Chapter 93: N. The End of the World [Main Story Finale]

Downtown Reykjavík is small. The two walked hand-in-hand, stopping to browse, and had seen most of it in a day.

Souvenir shops and bookstores are everywhere. Su Hui thought to himself that if he were in a manic phase, he might have spent extravagantly—buying a dozen books on deep-sea life or handmade wool sweaters, as everyone here seems so skilled at knitting.

Su Hui looked at a woman knitting by a shop entrance and toyed with the idea of making Ning Yixiao a pair of gloves. But he felt too clumsy; he probably couldn’t learn quickly. It would be better to study videos online back home, he thought, so I don’t bother anyone.

Back at the hotel dining area, they sat by the window, the quietest guests in the restaurant. Ning Yixiao ordered lamb chops and salmon for him, but Su Hui had little appetite. He barely touched the main course, eating only some side dishes and a small piece of chocolate cake.

Negative images began to surface in his mind again. His gaze rested on the magnificent twilight outside—berry-colored sunlight falling onto colorful eaves, scattering across the distant blue sea—but Su Hui couldn’t find much joy in it. In many moments, he felt an entire mountain range collapsing within him, yet he remained as calm as the sea on the surface.

While he was lost in thought, a young Asian man approached them, tentatively asking, “Are you both Chinese?”

Su Hui was guarded against strangers, but Ning Yixiao nodded. “Yes.”

“That’s great!” The man looked relieved. “Could you do me a small favor? Just a minor issue.” He explained his phone was dead, he couldn’t contact his travel companions, and he wasn’t sure if they had reached the hotel. He wanted to borrow a phone. Ning Yixiao agreed, and the man returned it shortly after. “Thanks so much, they’re almost here!”

“You’re welcome.”

A while later, a group of travelers of various ethnicities arrived in the lobby. They seemed to be friends from all over the world, reuniting with the man and chatting animatedly.

After finishing their meal, Ning Yixiao and Su Hui planned to leave, but the man approached them with an invitation: would they like to join them for a hike to climb a glacier? “It’s safer with a crowd. I just told them—it’s such a coincidence to meet fellow countrymen here! I figured if you came to Iceland, you’d want to trek. Some tour groups are scams, and driving yourself can be dangerous. If you want, you can follow us; we have experienced hikers, and we can look out for each other.”

Ning Yixiao hesitated, unsure if Su Hui wanted to be around others. Given Su Hui’s sensitivity during this phase, Ning Yixiao looked to him first.

Unexpectedly, Su Hui whispered, “Then… does that mean we don’t have to drive?”

Ning Yixiao understood his concern. He held Su Hui’s hand, his voice gentle. “Do you want to go with them?”

Su Hui looked at the group. They seemed enthusiastic. Trekking with them seemed safer, and Ning Yixiao wouldn’t be as bored. He nodded.

Ning Yixiao agreed. “Then thank you.”

“No worries, we’re all travelers,” the man smiled, exchanging contact information. “Just call me Little Wang.” Ning Yixiao exchanged info: “Ning Yixiao. This is my boyfriend, Su Hui.”

Su Hui hadn’t expected him to be so direct and felt a bit unaccustomed to it. Little Wang seemed surprised too; he paused, looked at the two, then smiled. “No wonder. You’re a perfect match. I thought you were two celebrities from far away!”

His tone was sincere, devoid of sycophancy. Hearing this, Su Hui looked at Ning Yixiao and, encouraged by his eyes, responded to the praise. “…Thank you.”

Little Wang’s group’s hiking plan wasn’t rigid. They visited one place a day, camping where the scenery was good, sitting together to chat. Even when Su Hui hid in his tent to sleep, no one disturbed him, which helped him relax. He loved Iceland. The days were so long here that it didn’t matter if his schedule was disordered; sleeping during the day or having insomnia at night didn’t matter—it was basically all daylight.

On the fifth day, they took a bus to the Black Sand Beach. The wind was fierce, the waves snow-white, and the sand a deep, abyssal black. Su Hui squatted down, grabbing a handful, and looked up at Ning Yixiao. “Why is it black?”

Ning Yixiao squatted beside him. “Because these are volcanic lava particles, not sand.”

Su Hui nodded. “Did you come here last time, too?”

