Dou Sheng turned around and walked toward the door.

“Don’t go out!” Chen Ge shouted instinctively.

Che Ziming and the others snapped back to reality and also shouted for Dou Sheng not to move.

“I’m not going out,” Dou Sheng’s voice was deep and cold. “I’m just seeing who it is.”

He walked quickly to the door, braced one hand against it, and looked through the peephole.

Xie Lan watched him from behind. Dou Sheng’s long, slender fingers were slightly curled, fingertips resting on the door. It should have been a very relaxed posture, but the tense lines of his arm betrayed a hint of emotion.

The smashing continued, once every second, devout as striking a bell. The old security door trembled along with its frame.

After a long time, Dou Sheng straightened up and said calmly, “It’s that fat guy in the tiger-head shirt. Slit eyes, black mole on his neck, holding a stick.”

Chen Ge frowned, recalling. “There were two or three holding sticks.”

“It’s definitely him, I remember.” Dou Sheng habitually stuffed his hand into his pocket. “Are there cameras installed?”

Chen Ge gave an affirmative hum. “The neighbor installed one.”

Dou Sheng didn’t say anything more. He walked back and took hold of Xie Lan’s left wrist, his thumb gently pressing around the redness and swelling of the injury.

His voice softened again. “Does it hurt when I touch it like this?”

A vague, elusive sense of subtlety flashed through Xie Lan’s heart.

“It’s just a little…” He didn’t know how to describe it in Chinese. He hesitated and whispered, “Distending…”

Dou Sheng looked up at him. “Swelling pain? Throbbing, like bread rising?”

“Mn.”

Dou Sheng nodded. He stabilized Xie Lan’s elbow, and with his other hand holding the wrist, he first rotated it clockwise, then gently moved it up, down, left, and right. “Does this hurt?”

“No.”

“What about this?” He reached out and pressed on Xie Lan’s injury. “What kind of pain is this? Dragging? Dull? Burning?”

Xie Lan felt it for a moment. “A bit of all of them.”

Wang Gou wasn’t very good at English, so he could only gape in shock. Che Ziming let out a long sigh. “Lan, you poor thing. It feels like you’re being bullied by dogs in a foreign land; it makes you seem even more pitiful.”

Xie Lan didn’t make a sound, but he noticed that the anger Dou Sheng had just suppressed flared up again upon hearing that sentence.

Dou Sheng turned back and asked Chen Ge, “Your mom isn’t home?”

Chen Ge hummed. “She’s in the hospital.”

Dou Sheng frowned. “That works out. Everyone will stay at your place tonight. The provincial training camp starts tomorrow; I have to take Xie Lan to the hospital early in the morning to get checked out, so time is tight.”

Hospital?

Xie Lan looked down blankly and poked the injury on his arm.

Is it that serious?

Chen Ge also glanced at Xie Lan’s arm, stunned for a moment before saying, “That’s fine, but how bad is his injury?”

“Muscle tear,” Dou Sheng said with absolute certainty. “Accompanied by soft tissue contusion, mild bone fracture, and possible inflammation. Do you have a towel?”

Chen Ge was dazed for a second, then flusteredly walked toward the room. “Yes, follow me.”

Xie Lan was also stunned. He raised his unremarkable arm in disbelief, recalling the list of conditions Dou Sheng had just rattled off.

Suddenly, the pain seemed to intensify.

The smashing sound outside abruptly stopped. Dai You looked out through the peephole. “Why does it look like they’re leaving?”

“Huh? Let me see.” Che Ziming pushed him aside. “Holy sh*t, they really are. What’s the situation?”

Chen Ge came out from the back room. Hearing this, he turned to the balcony and looked down. After a while, the cursing voices of those men drifted up from below, getting further and further away until they vanished.

Chen Ge let out a cold laugh. “These people are pros. They can judge which threat to call the police is real and predict how long it will take the cops to arrive, so they know how to avoid conflict. This isn’t the first time. Whoever called the police, cancel it.”

Wang Gou was dumbstruck. “Have the police ever caught them?”

Chen Ge nodded. “Caught them twice, but since they didn’t cause substantive harm, it just ended in verbal mediation. It’s messy around here, police resources are tight, and the cops are helpless too.”

