FF CH43

Chapter 43: “I’m Not Some Clueless Kid…”

The kitchen was lively, filled with the hum of the range hood, the bubbling of the stew on the stove, and plumes of white steam continuously rising only to be whisked away overhead.

Fan Jun stood by the stove for a moment, then lifted the lid to check on the food. Before he could even see inside, his fingers were scalded so badly by the cast-iron lid that he nearly cursed out loud. To avoid alarming Zou Yang, who was still daydreaming in the living room, he quickly dropped the lid onto a nearby dishcloth and plunged his hand into the leftover ice cubes.

It probably needed another ten minutes of simmering; the tofu wasn’t quite ready yet. Putting on heat-resistant gloves, he placed the lid back on.

Leaning against the counter, he stared blankly out the window. Just past noon, the sunlight had turned stark. Everything around him was quiet, and the view outside was just as still. It wasn’t a silence he merely heard—it was one he felt. It was so quiet that he could almost still feel Zou Yang’s breath on his face from moments ago.

After an unknown amount of time staring outside, Fan Jun opened the lid again. It looked done, so he switched off the burner.

Just as he was about to bring the pot out, Zou Yang pushed open the kitchen door: “Hey.”

“Yeah?” Fan Jun turned around, only to find Zou Yang leaning against the doorframe with both feet planted on the floor again. Frowning, he asked, “Do you even want that leg anymore?”

“Take it or leave it,” Zou Yang replied, lifting his left leg once more. He looked down and hesitated for a second. “I wanted to say… about earlier, I’m sor—”

“Don’t worry about it,” Fan Jun cut him off quickly. “It’s fine. No need.”

Zou Yang paused, then tried again after a brief hesitation: “I was worried I freaked you—”

“You didn’t,” Fan Jun interrupted once more.

Zou Yang fell silent.

“I’m turning twenty-four tomorrow, kid,” Fan Jun said. “I don’t freak out that easily.”

“…Okay,” Zou Yang murmured.

“Go wait out there,” Fan Jun said. “It’s almost ready.”

Zou Yang turned and walked back to the living room. Leaning against the counter, Fan Jun let out a quiet breath.

“Da Hei,” Zou Yang called, sitting back against the front of the sofa and waving to the cat. “Come here, let brother hold you.”

Da Hei let out a yawn, scratched the sofa cushion twice, and completely ignored him.

Zou Yang clicked his tongue and pulled out his phone. It had chimed a moment ago, but his mind had been in such a mess that he hadn’t checked who it was. Ah, it was Liu Wenrui. That could wait.

Liu Wenrui had sent a photo of the basketball court. With only two days left before the holiday, the court was completely empty. Once they finished celebrating Fan Jun’s birthday, Li Zhiyue and Zhang Chuanlong would probably be heading home as well. Zou Yang lifted his left leg, snapped a photo, and sent it over.

[Respect]: You can keep score and shag balls while you’re at it.
[Zou yang]: Fuck off.
[Respect]: Sounds like that’s a no, then.
[Respect]: Are you coming back tonight, though?

Seeing that message, Zou Yang suddenly felt a strange twinge of guilt. He quickly locked the screen, tossed the phone onto the sofa, grabbed his glass, and tilted his head back to finish the last drop of lemon water.

When he had first opened the door and seen Fan Jun standing in the dark by the window holding an expandable baton, Zou Yang’s initial reaction was that he wouldn’t go back tonight. He didn’t understand the intricacies, but his gut told him Fan Jun’s current state of mind had to be interrupted.

However… things had changed now.

He hadn’t even started dwelling on it until Respect brought it up, but the question left him suddenly at a loss. What was he supposed to do?

His phone chimed again.

Even though Zou Yang didn’t really want to check it, Fan Jun came out carrying the pot at that exact moment. He immediately reached back and grabbed his phone, unlocking it as he asked, “Ready to eat?”

“Yeah,” Fan Jun said, placing the pot on the small coffee table. “This pot is scorching hot. Don’t touch it, just sit there.”

“Got it,” Zou Yang replied.

[Respect]: Something’s not right.

Zou Yang’s heart skipped a beat.

