Chapter 37: N. Alone Time

Ning Yixiao had never intended to drink with Jing Ming.

He hated the taste of alcohol, and even more so, he was unaccustomed to the feeling of having his body controlled by it. But as it happened, that afternoon, the person he had hired to look into news for him told him that Su Hui’s grandfather had died of a cerebral infarction, and his mother had passed away in a car accident.

Both accidents occurred in the second year after the family moved to Shanghai—the second year after he and Su Hui had separated.

Forced to accept the reality of the breakup, Ning Yixiao had almost no way to vent his pain. He could only choose to escape, avoiding everything related to Su Hui as much as possible. Even when he heard later that Su Hui had gone to Europe to study, he treated it as if he hadn’t heard a thing.

Ning Yixiao had never imagined that in just one short year, Su Hui would lose two family members. Those two people, who had fought and compromised with each other over his growth, had given him a life of relative wealth but had also left his life in shadows. That was precisely why Su Hui had told his grandmother’s attending physician that she was his only remaining relative.

There wasn’t much information to be found; even the reports regarding the car accident were few and far between. This news was like cutting a bloody gash into Ning Yixiao’s sealed memories. He wanted to know if Su Hui had been sad at the time, if he had thought about coming to find him, or if he felt it was a great pity. Or if, as his grandfather had said, all of this was just his own self-deception.

Too many questions once again overwhelmed Ning Yixiao. He knew that even if he rushed in front of Su Hui now, he wouldn’t be able to get what he wanted.

“I’m telling you, you’re just overthinking it.” Jing Ming pointed out another direction in a very simple and crude way. “I told you to let him go, to stop worrying about him, and you can’t do it. Since you love him and can’t let go, then hold on tight and don’t let him run.”

He gave a very simple analogy: “Ning Yixiao, you two were together before. Even if you think it was 70% fake and 30% real, at least there was 30% there. If it were me, I’d grab onto that 30% of feelings and chase him down even if it killed me. As for any misunderstandings or conflicts, holding a grudge won’t solve anything; it’s better to just muddle through and get back together first. A twisted melon might not be sweet to others, but it’s sweet to me!”

The more Jing Ming spoke, the more excited he got. He picked up the wine bottle. “You might as well use the drunken stupor right now, go tell him: ‘I still like you, I was angry about what happened before, but I like you even while I’m angry. The wedding is fake; it’s impossible for me to marry anyone else.'”

Ning Yixiao drank several bottles in silence. Hearing him drone on and on gave him a headache, so he cursed a low “Get lost,” only to end up falling over himself. He hadn’t expected Jing Ming to move him back directly and force a meeting between them.

The “military strategist’s” head-on, aggressive tactic had been fermenting all night. Although he had used it, it was vastly different from his original plan. When he really faced Su Hui and saw his independent appearance now, he began to hesitate again. Was it too cruel to ask him to lay bare all of his unfortunate past at this moment?

Not to mention that his grandmother was still lying in a hospital bed.

So, he said nothing. After spending half a day in Jing Ming’s one-on-one coaching session, Ning Yixiao still only knew how to use the “pity play.” But at least it was very effective and quite addictive.

“I don’t have hand cream.” Su Hui leaned in to stare closely at his hands, furrowing his brow.

“You can’t use disinfectant anymore; the skin is already broken and it’s still red.”

“It’s very uncomfortable not to,” Ning Yixiao replied indifferently, not pulling his hand back.

“This won’t do.” Su Hui stood up in a serious manner, went back to his room to search around, and walked out with a look of disappointment on his face.

Ning Yixiao leaned back in his chair and turned his head to look at him. He thought he was cute, but he didn’t say it out loud. He only said: “I’ll just wear gloves then.”

“No, don’t wear them.” Hearing this, Su Hui immediately returned to the kitchen island. “Do you want to try skin cream?”

Ning Yixiao looked up at him. “I’ve tried it; it hurts a lot.”

Su Hui seemed to be able to feel that stinging pain, couldn’t help but furrow his brow again, and fell into deep thought. A moment later, as if he had made up his mind, he suddenly spoke.

“I’ll go downstairs and buy some things.”

Ning Yixiao liked seeing him have this kind of reaction, as if he cared very much about him. Even if it was just out of kindness, even if it was just like how he once compromised time and again because he was afraid Carl would lose his job, Ning Yixiao liked it.