Dou Sheng came out holding a wet towel just then and said calmly, “If it really doesn’t work, move. If that doesn’t work, move out of H City. I saw those guys were burly, they didn’t look like drug addicts. As long as you don’t touch drugs, there’s nothing to be afraid of.”

As he spoke, he folded the towel twice and carefully laid it over Xie Lan’s forearm.

The ice-cold sensation instantly relieved the pain. Under the towel, Xie Lan carefully made a door-opening motion; it didn’t seem to hurt.

Just as he was puzzled about his “muscle tearing, fractured, inflamed” hand, Dou Sheng suddenly leaned in close and whispered in his ear, “It’s a superficial flesh wound, it’s fine. Spray some medicine and it’ll be good in two days.”

Xie Lan froze.

“Since we’re here, let’s crash at his place for the night and keep this wayward, mentally challenged youth company.” Dou Sheng straightened up as he spoke, casually ruffling Xie Lan’s hair along the way. His expression was calm, as if that flirtatious whisper and maneuver had nothing to do with him.

Chen Ge sighed. “It’s too late. If you guys aren’t leaving, figure out how to sleep. At least two people need to sleep on the floor with me.”

The hardships of this home were visible to the naked eye. The furniture had been completely cleared out. In the three-bedroom apartment, only two rooms had beds: Chen Ge’s and his mother’s.

Wang Gou raised his hand. “I’ve slept on the floor since I was little.”

Yu Fei said, “Then I’ll be with you; I can guard the door.” He scanned the remaining people. “Then Dai You and Che Ziming take the small room, Bean and Xie Lan take the big room. We’ll go to class together tomorrow morning, set an alarm.”

Everyone agreed.

Chen Ge whispered, “Sorry for the trouble.”

Yu Fei frowned and slapped him on the shoulder. “Don’t say such disgusting things.”

Although it was called the big room, it only had a double bed that wasn’t exactly spacious. As soon as Xie Lan sat down, the bed frame creaked. He moved, and it creaked again.

Chen Ge brought quilts and blankets to make beds for those sleeping in the living room. The group spoke in hushed tones.

“Are they debt collectors?”

“Mn.”

“How long has this been going on?”

“Half a year, maybe. If not ten times, then eight.”

“So… how much is owed exactly? Did your dad owe it?”

Chen Ge didn’t make another sound. Dou Sheng came out of the bathroom just then, interrupting the chat outside. “Is anyone washing up?”

Everyone indicated they had already washed up. Chen Ge walked over and turned off the bathroom light. “Go to sleep. We’re watching outside, we’ll call you if anything happens.”

As soon as his voice fell, with a click, the light in the big bedroom went out too.

Xie Lan, who was examining his hand injury, was suddenly plunged into darkness and sat there in a daze.

Why turn off my light?

Immediately following that, every light in the house was extinguished by Chen Ge one by one. The inner and outer rooms fell silent for a moment before Che Ziming whispered, “Why turn off the lights? They’re gone.”

Chen Ge answered calmly, “Saving electricity.”

“…”

Dou Sheng laughed in exasperation. “Why don’t you just pinch pennies until you die? I wanted to check Xie Lan’s injury again.”

As he spoke, he reached out and hit the switch.

Click.

The light didn’t turn on.

Dou Sheng paused, then clicked it back and forth several times. He turned and walked to the bathroom door. Click.

“Why aren’t any of them turning on?” He said, baffled. “Did the breaker trip? Is this 90s wiring?”

Chen Ge sighed helplessly. “Fine. It didn’t trip. The power company pasted a notice of arrears a long time ago. The notice said there would be a forced power cut tonight.”

Everyone: “…”

Chen Ge added calmly, “The notice said 8:00 PM. It’s almost midnight now. I am very grateful.”

Everyone: “…”

Dou Sheng was speechless. Annoyed, he waved Chen Ge off to go sleep in the living room, then stood at the master bedroom door and said to Xie Lan, “Is it not cold anymore? I’ll change the towel for you.”

It was pitch black. Xie Lan couldn’t see Dou Sheng’s face, and judging by the direction of Dou Sheng’s voice, he vaguely felt that Dou Sheng wasn’t facing him directly either.

