Chapter 48: It’s Only Natural

Gao Xinhe and a few other boys from the village were carrying baskets, getting ready to go to the river to catch crabs. Just as they reached the fork in the road, they saw Cheng Ye coming down from the path above.

Seeing him, Gao Xinhe stopped and waved. “Brother Cheng, going to the river?”

Cheng Ye’s face was unreadable, but Gao Xinhe somehow sensed he was in a bad mood. This time, though, he wasn’t cold, just shaking his head in response.

Could he have fought with his little cousin again?

Gao Xinhe probed, “If you’re not going, then I’ll go find my little cousin?”

Cheng Ye stood frozen for two seconds, then replied a beat too late, “Go ahead.”

He went home. Pushing the door open, he found the house empty, dilapidated, and dim, with not even a sliver of light getting through.

He had been too idealistic about things these past few days, thinking that as long as Jiang Shi was willing to accept him, everything would be fine. But a sickness was a sickness. He was sick; was he going to harm Jiang Shi and make him sick too?

At this thought, he closed his eyes, and Jiang Xue’s probing gaze surfaced in his mind.

His throat was terribly itchy. For the first time since he quit smoking, Cheng Ye wanted a cigarette.

He slowly exhaled, suppressing the feeling in his throat, and carried a bucket of water to the backyard.

---

When Jiang Shi arrived, Cheng Ye was in the backyard taking a cold-water shower.

Hearing the sound, Cheng Ye turned his head and saw Jiang Shi standing under the cherry tree, holding a few books. The scene overlapped with the last time, only this time, Cheng Ye was not wearing a shirt.

He was bare-chested. Likely due to his bad mood, his brow was furrowed low. When he looked at Jiang Shi, he didn’t have time to hide the look in his eyes. He froze for a moment before saying, “What are you doing here?”

Jiang Shi patted the books in his arms. “Here to study with you.”

Cheng Ye, holding a ladle, his face covered in water, laughed when he heard Jiang Shi’s words. “Didn’t your mom tell you not to come?”

Jiang Shi said, “My grades are so bad, and I can’t learn on my own.”

“Didn’t Gao Xinhe ask you to go catch crabs?”

“He did, but I didn’t go.”

“Cheng Ye…” Jiang Shi moved closer. “Are you angry? Because of what my mom said to you earlier.”

Cheng Ye tossed the ladle into the bucket and ran a hand through his hair. “I’m not angry.”

“If you’re not angry, then why are you acting like this?”

He lifted his eyelids slightly. “Young master, are you worried about me?”

Jiang Shi clutched the books tighter, answering only after a few seconds, “Who’s worried about you? Can you not be so full of yourself? I wish I could stay far away from you.”

He immediately put on a cold expression. “If you don’t want to study, fine. I’m going home.”

He had barely taken two steps when a hand wrapped around his waist, lifting him onto the brick platform in the backyard.

The branches of the cherry tree dangled before his eyes, and in front of him was Cheng Ye’s bare chest.

The books in his arms were ruthlessly taken and set aside, leaving Jiang Shi’s hands to rest on Cheng Ye’s warm shoulders.

Sunlight filtered through the leaves onto his face, causing Jiang Shi to lower his eyes.

“Jiang Shi, would you say what we’re doing is having an affair?” Cheng Ye let out a low laugh, the vibration of his chest traveling to Jiang Shi’s palms.

“Against her parents’ wishes, the young mistress secretly runs out for a tryst with a penniless, rough man.”

“Cheng Ye!” Jiang Shi pulled his hands away. “Can you be serious? Who’s having a tryst with you? And who’s a young mistress?”

“So you really just came to study with me?” Cheng Ye asked him.

Jiang Shi looked down without a word. One of his slippers had fallen off, his bare foot dangling and swinging in the air. His ankle was bare.

Cheng Ye noticed. “Where’s your anklet?”

“It’s summer, it’s too noticeable. I put it away.”

Cheng Ye bent down, reached for his foot, and circled the ankle with his hand, his thumb stroking the skin.

Jiang Shi tried to move but couldn’t struggle free. He looked down at Cheng Ye. “Did my mom find something out?”

“Probably…” Cheng Ye’s hand moved slowly down from his ankle, his palm cupping the sole of his foot, his fingers closing over the top of his foot where blue veins were visible. “She probably saw us applying the medicine outside the door. She can’t be certain, but she must have overthought things.”

Jiang Shi was extremely ticklish. He kicked him and pulled his foot back. “Then what do we do?”

“Jiang Shi, are you worried?”

Jiang Shi felt he was stating the obvious. Cheng Ye’s nonchalant attitude completely infuriated him. He shoved him away, propped himself up with his hands, and jumped off the platform on one foot. He found his slipper, put it on, grabbed his books, and was about to leave.

Cheng Ye reached out and grabbed his hand. “Where are you going?”

Jiang Shi said, “Since my mom doesn’t want me to see you anyway, I might as well go back. You can go on and entertain yourself.”

Cheng Ye held his hand firmly, only letting go after a few seconds.

“I’m sorry. It’s my fault.” He didn’t know how to explain it to Jiang Shi and could only slowly organize his words. “I thought a lot on the way back. The reason you’ve become like this is mostly because I tempted you. I shouldn’t be like this, at least not while I have nothing and am still accepting your help.”

But he couldn’t control himself. He couldn’t wait, and he was afraid Jiang Shi wouldn’t wait for him.

“I’m always seeking your sympathy, making you feel sorry for me, making you like me. But it’s always wrong for a man to be with another man. I don’t care about the strange looks, but you can’t endure them.”