Having made his decision, Su Hui planned to go back to his room to put on his coat, but as soon as he turned around, his wrist was caught.

“I’ll go with you.” Ning Yixiao stood up and released his hand at the right moment, as if his action just now completely fit the scope of “friends” and didn’t cross any lines.

But Su Hui’s body clearly stiffened, and his speech became blunt. “I… I can do it myself.”

“I’m going to buy some hangover medicine; I have a headache.” Ning Yixiao acted as if he didn’t care, as if going downstairs with him wasn’t a big deal.

Su Hui thought perhaps he was caring too much. He kept convincing himself that this was nothing, then lowered his eyes to return to his room, putting on his coat before coming out.

It was a coincidence that they both chose black coats with white underneath. Su Hui wore a gray beanie, and Ning Yixiao wrapped a gray cashmere scarf around his neck. The overall look… looked just like they had intentionally dressed in couple outfits.

Su Hui wanted to go back in and change, but Ning Yixiao had already arrived at the entryway with Xue Gao, opened the door, and struck a pose of waiting.

“Are you ready?” he asked.

Su Hui had no choice but to close his door and whisper: “Ready.”

Xue Gao was the most excited among them, bouncing nonstop in the elevator. Ning Yixiao and Su Hui didn’t speak, making the atmosphere seem a bit bizarre.

They didn’t lose this strange atmosphere even when they reached the first floor and exited the elevator. The property manager on the first floor was maintaining the lights and greeted Ning Yixiao politely when he saw him. Ning Yixiao nodded in acknowledgment.

When the two passed by, the technician standing on the ladder changing the lightbulb took a glance, causing the chandelier to sway slightly. Ning Yixiao reacted almost subconsciously—lifting his hand to shield Su Hui’s head.

Perhaps because this action came too suddenly and was truly uncontrollable, Ning Yixiao felt embarrassed. He noticed Su Hui was looking down and didn’t notice, so he quickly withdrew his hand and put it at his side.

It was very cold outside. Su Hui pulled his hat down, put his hands in his coat pockets, and searched for a pharmacy on the street.

Ning Yixiao stood right beside him, accompanying him on the sidewalk. This feeling was both strange and familiar. The streets of Manhattan were filled with traffic, and many cars passed by, kicking up cold winds. As they walked, Su Hui noticed that Ning Yixiao had circled to his left side—the side closest to the traffic.

This sudden old “habit” always reminded Su Hui of the past, which made him feel a bit uncomfortable, so he moved a little to the right.

Walking side-by-side with Ning Yixiao—a month ago, Su Hui couldn’t even have imagined such a thing. But now that they were clearly walking together, he felt a heart-wrenching sadness.

At one moment, he distractedly heard the sound of insects chirping, as if they weren’t walking on this bustling street, but under the shade of thick green trees, with the July sunlight piercing through the gaps in the leaves, falling on their shoulders.

Summer had passed too long ago.

Su Hui woke up just at the right time and caught sight of a large supermarket by the side of the road. Thinking that they would also sell basic medicine inside, he walked toward it.

Ning Yixiao followed him the whole time, not saying a word, keeping a distance of a few dozen centimeters, just like his shadow.

Xue Gao couldn’t enter the supermarket, but fortunately, there was a convenience pharmacy outside. Su Hui’s reaction time wasn’t fast enough, and Ning Yixiao walked over first. Seeing this a step late, Su Hui had no choice but to follow behind.

The pharmacy staff was a black girl who greeted them very enthusiastically and asked what they needed.

Su Hui originally wanted to let Ning Yixiao speak for himself, but he realized he didn’t intend to speak at all. He turned his head and took a look at Ning Yixiao.

Ning Yixiao’s scarf covered half of his face, and the exposed eyebrows, eyes, and nose bridge were all very aggressive and cold—looking like he was unapproachable. He just extended his hand, pointing to Su Hui instead of the clerk.

Su Hui didn’t understand why he was acting like this, as if he were pretending to be a mute. He had no choice but to explain for Ning Yixiao to the clerk.

“So, it’s skin damage caused by washing your hands too frequently, is that it?” The black young lady smiled, showing a mouthful of white teeth, looking very cute. “Do you have a rash?”

Su Hui turned his head to look at Ning Yixiao and repeated it to him in a low voice in Chinese. “Do you?”

He didn’t know why he had suddenly turned into a translator and hadn’t realized that this whole thing was weird.