He sighed helplessly. “I’ll go myself, and wash up while I’m at it.”

The old wooden floorboards creaked as he stepped on them. The few people lying in the living room were chatting in low voices; Wang Gou spoke the most, Yu Fei occasionally interjected, and Chen Ge was almost silent.

Xie Lan felt his way into the bathroom and pushed open the door. There wasn’t a sliver of light. In the darkness, he turned on the faucet, cupping water in his right hand to splash onto his face.

In his dazed state, he suddenly felt the water droplets hanging on his eyelashes become somewhat bright, dripping down, refracting a dim and slightly hazy light in his field of vision, illuminating the soap dish and toothbrush cup nearby…

He looked up blankly, only to see a beam of soft light in the mirror. Dou Sheng was leaning against the doorway with one hand in his pocket, holding his phone in the other. A very thin tissue was draped over the lit flashlight, making the light appear hazy and gentle in the darkness.

Xie Lan paused. “Why did you follow me?”

Dou Sheng smiled, rotating his wrist to shine the beam to the side, fixing it on a tube of hand cream in the clutter cabinet.

“It’s pitch black, gives me the creeps,” he said漫不經心 (carelessly/languidly). “Came to find you.”

Hearing this, Xie Lan couldn’t help but curl his lips. “Timid as a bean again.”

Dou Sheng let out a tsk and said in a low voice, “I was afraid you would be scared, okay?”

Xie Lan turned and looked at him for a while.

Chen Ge, and Chen Ge’s apartment, seemed covered in a layer of depressing gray. Whenever Dou Sheng got close to Chen Ge, he would also be tainted with a bit of that cold desolation. And unlike the suppressed feelings of Che Ziming and the others, Dou Sheng emanated a kind of low spirit that seemed to seep from his bones, as if much time had passed.

It was very faint, impossible to wipe away, but it wouldn’t cause any impact on the present him; it just stubbornly existed in his depths.

“Fine, fine, fine.” Dou Sheng raised his hand in surrender. “I’m timid as a bean. Ancestor, stop staring at me, your staring gives me the creeps.”

Xie Lan snapped back to reality, glanced at him one more time, and silently turned his head back.

He flipped open the cap of the hand cream with one hand, squeezed out a bean-sized amount, and scooped it up with his finger.

As Xie Lan lowered his head to rub the cream in circles, Dou Sheng gently started whistling beside him. The whistling was like his usual speaking voice—low, loose, and rambling. Xie Lan listened for a while before recognizing it. He looked up and asked, “Adapted version of Hblood?”

Dou Sheng hummed affirmative. “I told you, I like this version very much. Adding grief upon grief, grief to the extreme, can actually make sad people feel lighter. It’s like using a giant boulder to strike another; although the collision process is painful, it always makes the original stone smaller. Over time, attempt after attempt, even dripping water can penetrate stone.”

Xie Lan didn’t quite understand the metaphor. He processed it for a moment. “Then go hum it for Chen Ge?”

It was just a casual suggestion, but unexpectedly, Dou Sheng’s face fell instantly. He said coldly, “No.”

“?”

Xie Lan’s face nearly scrunched up. “Is there something wrong with you? Your mood changes follow no pattern at all.”

“There is a pattern. The key is whether certain people are paying attention with their heart.” Dou Sheng gave a high-and-mighty snort. “Leaving. Going to sleep.”

Xie Lan said, “Leave the phone. You go out first.”

Hearing this, Dou Sheng turned back and looked at him for a moment. “Toilet?”

“Mn.”

Dou Sheng laughed. “Can you undo your pants with one hand? Need help?”

Xie Lan was utterly speechless, the roots of his ears burning imperceptibly. “Manual operation will indeed pull at the injury, but it’s bearable. It’s not to the point where I can’t even take off my pants, right?”

Dou Sheng smiled. “Just joking. I left the phone here for you.”

Xie Lan couldn’t be bothered to look at him anymore and turned to walk further inside.

Chen Ge’s bathroom had two sliding glass doors, separating the shower, toilet, and sink. Xie Lan had seen earlier by the light that both doors were open, but he hadn’t expected there to be a threshold track for the doors. Caught off guard, he stepped on it, twisted his ankle on the spot, and his shoulder hit the glass with a thud. It hurt.