[Respect]: Zou Yang, you’re acting weird.

Fuck.

Zou Yang felt a cold sweat breaking out for no good reason.

Fan Jun returned from the kitchen carrying bowls and chopsticks, then lifted the lid off the pot. The aroma of the stew had been drifting through the living room all along, but the moment the lid came off, Zou Yang still couldn’t help inhaling deeply: “Smells so good.”

“Glass noodles will be the main carb,” Fan Jun said, sitting down beside him. “Taste it and see if the seasoning is right.”

“Yeah.” Zou Yang quickly ladled out a bowl. He didn’t know why, but despite it being a regular mealtime, he felt much hungrier than usual.

Lowering his head, he took a bite. It was scalding, so he paused to blow on it. He could sense Fan Jun watching him, seemingly waiting for his verdict on the food, though he didn’t look up. After a frantic scramble with his chopsticks and mouth, he finally managed to eat a piece of meat and a few vegetable leaves. If his dad were around, he would have been chewed out for having terrible table manners.

“It’s good,” Zou Yang said, nodding.

“What?” Fan Jun asked.

“Didn’t you tell me to check if the seasoning was right?” Zou Yang looked at him.

“Oh,” Fan Jun paused. “I already tasted it before bringing it out.”

“Then why did you ask me?” Zou Yang was baffled. “Made me rush for nothing.”

“It’s just… a routine,” Fan Jun said. “Isn’t that what people usually say? ‘See if the seasoning is right.'”

“No way,” Zou Yang couldn’t help laughing. Leaning back against the sofa, he looked at him. “Transfer me to a live agent.”

Fan Jun smiled slightly too. “Agent 003 at your service.”

“Is this also something your mom…” Halfway through the sentence, the smile vanished from Zou Yang’s face.

The few dishes Fan Jun knew how to make had all been taught to him by his mother. This routine… was likely a fixed habit she had whenever she cooked.

“Yeah,” Fan Jun nodded.

“She used to say that all the time, right?” Zou Yang lowered his head and ate a piece of tofu. It had absorbed the flavor well.

“Yes,” Fan Jun replied.

Zou Yang said nothing more. The two ate in silence.

It was so quiet that they could even hear Da Hei grooming itself on the sofa. The silence felt uncomfortably heavy.

“Fan Jun.” Zou Yang set down his bowl and turned to look at him.

Fan Jun didn’t say anything, but set his bowl down as well.

“I wanted to say… I,” Zou Yang suddenly began to stammer, his tongue tripping up as if he’d been possessed by Zhang Chuanlong, “I, today…”

He had to pause for a few seconds.

Screw it. Why bother carefully choosing words?

“I was just worried about you today, so I came over to check on you,” Zou Yang took off his glasses. The blurred vision felt like a protective shield, and he suddenly stopped stuttering. “I really didn’t have any other intentions, but I don’t know what came over me…”

“I know,” Fan Jun said.

“I don’t want you to think I was taking advantage of—” Zou Yang said.

“Zou Yang,” Fan Jun smiled softly. “I grew up in Nanzhouping, not in a vacuum.”

“What do you mean?” Zou Yang looked at him, not quite catching his drift.

“I’m not some clueless kid who doesn’t understand anything,” Fan Jun said.

Zou Yang’s heart lurched violently, racing so hard it felt like it was about to jump out of his throat.

“I spent both middle school and high school at No. 21 Middle School,” Fan Jun said in a steady tone. “Back in those years, plenty of my classmates went through every possible dating combination, practically burning through a lifetime of relationships. They paid attention to everything except their studies. Aside from the textbooks, they knew everything they were supposed to know—and everything they weren’t.”

Zou Yang continued to look at him, genuinely at a loss for words.

“So…” Fan Jun said.

“Yeah,” Zou Yang responded.

“Let’s eat.”

“Okay.” Zou Yang picked up his bowl again.

Fan Jun’s mother had been wise to teach him how to make stew; it was the kind of dish that tasted good no matter what. Zou Yang ate heartily, until a light sheen of sweat formed on the tip of his nose. Fan Jun picked up the remote and turned on the air conditioner.

