Chapter 9: Straight Men Queerbaiting

Previously, Chu Fuxuan had been at the end of his rope and claimed his partner was struck by a sudden, severe illness, holding out to keep a final backup plan in front of his father.

Now that his estimation had failed, Qi Yingzhu, who came to save the day, was perfectly capable of jumping and skipping. Hearing the string of dish names Mother Chu listed, his gaze landed coldly on Chu Fuxuan.

Chu Fuxuan: “.”

Ginseng, soft-shelled turtle, pig trotters… his dad was truly a miracle doctor. With a few meals of this kind of diet therapy, even if his plastic boyfriend was nailed into a coffin, he’d kick his way out with a rosy complexion and walk down a runway with his hands in his pockets.

Qi Yingzhu’s diet was controlled extremely precisely. He usually had a nutritionist overseeing it and probably hadn’t touched anything that greasy in the past five years.

Upon hearing these dish names, he was initially bewildered for two or three seconds, then searched for the results from distant memories, silently staring at Chu Fuxuan.

Right now, the meaning conveyed in Qi Yingzhu’s expression was too obvious, as if he could audibly warn:

“I am not eating these dishes of your family’s.”

Without needing eye contact, Chu Fuxuan grasped the meaning just from sensing the air pressure beside him, and righteously turned black into white to the other end of the phone.

“Dad is spreading rumors. When did I say his health was bad? Why buy all that? It sounds like someone would get a nosebleed just from eating it.”

Unexpectedly, Father Chu was also listening on the line and immediately launched into a debate with him.

“You said he only had one breath left! Being cooped up in the office for a long time will indeed weaken one’s constitution. You kids just live haphazardly when you’re out and about, not knowing how to treat yourselves better. Only we elders have to worry about it.”

Qi Yingzhu, who supposedly “only had one breath left,” continued to stare. Chu Fuxuan felt like he was going crazy and said, “My partner’s constitution is quite good. Everything before was a misunderstanding. Let’s not make it so grand.”

Father Chu was still indignant: “Then what were you whining about earlier, making it sound like a life-or-death parting?”

The situation had taken too many twists and turns. Chu Fuxuan suffered in silence and said stubbornly, “Seeing him uncomfortable, can’t I act spoiled with him?”

Once this sentence was thrown out, the four people instantly fell silent. Both ends of the call were dead quiet, as if swept by some kind of weapon.

Chu Fuxuan didn’t dare to look at Qi Yingzhu. He took a deep breath and persuaded again, “Anyway, there’s really no problem. Don’t take it seriously, you two.”

Although Chu Fuxuan had used fake boyfriends as a cover many times before, this was the first time he spoke so ambiguously. His parents seemed to finally feel a sense of reality, and didn’t even urge the two sides to have a formal chat anymore.

“So he came back with you?” Father Chu confirmed impatiently, unwilling to let the heavily-invested century-old ginseng go to waste.

Chu Fuxuan paused sluggishly, worrying that the schedule this time was tight. It might be inconvenient for Qi Yingzhu to arrange his itinerary, and forcing the other party would be pushing his luck.

While his thoughts wandered, Qi Yingzhu spoke: “Sorry, Uncle. I might have to return to the company first, and then I will come visit you and Auntie.”

Hearing a young man’s voice suddenly, the other end of the phone wasn’t prepared and collectively lost their voices again. The atmosphere instantly became complex.

Immediately after, Father Chu stopped speaking gruffly and said loudly, “No need to be shy. How should we address you? Fuxuan kept you hidden too tightly. You two have been dating for so long, and we haven’t even communicated.”

Qi Yingzhu methodically introduced his name and profession. Even though his daily temperament was nasty, wishing he could lace every sentence with thorns, at this moment in front of the elders, he effortlessly switched to a gentlemanly posture.

Hearing Qi Yingzhu’s polite answers, Mother Chu also softened her voice, becoming extremely quiet and elegant, unlike her usual impatient nagging.

At this point, there was no need for Chu Fuxuan to step out and be interrogated. He shrunk to the side and observed the situation, feeling that all three people around him were so unfamiliar.