“What happened?” Chen Ge shouted from outside.

Xie Lan’s face turned completely red. He hurriedly replied, “Nothing!”

Dou Sheng doubled back from the doorway to support him, his tone somewhat helpless. “Ancestor, watch your feet.”

He grabbed Xie Lan’s right arm with one hand, and with the other, reached around the injury to hold his waist. “Did you hit your left hand again?”

“No.”

Before Xie Lan’s brain could react, his body instinctively struggled out of Dou Sheng’s grasp. He said again, hurriedly, “I’m fine.”

Perhaps his struggle was too obvious; Dou Sheng’s hand paused in mid-air. It hovered for a second before retracting.

“Be careful.”

“Mn.”

Only after he left did Xie Lan let out a long breath, realizing his fingertips were slightly numb.

Since childhood, he had disliked physical contact with people, so he never quite understood why Dai You, Che Ziming, and the others always had their arms around each other’s shoulders. Every time they tried to include him, he would instinctively break away.

At first, when Dou Sheng came over to put his arm around him, he was also a bit uncomfortable, but after enduring it a few times, he got used to it. But just now was different. The distance was suddenly broken; he subconsciously wanted to break away, and that urge was even stronger than with Dai You and the others.

But, it was different again.

It didn’t seem like a struggle born of repulsion or dislike, but of panic.

From intuition to physiology, it was all very abnormal.

Xie Lan stayed in the bathroom alone for quite a while before picking up the phone and walking inside.

Perhaps that waist-holding action had left a psychological shadow, because that night Xie Lan had strange dreams again.

Like the evening, the scene was in a bathroom, but not quite the same. He dreamed that he and Dou Sheng bumped into each other coming out of the toilet. Two long drawstrings were dangling from Dou Sheng’s sweatpants. Dou Sheng pulled those two strings, tightening them abruptly; under his thin shirt, the outline of the boy’s lean, firm waist appeared. Those long, slender fingers tied the strings into a loose knot. Then Dou Sheng walked toward him, reached out, and pinched the two identical strings hanging from Xie Lan’s waistband.

When he tightened those two cords, Xie Lan was pulled half a step forward, stumbling, his hand pressing against Dou Sheng’s chest.

Dou Sheng, seemingly afraid he would fall, casually held his waist.

“Be careful.”

—If not for the unrealistic echo accompanying those three words, Xie Lan wouldn’t have even realized it was a dream.

When he jerked upright in bed, heavy rain was pouring outside. The first rain since he returned to the country fell vigorously and without drag. Xie Lan sat dazed on the bed; he didn’t need a mirror to know how bewildered his face looked right now.

Having this kind of dream… he was probably broken somewhere.

After a good while, he suddenly felt something was wrong. He turned his head and found the other side of the bed empty.

The phone showed it was already past 2:00 AM. The house was very quiet. Xie Lan zoned out for a bit longer before picking up the wrinkled towel and groping his way off the bed, intending to rinse it with cold water again.

If not for his hand, then for his forehead.

He walked softly to the outside of the bathroom and was just about to push the door open when he realized it was ajar.

“Not sleeping in the middle of the night, you looked for me just to ask this?”

It was Chen Ge’s voice.

Xie Lan realized immediately and subconsciously wanted to leave, but the foot he had stepped out retracted before landing.

Like a ghost was guiding him, he felt a slight desire to know what Dou Sheng would say to Chen Ge.

Dou Sheng’s voice was calm. “Yes, just to ask this. Exactly how much do you owe that group? Are there IOUs? Have you asked your dad about the validity of this debt?”

Chen Ge was silent for a while before saying, “That group has three IOUs, totaling 680,000. My dad’s mess is bigger than we imagined, not just drug trafficking. He only repeatedly emphasized that no matter who comes, don’t pay. That group isn’t clean themselves; they dare not ask the authorities to enforce it.”

Dou Sheng asked, “So did you pay?”

“I didn’t. I won’t pay. The family savings all went to treating my mom. Only this apartment is left. My dad got life in prison; twenty or thirty years, he’ll come out eventually. If he’s not dead by then, let them find him for the principal and interest.” Chen Ge gave a self-deprecating laugh. “How about it? Do I smell like a scumbag son?”

