Chapter 92: N. A Gentle Journey

Ning Yixiao was slightly taken aback, but he soon smiled, his expression softening. He lowered his hand and returned the remaining flowers to Su Hui.

“Thank you.” He pulled Su Hui into his arms and held him for a long while before whispering, “But I like everything you pick. They’re all beautiful.”

Su Hui held a small bunch of flowers in his left hand, his right hand gripping the hem of Ning Yixiao’s gray windbreaker. His heartbeat was slow and heavy. He said nothing, but obediently buried his face in the crook of Ning Yixiao’s shoulder.

They stood in this foreign land they had agreed to visit, doing nothing, just cuddling in the grass, yet feeling a sense of calm.

However, Su Hui did not want Ning Yixiao to drive, fearing he would be affected by the past. He knew the “past” that had hurt Ning Yixiao involved himself, and guilt surged like a tide, pressing against his nerves. But instead of falling into silence, he tried to communicate.

“Is the hotel we’re going to very close?”

Ning Yixiao hummed. “Fifteen minutes by car. We’ll be there soon.”

Su Hui paused, then asked softly, “Can the hotel… send a car to pick us up?”

Ning Yixiao understood immediately. He knew Su Hui didn’t want him driving. In normal circumstances, he might have been stubborn out of pride, but he didn’t want Su Hui to worry about him, so he only struggled for a brief moment.

“Alright.”

The hotel’s service was thoughtful. After receiving Ning Yixiao’s call, they arrived in less than twenty minutes to pick them up, and even handled the rental car service they no longer needed.

Su Hui was quiet in the car, saying nothing. Ning Yixiao knew he didn’t want too much attention at times like this, so he didn’t stare at him, instead chatting casually with the hotel driver.

As they neared their destination, Su Hui tapped his hand. Ning Yixiao turned to see Su Hui holding out his palm, which held a bracelet woven from flower stems.

Ning Yixiao smiled, touching his cheek. “For me?”

Su Hui nodded.

“Then put it on for me.”

At this request, Su Hui glanced nervously at the rearview mirror. He suddenly felt he shouldn’t have made this; it didn’t suit Ning Yixiao at all, and he’d be a laughingstock wearing it. Seeing his hesitation, Ning Yixiao teased, “If you don’t put it on me, are you saving it for someone else?”

Su Hui shook his head sluggishly and obediently fastened it around Ning Yixiao’s left wrist.

“Thank you. It’s beautiful.” Ning Yixiao touched Su Hui’s hair, then took his hand and stepped out of the car.

This hotel was different from any Su Hui had stayed in before—modern, cool-toned architecture, ice-blue thermal pools, and green tundra. It was private and close to nature. The butler spoke at length; Su Hui’s mind felt sluggish, and though he tried to listen at first, he eventually gave up and left it all to Ning Yixiao, choosing instead to cling to his hand, an inseparable piece of luggage.

Feeling Ning Yixiao’s hands were a bit dry, Su Hui took hand cream from his pocket, squeezed some out, and quietly rubbed it into Ning Yixiao’s hands while he chatted with the butler. When Ning Yixiao finished, he didn’t forget to take Su Hui’s hand and kiss the back of it. “Thank you.”

Inside their room, Su Hui’s constricted mood eased. Outside the floor-to-ceiling windows lay a blue thermal pool, and not far away were rolling tundra plains. The scenery was stunning. Seeing Su Hui drift toward the glass door, Ning Yixiao knew he liked it.

“We can soak in the hot spring just by opening this door,” Ning Yixiao said, opening it. “Want to?”

Su Hui stared at the water for a long time before asking, “Is it just us?”

“Pretty much. The butler said there are very few guests today.”

Su Hui nodded but hesitated. “Soaking in the hot spring during the day… would that be bad?”

Ning Yixiao laughed. “Iceland is nearing summer; the days are long and the nights are short. You could wait ten hours and it would still be daytime.” His tone was coaxing. “Let’s soak together. You’re tired from the flight, aren’t you?”

Su Hui was easily swayed and nodded, though he remained tense until he actually entered the water. He felt exposed, like an apple slice oxidizing rapidly, or the clumsiest dolphin in an aquarium. To soothe his melancholy, he stared at the black stones by the edge, covered in green moss, which looked like rolling grasslands from afar.

