Chapter 48: P. Black Shadows

Su Hui had thought his grandmother would come to help him, but when she actually appeared, the guilt and shame made it difficult for him to face her.

During their time apart, his grandmother seemed to have aged, her hair much whiter. She lacked her usual elegance and refinement; before she had even said two sentences, she began to cry.

Su Hui hugged her and wiped away her tears, but he didn’t want to accept her help.

“I can manage on my own. Please take this money back,” he said with a smile. “I’ve already found a part-time job. Don’t worry, I can take care of myself.”

“Your grandfather was truly in the wrong this time; it was too much. I’ve already spoken to him. A perfectly fine family, ruined by his actions.”

His grandmother’s eyes filled with tears as she struggled to say, “Xiao Hui, after you left, your mother fell ill. She had surgery—a minor procedure—and she’s still in the hospital. You… when you have a day without classes, go see her.”

Su Hui frowned. “What’s wrong with Mom? Why did she need surgery?”

His grandmother sighed. “Uterine nodules. She’s been too exhausted. There are so many issues with the company’s operations, and she’s been at odds with your grandfather for so long. Over the years, her body just couldn’t take it anymore.”

After saying this, she handed him the bag she was carrying. It was full of medicine, with instructions written on every box.

“She prepared all this for you, afraid it would be inconvenient for you to buy medicine outside. She also called the hospital to let them know, so you must insist on going for your consultations.”

After saying this, she reminded him, “There’s a card on the side of the bag. Grandmother knows you have the ability, but Xiao Hui, none of us want you to suffer. We can’t bear it. For your mother’s peace of mind and mine, please just accept it, alright?”

Su Hui finally nodded. “I’ll go see Mom tomorrow.”

His grandmother touched his face and smiled. “Where are you living now? Is it cold? Do you want me to have someone send you a quilt? Do you have heating?”

Su Hui shook his head repeatedly. “Grandmother, please don’t worry about me. I’m doing well, living with a classmate. It’s getting cold, you must take care of yourselves.”

“Then buy some good food for that classmate of yours.”

“I know, don’t worry.”

Ning Yixiao did not appear by Su Hui’s side.

They had seen Su Hui’s grandmother after finishing their meal. At that time, Ning Yixiao was busy clearing away the dishes. They had missed each other, so after finishing his task, Ning Yixiao didn’t approach; instead, he subconsciously found a spot at a distance, watching the grandmother and grandson.

Su Hui’s grandmother seemed to have prepared a lot for him and asked many concerned questions, which Su Hui answered earnestly, occasionally acting like a spoiled child.

This intimate interaction between family members was somewhat foreign to Ning Yixiao.

Seeing the longing in Su Hui’s grandmother’s eyes when they parted, a dark sense of guilt grew in Ning Yixiao’s heart. He wondered: If it weren’t for me, would Su Hui have already gone home?

He had always been a realist who analyzed pros and cons. For Su Hui, giving up everything to run away was not the optimal choice; he stood to lose far more than he could gain.

But he liked Su Hui too much. Knowing full well that all of this might not be worth it, he still couldn’t bring himself to urge Su Hui to leave him.

Living a highly unrealistic dream and selfishly keeping Su Hui by his side—none of this could be called “good,” which was why Ning Yixiao always had so many premonitions of disaster.

It wasn’t until Su Hui bid farewell to his grandmother and walked back to his side with a smile that Ning Yixiao felt a sense of reality return.

He smiled like a child. “I want to go home. Can we have the tomato and egg noodles you make tonight?”

Ning Yixiao nodded and took the bag from Su Hui’s hand. “Of course.”

“And egg custard!”

“Mm.”

They left the cafeteria side-by-side. The ginkgo leaves had mostly fallen, the branches becoming bare, leaving large piles of gold on the ground waiting to be cleared away.

Ning Yixiao subconsciously walked on the side closer to the driveway, letting Su Hui walk on the inside, listening to him chatter and responding to every word.

Suddenly, a leaf drifted down and landed on Ning Yixiao’s head. Su Hui stopped mid-sentence, stood on his tiptoes, and reached out to pluck it off, revealing a sweet, endearing smile.

A car drove past them. In the rearview mirror, Feng Zhiguo glanced over and froze, nearly forgetting to steer the wheel.

He hurriedly corrected his course and apologized profusely. Fortunately, the old lady was good-natured and didn’t mind, simply telling him to drive safely.

Until he drove out of the school gates, Feng Zhiguo suspected his eyes had deceived him.

But the young man standing next to Su Hui looked almost identical to Qin Yue—even the mole at the corner of his eye was the same.

He spent the entire trip dropping off the old lady feeling unsettled. Afterward, he took his car to a service station, crouched down outside, and smoked several cigarettes.