Dou Sheng snorted. “Reason still exists.”

“What?” Chen Ge was slightly stunned.

Dou Sheng sighed deeply. “I said your reason still exists. Seeing how poor you were before, I thought you had even sold the house to fill the bottomless pit.”

Chen Ge paused, then laughed bitterly twice.

After a long time, he whispered, “Bean.”

“Mn.”

“I can handle my own affairs. Tomorrow, take them to class. What was it, provincial camp? Math competition? Go do well, don’t worry about me anymore. Hu Xiujie must hate me to death; let her hate me a little less.”

Dou Sheng yawned. “You don’t need to worry about us ‘chosen ones’ (gifted students). Coming to help a wayward, mentally challenged youth in our spare time can be considered a supplement to our life experience.”

“F*ck.” Chen Ge laughed in exasperation, laughed dryly twice, then whispered, “I accepted the advertising fee. Thanks, brother. I’ll pay you back later.”

Dou Sheng said, “No need. Xie Lan was very happy that day. He said it had been years since he last played violin in a band with a clarinet. So in that sense, your clarinet is indeed more valuable than other instruments.”

Chen Ge sounded a bit confused. “What does it have to do with Xie Lan? The decision power for both your money lies in his hands?”

Xie Lan, standing outside, was also a bit baffled.

Dou Sheng made a dismissive sound. “Anyway, everyone was happy that day. How the salary is distributed is up to us, you don’t need to worry… We’re off topic. Actually, I just wanted to say, just consider your dad dead. A broken home is a major catastrophe, but people have to look forward eventually. I’m not saying this standing up without a backache (hypocritically); I…”

“I know about your situation,” Chen Ge interrupted him, pausing for a moment before adding, “But my family’s mess isn’t purely as simple as a broken home.”

Hearing this, Dou Sheng fell silent for a long time—long enough for Xie Lan’s feet to go numb—before suddenly laughing nonchalantly.

Dou Sheng said softly, “You know about my situation? My dad died in a car accident; many people know that. When I tested first in the city during the high school entrance exam that year, reporters even came to interview me on how I moved on. Tell me, isn’t that absurd? What’s more absurd is that I actually accepted that interview.”

Car accident.

In the darkness, Xie Lan’s heart seemed to skip a beat.

Although Dou Sheng’s father had never appeared, and he had guessed the worst possibility, hearing Dou Sheng say it with his own ears, he still felt his heart being gripped by something. Blood couldn’t flow; his fingertips were ice cold.

Chen Ge remained quiet for a good while before giving a hum. “That’s why I said, I believe you understand the feeling of a broken home, but…”

“Let me finish.” Dou Sheng’s tone was heavy. “Except for me and my mom, no one knows the truth. It was my birthday that day. My dad suddenly went on a business trip, left in a hurry, and that’s how the car accident happened. But actually, the business trip was fake. He had been cheating on my mom for over a year. That day, he was called away by that woman.”

The sound of rain outside suddenly became clamorous. Xie Lan stood outside the door, a cold, numb sensation climbing up his spine from his fingertips.

His hands were trembling. He subconsciously turned to leave, but his foot stepped on the floorboard, emitting a jarring creak.

Xie Lan froze in place.

The bathroom also fell silent for a moment. Xie Lan’s mind went blank, waiting for Dou Sheng to come out.

But Dou Sheng didn’t. He just stayed silent for a moment longer, then continued, “So, actually, I have more standing than anyone—and the obligation—to enlighten you. Because in a sense, I’ve walked a similar path. I understand how you feel. The real fatal wound isn’t the broken home, but the sense of betrayal suffered out of nowhere.”

“But, here I am standing perfectly fine in front of you. Top of the grade, a handsome guy, 1.328 million fans, a group of bros, and a person I like very much. By the way, I actually think you dating someone might… ah, forget it, off topic. You don’t need to look at me with such emotion. I’m not ripping open my own scars to heal you; old stories faded long ago. I just couldn’t stand seeing the ‘Twin Heroes of Class 4’ lose one member just like that.”

He rambled on for a bit, then started walking out. His hand pressed the door handle, then paused.

