Chapter 55: N. Foreign New Year

Being in a relationship where you end up kissing and sleeping with your ex is already wretched enough, but the worst part is the inability to run away.

Su Hui felt that the situation was slipping out of his control. He knew he was doing something wrong, yet he couldn’t bring himself to be cruel enough to reject Ning Yixiao. His mind was a mess of complex emotions; on one hand, he felt he already owed Ning Yixiao so much that he wanted to compensate as much as possible within a safe boundary, acting as a competent friend who could provide emotional value.

Yet, Su Hui was keenly aware that he was also secretly stealing warmth from these inappropriate “compensations.” Every time Ning Yixiao leaned in, every gesture of care, made it impossible for him to let go.

Upon learning that Ning Yixiao hadn’t been with anyone else during these six years, Su Hui had a fleeting moment of wavering, but he sobered up quickly. Even though he wasn’t clear about the details of Ning Yixiao’s struggle, the fact that Ning Yixiao had risen from nothing to his current position in just a few years meant he must have put in efforts beyond the reach of ordinary people. How could he have had time to maintain a new relationship?

For someone like Ning Yixiao, perhaps emotions were the most valueless commodity of all.

Su Hui couldn’t allow himself to indulge in better delusions. During the long period after their breakup, egged on by his manic phases, he had once longed to retract his decision to break up, even trying to make contact—again and again—but it was all like stones cast into the sea. As time passed, his delusions gradually vanished, archived like all ineffective letters that never received a response, eventually sealing himself into an endless hallucination.

In fact, Su Hui loved those hallucinations because he often heard Ning Yixiao talking to him; he didn’t feel lonely at all. This was their way of continuing their relationship, and he even avoided treatment for this very reason. But facing the real Ning Yixiao, Su Hui was timid and didn’t know what to do. He was afraid of doing the wrong thing, afraid of hurting him.

Perhaps mental patients are better suited to living with hallucinations after all.

“What are you thinking about?”

Ning Yixiao had already arrived in front of Su Hui, head slightly lowered. “Still not feeling well?”

Su Hui emerged from his long, wandering thoughts, blinked, and shook his head.

Ning Yixiao paused, observing him. “Your cold isn’t fully gone; we don’t have to go.”

Su Hui avoided his gaze but agreed to his request. “Let’s go. I want to go out and walk around, too.”

“Mm.” Ning Yixiao responded, but stared at him without moving.

Su Hui was a bit unaccustomed to it, looked up, and turned bright red without realizing it. “What are you looking at…”

Ning Yixiao pointed to his neck. “Do you want to change into a turtleneck sweater?”

“What?” Su Hui was bewildered.

Ning Yixiao was shameless, saying something improper with a perfectly serious face. “I accidentally left a mark.”

Su Hui’s ears turned even redder. He walked to the wardrobe with his head down and looked in the mirror; sure enough, there were hickeys. He turned his head and discovered teeth marks on the back of his neck as well.

Just how outrageous were we yesterday…

Su Hui didn’t have the nerve to inspect any further. He buried his head, unbuttoning his pajamas, and just as he was about to take them off, he suddenly remembered Ning Yixiao was still behind him.

He had never been this embarrassed in his life. Thinking about it, he just grabbed a random turtleneck sweater from the wardrobe, took some trousers, and slipped into the bathroom.

When he came out, the bed had already been tidied up neatly—the quilt folded into a square, meticulous. Ning Yixiao was sitting at the desk where Su Hui usually sat, making a work call. As soon as the bathroom door opened, he looked over.

“We’ll talk about it later. I’ll consider the roadshow.” Ning Yixiao hung up the phone.

Su Hui was worried he might see his drafts, so he walked over unnaturally and tugged at his sleeve. “Why haven’t you gone out yet?”

Ning Yixiao glanced at his hand, then looked up. “It doesn’t seem very normal for me to walk out of your room alone right now, does it?”

Fair enough.

Su Hui had nothing to say. He tugged at his collar in embarrassment, terrified of revealing something. “Then I’ll go out and take a look first.”

Ning Yixiao said okay and followed him. Su Hui reached the door, pulled it open a crack, and peeked outside.

But Xuegao (the dog) had a nose too sharp. The moment the door opened, it smelled them both and lunged forward. A dog weighing dozens of pounds instantly knocked the door wide open. Su Hui was caught off guard and fell backward, straight into Ning Yixiao’s arms.

“Careful.”

Ning Yixiao supported his elbows from behind, practically half-hugging Su Hui.

