It had to be admitted that although Dou Sheng was a bit annoying in person, he was very likable as an Uploader.

Xie Lan accidentally spent the whole night watching Dou Sheng’s videos.

Floating into the classroom and sitting in his seat the next day, Xie Lan felt like his spirit was ascending (like immortal energy rising from his head).

Dou Sheng tossed him a bottle of cocoa milk brought from home, which he ruthlessly pushed away.

Dou Sheng paused. “Still angry?”

“No, don’t want to drink this.” Xie Lan, bleary-eyed, looked down to fish out his textbook. “What I need is coffee.”

Dou Sheng acknowledged with an “Oh,” glanced at the back door, lowered his head to press on his phone, and muttered, “What time did you sleep to be this tired?”

Didn’t sleep. Just binged over twenty of your videos. Addictive.

Xie Lan propped his head up and yawned in despair.

After a while, Dai You in front turned around, passing a bottle of coffee back table by table.

Xie Lan mouthed “Thank you,” unscrewed it, took a sip, and paused.

Dou Sheng stared at him. “What does that mean? Still not satisfied?”

“Mmh.” Xie Lan put it down silently. “Don’t like sweet coffee.”

“Picky.” Dou Sheng was speechless. “Help me watch the back door. I’m ordering takeout.”

People were coming and going through the back door. Morning class hadn’t started yet, which was exactly when Hu Xiujie liked to appear and sweep for phones.

Xie Lan stared for a while and saw Yu Fei drifting past slowly. His gait was even more negative than usual, his face written with ‘why am I human’. He swayed into the front door, grabbed Che Ziming out with one hand, and squeezed into his seat.

“What’s wrong with Fishy?” Che Ziming rubbed his nose. “Doubled irritability today.”

“You have the nerve to ask?” Yu Fei’s voice was very hoarse. “Agreed to go pick up the four cats with me after school yesterday, and every single one ran off. Damn it.”

Xie Lan shivered. “Forgot…”

He was so busy being angry with Dou Sheng last night that he forgot about the ‘Wang Ba Dans’ (neutered cats).

Dou Sheng was also stunned, then clicked his tongue. “Sorry, sorry. How was it resolved in the end?”

“The hospital ran out of inpatient spots. Ran to several places with the cats before settling them.” Fishy collapsed against the wall with a long face. “Douzi, post a Weibo. Find homes for the four of them. Since their balls are cut, it’s not good to let them continue wandering.”

Dou Sheng gave a confirmation. “Done. After school, Xie Lan and I will take them back to take photos for selling them (adoption).”

Before class started, Dou Sheng ran out to pick up the coffee delivery. Xie Lan barely perked up after drinking the coffee and solidly listened to two periods of Chinese, one Biology, and one Chemistry in the morning, feeling like his head was going to explode with new Chinese characters and terms.

Finally surviving until the last Math period before lunch, Old Ma brought news.

“City-wide Math Grading Test.”

Old Ma had the class rep, Che Ziming, distribute the printed exam information. “A big slaughter of top math students from key high schools. The top thirty enter the provincial training camp directly to prepare for the October competition.”

Discussion erupted below. Xie Lan looked at the competition information on the thin sheet of paper; there were still quite a few characters he didn’t recognize. Dou Sheng reached over with a pen and quickly circled a few key points for him.

Competition time: half a month later. Qualification: top fifty in math from five key high schools.

Exam duration: four hours. Divided into three parts: high school basics, competition standard, and competition advanced. Total score 360. Just looking at it caused brain death.

Old Ma stood on the podium and said, “The lineup of leading teachers for this year’s provincial training camp is very good. There are two provincial competition coaches, myself, and the math group leaders from No. 3 High School and the Affiliated High School. I hope everyone in our class participates. Come to my math competition training this weekend and next.”

Xie Lan raised his hand with some difficulty.

Old Ma looked at him. “Don’t tell me you’re rejecting this too.”

“No, I will participate.” Xie Lan actually wanted to test the waters. After brewing for a moment, he said, “But I don’t want to attend the math training on weekends. I… still have to go to the Chinese basics class.”

The classroom was quiet for a few seconds, then erupted in laughter amidst Old Ma’s distorted expression.

