Chapter 47: P. Murphy’s Law

Su Hui’s decision to run away from home was not a spur-of-the-moment act; he had wanted to escape for a long time, but he never knew where he could go.

His attitude toward life had always been one of avoidance. Past attempts at rebellion were short-lived and ineffective—at most, he would wander outside for a single night before obediently returning home to face the consequences. But this time, Su Hui had no intention of ever going back.

Ning Yixiao had given him a sense of belonging and the courage to finally rebel without looking back.

Although he had been away from home for half a month, every time the lights went out, Su Hui would recall the argument from that day in the darkness. It was the most intense one in his memory. With his grandmother away, his grandfather had said every harsh word imaginable, even dragging his mother into the fray.

[You’ve been pampered your whole life. Do you have any idea that the Ji family’s influence isn’t what it used to be? I’m old, and I retired long ago. When I go out now, others are only giving me face because of my old reputation. Do you really think I can still summon the wind and rain like I used to?]

[I have been planning everything for you, and here I am, an old bag of bones, swallowing my pride to pick out a girl from a well-matched family with a bright future for you. And what do you do? You dump your illness out on the table. Do you want the whole world to know that I have a mentally ill grandson?]

[A good-for-nothing kid like you can’t hold up a family! My only regret is that I, Ji Tailü, didn’t have a son—there is no one to carry on the legacy!]

Originally, Ji Yanan had also been troubled by Su Hui’s impulsive actions, but hearing these words from her own father, she felt a chill in her heart.

When she was in college and chose to enter politics, Ji Tailü had opposed her simply because she was a girl. When she chose her partner independently, defying her father’s wishes, she again received no approval. Later, after her husband passed away and she took over the company he left behind, she was accused by Ji Tailü of neglecting her “proper duties.”

The child she had given birth to was clearly brilliant, but he was struck by this illness—it had become the lifelong pain of her existence.

She had never received a single word of praise from her own father; in fact, she was considered less valued than her own second husband.

Su Hui also found it ridiculous. He had initially thought this forced “blind date” was because Ji Tailü was worried about his life, trying to trick someone into marrying a person like him—a mentally ill patient. He hadn’t expected it to be nothing more than a political marriage to maintain the glory of the family.

The only person to blame was himself for being too naive. In truth, when his grandfather poured his resources and connections into Xu Zhi, Su Hui should have realized that for a man who valued reputation above all else, affection and bloodline meant nothing compared to a promising son-in-law.

Therefore, he told his grandfather directly: if he had had a choice, he would never have wanted to be born into this family, and he would never have wanted to be his grandson.

Su Hui was a gentle person; those were almost the harshest words he had ever spoken.

The details of that argument were carved into his mind, but Su Hui didn’t share them in detail with Ning Yixiao. Firstly, he felt that Ning Yixiao worked and studied hard enough and didn’t want to add to his burden. Secondly, his mind was made up not to return; he felt that what had happened could not be changed and was no longer important.

The time spent with Ning Yixiao was the lightest, most carefree period of Su Hui’s twenty years of life.

He could fall asleep in the arms of the person he loved every day, work toward a definite future together, wake up together every morning, and bid each other good morning. These were things the Su Hui of the past would never have dared to imagine.

Ning Yixiao woke up very early, made simple breakfasts, and washed up alongside Su Hui. They would squeeze into the tiny bathroom, and occasionally, when a roommate passed by, the two—who had been playfully intimate—would suddenly pull apart and pretend to be strangers, washing up separately.

They would squeeze onto the subway together, Ning Yixiao’s arm acting as the safest barrier. Su Hui liked standing face-to-face with him, watching Ning Yixiao smile.

Ning Yixiao would tilt his head and ask in a low voice, “What are you smiling at?”

Su Hui would stand on his tiptoes, lean into his ear, and whisper, “Your shirt isn’t buttoned right. I can see a hickey.”

Ning Yixiao would helplessly button his shirt to the very top, only telling him once they left the subway, “Didn’t I warn you last night not to leave marks in such an obvious place?”

“What’s there to be afraid of?” Su Hui said dismissively. “Besides, for someone like you, even a fool would know you aren’t single. It’s just good to ward off the admirers of such a handsome guy.”

Ning Yixiao only thought this was his twisted logic. “People will only think I have too much energy, finding time to do this even when working overtime every day.”

Su Hui laughed and leaned in to whisper, “You do have too much energy.”

Friday nights were their grocery shopping days. There were discounts at the nearby supermarket after seven, and with the Friday member discount, many things were cheaper than usual.