That low voice said, “Chen Ge, if you still have a tiny bit of unwillingness…”

“I am unwilling.” Chen Ge punched the ceramic of the sink, his voice hoarse. “It’s exactly because I’m unwilling that I’m guarding this apartment and not paying the money, just waiting to last until my mom gets out of the hospital. If there’s even a sliver of hope, who wants to be scum for a lifetime?”

Dou Sheng chuckled softly upon hearing this. “Mn, that’s what I wanted to say. Right now, you’re barefoot and not afraid of those wearing shoes. You hold an apartment in your hand. If you want to turn the tables, it’s easy.”

“But, you have to pick up your knife first.”

The rain outside thundered. Xie Lan couldn’t distinguish for a moment whether the rain was louder or the voice in his heart.

He saw the bathroom door open. Dou Sheng’s tall, slender figure walked out. Upon seeing him, his expression was calm. Passing by him, he grabbed Xie Lan’s wrist.

Dou Sheng’s palm was burning hot, but his voice was faint. “What are you daydreaming for? Go back to the room and sleep.”

Xie Lan was dragged back to the room by the wrist. After closing the door, Dou Sheng let go and walked to the window to push it open.

The rain curtain was noisy, and the damp wind blew in, making one feel thoroughly chilled.

Dou Sheng exhaled gently. “Careless. Forgot that cats are light sleepers; they wake up after sleeping a little, and walk without sound.”

Xie Lan said with difficulty, “I won’t tell anyone…”

“I know.” Dou Sheng nodded. “I believe you.”

He paused, closed the window again, walked over, and circled Xie Lan’s shoulders from behind, burying his head in the crook of Xie Lan’s neck.

His breath sprayed on the somewhat sensitive skin; it tickled a little.

“A bit afraid you’ll overthink, giving you a hug.” Dou Sheng said in a low voice. “Old stories. No matter how deep the scar, it becomes a layer of dead skin. I stopped caring about those things long ago.”

Xie Lan’s chest ached. He instinctively reached up and touched Dou Sheng’s head.

The palm felt a bit prickly. So touching someone’s head for comfort feels like this. He just wanted to rub it more. He didn’t know what to say, as if rubbing a bit more could make the other person feel better.

Just like that night when he first moved into Dou Sheng’s house and woke up from a nightmare, and Dou Sheng touched his head.

“Xie Lan.”

“Mn?”

Dou Sheng whispered, “Fortunately, you arrived when I was at my most high-flying (spirited/in my prime). This is what Chinese people call the word Yuan (fate/serendipity).”

Xie Lan didn’t quite understand Yuan, he just nodded subconsciously. He paused, then asked in a low voice, “What does high-flying mean…?”

“…”

Dou Sheng swapped in a series of terms. “A handsome guy, top of the grade, with 1.328 million fans, and a person I like very much.”

At this juncture, Xie Lan couldn’t be bothered to correct him that chasing stars couldn’t count as “liking.” He just continued rubbing Dou Sheng’s head, and only after a long time did he whisper, “I know. I just feel it’s a bit regrettable. Meeting too late. If we could have met a bit earlier, having one more person to accompany you would have been good.”

As the voice fell, the room was silent for a long time.

Silent enough that Xie Lan stopped the motion of rubbing his hair. Just as he was about to speak and ask, he suddenly heard Dou Sheng’s low, satisfied laughter.

Xie Lan was stunned. “What is it?”

“Nothing.”

Dou Sheng straightened up, raised his hand to trace the side of Xie Lan’s face in the air, paused, and then gently put it down.

He simply tugged at a wrinkle on Xie Lan’s collar, looking as if it were a casual gesture.

Dou Sheng said in a very soft voice, “Perhaps you accompanied me earlier, and for longer, than you imagine.”

__

Author’s Note:

Lazy Egg sits on the doorsill, staring blankly.

The keyboard typist walks over and stuffs a foxtail grass into its hand.

She comforts: Injured little chicken egg, don’t worry about other eggs.

Lazy Egg sighs gently: Bean Egg can’t be counted as an ‘other egg’, it is my nest-mate little chicken egg.

It pauses: I also learned it; China values the word Yuan (fate). A nest-mate chicken egg is a fated chicken egg.

Lazy Egg whispers again: I want to give it lots of eggy love.