The blue water submerged Su Hui’s stiff body. Shame and anxiety occupied his brain by turns. For a moment, he wanted to bury his face in the water, but the thought was interrupted by Ning Yixiao.

“You’re so pale.” Ning Yixiao moved closer in the water, grasping Su Hui’s forearm—the contrast in their skin tones was striking.

Su Hui didn’t say thanks, but stared at the scars on Ning Yixiao’s chest for a long time. “Should I get scar revision surgery?”

Ning Yixiao made a light joke, but seeing Su Hui’s pained expression, he softened. “I’m teasing you.” He cradled Su Hui’s face, stroking it with his thumb. “If you feel bad for me, then hug me. That will make me very happy.”

Su Hui hesitated for a moment, then did as he was told, hugging Ning Yixiao in the warm water. Their wet skin pressed tightly together; Ning Yixiao’s raised chest scars and his steady heartbeat pressed against Su Hui’s thin ribs.

Hugs really did seem to soothe his anxiety. He nestled in Ning Yixiao’s arms, listening to his whispered murmurs. After ten minutes, he felt much more relaxed.

“Do you speak Icelandic?” Ning Yixiao asked.

Su Hui didn’t answer but countered, “You do, don’t you? You’ve been here before.”

“I spoke English last time. Most people here understand it, so I didn’t bother learning.” In fact, when Ning Yixiao came alone, he had barely spoken at all, remaining silent to simply look at the scenery Su Hui had once wanted to see.

Su Hui moved slightly away, his body sinking until his smooth shoulders were submerged. He whispered, “I only know a few words…”

Ning Yixiao was pleasantly surprised, teasing out a hint of shyness on his face. “Really? What words?”

Su Hui spoke slowly, thinking for a long time. “Um… I can say [lightbulb].” He paused, reciting a multi-syllabic word: “Ljósapera.”

He lacked confidence, but there was a childlike seriousness to it, like a student being tested.

“You’re amazing.” Ning Yixiao couldn’t help but touch his face, curious. “How do you know that word? People usually learn high-frequency words first, like ‘hello’ or ‘thank you.'”

Su Hui paused, then said weakly, “Because the word is interesting.” He tried to explain, “It’s like this…” He used his index finger to trace letters on Ning Yixiao’s shoulder. “The first part, ljós, means light. And the second part, pera, means pear.” He even shaped a pear with his hands. “A glowing pear… is a lightbulb.”

Ning Yixiao processed this for a few seconds and suddenly laughed. Su Hui blinked, unsure why.

Back when he had first entered university, he had met a student from Iceland who taught him these things. He had forgotten much of it—his memory was never good, and his previously strong language-learning skills were now a significant obstacle.

“It is interesting,” Ning Yixiao said, hugging him. It was just like Su Hui to learn a word simply because it was interesting. “Are there others? You must have learned more than one interesting word like that.”

Just as Su Hui was about to speak, voices drifted from nearby—someone else had just entered the pool. He looked toward them, hesitating.

Ning Yixiao said, “I’m getting a bit cold. Let’s head back to the room.”

Su Hui nodded immediately.

Back in the room, in pajamas, the fatigue from the flight faded. Su Hui stood before the bathroom mirror, staring at his flushed face. Ning Yixiao walked in naturally to help him dry his hair.

“You didn’t finish earlier. What else can you say?” Ning Yixiao led him to the bedside and asked again.

Su Hui thought hard. “There’s one related to you.”

Ning Yixiao expected something sweet, but Su Hui said, “It’s [computer].”

“Alright,” he smiled helplessly. “The relevance is indeed high.”

Su Hui didn’t grasp the irony and murmured, “Computer is Tölva.”

Ning Yixiao thought of the glowing pear. “Does this one consist of two parts, too?”

Su Hui nodded. “Mm, it’s a compound word… formed by the first half of tölur and the second half of völva.” He explained with slow focus, “The first part refers to numbers, and the second part means a ‘prophetic witch.’ So… a computer is a ‘number witch’.”

He looked into Ning Yixiao’s eyes, as if asking if it was interesting. Ning Yixiao felt there was no creature in this world more adorable than Su Hui.

“Looking at it that way,” Ning Yixiao sighed, “I’m learning a form of sorcery.”