While dealing with the two elders, Qi Yingzhu answered flawlessly. Unlike Chu Fuxuan, who would rob Peter to pay Paul whenever he panicked, Qi Yingzhu would think about how to respond to the next ten sentences before saying one.

Some questions involving the past were hard to fabricate. Afraid his words would conflict with Chu Fuxuan’s, he alertly and safely blurred the information, leaving the chief culprit to freely improvise, and subtly guided the topic to simple chitchat.

Chu Fuxuan had frequent contact with Qi Yingzhu recently and had already experienced his tactics during the interview. But now, observing how he handled his parents, he still felt it was beyond his expectations.

Qi Yingzhu’s style was undoubtedly strong. This was not an arrogance radiating from the inside out, or a superior condescension, but rather a way to better achieve predetermined results by controlling the rhythm to advance the situation.

The aura he exuded at this time was completely different from usual, behaving elegantly and even with a bit of humble affability. Chu Fuxuan understood that this was also the other party’s way of pursuing a goal, a very high-level retreat to advance.

For the other party to have his current power, naturally, he relied on more than just good luck or resolute actions. At the top level, every position is fiercely contested; to squeeze up there requires a highly flexible mind.

His parents were completely duped by Qi Yingzhu, spinning in circles. One moment they sighed that a transnational romance wasn’t easy, the next they lamented that the two had finally achieved a positive outcome, making Chu Fuxuan’s spine tingle.

Finally, they urged Qi Yingzhu to come as a guest, and Qi Yingzhu stated he would definitely arrange his schedule.

This hypocritical big-tailed wolf was too good at deceiving people. When the voice call ended, Chu Fuxuan couldn’t help but sigh in amazement.

“You have quite a way with your parents, don’t you?” he tried to learn from his experience.

Qi Yingzhu said flatly, “I’ve never coaxed anyone like this. I’m almost getting goosebumps.”

After speaking, he reminded, “Your parents forgot to ask about my family’s situation.”

Probably because he was too outstanding. From his studies to his career, just his personal experiences could take up half an hour of conversation. The Chu parents simply didn’t have time to care about such details.

Besides, they took this lightly to begin with. When it came to choosing a spouse, the most crucial thing was definitely their own child’s preference, followed by the partner’s character having to pass muster. As for whether their background was good or bad, it wasn’t that important.

“Because my parents don’t care about these things. My dad came from a poor background, and no one thinks he’s bad. He’s very responsible towards his family and his work,” Chu Fuxuan said.

Afraid Qi Yingzhu wouldn’t believe him, he added, “My dad said he ate mud to fill his stomach when he was three years old. The husband and father that grew out of the mud is very good.”

From the recent contact, Father Chu’s temperament was much smoother. Qi Yingzhu guessed: “Your dad is in business?”

Chu Fuxuan nodded: “Yeah, he started out teaching at a university, and came out very early to do exam training, but it’s not a big institution.”

As they chatted, the draft of the agreement on the computer was finally drawn up, and he printed out two copies.

Apart from the scope of their mutual play-acting and the constraints of not interfering with each other’s daily lives, there was also a clause that if one party planned to date, they must actively inform the other party, and the two would actively go through divorce procedures.

Although Chu Fuxuan had no interest in messy romantic entanglements, he respected it greatly in terms of values. Feelings should possess an untaintable uniqueness, which shouldn’t be compromised even if separated by a fake marriage certificate.

This was a very basic moral standard. Qi Yingzhu had no objections, and deduced that if this clause were to take effect, it would most likely be because Chu Fuxuan got tripped up by the colorful dating world.

The two successfully signed the agreement. Chu Fuxuan took another sip of his beverage, and then Qi Yingzhu looked at the unopened can by his hand: “Do you have warm water?”

“You’re so picky.” Chu Fuxuan lazily teased. “Wait ten minutes, I had already unplugged the kettle.”

With that, he simply poured himself a cup of hot water as well, and then asked Qi Yingzhu if he wanted to stay for dinner.

Five minutes later, at nearly 8:30 in the evening, they were each holding a box of self-heating hotpot.