In fact, Ning Yixiao thought grocery shopping was a waste of time. When he lived alone, he usually planned exactly what he needed and bought it as fast as possible. But Su Hui loved shopping; it seemed as if the supermarket was a playground for him as an adult.

He liked picking out fruit side-by-side with Ning Yixiao, or watching the fish in the seafood section. He also loved the grain aisle, where he would reach his hands into the rice bins to compare the grains, telling Ning Yixiao which one felt the most comfortable.

“I think I like this Jasmine rice best, and the Northeast rice.”

Ning Yixiao teased him, “You could write a note and stick it on there.”

“Write a note for what?” Su Hui asked.

Ning Yixiao suppressed a smile, acting serious. “To remind the other little kids who put their hands in the rice bins. After all, you’ve already done the research—you could help them find the most comfortable varieties directly, so they don’t have to go through the trouble of testing them one by one.”

“Ning Yixiao, you’re mocking me!”

Su Hui loved the discounts and adored the cheap children’s steaks sold there.

Ning Yixiao thought, perhaps Su Hui was just used to fine dining and wanted something different. But the novelty would always wear off; he couldn’t possibly love cheap food for his whole life.

Ning Yixiao was someone who had grown up being repeatedly beaten down by reality. He was extra careful even when enjoying the happiness of being with Su Hui, afraid that it was all just a bubble.

As it turned out, his life could never escape Murphy’s Law: the things you fear most are the easiest to happen.

These things were indeed fragile. It only took one of Su Hui’s depressive episodes for the beautiful bubble to collapse completely.

During previous depressive periods, Su Hui had hidden at home, and Ning Yixiao could only contact him via phone, never facing this other side of his lover so directly.

His vitality, his excitement, his charming words and thoughts were extinguished in an instant. Apart from an empty shell that would not respond to him, there was nothing left.

After Su Hui’s episode, Ning Yixiao took several days off to stay at home and take care of him. But Su Hui’s indifference was far beyond his imagination. No matter what he said, Su Hui would not answer; he stared blankly at the wall, and even when kissed, he showed no reaction, sometimes even causing Ning Yixiao to cry.

The contrast was too great. It took Ning Yixiao a long time to digest it, and he had long since become accustomed to not expressing his own exhaustion or negative emotions.

However, his company required him to return for his internship; taking too much leave would affect his internship certification. Since Su Hui was doing slightly better than when he first entered the episode, Ning Yixiao had to go back.

But he didn’t expect that on his very first day back at the office, his roommate, Wang Cong, would give him an emergency call.

“Get back here quickly! Su Hui is in the kitchen with a fruit knife, trying to cut his wrists!”

Ning Yixiao’s mind went blank. He couldn’t grasp what was happening until he rushed back and saw Su Hui slumped on the kitchen floor with a shallow trail of blood on his wrist.

“It’s a good thing I found him in time; it seems to be just a superficial wound. Quick, take him to the hospital!”

If Wang Cong had been a step late, what would have happened? Ning Yixiao dared not think.

He took Su Hui to the hospital and stayed with him for treatment. Throughout, Su Hui didn’t utter a word, as if he didn’t even recognize him.

The doctor called him outside to inform him of Su Hui’s current situation: “The patient has a long history of illness. The impact of the bipolar disorder on his emotions is massive, and the tendency for self-harm during depressive phases is very serious. Are you his friend?”

Ning Yixiao didn’t want to admit to that title, but it didn’t matter, so he nodded.

“How is his state during manic phases?”

“He’s very happy every day,” Ning Yixiao said truthfully.

The doctor listened and explained solemnly, “The patient’s ‘happy’ state isn’t necessarily from the heart. His joy is likely built on the foundation of hypomania. Due to abnormal neurotransmitter metabolism or neuroendocrine dysfunction, the happiness or excitement he shows isn’t true emotion; it’s a pathological reaction. For example, people in a hypomanic period are like those in the throes of a passionate affair—their heads are hot, and they feel everything in the world is beautiful.”

After hearing this, Ning Yixiao became silent.

“I understand.”

He couldn’t think of anything else to say and returned to the ward alone. Under the influence of medication, Su Hui was already asleep. The ward was not quiet, and the lights were on. Ning Yixiao walked over and, sure enough, found that even in his sleep, Su Hui was frowning.

He leaned over, his fingers gently rubbing away the creases on Su Hui’s brow, tucked the blanket in for him, and sat in the chair by the bed. With gentle movements, he lifted the sleeve of Su Hui’s hospital gown and looked for a while at the bandages on his wrist.

The injury wasn’t severe—the nurse had only wrapped it in a thin layer of gauze—but Ning Yixiao still felt intense pain.