He first called his son, probing him on whether he knew of any close friends Su Hui had at school.

On the other end of the phone, Feng Cheng seemed reluctant to answer, falling into a long silence.

Suppressing his temper, Feng Zhiguo asked again, “Do you know or not?”

Feng Cheng paused and finally insisted to his father, “I don’t know.”

Perhaps because he was guilty, he couldn’t let it go. Feng Zhiguo called Xu Zhi and told him what he had seen, his tone rushed and panicked, as if he had seen a ghost.

Xu Zhi was much more composed than him. “You’re talking about Ning Yixiao? I’ve met him. He even came to the Ji residence for dinner and stayed overnight a few days while you were away.”

“He’s Qin Yue’s son, right?” Feng Zhiguo asked urgently.

“Yes. What are you afraid of?” Xu Zhi’s tone was dismissive.

Feng Zhiguo hurriedly denied it. “What do I have to be afraid of! I’m just… I didn’t expect it, I didn’t expect her son to be in Beijing.”

“It’s not just that. Her son is even in the same major as your son. Isn’t that a coincidence?”

There was a hint of a smile in Xu Zhi’s voice. “His grades are quite good. I’ve checked. Apart from his family background, he’s impeccable. Developing like this, his future is not to be underestimated.”

He continued, seemingly casually mentioning Qin Yue. “It’s a pity about Qin Yue. I don’t know where she is now. Give it another two years, and she might just be able to enjoy a comfortable life.”

Feng Zhiguo’s mind was occupied with other thoughts, and he missed the rest. Only when the car washer called out to him did he finally come to his senses, hearing Xu Zhi add, “I heard your son also wants to go to the United States. There aren’t many spots for that, so tell him to prepare well and fight for it.”

“What does that mean?” Feng Zhiguo had only one weak spot in his life: his son. Hearing this, he became anxious. “Our Cheng-Cheng’s grades are great, he’s even won awards…”

“That depends on who the competitors are, doesn’t it?” Xu Zhi interrupted him and, without intending to continue, hung up the phone.

Feng Zhiguo was filled with suppressed rage and agitation. He threw his unfinished cigarette on the ground and stomped on it fiercely.

Driving back to the Ji residence, memories flooded his mind. Back in the village, he had been doing relatively well. Though he wasn’t wealthy, he had worked at sea with his relatives, and the money he earned was more than enough for his family to spend.

Feng Zhiguo had always felt that he was cursed in his dealings with women. He shouldn’t have been lured by lust to provoke Qin Yue, which led to endless trouble. He had been beaten by Qin Yue’s husband, leaving a scar on his face to this day. Feng Cheng was only three at the time; watching him get beaten, the child had been terrified into becoming a coward, and he hadn’t recovered since.

“That woman seduced me, goddamn it.”

Back then, he had seen that she was a widowed mother in need and hired her to watch the shop, giving her a little money every day to get by. But one day, he got drunk, lost control, and forced himself on her.

They had agreed to keep it secret. He knew Qin Yue had no one to rely on locally and figured she wouldn’t dare speak up for the sake of her child. He hadn’t expected Qin Yue’s husband, Zhang Kai, to find out. With the leverage in his hands, Feng Zhiguo was trapped; to keep things from blowing up, he had to comply with every demand.

The hole grew deeper and deeper, and Feng Zhiguo couldn’t fill it. Later, he discovered that Zhang Kai was gambling and already owed a mountain of debt, which was why he kept asking for money and forbidding him from speaking up.

Once he knew this, Feng Zhiguo didn’t hesitate. Overnight, he tipped off the creditors, leading them to the village in hopes they would capture Zhang Kai.

He hadn’t expected Zhang Kai to run faster than he imagined. The armed creditors came up empty-handed and, unwilling to leave empty-handed, took their anger out on Qin Yue.

That was how Qin Yue lost her pinky finger.

She had had a pair of incredibly beautiful hands—snow-white and soft, shimmering like seashells on a beach in the sunlight. No matter how hard she worked, they remained smooth, as if favored by the heavens.

But that day, they had cut off Qin Yue’s little finger in public. Feng Zhiguo remembered clearly that her son was there.

The child was only four at the time. He didn’t understand why those people were surrounding his mother. He tried to run over but was shoved into the mud.

That day, the area had been used for gutting fish. Stinking blood, dirty fish scales, and sand were all mixed together, coating his trousers.

He had stood there completely frozen, staring straight at the falling blade. Amidst the screaming and panic, the little child had run over, picked up the severed finger from the dirty mud, and wrapped it in his clothes.

But in the end, Qin Yue’s finger couldn’t be reattached. It was missing one, yet it was still beautiful.