Ning Yixiao shook his head.

Su Hui turned to look at the clerk, his tone light. “No rash, just redness, and some chapping and cracking.”

The clerk bent down and searched for a long time on the shelf behind her, finally taking out a small jar and placing it in front of the two. “Use Vaseline.”

Who would have thought Ning Yixiao would suddenly burst out laughing? However, he only laughed once.

The clerk was a bit perplexed, staring with wide eyes at this man who had been wearing a cold face just a minute ago, feeling it was incredible.

Su Hui frowned, looked at him, and whispered: “What are you laughing at?”

Ning Yixiao stopped laughing, picked up the Vaseline on the table, leaned close to Su Hui’s face, and said calmly in a cold tone: “We’ve used this before.”

Seeing this and hearing him say the sensitive word “we,” Su Hui suddenly thought of some inappropriate things. His snow-white face immediately flushed with a light red, as if he had been scalded by something, and there was clearly an adverse reaction.

He snatched the Vaseline from Ning Yixiao’s hand, put it back on the table, turned his head away unnaturally, and wouldn’t look at Ning Yixiao.

The clerk thought they didn’t want it. “Do you think this won’t work? Vaseline is very easy to use. The skin barrier on his hands is damaged now, and he can’t use many products; it will be very irritating. This formula is very clean; it has nothing in it.”

She even specifically took a jar that had been used, unscrewed the lid, and explained it to them. “You just dig out a bit more, apply it thickly on your hands, and then wear some gloves or something. If you feel dryness anywhere, you can also take it out and apply it.”

Xue Gao seemed to be the one listening the most carefully; he even wagged his tail after she finished.

The more seriously the clerk explained, the more embarrassed Su Hui felt. He just wanted to leave quickly. “We’ll take this, give us one box.” He paid the bill, didn’t even want the bag, shoved the small jar directly into his pocket, and quickened his pace to walk outside.

Ning Yixiao, on the other hand, was very satisfied. Teasing Su Hui was even more interesting than he had imagined. He asked the clerk for a pack of hangover medicine and paid for it.

Seeing Su Hui standing outside alone, looking a bit dazed, he walked out and shoved the dog leash in his hand. “I’m going to the supermarket.”

He didn’t say “Wait for me” or “I’ll be back soon,” just walked in by himself, leaving Su Hui dazed outside.

The sun gradually climbed to the center of the sky, and the temperature seemed to be slightly higher than yesterday, but the wind was still very strong. Su Hui walked to a bookstore and sat on a wooden bench at the entrance to wait.

Through the floor-to-ceiling glass windows, he saw many, many books, but the one closest to him was the magazine rack at the entrance. Just by taking one look, Su Hui locked onto the first book in the third row, because Ning Yixiao’s name appeared on the cover.

He wasn’t sure if it was him, blinked his eyes, and it seemed he hadn’t seen it wrong.

“Xue Gao, you wait for me for a moment.” Su Hui stood up, extended Xue Gao’s retractable leash to the longest length, and walked into the bookstore entrance himself.

The magazine rack was right at the entrance. Holding the leash, he looked up and saw the well-behaved Xue Gao lying outside. Su Hui opened the magazine and, sure enough, found an exclusive interview with Ning Yixiao.

The article was very long. He saw the picture on the right at a glance. In the photo, Ning Yixiao was wearing glasses and having a meeting with people from his team. He stood under the projector of the presentation, wearing a blue shirt and a white knit sweater. His whole person looked cold, organized, and only his eyes were full of ambition.

Under the photo was a piece of evaluation by the interviewer—”He possesses a very charming, handsome exterior, is gentlemanly in his manners, and seems a bit silent because he is obsessed with his work. In fact, he is an entrepreneur with great humanitarian concern, a gifted engineer.”

Su Hui wasn’t sure if these descriptions were close to the real Ning Yixiao, but he knew that these were parts he wasn’t familiar with.

He turned the page again and reread the reporter’s interview with Ning Yixiao from the beginning. It turned out this was his first magazine interview; he had never made himself public before. Su Hui couldn’t help but think that other entrepreneurs in Silicon Valley all packaged themselves as stars and leaders, while Ning Yixiao still hid behind programs and products, silently climbing one commercial mountain after another.

Just as the magazine described—he was truly the person most suited to survive in the world of fame and wealth, but also the most out of place one.