Perhaps it was because he had gotten everything off his chest, or because of what Fan Jun had said, or simply because he had been hungry. Though his head was still a jumble and they continued to eat in silence, that clumsy, uneasy awkwardness gradually melted away.

Before he even realized it, the entire pot of stew was gone.

Fan Jun cleared the pot, bowls, and chopsticks to wash them. Once the small table was moved out of the way, Zou Yang stretched his legs out, leaning back comfortably against the sofa with his eyes closed.

A full stomach brought on drowsiness. When people get drowsy, they get hazy, and once hazy…

Fan Jun’s lips drifted across his mind. Along with the brush of Fan Jun’s breath against his own…

I’m not some clueless kid who doesn’t understand anything.

Zou Yang’s eyes snapped open.

Da Hei was standing right by his head, looking down and sniffing his face.

“What are you sniffing around for? Shoo.” A bit speechless, Zou Yang scooped the cat by its belly and tossed it onto the sofa cushion.

When Fan Jun returned to the living room, Zou Yang was still lying back on the sofa with his eyes closed.

“Do you… want to sleep for a bit?” Fan Jun asked, standing beside him.

“No need,” Zou Yang opened his eyes, but catching sight of Fan Jun looking down at him, he quickly shut them again. “I think you should get some sleep.”

“Yeah,” Fan Jun replied.

“Go on, then,” Zou Yang said.

“I’ll… sleep on the sofa,” Fan Jun said with some hesitation.

“Huh?” Zou Yang paused, opened his eyes, sat up straight, and looked back at the sofa. “Why not sleep in the bedroom?”

Fan Jun stayed silent for a moment before saying quietly, “I don’t feel settled there.”

“Then you take the sofa.” Zou Yang braced against the couch to get up.

“You don’t have to move, it won’t be in the way,” Fan Jun quickly pressed a hand to his shoulder. “If you want to sleep… you can go to my room…”

“No need, I don’t take naps,” Zou Yang said.

Fan Jun didn’t say anything more. After a brief pause, he sat down on the sofa. First, he lay down toward one end, then sat back up; then he lay down toward the other end, and sat back up again.

“Doing sit-ups to digest your food?” Zou Yang remarked.

Looking back, he finally realized why Fan Jun was doing that. Lying down in the first direction would put Zou Yang right by his feet, which probably felt impolite. But lying down the other way meant their heads would practically be touching…

So, Zou Yang quickly scooted toward the middle of the couch: “Just go ahead and sleep.”

Fan Jun lifted Da Hei off the sofa and placed the cat on Zou Yang’s lap. “Should I… turn off the light?”

“Yeah,” Zou Yang nodded.

Fan Jun switched off the living room light. The room plunged into sudden darkness before faint outlines slowly began to emerge.

After hesitating on the sofa for another moment, Fan Jun lay down toward his side. Zou Yang was sitting roughly level with Fan Jun’s chest. As Fan Jun settled down, Zou Yang could clearly catch the faint, fresh scent of grass on him.

Right after a meal, and he didn’t smell like pork, cabbage, and glass noodle stew at all.

The room was silent. This time, he could distinctly hear both of their breaths, alongside the rumbling purr of Da Hei making biscuits.

“These curtains of yours,” Zou Yang gently scratched the back of Da Hei’s neck, “are they made of steel plates? The blackout is intense.”

“The afternoon sun hits this spot hard in the summer,” Fan Jun’s voice came from behind his left ear, slightly raspy from lack of rest. “Without curtains like these, the room can’t take the heat.”

“Oh,” Zou Yang replied.

“Once I fall asleep, I might… sleep for a long time,” Fan Jun said. “If you…”

“Don’t worry about me. Just sleep,” Zou Yang said.

“Okay,” Fan Jun smiled faintly.

“Why don’t you feel settled sleeping in bed?” Zou Yang asked.

“Too formal,” Fan Jun said.

Zou Yang let out a soft sigh and didn’t pry any further.

In the dark, the faint grassy scent from Fan Jun lingered. Zou Yang couldn’t resist asking: “Hey.”