“I drove past,” Ning Yixiao said, “but I didn’t get out to walk.”

“Why?” Su Hui leaned his head against Ning Yixiao. He wore a white windbreaker, looking like a white dove nestled against him.

Ning Yixiao’s reason was simple: “It looked too lonely.”

Back then, he had parked on the coastal road, looked at it from afar, and felt it was the kind of place Su Hui would love—but Su Hui wasn’t there. He couldn’t take a single step; his breath felt strangled, unable to move.

But it was different now. Su Hui reached into Ning Yixiao’s jacket pocket and held his hand. “This place feels like the end of the world.”

Ning Yixiao smiled, lowering his head to kiss the top of Su Hui’s hair. “Then I guess we’ve walked to the end of the world together.”

Su Hui looked up, his eyes pure. “Mm.”

The group called to them from a distance: “Yixiao, Su! Come look at this!”

Ning Yixiao replied, “Coming!” He pulled Su Hui up and jokingly called him “Little Su,” mirroring the others. Su Hui let go of the black sand, thinking to himself that this man loved giving him nicknames; he could build a library of them.

“Puppy.”

Ning Yixiao heard him and thought he misheard. “What did you call me?”

Su Hui shook his head, pretending he hadn’t spoken. But Ning Yixiao wouldn’t let it go, reaching out to tickle Su Hui’s sensitive waist. “Say it.”

Trapped, Su Hui tried to dodge but was pulled back into an embrace. He had to admit it. “…Just… Puppy.”

Ning Yixiao pinched his waist. “Is this your revenge because I call you Little Cat?”

Su Hui whispered a rebuttal. “It’s not.”

“Then what is it?”

Su Hui went silent, but Ning Yixiao wouldn’t quit. After a long pause, Su Hui finally replied, “Because I like you.”

Ning Yixiao was satisfied. “Then I’ll reluctantly accept it.”

They caught up to the group and saw the remains of a plane left on the black sand. Someone in the group explained it was a U.S. Navy plane from 1973 that had made an emergency landing here; miraculously, all crew members survived.

The word “miracle” was full of hope. Su Hui stared at it from afar, clutching Ning Yixiao’s hand. Their separation had been like a crashed plane—a moment of carelessness leading to a permanent rift. Yet, six years later, they had reunited safely and were in love. That, too, was a miracle. They had survived their past desperation.

While others took photos, Su Hui squatted down and wrote his and Ning Yixiao’s names in the black sand. He wanted to draw a big heart, but feared it would look ugly, so he gave up. Just as he was about to wipe them away, Ning Yixiao crouched down and extended his finger.

Su Hui grabbed his index finger. “It’s dirty.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Below the names, Ning Yixiao wrote [Little Cat] and [Puppy]. The once-lonely names looked much livelier now.

Su Hui suggested, “Let’s add our real puppy, too.” He wrote [Xue Gao] in the center of the bottom row.

“It suddenly feels a bit crowded after adding him,” Ning Yixiao commented.

Su Hui suddenly discovered a surprise. “I just realized, Puppy and Xue Gao share the same initials.”

Ning Yixiao recited them in his heart. It was true. “What about ‘Iceland Xue Gao’? What does that match?” That was the origin of the name he had given the dog.

Su Hui thought quietly for a moment, then looked at him. “Dummy Puppy.”

Ning Yixiao laughed—a rare, adolescent, boyish laugh. Seeing him laugh, a sweetness surged in Su Hui’s heart.

The longer they stayed in Iceland, the more time seemed to stretch. Ning Yixiao never mentioned when they would go back, and Su Hui didn’t ask. He greedily wasted time on hugs, kisses, and hand-in-hand hikes, leaving their mark at the end of the world.

Ning Yixiao also hadn’t brought up the glacier they had promised to visit, but in the group’s plans, it naturally appeared on the schedule.

The journey was long and bumpy. Su Hui was disoriented upon arrival, struggling to remember where he was. But soon, they bundled up in thick clothes and sat in an off-road vehicle. Through the shaking view, the clear blue glacier appeared without warning.

Su Hui’s emotions surged. He gripped Ning Yixiao’s hand and pointed outside.

“Mm,” Ning Yixiao whispered in his ear. “Svínafellsjökull.”