He didn’t know if it was because Ning Yixiao had specifically requested it, but the whole article didn’t mention that he was about to get engaged, even though this was a piece of news full of gimmicks.

Just as he was reading the article, the glass was suddenly knocked on twice. Su Hui looked up and only then saw Ning Yixiao standing outside the door. He was standing beside Xue Gao—one big, one small—looking like two dogs that had been abandoned at the door by him at the same time.

Su Hui immediately put down the magazine in his hand, pushed open the door, and walked out.

“So fast?”

“Are you hoping I would stay in the supermarket and not come out?” Ning Yixiao acted as if he had eaten gunpowder and intentionally choked him with his words.

Su Hui refuted him very seriously. “No… I just came in to take a look.”

Ning Yixiao didn’t show mercy either. “Hmm, and then left Xue Gao outside.”

Su Hui frowned. “That’s because they don’t let Xue Gao in.”

Ning Yixiao bent down and rubbed Xue Gao’s head. “How pitiful, no one is waiting.”

Xue Gao let out an “Awoo,” as if saying: I am the one waiting for someone, okay.

Su Hui suspected that Ning Yixiao was scolding him through someone else, but he wasn’t sure, and he didn’t know how to retort, so he could only swallow it silently.

Seeing him lower his head, Ning Yixiao lost the desire to keep teasing him. He took his hand from behind his back and handed Su Hui a freshly baked waffle. “Want to eat?”

Su Hui was stunned for a moment, looked up, and blinked his eyes blankly.

“I wanted to eat it, so I bought an extra one.” Ning Yixiao opened the wrapping paper. “If you don’t want to eat, just say so.”

Su Hui didn’t say he wanted to, but reached out and took the waffle, taking a bite—it was chocolate-flavored. On the windy street, he ate the hot waffle and suddenly felt that it wasn’t as cold as it was before.

Ning Yixiao had indeed changed; the thing he used to dislike eating the most was sweet food.

Su Hui discovered that he would always unconsciously compare the current him with the past, which didn’t seem to be a good habit, so he immediately called a stop to it in his mind.

By the time they returned to the apartment, the waffle was only half-eaten. He ate too slowly; Ning Yixiao sometimes thought that perhaps rodents ate much faster than he did.

Ning Yixiao put some food bought from the supermarket into the refrigerator and stood in the kitchen to tidy up for a moment. Su Hui suddenly walked over and called his name in a low voice.

Ning Yixiao turned around and saw Su Hui holding a jar, cotton swabs, and disposable gloves in his hands.

“You sit over there on the sofa and apply this.”

Ning Yixiao did as he was told, walked over, and extended his hand. But Su Hui stood up as if he wanted him to do it himself and didn’t intend to help.

Ning Yixiao didn’t take the initiative to request it either, but lifted his hand to his mouth, bit his fingertip with his teeth, pulled off one glove, and then leisurely took off the other one.

His movements were very slow. Wearing glasses, he looked much more gentle than before, but thinking about his smile at the drugstore, Su Hui felt again that he had become even more unseemly than before.

Su Hui had already twisted the lid off the Vaseline, leaving it open, and handed it to Ning Yixiao. “You have to apply a lot.”

“Hmm.” Ning Yixiao did as he was told, dug out a large glob and put it on the back of his hand, and then pushed it away with great force.

“Be gentle; the skin is already damaged.” Su Hui couldn’t watch it anymore.

Ning Yixiao also complained very opportunely. “It won’t spread if I’m gentle; it’s too thick.” He rubbed his fingers, pretending to be disgusted. “So sticky.”

As he said this, he even muttered intentionally, “It wasn’t this sticky when I used it before, did I buy the wrong one…”

Su Hui didn’t want him to continue that sensitive topic of “before,” so in the end, he couldn’t stand idly by.

Afraid of being nagged about his cleanliness, he dipped a little with a cotton swab and tried to push it away.

Ning Yixiao couldn’t watch it anymore. “I couldn’t even push it away with my hands, do you really think a cotton swab is feasible?”

It seemed it really wasn’t.

Su Hui didn’t feel like he was nitpicking and simply abandoned this option.

“You use your hands directly.” Ning Yixiao said very freely.

Su Hui paused, as if thinking, and in the end, he put on disposable gloves. “Then I’ll try.”

“I don’t mind.” Ning Yixiao said.

