He Is Constantly Jealous Of Himself

JOH CH103: The Struggle

Su Yiran pushed the door open and saw Ting-ge sitting blankly on the bed, clutching the blanket, lost in thought.

“Ting-ge, what’s wrong?” Su Yiran’s heart tightened. He quickly walked over, sat on the edge of the bed, and reached out to touch Ting-ge’s forehead. It wasn’t hot. He then touched Ting-ge’s face. “What’s the matter? Did you have a nightmare?”

Feeling Yiran’s touch, Gu Yuanting finally, with some effort, returned to himself. His reaction was slow; he turned his head toward Yiran only after a long pause and said, “…Yes… a nightmare.”

The most terrifying nightmare.

“Don’t be scared, don’t be scared.” Su Yiran, distressed, hugged Gu Yuanting, stroking his hair and gently smoothing it down like petting fur. He kissed him lightly. “Dreams are always the opposite of reality—they’re all fake. Don’t be afraid.”

Gu Yuanting helplessly returned the hug, holding Yiran slowly. He felt as if he’d been struck senseless, his heart filled with panic and uncertainty, terrified that Yiran would be taken from him.

Would the original owner come back? Why had he dreamed this?

Was the original owner coming back… to steal Yiran away?

Gu Yuanting tightened his arms around Yiran, fear gripping him. Where should I hide him?

His eyes darted around the bedroom, frantically searching for a place to hide Yiran—inside the desk, in the wardrobe, under the chair, up in the ceiling.

“Ting-ge? Ting-ge?” Su Yiran called anxiously. He could see that Ting-ge hadn’t been comforted at all; his condition looked bad. “What did you dream about? Tell me. It’ll feel better if you say it out loud. I can interpret it for you.”

It was as if Gu Yuanting hadn’t heard him. After searching everywhere and finding nowhere safe to hide Yiran, he grew more frantic and could only hold him tighter.

He wanted to hide Yiran inside his own soul—but he couldn’t.

Getting no response, Su Yiran grew even more worried. He cupped Gu Yuanting’s face and kissed his lips, gently sucking and caressing them, using intimacy to soothe him.

Under Yiran’s kiss, Gu Yuanting’s emotions slowly began to settle. Then, urgently, he took control, deepening the kiss into something more intense, as if trying to prove something.

After a while, the kiss ended. Su Yiran panted to catch his breath. Seeing that Ting-ge seemed better, he leaned in for a soft peck. “Feeling better? It was just a dream—don’t be afraid. I’m here.”

Gu Yuanting was silent for a moment before murmuring, “I… I’m fine.”

Su Yiran knew that Ting-ge was far from fine—this was something serious. But he didn’t press. He kissed him again. “Tomorrow’s New Year’s Eve. The day after tomorrow, we’ll go home, okay?”

Gu Yuanting looked at Yiran and nodded silently.

That night, Gu Yuanting dreamed again.

In the dream, it was still the younger “Gu Yuanting” and the teenage Yiran, in the bedroom of their old house.

They were still wearing school uniforms. “Gu Yuanting” looked disheveled, sitting in a chair, head bowed, staring at Yiran without blinking.

Yiran crouched halfway down in front of him, gently rolling up the left leg of his trousers to reveal his knee. The skin on his left knee was scraped, with a little blood oozing out.

“Does it hurt?” Yiran asked worriedly.

“It doesn’t,” “Gu Yuanting” replied.

Yiran took a cotton swab from the side, carefully disinfected the wound with iodine, then applied medicated oil. When he was done, he sighed in relief. “Where did you go to find me? You fell, and your uniform is all muddy.”

“I went to the park near the school and accidentally fell into a mud puddle,” “Gu Yuanting” answered.

Yiran blamed himself. “I won’t ever do that again.”

He put away the iodine, cotton swabs, and oil in the cabinet. “Gu Yuanting” stood up, limping over to the desk.

Seeing this, Yiran exclaimed, “Ah!” He hurried over to support him. “Ting-ge, sit still—don’t strain the wound.”

“It’s fine,” “Gu Yuanting” said. Then, from a box on the desk, he took out a watch.

