Of course, she also wanted to use this engagement to test if her ex-girlfriend had truly let go. Obviously, she hasn’t, and you accidentally bumped into them. It looks like they’re getting back together.”

The amount of information was simply too massive. Su Hui thought for a long time, still feeling like he couldn’t quite wrap his head around it.

“It’s all fake?” He looked at Ning Yixiao.

Ning Yixiao nodded, feeling a sense of relief, even if the confession had come in such a bizarre way. “She asked me to keep it secret, but in the end, she was the one who slipped up.”

Su Hui lowered his eyes. He wanted to ask: What happens next? After the engagement ceremony is over, what then? Are you going to keep pretending forever?

But he couldn’t bring himself to ask.

“Did you really finish the proposal for her?” Ning Yixiao asked suddenly.

Su Hui was dazed, then nodded. “Yes.”

“Then what should we do?” Ning Yixiao curled the corner of his lips. “I want to cancel the engagement.”

Su Hui frowned. “But…” He felt something was wrong, remembering what Ning Yixiao had just said. “Didn’t you say Bella could only get her assets after the engagement? Wouldn’t this be burning the bridge after crossing it?”

“She’s the one who went back to her ex first.” Ning Yixiao made no attempt to hide his feelings. “I’ve stopped wanting to play this role for a long time.”

Su Hui felt inexplicably angry. He had been kept in the dark, acting the fool by making installation art for them, worrying for his sake, thinking Bella had betrayed him, and agonizing over his future—to the point where he couldn’t even sleep.

Ning Yixiao stared at Su Hui’s face, expressionless. “You must be thinking, ‘How could this person be like this?’”

Su Hui didn’t answer, nor did he admit it.

“When you wished me a happy wedding, I wanted to tell you it was all fake, but you hung up too quickly. You didn’t seem to care at all.” Ning Yixiao said. His voice carried a warmth that made Su Hui feel the temperature rising, a inexplicable agitation and unease bubbling in his chest.

Ning Yixiao asked again, “Do you care?”

Su Hui couldn’t give him an answer. He lowered his eyes, feeling tortured. But Ning Yixiao didn’t seem to intend to let him off the hook.

“After seeing them kiss, why did you want to tell me?”

A thin layer of sweat coated Su Hui’s palms. He moved them to his knees and clenched them.

“You helped me a lot. I’m grateful to you, and I didn’t want to see you getting cheated.” He gave a dishonest answer, feeling it was too forced, and couldn’t help but explain, “Even if we aren’t anything now, we can at least be like friends, right? Caring for each other?”

Hearing this, Ning Yixiao suddenly laughed. “Friends?”

“Su Hui, we have never been friends.”

Su Hui knew this well. From the first day they met, they had been wrapped up in desire. Neither of them had ever entertained the thought of being just friends.

“But friendship seems more lasting than anything else.” Ning Yixiao looked very relaxed, his tone gentle. “If you want, of course we can be friends.”

Su Hui didn’t answer whether he wanted to or not. The Ning Yixiao before him seemed like a different person. He wanted to retreat five minutes into the past and take back what he had said, because he hadn’t changed; six years later, he still didn’t want to be friends with Ning Yixiao.

But this identity was better than nothing at all.

So, he nodded, saying nothing.

Ning Yixiao didn’t seem to care. His tone was light. “Now that we’re friends, will you still not want to see me?”

Su Hui was completely led by him, able only to gaze at him like this.

“It’s okay. If you still don’t want to see me, I can continue staying at the hotel.” Ning Yixiao smiled, nonchalant. “But I might need to take some disinfectants from home, if you don’t mind.”

“Don’t go stay at a hotel…”

Su Hui finally spoke, but looked away. “This is your home. You can stay if you want. Don’t worry about me.”

Ning Yixiao rested his chin on his hand. “Then you’ll see me every day.”

Su Hui half-closed his eyes, whispering, “That’s okay.”

“That’s good. I really couldn’t stand the hotel anymore; didn’t want to take off my gloves every day. It’s much better coming home.”

“Su Hui, do you have any hand cream?” Ning Yixiao deliberately pulled his knit sleeve up, extending his hand, pretending it was just a casual gesture.

“My hands hurt so much.”

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Author’s Note:

Good for you, you green-tea man.