“Yeah?” Fan Jun responded.

“Do you wear cologne?” Zou Yang asked.

“…No,” Fan Jun said.

“Is it your laundry detergent, then?” Zou Yang asked. “That grassy smell.”

“My detergent is unscented,” Fan Jun said.

“Then what is it?” Zou Yang was genuinely curious now.

“Then it must just be my natural body scent,” Fan Jun said.

Zou Yang paused for two seconds, then couldn’t help letting out a laugh: “Fuck off.”

In the darkness, the atmosphere was no longer as awkward, and Zou Yang had relaxed considerably.

While Fan Jun was still staring blankly at the ceiling, he heard Zou Yang’s breathing gradually slow. Then, his head slowly leaned back, coming to rest against Fan Jun’s arm lying beside him.

This person who had claimed he wasn’t tired and had no habit of taking naps went from silence to fast asleep in less than ten minutes.

Fan Jun turned his head. The faint sliver of light filtering through the crack in the curtains traced the soft, glowing profile of Zou Yang’s face in the dark. It looked serene and grounding.

He closed his eyes. He hadn’t slept well in days; he needed a good rest. Tomorrow was his birthday, and he didn’t want to be in bad shape and disappoint Zou Yang and the roommates who were celebrating it with him.

…Then he opened his eyes again.

He looked at Zou Yang, his mind drifting slightly.

Yet he kept looking.

Until his vision blurred.

“Fan Jun.”

“Hey, Fan Jun.”

It was Zou Yang’s voice, very soft, very distant.

Fan Jun struggled a little to orient himself.

“Jun-er?”

“Yeah?” he answered, his own voice sounding distant too.

Zou Yang glanced at the time on his phone: 11:58 PM.

Fan Jun had been sleeping deeply. After giving a groggy response, he didn’t open his eyes for quite a while.

Zou Yang was starting to regret waking him up right now.

“Zou Yang?” Fan Jun called his name drowsily.

“Yeah,” Zou Yang nodded. Whatever—since he had already started waking him up, he might as well see it through. He lightly patted Fan Jun’s cheek twice. “You awake yet?”

“Awake,” Fan Jun replied, his voice slightly hoarse. He stared at him blankly for a good while, as if his mind hadn’t caught up yet.

“Wait.” Zou Yang shook his phone lightly. “Forty seconds left.”

“What?” Fan Jun asked.

Zou Yang didn’t say a word, merely keeping his eyes on the screen.

57, 58, 59…

“Happy birthday,” Zou Yang said. “Fan Jun, happy twenty-fourth birthday.”

Fan Jun froze, staring at him without saying a word.

Zou Yang tapped his phone screen again. The display went dark for a second, then suddenly burst into a dazzling display of fireworks, blooming one after another…

Fan Jun didn’t say anything the entire time, just staring in a daze, watching the screen with rapt attention.

“This…” Zou Yang glanced at the screen too. The firework clip was only thirty seconds long, and Fan Jun had already watched it twice. “Did you fall back asleep?”

“No,” Fan Jun pulled his gaze away from the phone and smiled at him. “I’m just… completely stunned.”

“So gullible,” Zou Yang said. “And here you were saying you’re not some clueless kid.”

Fan Jun smiled and sat up. “I just didn’t expect… you to time it right down to the second…”

“It’s a birthday, after all,” Zou Yang twirled his phone. “I’m the first one, right?”

“Yeah,” Fan Jun nodded. He got up and walked toward his room, switching on a nightlight along the wall on his way.

When he came out of the room, he was holding the box that held the beaded bracelet from the other day.

“This—I can wear it now.” He walked over to Zou Yang, opened the box, took the bracelet out, and slipped it onto his wrist.

“Looks good,” Zou Yang raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah,” Fan Jun nodded.

The two of them looked at the bracelet on his wrist together, neither saying a word.

After a moment of silence, Fan Jun suddenly turned and walked toward the bathroom. “You… wait for me a second.”

“Need to pee that bad?” Zou Yang asked.

Fan Jun didn’t reply. He walked into the bathroom and closed the door.

Immediately after, Zou Yang heard the sound of running water.