For a moment, the doctor’s words echoed in his ears, and a thought flashed through Ning Yixiao’s mind that he had never had before: Is all of his happiness fake? Is it all just a pathological reaction?

It was as if his brain triggered a protection mechanism, making him unable to dwell deeper on the thought. A work call came in, and Ning Yixiao had to leave.

He worked on his laptop in the hospital corridor, staying up all night to finish his work, and then took care of Su Hui during the day.

This period reminded him of his middle school memories. Back then, his mother’s leg had been broken by his stepfather, who had taken the money she had worked so hard to save to go gamble, leaving her at home alone to wait for death.

Even though exams were approaching, Ning Yixiao took leave to go home and take care of his injured mother. In the gaps between waiting for the food to cook on the stove, he would sit in front of the fire to study, almost falling asleep from exhaustion.

His mother felt guilty and cried while eating, urging him to return to school, but Ning Yixiao refused to yield. He studied hard, got into the best local high school, and promised that he would make sure his mother lived a good life.

But even so, she still left him in the end, leaving behind nothing but a mountain of debt.

However, Ning Yixiao always felt that this time would be different, and that Su Hui was different from his mother. As long as he worked hard enough, they would have a happy ending.

Things did develop according to his plan. After surviving the hardest stage of the depressive phase, with the help of medication, Su Hui began to improve bit by bit. His emotions were better controlled, and he could communicate with Ning Yixiao, though not for very long.

They were eating at the hospital that day. Ning Yixiao had specifically brought egg custard. Su Hui took one bite and suddenly put down the bowl.

“I’m sorry,” he said to Ning Yixiao.

Ning Yixiao smiled and touched Su Hui’s face. “You haven’t done anything wrong. Don’t apologize. You never need to say that to me.”

Su Hui frowned, his eyes red. “You’re very tired, aren’t you?”

Ning Yixiao shook his head. “When you get better, I will be better, so you must listen to the doctor and take your medicine obediently, okay?”

The most torturous part of bipolar disorder is that it often creates the illusion of “I am recovered.” Because people trapped in the mud of a depressive phase will, at some unremarkable point in time, suddenly feel light and carefree, their mood climbing to a peak as if they have truly returned to “health.”

Su Hui was like that. He suddenly transitioned into a manic phase and returned to his happy self. When he learned the cost of his hospitalization from a nurse, he was determined to be discharged and return to their little home with Ning Yixiao.

Ning Yixiao knew nothing of this. He was working at the company when Su Hui secretly snuck out, wanting to surprise him. Upon returning home, Su Hui ran into Wang Cong, who was just leaving; the roommate looked at him as if he had seen a ghost.

But Su Hui didn’t notice, waving goodbye to him very enthusiastically.

On his way back, he bought flowers. Suddenly noticing that the fridge was empty, he went downstairs to the bank alone, intending to take out money and buy plenty of supplies at the supermarket.

But suddenly, Su Hui discovered that his bank card was frozen, and his credit cards were blocked from use.

“We have checked, sir. Your card is frozen because the primary account holder has frozen the supplementary card. We have no authority to unlock it for you. We are very sorry.”

Su Hui wasn’t too surprised; after all, when he ran away from home, Ji Tailü had made it very clear: [Walk out that door, and you are no longer a part of the Ji family. Don’t think about coming back to be a young master again!]

He wasn’t stupid. When he packed, he had taken a sum of money he had secretly saved from under his bed. It wasn’t a small amount, but in a place like Beijing, it wouldn’t last long.

When he left the bank, a very strong wind was blowing outside. November in Beijing had passed half of autumn, and the weather was getting colder. Brown, withered leaves were swept up into the gray sky, drifting away lonely before Su Hui’s eyes.

He had very little cash left, but because it was so cold, he instinctively waved for a taxi. But when the car pulled over for him, Su Hui suddenly realized he was no longer that young master who never had to worry about food or money, so he apologized to the driver.

The driver had a hot temper and cursed, “Crazy.” That word seemed to become countless needles pricking Su Hui’s face.

He ended up walking back. He passed an ice cream shop, bought two boxes, and went back to freeze them in the fridge as a downgraded “surprise.”

Ning Yixiao, however, didn’t seem to care about any of this. He only cared that Su Hui had regained his happiness once again. Even though he was exhausted after coming home, he still embraced him from behind for a long time.

Su Hui spoke to him as he always did—about many things, including some unrealistic fantasies and ill-considered plans—but he didn’t mention that his financial support had been cut off, only mentioning his next steps as if by accident.

“Ning Yixiao, I want to find a part-time job. What kind of work do you think I’m suited for? Should I go to Professor Wang and ask him to help me find an internship? Do you think that’s feasible?”