Bundled up, they squeezed into the back seat, feeling secure—like Su Hui’s heart at this moment, with no room for emptiness. After getting out, they grabbed their gear and followed the group to a flat stretch of snow to put on crampons. Su Hui struggled, watching the others to learn, but Ning Yixiao quickly finished his own and knelt to help Su Hui.

“Was your last trip to the glacier not very smooth?” Su Hui asked quietly, thinking of the letter Ning Yixiao had once sent him.

Ning Yixiao finished securing them and stood up to hold his hand. “It was just very cold. I didn’t dress warmly enough, and I fell from exhaustion. But luckily, someone helped me up. So, this place really isn’t fit for a solo trip.”

Su Hui felt pained, leaning closely against him. “From now on, let’s go everywhere together, okay?”

“Of course.”

Seeing the scenery with one’s own eyes was nothing like watching it in a film. Though it was a desolate, icy wilderness, the glaciers here were crystal-clear, icy blue, unadorned, like layered jewels sparkling brilliantly in the sun—blindingly beautiful. They ventured deep into it, struggling to walk across the ice. Su Hui had assumed that in his current state, even seeing this wouldn’t stir his passion, just a waste of beauty.

But once immersed in this glass world, he seemed to find that innocence from six years ago, feeling a rare satisfaction of a dream realized.

Ning Yixiao kept his hand firmly held. His other hand held his phone, checking the GPS as if walking toward a specific destination, eventually drifting away from the main group. Su Hui, slow to react, didn’t notice anything odd, just followed closely to avoid being a burden.

They arrived at a crevasse—a narrow space squeezed between two towering blue glaciers. Behind them lay endless ice; before them, a vast, snowy plain—a hidden paradise.

Ning Yixiao stopped, looked at the overlapping markers on his digital map, and whispered, “This is it.”

Su Hui looked up at him. “What?”

Ning Yixiao shook his head, closed the map, opened his photo gallery, and handed the phone over. “Su Hui, record a video for me, as a souvenir.”

Su Hui doubted he could do it well, but he nodded. As he prepared to ask how to film, he saw the phone screen was playing a video. The scene was identical: blue glaciers, shaking footage, someone walking while filming. The cameraperson said nothing, just walked silently, but Su Hui faintly heard heavy breathing—it sounded just like Ning Yixiao.

Su Hui couldn’t help but keep watching.

[Let’s mark it here, so it’s easy to find next time.]

It really was him. Su Hui’s breath hitched.

The camera flipped to show Ning Yixiao’s face. He wore a thin black windbreaker; his nose was frozen red, and his eyes were rimmed with red.

[Wrong spot.]

The camera flipped back. Only his legs and the glacier were visible, shaking as he freed a hand to use his teeth to bite off his glove. His long left hand was exposed, but it didn’t move; it just lingered in the wind for a moment. His fingers trembled.

[Too cold…]

Ning Yixiao whispered to himself, retracting his hand to put his glove back on. His breathing was heavy, like a sigh, and his voice trembled involuntarily.

[His hands will freeze.]

[Have to be quick…]

Tears dripped onto the screen, and the video ended. Su Hui felt his heart ache, unable to breathe. A hand reached out to gently wipe his tears away.

In the raging wind, Ning Yixiao’s voice was deep, possessing a magical power to calm the heart.

“I recorded this six years ago while hiking here. I thought this spot was good, so I marked it to practice.”

“I heard from a passerby that due to global warming, this glacier will melt and disappear in a few decades. Thankfully, at least for now, the place I marked is still here.”

He stepped closer, taking out a gift he had prepared. Six years ago, this was just a rough drawing; six years later, it had become a small velvet box.

“Su Hui, there are no restarts or loops in the real world. We are in the only time unit we have. This unit could be fifty years, or forty, or thirty—no one can be sure. The glacier will melt bit by bit and might disappear entirely. If we hadn’t met by then, our wish would never have been realized.”

But thankfully, we reunited in each other’s lives just in time.

“Time won’t stop for anyone. I cannot endure missing you again. No matter what happens, I will never let go of your hand, and you must stay by my side.”

Standing before Su Hui, Ning Yixiao opened the small box and took out platinum couple rings. The main stones were marquise-cut blue diamonds, as dazzling as the blue glaciers around them.

“I had these custom-made with the first paycheck I earned years ago.”