Chu Fuxuan was very familiar with this, and even educated Qi Yingzhu to soak the glass noodles at the bottom, so that when they cooked soft, they would absorb plenty of broth and be even more delicious.

Qi Yingzhu rarely ate junk food. For a moment, his head was spun by the excessive additives. Upon returning to the hotel and regaining his senses, he headed straight for the gym.

Over the next three days, they got a lawyer to help properly divide their property. When going to pick up the contract, Chu Fuxuan looked at the thick stack of paper, astonished that this procedure was so complex!

Then he flipped through the contents and felt he had been naive; it was this thick purely because Qi Yingzhu had too much capital under his name.

“I’ve organized the documents needed for the application. We’re just missing our photos, it’s best to leave a joint photo.” Chu Fuxuan stuffed the papers into his backpack and chattered to Qi Yingzhu.

He knew the local environment like the back of his hand. Soon, he opened the map and pointed out a photography studio, indicating that although this place lacked quality, its advantage was that it could produce photos on the spot.

Qi Yingzhu didn’t recognize the street address of the storefront. The two thus added each other on WeChat, and Chu Fuxuan sent the location over.

Chu Fuxuan’s profile picture was a little deer. When Qi Yingzhu looked at the location, he casually glanced at it; the deer’s eyes were clear and lively, matching the account owner’s image perfectly.

Before heading to the photography studio, they thought taking photos was the simplest part of the procedure, just a matter of casually pressing the shutter. Their original intention was to just go through the motions; they didn’t even have any requirements for photo retouching.

However, sitting in the booth, illuminated by several fill lights, Chu Fuxuan realized it wasn’t like that at all!

“You two are sitting so far apart, are you planning to Photoshop five more people in the middle?” the photographer asked dissatisfiedly.

Having the problem pointed out, Chu Fuxuan’s whole body stiffened facing the camera, and he reluctantly shifted towards Qi Yingzhu.

The photographer smiled without the smile reaching his eyes: “You guys are taking photos for a marriage certificate, right? Okay, now the gap between you is two people. May I ask if you’re preparing to give birth to twins?”

So the distance still wasn’t close enough. Qi Yingzhu impatiently took a slight breath. While his whole body resisted to the point of his heart tensing up, he moved in Chu Fuxuan’s direction.

Seeing the two of them so uncomfortable with each other, the photographer didn’t understand why this couple looked so well-matched and pleasing to the eye, but actually seemed so estranged.

He adjusted the equipment and directed: “Okay, put your hand on his shoulder, or have him link arms with you. Let’s test the lighting first.”

How could he dare let Qi Yingzhu touch him? Chu Fuxuan quickly couldn’t bear it. He hadn’t expected this store to lack good reviews because their service attitude was so perfectionist.

He begged for mercy: “We are going for the ‘respecting each other like guests’ route. Just like this is fine.”

The photographer said suspiciously, “You guys aren’t being held hostage, are you? If they look at your marriage photo, they’ll probably reject the application directly.”

“How is that possible? We are very deeply in love,” Chu Fuxuan said decisively. He had worked so hard to get to this step; he absolutely would not allow any more mistakes.

He even had the confidence to ask, “Do we really look like our relationship is terrible?”

The photographer commented: “Like straight men queerbaiting. If you hang this up, you’ll be reported for green card fraud.”

Hearing this, Qi Yingzhu’s bad streak flared up a bit. He wanted to say that if it really didn’t work out, the studio should reflect on whether their post-production skills were up to par; if they were, just photoshop them kissing directly.

Before he could voice his difficulties, Chu Fuxuan burned his bridges and made a move one step faster.

But this time, Chu Fuxuan wasn’t on the same side as him. Qi Yingzhu didn’t react for a moment, first keenly catching that clear, sweet scent seemingly carrying body heat.

After belatedly confirming this was the familiar scent of narcissus, he snapped out of his daze from the faint fragrance.

Chu Fuxuan was pressing shoulder to shoulder with him, carefully hugging his arm… Qi Yingzhu thought sluggishly.

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Author’s Note: Are these symptoms an allergy or intoxication?