Su Hui’s eyes smiled, even if only slightly. Ning Yixiao began to think that deciding to bring him here had been a good choice. Su Hui had made it through the extreme phase and was moving toward a more stable period of depression.

“Any more?”

Su Hui thought he looked like a puppy begging for snacks. He remembered another word but shook his head. “I don’t remember.”

Having soaked in the hot spring, Su Hui’s overly pale face had a faint flush. His white pajamas were oversized, the collar slipping to reveal a sliver of shoulder and neck. He had wanted to tell Su Hui—you aren’t good at lying—but instead, he asked, “Want to kiss?”

Su Hui was stunned; they rarely had intimate moments during his depressive phase. But Ning Yixiao didn’t pressure him. “If you don’t want to, I can wait.”

He truly did wait, picking up the room menu. “Are you hungry, we…”

Su Hui’s hand pressed against the bed as he leaned over and kissed the corner of his mouth.

Ning Yixiao stopped, surprised. Su Hui’s excessive sense of shame flooded back. “I… I just…”

Ning Yixiao returned the kiss without hesitation, devoid of lust, gentle and restrained. Feeling Su Hui’s hands clutching the sheets nervously, he reached out and interlaced their fingers.

After a few minutes, Ning Yixiao pulled back, rubbing his nose against Su Hui’s and pecking his lips. They stopped and started, sharing many silent, quiet kisses, as if compensating for the weight of the last ten days.

When they eventually lay back on the bed, Ning Yixiao heard Su Hui whisper his name, saying: “If you want to…”

His mind cleared instantly as he looked into Su Hui’s misty eyes. Su Hui, in his depressive phase, usually had no desire, sometimes even showing resistance. Ning Yixiao hadn’t expected him to ask this, as if he simply wanted to comfort him.

Ning Yixiao pinched his cheek. “Don’t always think about satisfying me.” His smile was gentle. “I’m calm enough for now. I just like you, and I want to kiss you. This is perfect.”

Su Hui blinked and kissed him again, this time on the mole by his eye. Both were exhausted; Ning Yixiao hadn’t slept on the plane and felt the drowsiness hitting him. He held Su Hui and closed his eyes.

But in the second before sleep took him, he felt Su Hui lean to his ear and whisper a few words in a foreign language—short, sweet, and clingy.

“Ég elska þig.”

He didn’t have time to ask for the meaning before he fell asleep.

After who knows how long, Su Hui, still in his arms, whispered to himself, “…it means [I love you].”

They stayed at the Blue Lagoon hotel for only one day before heading to downtown Reykjavík. After a day of relaxation, both were much more energetic. Ning Yixiao was used to the fast-paced travel necessitated by work, but with Su Hui, he slowed everything down, spending most of his time just strolling around.

Reykjavík hugged the sea; the whole city was immersed in the faint, salty wind. Small, dense, colorful houses lined the streets, many covered in casual graffiti, making it look like a town from a fairy tale. The center was small enough to explore on foot.

They walked hand-in-hand, passing a bakery. Su Hui wasn’t hungry, just took a bite of a piece of bread from the paper bag in Ning Yixiao’s hand, but it was much tougher than he expected. He stopped, grabbed it with both hands, and bit down hard, using all his might to tear off a piece. The side effect was a toothache.

Ning Yixiao noticed he had fallen behind, and when he turned back, Su Hui was holding his mouth.

“Dummy.”

He secretly snapped a photo with his camera before turning back to coax him. Su Hui wanted to get angry at being called a dummy, but Ning Yixiao shifted the topic easily.

“Did you notice? They say goodbye by saying bless.”

Su Hui paused, recalling the clerk’s words. “I think…”

Ning Yixiao said wistfully, “It’s like saying goodbye, but wishing you blessings.”

The words warmed Su Hui’s heart, reminding him of the people they hadn’t been able to say goodbye to in time. Compared to the “goodbyes” they never got to say, they only had blessings for each other now.

Su Hui rubbed his sore nose and followed, asking, “Do you speak any other languages?”

“Does English count?”

Su Hui shook his head.

“Then no,” Ning Yixiao replied.

Su Hui thought of Jing Ming. “But… isn’t Jing Ming half-French? Didn’t he teach you French?”