Su Hui was teary-eyed, looking at the dreamlike scene, feeling as though he were hallucinating. He was deeply moved, yet felt a sharp, uncontrollable pain. This was such an important step in life, and he felt like nothing—surrounded by negativity, controlled by his illness, struggling even to banish the rot and phantoms in his mind.

To spend a lifetime with someone like me—the pain might outweigh the joy.

He feared hearing Ning Yixiao speak. All the dark futures he might cause rose up in his mind like hideous scenes, trying to drag him into the abyss of loneliness.

“But I… I am…” Su Hui choked, unable to complete a sentence.

Ning Yixiao pressed his forehead against his, his voice gentle. “Little Cat, I’m giving the control to you.” He placed both rings in Su Hui’s palm. “If you think the timing is wrong and you want to refuse, these rings are yours to dispose of. If you accept, put them on my hand.”

Su Hui clutched the rings—so small, so hard. The tighter he gripped them, the more real they felt.

The wind was strong enough to blow everything away. Ning Yixiao was patient, not rushing him, using his body to block the wind for him, pulling down the brim of his beanie and whispering, “Don’t cry anymore. You’ll get a headache.”

Hearing this, Su Hui cried even harder.

Deep within his slowly beating heart, a yearning for beauty sprouted, like a beam of light piercing through heavy darkness, trying to push out all the negative emotions.

He was truly a mess, but he truly loved Ning Yixiao.

Like trying to escape that psychiatric ward, Su Hui took a crazy step out of the black room, locking all the voices of self-denial behind the door.

Between gasps, he spoke with difficulty: “Ning Yixiao…”

“Yes?”

“I…” Su Hui tried his best to make his voice smooth. “I have a mental illness. I am always temperamental. I often hurt those around me, and I have hurt you. I am immature, unreliable. Sometimes I do impulsive things and regret them, and often I can’t do anything at all…”

He emptied himself, looking timidly at Ning Yixiao. “Even so… are you still willing to be my husband?”

Ning Yixiao laughed.

“Su Hui, you are the most talented, empathetic, and wonderful person I have ever met. You appeared in my darkest hours, giving me happiness and hope for the future. You were the first person to make my heart skip a beat, and you are the only one—no one can replace you.”

“I am very willing to be your husband, and I am very eager to spend every day of the future with you.”

He took off his gloves, extended his hand. “Put them on me.”

Su Hui wiped away his tears. Afraid he was cold, he rushed to put them on him, but his hands shook the more he hurried. Only after taking several deep breaths did he slide the ring onto Ning Yixiao’s ring finger.

After he finished, he looked up. “Is it very cold?”

Ning Yixiao smiled. “It’s okay. Summer doesn’t seem that cold. It seems we arrived at just the right time.”

He took off Su Hui’s gloves and placed the ring on his ring finger. “Does it look good?”

Su Hui nodded. “It looks good.”

Ning Yixiao looked at the glacier, then down at Su Hui. “Little Cat Astronaut.”

Su Hui was unfamiliar with the title. “…Hm?”

“I am Puppy Astronaut. Our surface operations on Dr. Mann’s icy planet have been completed successfully.”

Su Hui froze, reacting after two seconds. Ning Yixiao wanted to say something else, but Su Hui suddenly stood on tiptoe and pressed a light kiss to his lips, catching him off guard.

“You…”

Su Hui rubbed his nose. “This was a celebratory ritual.”

Ning Yixiao smiled. “Right, a celebratory ritual.” He lowered his head to kiss Su Hui again, this one longer.

A while later, Ning Yixiao pulled away slightly, looking into Su Hui’s eyes. “Little Cat Astronaut, is it time to return to Earth?”

“Return… to do what?” Su Hui blinked.

Ning Yixiao kissed his red, teary eyes. “Register our marriage.”

The Iceland trip was like a long, magnificent blue dream filled with silent tenderness, miraculous scenery, and tiny, manageable regrets. But Su Hui knew he would come again, so even the regrets turned into anticipation.

Landing in New York on the afternoon of May 28th, the weather was exceptionally clear, without a single cloud. Su Hui and Ning Yixiao sat in the back of the car, holding hands. Along the way, he saw street performers, the classic British rock music floating in the early summer breeze.