“I’m fine.” Su Hui quickly pulled away from his embrace, ignoring whether anyone was outside, and stepped out.

However, contrary to his expectations, there was no one in the living room. Only the wine glasses and scattered bottles remained; all three of them were gone.

“They aren’t here.” Su Hui let out a sigh of relief and turned to Ning Yixiao.

Ning Yixiao’s face showed no cracks. “Is that so? Knowing to go home after a hangover—not bad character.”

Su Hui didn’t find it strange either, just very fortunate. Otherwise, he wouldn’t know how to explain it. After all, they had only found out last night that he was Ning Yixiao’s ex, and today they walked out of the room together—the impact would be too huge.

“I’m going up to change,” Ning Yixiao said. “We can leave once I come down.”

“Oh.” Su Hui nodded. Taking advantage of the time Ning Yixiao was changing, he went to the sofa to clean up the wine bottles and glasses, putting the used plates in the sink.

Standing in the kitchen, Su Hui felt a sense of familiarity. He squatted down and found that there was indeed cigarette ash on the floor and half a cigarette stub crushed on the island.

This added a sense of reality to last night.

Su Hui felt a wave of heat on his face. He stood up and returned to his room to put on a coat. It was snowing outside, so he put on a black overcoat. However, due to the manic phase combined with the special occasion—New Year’s Day—Su Hui subconsciously felt he should dress more auspiciously, so he dug out a wine-red beanie he rarely wore and pulled it on.

His hair was shoulder-length and was pushed up, sticking out. Su Hui smoothed it for a long time before finally giving up.

When he walked out, Ning Yixiao happened to be coming down to his door.

Whether it was a coincidence of being exes or a persistence for the New Year, Ning Yixiao’s outfit clashed with his again—black overcoat, black turtleneck sweater, black leather gloves, dark red cashmere scarf.

Su Hui subconsciously raised his hand, wanting to pull off the beanie on his head, but was stopped by Ning Yixiao’s voice.

“Keep it on; it’s very cold outside.”

After he finished, he added, “And you look cute wearing it.”

Su Hui pretended not to understand him and went out with his head down. After changing his shoes, the temperature outside was indeed very low. He shoved his hands into his pockets and followed Ning Yixiao into the elevator, one after the other.

The metallic mirror wall of the elevator reflected them, looking very much like a standard “couple outfit” that would be posted on certain social media platforms.

Ning Yixiao pressed the first floor, thought for a moment, and asked, “Do you want to drive or call a car? I gave the driver the day off today.”

“Let’s drive,” Su Hui blurted out. “It seems difficult to call a car here.”

Ning Yixiao paused. “Do you know how to drive?”

Su Hui shook his head.

Ning Yixiao still pressed B1 and teased him, “Six years, and you still haven’t learned to drive?”

Su Hui pursed his lips. “Yeah, I haven’t had the chance.”

Besides, driving lessons are so expensive here.

“It’s very inconvenient not to drive in America,” Ning Yixiao said.

Su Hui agreed. “Yeah, it’s a hassle, so I usually take the subway. But if I leave New York, there’s no way around it. I often hitch a ride with professors or students. A student once said they’d teach me, but I was afraid I’d get into a car accident on the first day, and that would be the end of it.”

He spoke much more than when he was in a depressive phase, his speed was faster, and he always subconsciously added a playful inflection at the end of his sentences.

They reached the underground parking garage, and Ning Yixiao walked out first. “A teacher being taught by a student is indeed a bit…”

“Embarrassing, I know. Don’t mock me anymore.” Su Hui said it himself, as if that would prevent him from being laughed at.

Ning Yixiao chuckled lightly. “Not embarrassing, very cute.”

Is that word appearing too frequently today?

Su Hui kept his head down, wanting to flip the collar of his sweater up to cover his entire face and hide himself.

He unexpectedly discovered that Ning Yixiao wasn’t very familiar with this parking lot, and it took a long time to find the car. So, he leaned in toward Ning Yixiao’s shoulder and asked in a low voice, “Do you know where it is?”

Ning Yixiao knew he was looking for a chance to strike back and glanced at him. “The driver usually parks it.”

“Alright, Mr. Ning.” Su Hui finished and corrected himself, “No, it should be Shaw.”

The start wasn’t exactly smooth, but Ning Yixiao found one of the cars parked there. He chose the most low-key looking one and pulled open the passenger door.

“Thank you.”