Su Hui thought about it—Professor Wang had a close relationship with his grandfather; perhaps word had already been passed down, and he wouldn’t provide any help.

He suddenly realized that he was really like an ant. If Ji Tailü was serious, a single finger could block his path.

But Su Hui still believed he wasn’t a waste; he possessed skills that would allow him to be independent.

“How about I go teach kids how to draw?” He thought this was a brilliant idea, but he didn’t get a response from Ning Yixiao. Turning around in his arms, he realized that Ning Yixiao had already fallen asleep from exhaustion.

Su Hui felt a pang of heartache. He rubbed his nose against the bridge of Ning Yixiao’s and kissed his lips carefully. Mimicking Ning Yixiao’s usual habits, he gently patted his back.

“Good night, Ning Yixiao.”

The drive in a manic phase is always strong. The next day, Su Hui secretly wrote a resume and posted it on an online platform. He got a response quickly; relying on his academic credentials and the outstanding eloquence of his manic phase, he landed his first job, though it was just teaching elementary school students to draw.

During the day, he still went to school, and with more motivation than before. Wednesday, Ning Yixiao also had class—the last session of the morning—so they agreed to meet at the cafeteria.

The weather wasn’t great. The gale-force winds from the night before hadn’t stopped. A newly planted tree at the cafeteria entrance had been snapped in two by the wind, falling to the side of the road. Students walking by took a detour, but Su Hui knelt before the tree, observing its cross-section, and only left for the cafeteria when a school worker came to chase him away.

While waiting, Su Hui tore open a lollipop wrapper and popped it into his mouth. Suddenly, he spotted a familiar figure—Feng Cheng, carrying a food tray and looking for a seat.

Feng Cheng saw him too. He froze, looking hesitant for a long time, but when Su Hui smiled and waved at him, he walked over with a bit of awkwardness.

“What a coincidence,” Su Hui said enthusiastically.

“Long time no see,” Feng Cheng said, habitually looking half at the ground, lifting his eyes every so often to stare at Su Hui, only to look away again the moment he was caught.

“Yeah, I was sick for a while, and I haven’t been living at home,” Su Hui said, completely ignoring Feng Cheng’s shyness. He was cheerful. In the middle of talking, he noticed the application form Feng Cheng had placed to the side. He tilted his head, surprised, “Eh? Are you applying for the CSC too?”

“Ah…” Feng Cheng gathered his materials. “Just looking at it. I…”

Su Hui realized he shouldn’t have been looking and quickly apologized. “I didn’t mean to pry, don’t mind me.”

As he spoke, he heard a familiar voice behind him.

“Su Hui.”

Amid the noisy crowd, he recognized Ning Yixiao’s voice instantly. He turned his head and stood up, ready to leave, but then remembered Feng Cheng and turned back to smile. “I’ll get going now. Good luck!”

Feng Cheng felt a little shy and nodded, watching him leave. He kept watching as Su Hui and Ning Yixiao ate and talked—he watched for a long time before looking down to eat his own meal.

After cleaning his tray and leaving, Feng Cheng suddenly saw his father near the cafeteria. His father was carrying a bag of fruit that looked expensive and waved at him. Feng Cheng walked over. “Why are you at school?”

Feng Zhiguo said, “Dropping off the old lady to visit her grandson. She’s afraid he’s suffering out there, running over here specifically to bring him money. Since I have to drive her around anyway, I just happened to bring you something delicious, too. How is it? Is studying exhausting?”

Hearing what his father said, Feng Cheng couldn’t help but ask a few questions about Su Hui. He didn’t expect Feng Zhiguo to immediately start calling Su Hui ungrateful, saying that he didn’t want to be a good young master and insisted on running away from home. He had originally only been responsible for picking up and dropping off the young master, but after Su Hui walked out, the work he had to do now was actually more than before.

“Damn it, no idea when this tossing and turning is going to end…”

Hearing his father curse Su Hui, Feng Cheng’s emotions flared up immediately. He interrupted sternly, “Can you not speak like that!”

Feng Zhiguo was stunned by this sudden burst of anger from his son, whose temperament had always been gentle and who had never talked back.

“What are you acting up for? Has reading books made you stupid?”

Feng Cheng didn’t want to listen. He left the fruit behind and turned to walk away.

“One after another, dammit.”

Feng Zhiguo was too lazy to care. He got into the car, waiting for the old lady from the Ji family to finish helping her grandson. Just as he closed the car door, before he could even light a cigarette, he looked at the fruit he’d brought and felt a sense of annoyance. He cursed, but in the end, he grabbed the fruit, got out of the car, and headed toward his son’s dormitory.

“I really owe you people, damn it.”