Feng Zhiguo hadn’t felt guilty at the time; he only dreamt of it at night, and it was bone-chilling.

The next day, he gave Qin Yue a hundred yuan and told her not to come to the fish shop anymore. A month later, he himself ran away because Feng Cheng was starting kindergarten in town. He turned to find a living elsewhere and left the fishing village just like that.

Seeing the grown-up Ning Yixiao, these buried past events surfaced once again, making Feng Zhiguo feel a chill in his bones.

He was certain that Ning Yixiao had been very small back then and likely didn’t know these events were related to him, but Feng Zhiguo wasn’t sure if Qin Yue would have told him.

In any case, he hoped Ning Yixiao wouldn’t come looking for trouble, and certainly not bother his precious son. They were living happily now, and Feng Cheng would have a bright future; maybe one day he could even buy a house and stay in Beijing.

To avoid being bitten by the little bastard, Feng Zhiguo decided he would secretly keep an eye on him for a while.

Ning Yixiao was in the kitchen chopping tomatoes.

Because he was listening to Su Hui speak, his mind drifted, and he accidentally cut his index finger.

He didn’t react much, simply pausing his movements. Blood quickly welled from the fingertip, making him think of some unpleasant childhood memories.

Su Hui had been peeling a grapefruit with his back to him, still talking, but when he noticed the chopping sound stopped, he turned around and discovered Ning Yixiao’s injury.

“Why are you hurt? Let me see.” Su Hui pulled him over, immediately found a tissue to wipe the blood and press on the wound, and told him seriously, “Don’t cut anymore, let me do it.”

Ning Yixiao thought he was making a mountain out of a molehill. He smiled. “It’s just a tiny scratch; it’ll be fine with a bandage. Go to the second drawer in the room and get a Band-Aid.”

Su Hui wouldn’t have it, staring at him. Ning Yixiao had to stroke his face and, taking advantage of the fact that no one else was home, kissed him. “Be good, go.”

Su Hui returned quickly, applying medicinal powder before wrapping it with a cute rabbit-patterned Band-Aid, meticulous to a fault.

Ning Yixiao couldn’t help but kiss his forehead. “You’re so serious; it’ll definitely be better by tomorrow.”

“Really?” Su Hui was skeptical. “How could it be that fast?”

Ning Yixiao turned around, his tone indifferent. “It will. It didn’t break.”

He hadn’t been exaggerating. The first thing Su Hui did upon waking up was to carefully peel back the Band-Aid to inspect Ning Yixiao’s index finger. To his surprise, the wound had basically healed.

Su Hui gave the wound a careful kiss and continued to snuggle in Ning Yixiao’s arms for another ten minutes before getting up.

Because the R&D department’s major project was nearing its end, Ning Yixiao’s internship was getting busier. He returned home later and later, and sometimes wasn’t even there on weekends.

Su Hui spent his weekends accompanying children, but teaching them to paint wasn’t as great as he’d imagined; most of the children were uncooperative and willful.

That day, because Su Hui wanted to wait for Ning Yixiao to get off work immediately after the session, he wore a white knit jacket he thought looked quite good. However, one child who didn’t want to paint threw a tantrum and splashed paint all over him.

Su Hui spent a long time in the restroom scrubbing at it with damp tissues, but the more he tried, the messier it got.

Thinking of Ning Yixiao’s cleanliness, he felt he couldn’t bear it. Instead of going to Ning Yixiao’s office after work, he decided to go home first and change his clothes.

It was late November. The city was cold, and nightfall descended quickly, rushing in like a black tidal wave.

Su Hui squeezed onto the subway in his stained jacket, feeling that everyone around him was exhausted, while he was the only one whose mood was still passable. Thinking about it carefully, his decent mood was probably just a result of his hypomania.

Entering the residential complex, he walked through the dark shadows of the buildings, returning to their unit, going downstairs, and looking for their front door.

The door was ajar. Su Hui thought Wang Cong was home, so he greeted him enthusiastically.

But when Wang Cong came out, his complexion was terrible. He rubbed his hair in frustration. “Su Hui, go take a look at your room. Some men were here just a moment ago.”

He hesitated, leaving his sentence unfinished. Su Hui closed the door in confusion and walked straight to their bedroom, freezing in place.

Everything Ning Yixiao had organized so neatly and cleanly—books, ornaments, assembled puzzles, clothes—all lay scattered on the floor, ruined and splashed with red paint.

The entire room looked like a bloody ruin.

Su Hui walked in and picked up a pale pink fragment from the floor. It was from a vase he and Ning Yixiao had found at a second-hand market last week, which he had loved very much.

When they first moved in, Su Hui had put up wallpaper—his favorite shade of blue. But now, the wallpaper was covered in “Repay the debt” and phone numbers, a shocking sight.