Su Hui noticed that although Ning Yixiao could drive, his state didn’t seem as relaxed as usual; he was even a bit tense, which became especially apparent after he pulled out of the garage. He didn’t know if this was his own misconception, because the feeling was too subtle—he wouldn’t have noticed it with anyone else.

“Do you not like driving?” Su Hui wanted to talk to ease the tension.

Ning Yixiao stared at the rearview mirror, speaking even less than before. “Mm.”

“Then let’s not drive next time we go out,” Su Hui said. “We can take the subway; I’m very familiar with the New York subway.”

Ning Yixiao finally smiled. They happened to hit a red light, so he stopped and looked at Su Hui. “When is next time?”

Su Hui was caught off guard by the question.

Right. What am I talking about?

“Next time…” Su Hui thought. “My birthday? Let me treat you to a meal.”

Ning Yixiao said there was no need, but he was pleased by this small remark. “How could I let the birthday person treat? Of course it’s on me.”

Chinatown was actually very close to their apartment, but due to New York’s terrible traffic, they spent a long time in the car. When they got out, the snow outside had stopped, but the temperature was still very low. The alternation between heat and cold made his throat uncomfortable, and he coughed a few times.

His hands were a bit cold, so Su Hui tucked them into his pockets, not intending to take them out.

They arrived just in time. Chinatown was holding a Lunar New Year parade. The dragon and lion dance troupes took the lead, passing through streets decorated with festive cheer. The crowds were dense; everyone carried small lanterns or paper cuttings, and classic New Year songs played in every alley and lane.

Su Hui hadn’t felt this atmosphere in a long time. Even in the past at home, the New Year didn’t have such a thick festive atmosphere; at most, they would have a reunion dinner, and even then, with people he wasn’t familiar with.

He had once looked forward to spending New Year with Ning Yixiao, assuming that every year after would be spent together, but in the end, even the one and only time fell through.

The dragon dance team passed by them, and the crowd of onlookers surged over. Su Hui didn’t notice and was almost knocked down.

But Ning Yixiao dragged him over and reached out to protect him.

The crowd pushed them exceptionally close, breaking the safe distance that had been maintained due to estrangement. Their arms rubbed against each other; several times, the back of Su Hui’s hand and his fingertips touched Ning Yixiao’s cold gloves, but he retracted his hand as if he had been scalded.

Someone set off firecrackers at the street corner. The sudden noise startled Su Hui, making his shoulders shake, but after a little while, he stood on his tiptoes to watch the firecrackers.

Ning Yixiao grabbed his wrist. “There’s a Chinese supermarket over there. Let’s go buy some couplets and paper cuttings to take home and put up.”

Su Hui was dragged away just like that.

They wandered around the store. It was all red inside—paper cuttings, window flowers, couplets, and lanterns were everywhere. Su Hui’s attention was attracted by a small tiger-head keychain. He subconsciously bought a pair, but then thought it felt weird, so he hid his own and only kept one in his hand.

“What is this?” Ning Yixiao saw it, walked over, and picked the tiger-head keychain out of his hand.

“A gift for you,” Su Hui said, then felt it didn’t really match Ning Yixiao’s style. “Do you want it? It’s okay if you don’t.”

Ning Yixiao put it straight into his pocket.

He highly suspected that if he didn’t want it, Su Hui would turn around and give it to some student.

While Ning Yixiao was paying for other New Year goods, Su Hui kept looking outside. Suddenly, he discovered a small food stand across the street. After carefully confirming the [Holiday Limited] menu at the entrance, he was pleasantly surprised and said to Ning Yixiao: “I’m going across the street to buy something. I’ll be back soon.”

His voice wasn’t loud and was swallowed up by the bustling customers, but he didn’t notice it himself.

Ning Yixiao finished paying, turned around, and found Su Hui wasn’t by his side. His heart tightened. “Su Hui?”

He turned to look for him, even forgetting the items he had bought, leaving them on the counter. He was called by the clerk as he left the store and they were shoved back into his hands.

Ning Yixiao took out his phone and dialed Su Hui, but no one answered. The streets were teeming with people, and as far as his eyes could see, there were only crowded masses; he couldn’t find him at all.

Just after the call ended, he heard Su Hui’s voice.

Following the sound, he looked through the surging crowd and saw Su Hui on tiptoes, waving at him from across the street, hidden by the group of people beating big drums.

His heart finally settled. Ning Yixiao walked over. He almost lost his temper, but suppressed the fire. His tone was relatively calm. “Where did you go? Why did you suddenly walk away? There are so many people here.”