Old Ma’s facial nerves seemed broken; his face twitched for a long time before he barely squeezed out a smile. “OK.”

Amidst the laughter, he sighed. “In over twenty years of teaching, this is the first time my math has been lowered in priority before Chinese. Whatever.”

“Sorry, Teacher.” Xie Lan apologized sincerely. “Once I score ninety in Chinese, I’ll go to your class.”

Che Ziming laughed so hard he hunched over. “Hope Old Ma can live to see that day.”

Xie Lan could feel from the class atmosphere how much the owls valued this exam.

During evening self-study, many people switched to competition problem sets. Even Dou Sheng took out a test paper to do.

“How important is this exactly?” Xie Lan couldn’t help asking in a low voice. “What is the benefit of entering the provincial training camp?”

Dou Sheng looked up from the paper. “Things that can help with the Gaokao: one is the national competition in October, the other is autonomous enrollment next March. In previous years, about one-third of those who entered the provincial training camp could get bonus points for the Gaokao through competitions. Even if not, it’s beneficial for autonomous enrollment.”

“I think you should consider it carefully.” Dou Sheng thought for a moment and added, “The top few in the national competition first prize can get twenty bonus points for the Gaokao. Moreover, holding this certificate gives you capital for autonomous enrollment. If you can get it lowered to the key university line, it’s not impossible for you to get the purple admission letter even with your Chinese.”

Xie Lan understood more than half and was a bit tempted. “Then, for the city exam, are there papers from previous years?”

Dou Sheng lowered his head and felt around in his backpack for a long time, fishing out a crumpled ball of paper. “Surprisingly didn’t throw it away. Heaven helps you.”

Xie Lan: “?”

Dou Sheng carefully unfolded the paper ball, smoothed it out, and pressed it in front of him.

It was the exam paper itself.

Xie Lan was drunk (speechless).

It took two periods of evening self-study to just finish this set of papers. When the dismissal bell rang, Xie Lan still had the last volume calculation unfinished.

“Let’s go.” Yu Fei urged. “Hurry, go pick up the cats.”

Dou Sheng held him down. “Studying is more important. Let him finish.”

Yu Fei rolled his eyes on the spot. Che Ziming made a gagging noise (yue). “Can you clear your debt of owed homework before farting like this?”

Xie Lan muttered while copying down the last number, “Does Chinese also have such vulgar expressions?”

“Hear that?” Dou Sheng raised his hand and slapped Che Ziming on the shoulder. “Don’t embarrass the Chinese language!”

The four kittens with their balls removed were all very lively.

Wild ones are usually more wary than domestic ones, but these kittens were exceptions. After eating well, drinking well, and sleeping peacefully for a night, they simply loved the hospital. When Dou Sheng packed them up, he even encountered soft resistance.

Four cats in one bag. Xie Lan couldn’t help asking, “You’re taking them home? Can Auntie Zhao accept it?”

“She’s on a business trip again.” Dou Sheng lifted the cat bag in front of his eyes. “I’ll post on Weibo to put the cats up for adoption as soon as I get back. By the time she returns from her trip, the cats will be long gone.”

Xie Lan said “Oh,” bent down to look at the mesh on the side of the cat bag, and locked eyes with eight round, rolling eyes inside.

“Meow—”

“Meow-ow—”

“Seems hungry.” Xie Lan asked, “Do you have stuff for cats to eat at home?”

Dou Sheng nodded. “That’s called cat food. Ever since knowing Mimi, several of us keep it in stock.”

After catching the cats and bringing them home, they carried them directly into Dou Sheng’s room and placed them in the empty space used for daily video recording.

As soon as the bag opened, four little cuties poked their heads out, full of curiosity.

Recording things at night required full lighting, but couldn’t scare the cats. Dou Sheng adjusted the lights for a long time, while Xie Lan sat on the floor poking this one and that one.

“Just record a short video with the phone to post on Weibo, but need to show all angles, so I have to hold it.” Dou Sheng said while turning the knobs. “Later, you lift the cats to show the camera.”

“Me?” Xie Lan paused. “I won’t appear on camera.”

“Don’t need your face in the shot. I only film the cats; at most your hands will be in the shot.” Dou Sheng said, casually grabbing the scruff of a little orange cat. “Here, just like this.”