“Him?” Ning Yixiao wanted to complain, but then remembered something and corrected himself. “There is one phrase, actually.”

“What is it?” Su Hui asked, gazing at him earnestly.

Ning Yixiao whispered a strange, humming word. “Ronronner.”

Su Hui frowned, doubting the word existed. “…Ronronner?”

“Yeah, that’s it,” Ning Yixiao encouraged him. “Say it again.”

Su Hui repeated it faithfully, suspicious. “What does it mean?”

Ning Yixiao laughed. “It’s what a little cat does when it’s happy—purring.”

Su Hui realized he was being teased, pursed his lips, and walked ahead quickly.

“It’s a real word! Check if you don’t believe me, I swear.”

“No.”

Still, he let Ning Yixiao hold his hand, repeating the strange word in his ear. Bad puppy. Su Hui counter-attacked in his mind.

They reached Tjörnin lake, the rising sun warming them. Many white swans floated on the shimmering water. Su Hui had feared scaring them, but the swans were not shy; seeing two people approaching, they swarmed toward them.

“They want the bread in your hand,” Ning Yixiao realized.

Su Hui’s first reaction was relief. Perfect, I couldn’t bite it anyway. He went over and tore the bread apart, handing over as much as he could, but the swans began fighting, and Su Hui was almost pulled into the lake.

“Careful.”

Ning Yixiao grabbed his arm just in time. “Do you want to go swimming?” Ning Yixiao glanced at him. “Little land-duck.”

Su Hui was speechless, awkwardly wiping the breadcrumbs from his hands and following behind Ning Yixiao like a little duckling, inseparable.

With the bread gone, the swans, familiar with the ways of tourists, quickly abandoned them. “Let’s go, let’s explore somewhere else.”

Rounding a corner, they came upon a street painted with a rainbow. The rainbow was long, leading to a soaring church. Su Hui recognized it—Hallgrímskirkja, Reykjavík’s landmark.

The design was symmetrical—the middle extremely high, tapering off toward the sides. The leaden-gray stone glowed gold in the sun, sacred and solemn, standing at the end of the street like a church at the end of the world.

Ning Yixiao led him slowly toward it. As they arrived, he remarked, “Do you know what my first reaction was when I saw this church last time?”

Su Hui looked at him and shook his head. “What?”

Ning Yixiao said, “I wondered if the design was inspired by a normal distribution curve. It really looks like one. I’ve been calling it the ‘Normal Distribution Church’ in my head.”

Su Hui processed this for a moment and suddenly burst out laughing. Ning Yixiao was stunned for a second. They looked at each other on the colorful street as a yellow bus sped by, stirring their hair.

“Normal distribution…” Su Hui looked at the external curve of the church. “It really does look like one.”

Ning Yixiao smiled.

An important event seemed to be happening in the church; a sign at the entrance said “No entry.” Su Hui felt a pang of regret.

“We can come back tomorrow.” Ning Yixiao turned to him, his expression serious. “Su Hui, do you know how to pray?”

Su Hui thought of the time he was trapped in the psychiatric ward, where they had to attend services, read scripture, and pray every week. He was the only patient who refused to do it properly.

He nodded, clasped his hands together, and looked at Ning Yixiao.

“Like this?” Ning Yixiao mimicked him.

Su Hui nodded. “Then close your eyes.”

Standing side by side, two tiny, pious ants in front of the magnificent, cold cathedral, they each prayed in silence. A minute later, Ning Yixiao opened his eyes and tilted his head. “Is it okay to make a wish? I just made one.”

Su Hui opened his eyes and confessed, “I did too.”

“What did you wish for?”

Su Hui hesitated. This was the first time he had prayed sincerely, not under duress. “If I say it, it might not come true.”

“It’s okay,” Ning Yixiao said, skilled at coaxing him. “There’s no factual basis for that anyway.”

Su Hui stood blankly for ten seconds before standing on tiptoe and whispering into Ning Yixiao’s ear: “I… want you to be happy always.”

A wish so simple it seemed a waste of a prayer.

Ning Yixiao lowered his head and whispered his own: “I wished that you would stay by my side forever.”

Su Hui’s heart stirred.

Ning Yixiao kissed his earlobe. “Su Hui, we can fulfill each other’s wishes. We don’t need God at all.”