“I told you, I wanted to buy something.” Su Hui smiled and pulled Ning Yixiao to a quiet spot to the side, opening the takeaway box in his arms like a treasure to present to Ning Yixiao. “Look, fried yuanxiao!”

Ning Yixiao was stunned.

Su Hui smiled sincerely and spilled it all out, “I suddenly saw them being sold, what a coincidence! It was the last portion; if I’d arrived any later, they’d have been gone. And the auntie was very nice—because it was the last portion, she even gave me some osmanthus honey, telling me to drizzle it on top and eat it. It’ll have the fragrance of osmanthus.”

There were too many people, and his voice was easily drowned out, so he had to stand on tiptoes and lean into Ning Yixiao’s ear to speak, making Ning Yixiao want to kiss him right there several times.

“Do you want to try it? I don’t know how it tastes, but a lot of people bought it. I got black sesame filling.” As Su Hui said this, he used a bamboo skewer to pick one up and was about to hand it to him, but suddenly remembered Ning Yixiao’s germaphobia—eating on a crowded street must be very uncomfortable for him.

“Forget it, let’s find a restaurant first. I’m so hungry.”

Su Hui didn’t notice his subconscious pouting, only thinking about finding a place with a good environment to share the yuanxiao with him.

Ning Yixiao’s attention, however, was entirely on Su Hui’s frostbitten red hands.

“Wait a moment.”

Su Hui turned back and saw Ning Yixiao take off his gloves and hand them to him.

“You wear them for me.”

Su Hui was a bit confused. “Are you not going to wear them?”

“Mm, I want to apply some hand cream,” Ning Yixiao said casually. “It’ll be uncomfortable if I wear them after applying it.”

Su Hui’s expression was still very confused. “Then just put the gloves in your pocket. Aren’t your coat pockets small? I can help you hold them.”

Ning Yixiao had no solution for his way of thinking. “The crowd is too dense; it’s easy to lose them. You wear them for me for a while.”

“Alright.” Su Hui thought he was very strange.

But perhaps Ning Yixiao was truly nostalgic; he might be very anxious if he really lost them.

Su Hui handed the fried yuanxiao to Ning Yixiao and obediently put on his gloves.

So warm.

It was Ning Yixiao’s body temperature.

They were a bit big. He pinched the empty fingertips, thinking of Ning Yixiao’s broad hands that could always completely envelop his.

For some reason, Su Hui’s cheeks felt a bit hot. To him, wearing Ning Yixiao’s gloves felt just as intimate as holding hands with him.

“I know a good restaurant.” Ning Yixiao grabbed his wrist in the crowd. “Let’s go.”

They sat down in a lively Cantonese restaurant. There were many elderly people here, speaking very authentic Cantonese. Su Hui couldn’t understand much but thought it was very interesting.

Su Hui was afraid he’d find the environment unclean, so he took a paper napkin to wipe the table, and also took the hand sanitizer from the table.

“Don’t wash. Your hands are already very clean.” He said to Ning Yixiao.

Ning Yixiao had no choice but to compromise.

There were too many customers, and the restaurant didn’t accept adjustments to ingredients when ordering. Ning Yixiao ordered a few things—all dishes Su Hui had loved in the past.

After the dishes arrived, like a conditioned reflex, Ning Yixiao picked up his chopsticks and picked out all the scallions and cilantro from the dishes one by one.

This gesture made Su Hui feel inexplicably sad.

It was as if they were both solidified by their subconscious, still looking like they were when they were together, even though everything had changed.

Seeing the bowl of steamed egg custard served last, this feeling became even more intense.

Su Hui thought, in this life, he might never encounter someone like Ning Yixiao again—someone who would forever remember his preferences and forever tolerate his shortcomings.

The cold affected his sense of taste, but Su Hui still ate very happily. He ate more than half of the steamed egg custard by himself and shared a few of the fried yuanxiao that Ning Yixiao had bought.

“So delicious, right?” He looked at Ning Yixiao with expectant eyes.

Ning Yixiao nodded, his lips hooked into a smile. “Delicious.”

As they were about to walk to the end of Chinatown, they passed an old-fashioned pastry shop selling traditional Chinese pastries and shortbread.

“Do you want to eat some?” Ning Yixiao tilted his head and asked Su Hui.

His mind was read, so Su Hui admitted, “I want to eat a wife cake.”