He took Yiran’s left hand, rolled up his sleeve, and carefully fastened the watch onto his wrist, securing the strap firmly.

“Yiran, from now on you must wear this watch every day. Don’t take it off again,” he said, looking at Yiran and making a low-voiced request. “Promise me, okay?”

Gu Yuanting opened his eyes and woke up.

This time, he didn’t react as strongly as the day before. He simply lay there, staring at the ceiling in a daze for a long time.

“Ting-ge, you’re awake?” Su Yiran had been awake for a while, holding Ting-ge the whole time, too worried to get up first.

He’d noticed that for the past two days, Ting-ge had been waking up later than usual.

Gu Yuanting stirred, hugged Yiran tighter, and kissed him. “Mm.”

It was New Year’s Eve. After today, it would be a new year.

At the New Year’s Eve dinner, Gu Yuanting acted normal, chatting and laughing with Su’s parents as usual. Su Yiran kept glancing at him, but didn’t notice anything unusual.

After dinner, the whole family gathered around the TV, sitting by a charcoal brazier, eating fruit and sunflower seeds, playing with the baby, and watching the Spring Festival Gala.

The house had air conditioning and an electric heater, but Father Su said that sitting around the brazier had the best New Year feeling. Indeed, the glowing red charcoal gave off cozy heat and a festive atmosphere.

It had always been like this—every New Year.

Looking at the brazier, Gu Yuanting felt a dull ache in his head. A vivid image flashed through his mind.

He clenched his fist, shook his head hard, and forced the image away.

“Ting-ge, what’s wrong?” Su Yiran immediately asked in concern.

Gu Yuanting smiled faintly. “It’s nothing.”

Su Yiran knew it wasn’t nothing, but for now, there was nothing he could do. He glanced at Ting-ge again. Fortunately, they would be back in A City tomorrow. As soon as they returned, he’d take him to the doctor.

Mother Su was playing with the baby nearby. The baby, wide-eyed with curiosity, followed the moving toy left and right. Mother Su teased, “Baby, say ‘grandma.’ Say ‘grandma,’ and I’ll give you the toy.”

The baby ignored her, babbling and reaching for the toy.

Undeterred, Mother Su carried the baby over to Su Yiran and Gu Yuanting. “Baby, say ‘daddy.’ Da—ddy—”

The baby flailed its arms and legs, babbling, and actually made a sound like “ba.”

Looking at the baby, Gu Yuanting’s heart softened. He took the baby from Mother Su. With Yiran leaning close beside him, the two of them coaxed the baby to say “daddy” again.

But the baby wasn’t cooperating anymore. Before long, it burst into tears—it was hungry again. Su Yiran hurried to prepare formula, then returned with the bottle. The baby clutched it and, once it began drinking, quieted down.

Gu Yuanting looked at Yiran, then at the baby in his arms drinking milk, and felt another stab of pain in his head.

His brow twitched sharply.

The original owner… wanted to take not only Yiran, but their baby as well.

These past two days, the headaches had been constant, and flashes of a certain image kept surfacing in his mind.

Gu Yuanting knew why—but he refused to accept it. He was unwilling.

New Year’s Eve passed quickly. On the first day of the new year, Su Yiran and Gu Yuanting set out for A City.

Su Yiran had already told his parents that he needed to go back early for work, and they understood.

Because Gu Yuanting’s condition had worsened in the past two days—his mental state deteriorating again—Su Yiran had focused entirely on him. He worried that once back in A City, with hospital visits and care taking up his time, they wouldn’t be able to look after the baby properly.

So, he decided to temporarily leave the baby in their hometown. Aunt Qian would also stay to help, and his parents could help watch the baby. Once Ting-ge’s condition stabilized, they’d bring the baby back.

On the way back, Gu Yuanting still held onto a shred of hope—maybe it was only the environment of the old home that had triggered the dreams of the original owner. Maybe those dreams and images weren’t real.

But when they returned to A City, and a familiar street scene outside the car window triggered another image in his mind, that hope shattered.

Pain gripped his head again. He hugged Yiran tightly, his heart surging with unwillingness.

He would not give in. He would defeat the original owner.

He fought desperately against the pain—locked in a life-and-death struggle with the original owner.

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