As the car drove into the crowded streets of Manhattan, traffic began to clog, moving in sections. Su Hui felt a bit car-sick; he leaned his head on Ning Yixiao’s shoulder, whispering, “I feel a bit dizzy.”

“Let’s get out and walk.”

Just like that, they disappeared hand-in-hand into the bustling crowd—the image so familiar it made Su Hui trance-like for a second. As they walked, the crowd on the street stopped, standing in the middle of the road.

The massive buildings on both sides were silhouettes against the light. In this vertical crack, the rich orange tilted westward, the twilight burning, dust dancing. Light flooded every corner of the street instantly, embracing everyone equally.

Everyone was bathed in the generous sunset, happily soaked in sunlight. The chaotic, crowded city and the hot, unremarkable summer seemed to be saved in an instant.

Su Hui stood frozen, his hair and his previously pale face coated in a layer of shallow gold, looking soft and beautiful. “It’s the Manhattanhenge…” he murmured to himself.

“Mm,” Ning Yixiao’s voice carried a smile. “What a coincidence, we ran into it again.” His tone sounded as if he hadn’t just encountered a phenomenon that only happens twice a year, but an old friend—a witness to the love once carved into their lives.

The sun moved toward its peak, beginning to tilt toward the horizon. The process was so beautiful, it felt fleeting. The setting sun reflected amber light in Su Hui’s pupils; the abundant sunlight fell on the blue diamond on his ring finger—dazzling, like the miraculous convergence of glaciers and the setting sun.

Blue glaciers melt, but the setting sun reappears, again and again, for the world to own.

Amidst the golden ocean, Ning Yixiao turned his head. “Su Hui.”

Su Hui looked over, meeting his silent intensity. In Ning Yixiao’s eyes, it was as if there were a burning, crashed plane, a miracle that only Su Hui could complete.

“If you were going to die in the next second, what would be your greatest regret?”

The scenario was similar, but the questioner had reversed.

Su Hui laughed.

He gathered his courage in the sea of people, stood on tiptoe, climbed his hands onto Ning Yixiao’s neck, and kissed him. When he pulled away, the last rays of light scattered behind them, turning into long, lingering afterglow.

Su Hui looked at Ning Yixiao, endless tenderness in his eyes.

“No regrets.”

— Main Story Finished —

_

Author’s Note:

The main story ends here. There will be side stories (extras) to follow, which will also be updated daily, so I don’t have to say goodbye to you all just yet (haha).

Actually, this ending was a scene I conceived quite early on, so being able to write it out successfully feels like a tremendous sense of completion. The entire creative process for this book was quite emotional; this is the book I have cried the most while writing (at least so far). Ning Yixiao and Su Hui have both had such a difficult journey; even writing the final chapter was incredibly emotional.

I dedicated a lot of space to the repair of their relationship after their reunion. In reality, I don’t believe their “mirrors” were ever truly shattered; they were simply torn away by fate. However, it is precisely because of that period of loss that they cherish each other all the more and protect one another with such care after regaining what was lost.

Bipolar disorder is an extremely painful mental illness. I did not choose a “true love cures everything” fairy tale script. As of the end of the main text, Su Hui’s illness is still not fully healed, because this “ending” does not mean the end of their story—it is merely an ordinary point in time.

In reality, many people suffer from the torment of bipolar disorder. Only through persistent medication, psychological counseling, and the dedicated companionship of family and friends can one achieve recovery—these are all indispensable. Su Hui is the same. One day in the future, he will also be able to break free from these symptoms; those are stories for Ning Yixiao and him to live out later.

The N-chapters began with Su Hui’s depressive episode, so the N-chapters also end with little Hui’s depressive state. The P-chapters began with a manic episode, and at the moment the P-chapters conclude, Su Hui is also in a manic state; structurally, it serves as a kind of closed loop. Back then, after much hesitation, I chose to use a non-linear narrative (flashbacks). Part of the reason was that I felt a non-linear structure could better immerse the reader in the experience of “mania” and “depression,” making them better understand the volatile and fluctuating feelings of the character Su Hui. Although I knew that non-linear narratives can often discourage readers, I am incredibly, incredibly grateful to everyone for accompanying me to this chapter. This book is truly lucky to have been seen by you all and to have had your support and company.

I will save the rest of my afterword for when the side stories are finished, as per my usual habit. Thank you all, see you in the side stories~