Loving to see his guilty look, Ning Yixiao’s mouth curled into a smile, and he was very happy to queue up to buy it for him.

When it finally was his turn, the pastries were almost sold out, and the wife cakes were the most popular; they had to wait five minutes for a new batch.

The woman selling the cakes was an older auntie who spoke Cantonese. Su Hui couldn’t understand at all, so he leaned in close to Ning Yixiao and asked him in a low voice, “Did they sell out?”

“We have to wait a bit, there will be fresh ones in a moment,” Ning Yixiao said.

“You understand Cantonese?” Su Hui was a bit surprised, and asked with a shred of wishful thinking, “You shouldn’t have known it before, right?”

He felt he couldn’t have remembered wrong, even though they had only been together for half a year.

But deep down, Su Hui didn’t want to accept Ning Yixiao’s changes.

“Mm, I learned it later,” Ning Yixiao said. “When I was just starting out, I met a Chinese investor who was from Guangdong, a multi-generational immigrant who only spoke Cantonese, not Mandarin. To get his investment, I spent some effort learning Cantonese to build rapport and make communication easier.”

“And then?” Su Hui was curious. “Did you get his investment?”

Ning Yixiao nodded. “He invested a large amount. It was the highest sum I got for my Series A financing, and he even followed up with subsequent rounds.”

“You’re amazing.” Su Hui looked up.

Ning Yixiao felt his tone was very sweet and almost repeated it after him, but he held back.

The auntie selling the cakes said, “The wife cakes are ready, who wants wife cakes?” Ning Yixiao turned his head and replied in Cantonese, “I’ll have one, thank you.”

When the auntie heard him speak Cantonese, she felt a sense of intimacy, and seeing that he was very tall and kind, she smiled and said, “Handsome, who are you buying this for?”

Ning Yixiao understood her teasing and chuckled lightly.

“For this cute one next to me wearing the hat,” he said in Cantonese.

The auntie glanced at Su Hui and instantly understood. “Oh my, he looks so handsome, you guys are such a perfect match! I’ll give you a piece of red bean cake. May the new year be sweet and happy.”

She even stuffed in a takeaway coupon designed like a business card. “You can call us to deliver it next time.”

Ning Yixiao said thank you, took the shortbread, and passed it to Su Hui.

Su Hui was very curious and followed Ning Yixiao’s footsteps to ask, “What did the auntie say just now?”

“Not telling you.” Ning Yixiao teased him on purpose.

Su Hui was a bit anxious. “Tell me! You guys were chatting so happily, she was smiling the whole time, I want to know too.”

Ning Yixiao stood still and began to lie. “I said I wanted a wife cake, and she asked if I liked eating wife cakes very much.”

“And then?” Su Hui’s bangs were pressed under his beanie, revealing a pair of sparkling eyes.

Ning Yixiao lied without blushing or skipping a beat. “I said yes, and then asked her—if I buy a wife cake, do you come with a wife?”

Su Hui started to realize something was wrong, his expression gradually changing. He used his gloved hand to pull his collar up to cover the lower half of his face.

Ning Yixiao continued with a straight face, “She said, since I look quite good, she could introduce her daughter to me.”

“And she even gave me her business card.”

Su Hui was half-doubting, and suddenly felt the piping hot shortbread in his hand wasn’t as delicious anymore.

Seeing he had no reaction, Ning Yixiao stopped. They returned to the parking area from another less-crowded street. On the way, they were sprayed with colorful ribbons by children, ending up covered in them.

Back in the car, Ning Yixiao turned on the air conditioning. Turning his head, he saw Su Hui lost in thought, with a ribbon still on his shoulder, so he casually picked it off for him. “Why aren’t you eating? I queued for a long time.”

Su Hui snapped out of it, took a bite, put it back, and checked for a long time, terrified of getting crumbs in Ning Yixiao’s car.

The car drove to another block. While waiting for a red light, Ning Yixiao suddenly heard Su Hui speak.

“Is she really going to introduce her daughter to you?” Su Hui turned his head and stared at Ning Yixiao’s face with a serious expression.

Ning Yixiao didn’t expect he was still thinking about this, and almost laughed out loud.

“What’s wrong? Am I not worthy?”

“No.” Su Hui shook his head. “Nothing.”

The red light had two seconds left. If it had been a few seconds longer, Ning Yixiao might really have been unable to resist kissing him.

Ning Yixiao couldn’t help but smile, confessing to Su Hui, “I lied to you.”

“Buying a wife cake doesn’t come with a wife, idiot.”