Su Hui didn’t believe the words of a germaphobe and also really wanted to whisper-curse him for being an idiot, but since he was now living under someone else’s roof, in the end, he just thought about it. In his mind, the picture and text from the magazine kept appearing. He thought that a perfectly good founder, usually so smart, why was he so stupid and troublesome now?

And clearly, they had already said they were friends, so why was he still using things from the past to make fun of him? Wouldn’t that be awkward?

Or was it only he who felt awkward, while Ning Yixiao didn’t care at all, and that’s why he could smile?

Su Hui couldn’t understand, and also felt a bit self-abandoned and didn’t want to guess.

Separated by the gloves, he put the Vaseline in his palm, pressed his hands together, and rubbed it open using the warmth of his palms, until his hands were covered in the melted creamy substance, only then did he go and gently grab Ning Yixiao’s hand.

His hands were big, and the temperature was also very high.

Su Hui’s brain felt a bit dizzy, feeling the air conditioning in the room was turned up too high, but he still braced himself and gently rubbed the cream on Ning Yixiao’s back of the hands, fingers, and between the fingers.

After applying to one hand, he took a new one, rubbed it open in his palms, and then spread his hands. The next second, Ning Yixiao placed his other hand in his palm.

It’s like Xue Gao…

Su Hui lowered his brows and eyes, applying it for him quietly, and every corner was taken very good care of.

Ning Yixiao stared at him. The sunlight projected onto Su Hui’s face, making his skin almost transparent, and the shadow of his eyelashes swayed, leaving a small piece, shielding the skin under his eyelids. His lips were very red, and when he was serious, just like in the past, he would half-pout.

“Let it air-dry for a bit, I’ll put the disposable gloves on for you.” As he said this, Su Hui took out new gloves and very carefully put them on him little by little from his fingertips. His hands were too sticky, so he would also give them a light push.

Su Hui was afraid Ning Yixiao would laugh again at this time, and sure enough, he really chuckled.

“What’s wrong?” Su Hui looked up with a bit of blame, his ears were all red.

Ning Yixiao restrained his upturned corners of his mouth, shook his head, “Nothing.”

But he wore a look that clearly said “you know what I’m laughing at,” which made Su Hui even angrier.

“You…” Su Hui wanted to lecture him, but didn’t know how to start.

“What’s wrong with me?” Ning Yixiao raised his eyebrows.

Su Hui had no way to deal with him, could only say dully: “Don’t think randomly.”

After saying that, he got up and went directly back to his room. Xue Gao knew how to read the situation better than anyone; he looked back at Ning Yixiao and decided to follow Su Hui back to the room.

Su Hui closed the door, sat on the floor by the bed, buried his overheated head in the quilt, and tried to cool it down.

He planned to lock himself in the room for at least four hours without coming out. As long as he didn’t face Ning Yixiao, there wouldn’t be so much trouble. But probably because he had taken medicine, or maybe because his nerves were too tight last night and he didn’t sleep well, he soon fell into a state of drowsiness and fell asleep like this by the bed, dazed.

But once he really fell asleep, even his dreams deliberately bullied him, making him return to the past more concretely, forcing him to revisit the memories that made him feel unspeakable but which Ning Yixiao could take as a joke.

Su Hui broke into a layer of sweat all over, dizzy and hot, and most of his strength had leaked out. Suddenly, a loud and dull collision sound came from outside the dream, one after another, like a hammer hitting Su Hui’s sweaty back, breaking this wet and sticky dream.

He woke up in a daze, lifted his head, and blankly sought the source of the sound.

It seemed like something was hitting his bedroom door…

Xue Gao was also standing at the door. Su Hui held onto the edge of the bed with his hands and borrowed some strength before standing up. His legs were soft. He rubbed his eyes, walked a few steps, and opened the door.

There was no one outside the door. Ning Yixiao was sitting on the sofa, with a laptop on his knees, looking very serious, not like a criminal.

Su Hui was weary, lowered his head, and only then found a robot vacuum cleaner parked at the door. After the door opened, the robot made a not-too-large or not-too-small sound and turned as it slipped into Su Hui’s room.

Ning Yixiao also stood up and explained a few words with a guilty conscience. “Kofi isn’t here, I saw that the house needed to be cleaned, so I turned it on.”

Su Hui didn’t believe it, feeling that this was one of the means to break his plan of being a recluse.

“Just right that you’re out, eat something.” Ning Yixiao curled the corners of his lips.

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Author’s Note:

What a tricky, cunning ‘1’ (top).