“Those guys told me not to meddle in other people’s business. I wanted to call the police…” Wang Cong’s tone was hesitant. “They had sticks in their hands and said if the money isn’t paid, next time it won’t just be this.”

Wang Cong thought for a moment. “I’ve owed money before, but the debt collectors weren’t this vicious. You’d better wait for Yixiao to come back and discuss it. Don’t be impulsive.”

“Okay, I understand.” Su Hui turned to smile at Wang Cong, then fell silent and began to clean the room.

He wasn’t naturally good at tidying up, unlike Ning Yixiao, so after working for a long time, it felt like his efforts were all for naught.

The thought of calling a cleaning service crossed his mind—the kind of opportunistic thinking that cropped up from time to time, like a symptom left over from his twenty years of affluent life, making it hard for Su Hui to be truly independent.

He managed to clear the bed, at least, wrapping the paint-stained items in a dirty bedsheet and dragging them to the trash bin outside the building. Standing in the darkness, Su Hui felt a pang of fear.

He quickly returned to the room. As he was tearing down the wallpaper, his hand paused, and he stood frozen, staring at the wall.

Finally, Su Hui closed the door and dialed the number they had left behind.

Ning Yixiao didn’t return until nearly eleven. As soon as he entered, he found Su Hui bent over, mopping the floor. The floor was wet, the walls bare, revealing the damp moss-green spots and cracks that had been covered up.

“What happened?” Ning Yixiao’s intuition was always accurate.

He walked over, took the mop from Su Hui’s hands, and stroked his back.

Su Hui leaned against his shoulder and whispered, “Debt collectors came. They made the place very dirty. I’ve been cleaning for a long time.”

His eyes were red, his pupils damp. It was a long time before he spoke again, his voice choked with sobs; he was truly afraid.

“Ning Yixiao, let’s move somewhere else.”

Moving was useless, Ning Yixiao knew. Unless he truly left, perhaps going abroad, he might never shake them off.

In high school, he had thought that severing ties with his family would keep those people away. But in truth, he had been naive. The debt collectors would still show up, and even if they didn’t, that wretched stepfather, Zhang Kai, would pop up from time to time to disrupt his life.

He was like a persistent ghost, making it clear to Ning Yixiao that he didn’t deserve to stop, didn’t deserve a normal life.

But now it was different. Ning Yixiao yearned to live with Su Hui in a house with a sea view, to plant flowers and raise a dog with him every day, to live a happy life.

He didn’t want to go back to the past, to live in numb pain.

If he could just make it through this winter, next summer, he could get out—together with Su Hui.

This had almost become the spiritual pillar that kept Ning Yixiao going.

Despite knowing it was useless, he still obliged Su Hui, spending a week finding another place. Strangely, this time the debt collectors didn’t come to stir up trouble again, giving them a period of peace.

The lease on the previous apartment wasn’t up, and the landlord, having heard about the debt collectors, refused to return the deposit. Ning Yixiao had to let it go.

On the night they moved into the new place, neither wanted to unpack, so they curled up amidst a mountain of luggage.

Su Hui fell asleep in his arms and told him, “I applied for a CSC scholarship, too. I don’t know if I’ll get it, but even if I don’t, if I really want to go to America, my mother will definitely help me in the end. She’s just stubborn, but actually very soft-hearted.”

Ning Yixiao nodded. “Mm.”

“You’re applying to S University, and I want to go to California, too, so we can be together every day.”

As he spoke, Su Hui fell asleep from exhaustion. Ning Yixiao didn’t sleep well all night, half-awake and half-dreaming, at times returning to the past and at other times fantasizing about the future.

The sun in the fishing village that felt like it would melt people, the heatwaves of California, the green shadows of coconut groves, rotten and deteriorating fish, and broken nets.

After the nets vanished, he saw his mother’s face fanning him, smiling—a smile so beautiful, as if they had never been separated.

Near dawn, Ning Yixiao dreamed of snow filling the sky. But in the three years since he’d come to Beijing, it hadn’t snowed.

Opening his eyes again, the time on his phone screen had jumped from November to December.

So fast.

As always, Ning Yixiao kissed Su Hui after waking up, but a phone call interrupted their daily intimacy.

To his surprise, the call was from the police station—not one in the capital, but one in Beibin Province.

“Hello, is this Qin Yue’s son, Ning Yixiao?” The officer on the phone identified their local precinct and said concisely, “We’ve received a report of a fire and are currently investigating. We require your cooperation.”

“A fire?” Ning Yixiao frowned. “Then my mother, she…”

The policeman’s voice was calm. “This fire resulted in two deaths—one man and one woman. We need you to personally assist in identifying the bodies and helping with the investigation.”