He couldn’t bear for Jiang Shi to go through that.

Cheng Ye paused, every word he spoke was incredibly difficult. “Jiang Shi, why don’t we…”

Just forget it.

Jiang Shi had a bright future, a family, and friends. He was different. Cheng Ye couldn’t ruin his future for his own selfish desires.

But those three words were stuck in his throat, impossible to say.

Jiang Shi was his life. To be separated from him now was more painful than death. Many times, Cheng Ye hated that he wasn’t a girl.

Jiang Shi was silent for a few seconds, then turned and advanced on Cheng Ye. The corners of his mouth, which usually tilted up, were now drawn down, giving him a bone-chilling coldness.

“Why don’t we what? Go on, I’m listening.”

Cheng Ye’s face was ashen. He opened his mouth. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” Jiang Shi threw the book in his hand at Cheng Ye’s face. “Now you know to say sorry? Why didn’t you say it when you first started messing with me? You pursued me, and now that we’re about to be discovered, you want to break up?”

“Good, very good.”

“Cheng Ye, I never realized you were this kind of person.”

With a thud, the book hit Cheng Ye’s shoulder and rolled onto the ground. Jiang Shi didn’t spare it a glance and turned to leave.

Cheng Ye followed behind him, frantically reaching out to grab him. “Jiang Shi, that’s not what I meant…”

Jiang Shi flung his hand away. “Fine, whatever. Let’s call it quits. From now on, when we see each other, we’ll act like strangers. You can walk your sunny, broad road, and I’ll cross my single-plank bridge.”

After he said that, Cheng Ye’s eyes turned red. Gritting his teeth, he said, word by word, “I won’t allow it. Jiang Shi, I won’t allow you to do this.”

Jiang Shi scoffed. “Who do you think you are? You say you won’t allow it, and so I can’t?”

He turned to leave, but after just two steps, he was suddenly grabbed by the waist, lifted up, and carried toward the house.

With a bang, Cheng Ye kicked the door open and strode towards his room with Jiang Shi in his arms.

Jiang Shi struggled in his embrace. Only when they were truly confronting each other did Jiang Shi realize how insignificant his strength was in front of Cheng Ye.

“Cheng Ye! What are you doing? Let me go!”

Cheng Ye didn’t speak, his face grim, his steps swift.

Jiang Shi panicked, grabbed Cheng Ye’s shoulder, and bit down hard. He was so furious that he didn’t hold back, and soon he tasted the metallic tang of blood.

The man holding him paused for a moment. The next second, Jiang Shi was thrown onto the bed.

Cheng Ye’s expression was terrifying, but the force of his hands wasn’t great. However, his bed was incredibly hard, and the fall made Jiang Shi’s back ache.

He pinched Jiang Shi’s chin, pulling his mouth from his shoulder, and wiped the blood from the corner of his lips. The corners of his own eyes were tinged with red. “Jiang Shi, who are you calling it quits with?”

Jiang Shi thought Cheng Ye was a madman. He was the one who wanted to call it quits, and now he was the one going crazy. He kicked at his body. “With you! Are you satisfied now? Get lost, and don’t touch me!”

Cheng Ye didn’t move, letting him kick, his expression only growing darker. “Do you know what you’re saying?”

Slap—

Jiang Shi gave him a resounding slap across the face.

“Do you know what you’re saying?”

Cheng Ye’s head was turned to the side, faint red finger marks appearing on his cheek. He licked the corner of his mouth, as if the slap had sobered him up a little.

“I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant.”

Barefoot, Jiang Shi shrank back on the bed, grabbing whatever was beside it and throwing it at him. “Get out!”

“Jiang Shi… I…”

Cheng Ye tried to move closer but was hit square in the face by a flying stone. After a dull thud, a stream of blood appeared on his forehead.

Jiang Shi was startled. He hadn’t looked at what he was throwing and had no idea there was a stone by the bed.

Blood trickled into Cheng Ye’s eye. He grabbed a tissue and wiped it away casually. Afraid the wound would scare Jiang Shi, he pressed the tissue against it and knelt by the bedside.

“Let’s talk.”

Jiang Shi’s fingertips trembled. He wanted to touch the wound, but in the end, he didn’t move.

“I have nothing to talk to you about.”

“Jiang Shi…” Cheng Ye’s voice was low. “You know, that’s not what I meant.”

“You were about to call it quits with me. If that’s not what you meant, then what did you mean?”

“This is a sickness. It’s not normal. You’re different from me. You deserve a better future.”

Jiang Shi looked at Cheng Ye kneeling by the bed. “So you think I should break up with you, then do as my mom says, study hard, get into a university, and then find a girl to marry and have kids with?”

Cheng Ye’s hand, hanging by his side, slowly clenched into a fist. Just imagining the scenario Jiang Shi described made it painful for him to breathe. But he knew that compared to walking a rugged path with him, what Jiang Shi described was the right path.

“Cheng Ye…” Jiang Shi asked him again, “Do you really think being gay is a sickness?”

“I don’t know…” Cheng Ye lowered his head. “But that’s what everyone says.”

“But loving someone isn’t a sickness, Cheng Ye.”

Cheng Ye looked up. The boy was sitting on his bed, his hair a mess, but his eyes were gentler than any starlight he had ever seen.

“Everyone has feelings and desires. If loving someone is a sickness, then everyone is sick.”

He moved closer to Cheng Ye. “Look into my eyes and tell me, do you love me?”

The sounds of the world faded away like a receding tide. Cheng Ye was quiet for several seconds.

“I do.”

“Then is loving me a sickness?”

“No.”

It’s not a sickness.

It’s only natural.