The little orange cat squeaked “Ji—”.

“Alright.” Xie Lan had to comply. “Hurry up.”

The furry little guy kicked and struggled in the air. Dou Sheng hunched over, holding the phone in one hand and dragging the light box with the other to switch angles. His hands were steady and movements fast. One cat per minute; he finished shooting very quickly.

“Let me see.” Xie Lan was a bit curious.

Dou Sheng extended the screen over. “Just showing the face, coat color, and body type.”

Of the four cats, three were little orange tabbies, and one was orange and white. They looked similar, but their expressions were slightly different. The little orange ones were more lively, while the orange and white one looked a bit goofy. Dou Sheng captured all of this.

“I like this one.” Dou Sheng touched the orange and white one and smiled. “There’s a dollop of cream on its butt. Too cute. If Ms. Zhao Wenying wasn’t afraid of cats, I’d keep it.”

“Posted?” Xie Lan casually clicked open the app store to download Weibo. “What’s your name?”

“Same name as Bilibili.” Dou Sheng said, “I use this ID on all platforms. Never change my name, never change my surname.”

Xie Lan curled his lip.

Only he could come up with such a shameless name and still be proud of it.

Xie Lan just opened Weibo. Besides the pile of automatically added official assistants, he only followed Dou Sheng. The cat-selling video Dou Sheng posted two minutes ago was pushed to the top of the homepage. He refreshed it, and there were already over a hundred replies below.

“Your fans are quite active.”

Dou Sheng smiled. “The naughtiest bunch on the whole internet.”

Xie Lan was concerned about whether the kittens could find homes, so he clicked open the comments to look.

–Cute!

–Awsl (Ah I’m dead) come out and die!

–Beep beep beep, can overseas adopt? A bit tempted.

–Whose hand is that in the video?

–Cats are so cute 5555 I’m dead.

–No balls at such a young age puhahaha.

Xie Lan scrolled down the comments and suddenly heard Dou Sheng sigh. “Say, will the mother cat be sad?”

“Probably not.” Xie Lan paused. “I heard that little male cats get kicked out by the mom to be independent after three or four months.”

Dou Sheng sighed and rubbed the cat’s head. “That’s good then.”

While speaking, Xie Lan refreshed the comments again.

–Everyone is looking at the cats, only I am looking at the hand.

–Not just you.

–This hand isn’t Douzi’s, but it’s so good-looking.

–Slender and white… wait! Is this Douzi’s house?

–Cousin! Is it the cousin¹!!

Xie Lan’s hand scrolling the screen stopped abruptly. He reacted for a good while before leaning close to the screen in disbelief, staring at the two characters for “Cousin”.

The hand holding the phone trembled slightly.

He took a deep breath and refreshed again. That comment had been pushed to the top of the hot comments, with several replies in the thread.

–Damn, I forgot about the cousin! Is there a follow-up?

–Been back from the airport for over a week, right? Let us see!

–Beep beep beep, where’s the promised million-follower welfare? Where’s the cousin in JK (Japanese school uniform)² on camera?

–Beep beep beep, waiting online for Cousin JK.

–Beep beep beep, Sis, J, understand?

Dou Sheng’s hand petting the cat paused; he also scrolled to this comment.

Something called death seemed to suddenly appear in the air.

After a long time, Xie Lan took a deep breath, another deep breath, and another deep breath.

“You…” Dou Sheng propped himself up with one hand on the floor, sliding himself a distance away from him. “Don’t get excited, control yourself. Let me tell you something.”

“Cousin??!!!”

Xie Lan shouted it out and was startled by his own volume, but before he could daze out, he roared again, “JK??!!”

Dou Sheng’s Adam’s apple bobbed.

“This JK…” he said, “Is an abbreviation. In Chinese it means… healthy (Jian Kang). Yes, they want you to appear on camera as a living person, healthy and bouncing around to say hi to them.”

“Be a human being!” Xie Lan finally exploded in rage. “My Chinese is bad, but I’ve watched anime! And JK is English!”

—

1. 表妹 – Biǎo Mèi: Younger female cousin (on the maternal side). ↩︎
2. JK is an acronym derived from the Japanese phrase “Joshi Kousei” (女子高生), which means “High School Girl.” ↩︎