Chapter 77: Perseverance

The past few days of shooting commercials, magazine covers, and giving interviews had been a non-stop whirlwind. Coupled with waking up early to leave today, not long after lunch, Shen Xici could barely keep his heavy eyelids open. He was shooed into the bedroom to sleep by Grandpa He.

The older one gets, the more one fears the cold. Grandpa He didn’t mind, but after Shen Xici started earning money from part-time jobs in his freshman year of college, he immediately had heating air conditioners and electric heaters installed in Grandpa He’s house.

In the warm room, Shen Xici huddled under the covers, only his head showing. “One time, I came back from school after dark, and no one opened the door for me. I had nowhere to sleep, so I came to Grandpa He’s place. The next day, Grandpa He went into the mountains to select good wood, hired a carpenter to make this bed for me, and tidied up this room to be my temporary bedroom. Later, he gradually added a cabinet and a table.”

Sheng Shaoyan sat by the bed, touching his gradually warming face. “Grandpa He is very good to you.”

Shen Xici instinctively rubbed against the other’s warm palm, his words becoming more and more slurred. “Mmm, Grandpa He and you are the best people to me in this world…”

His voice trailed off. Shen Xici snuggled into the soft cotton quilt, his breathing even and slow.

Knowing that Shen Xici was a light sleeper, Sheng Shaoyan waited a while longer before getting up, putting on his jacket, and leaving the room.

In the kitchen, Grandpa He was soaking dried porcini mushrooms and various mountain goods. Seeing Sheng Shaoyan come in, he asked, “Xici is asleep?”

“Yes, he’s asleep. He’s been busy with work these past few days and is sleep-deprived. He was very excited in the car and only relaxed enough to sleep after seeing you.”

Sheng Shaoyan noticed that the stove in this kitchen was spotless. Strings of chili peppers and garlic hung neatly on the wall. A bamboo basket held mountain goods and potatoes. Green vegetables soaked in a carved wooden basin. Earthenware bowls and plates were laid out in a row, holding chopped seasonings.

“When he was filming on the border before, Xici would also buy some rattan baskets on the street to put fruit in.”

Grandpa He smiled. “In this respect, his preferences are indeed very consistent with mine. He can’t take his eyes off these things. Even if they’re not holding anything, just having them on display is nice to look at.”

“He is indeed like that.” Sheng Shaoyan rolled up his sleeves and walked over. “Let me wash them with you.”

Grandpa He stepped aside to make room for him. He didn’t refuse, knowing the young man’s intentions, but since he was a guest, he only assigned a simple task. “Then you can help peel the winter bamboo shoots.”

With that, he demonstrated the technique.

Sheng Shaoyan had never done something like peeling bamboo shoots before, but he had a good memory. After watching once, he perfectly mimicked Grandpa He’s movements.

“This is the best time of year to dig for winter bamboo shoots. The tips have just broken through the soil and haven’t fully grown out yet. At this time, the shoots are at their sweetest and most tender. You follow the direction of the bamboo rhizome. When you see the soil slightly raised and cracked, that’s the spot. This is a delicacy that even the mountain spirits would nod at.”

Grandpa He spoke at a leisurely pace, “I dug all these at dawn from the mountains. Xici loves to eat them. Overnight bamboo shoots don’t taste good. When you leave, I’ll go up the mountain again to dig fresh ones for you to take with you.”

Sheng Shaoyan listened intently. “I’ll go up the mountain with you then. I’ll have to trouble you to teach me how to dig for bamboo shoots.”

The first time Grandpa He saw this person named Sheng Shaoyan, he knew he must be someone who had been in a high position for many years, a man of his word.

Sheng Shaoyan came to help him, chatted with him, and because Xici loved to eat them, he took note of these miscellaneous mountain lores and even took the initiative to ask to go up the mountain with him before dawn to learn how to dig for bamboo shoots. On the satisfaction chart in Grandpa He’s heart, another circle was drawn.

He nodded slowly a couple of times, then suddenly asked, “Who is Sheng Huaizhou to you?”

“He is my grandfather.”

After a moment of contemplation, Grandpa He continued, “Your family’s generation is the ‘Yan’ generation. ‘Shao’ means ‘to inherit’ or ‘to continue.’ You are the eldest grandson of the eldest branch, aren’t you?”

“Yes, my father Sheng Junlan was the eldest son.”

“Then it matches. I once saw your grandfather and your father in Hong Kong. At that time, your family’s ‘Huigang Center Building’ was still in the foundation survey stage. By my calculation, that was already twenty or thirty years ago.”

Sheng Shaoyan immediately remembered seeing that name when he was looking through the architectural files of Huigang Center. A rare look of surprise appeared on his face. “Are you Mr. He Shi?”

Grandpa He also didn’t expect his real name to be revealed. He laughed in surprise. “It’s me, but the name ‘He Shi’ hasn’t been used for many years.”

Back then, the Huigang Center Building was the most important move for Shenghe Group in Hong Kong. Sheng Huaizhou took it very seriously. Following Hong Kong’s tradition, he gathered several top Feng Shui masters and finally hired one of them.

Later, the building’s location, name, and even the number of floors, exterior, and orientation were all designed and built according to the suggestions of that master named “He Shi.”

Not two years later, this Master He disappeared.

His grandfather had once spent a great deal of money trying to find his whereabouts, hoping to ask for guidance again, but all to no avail. At that time, there were even rumors in that circle that He Shi had revealed heavenly secrets, suffered divine punishment, and had died suddenly after his five senses—mouth, eyes, and ears—were crippled.

A great hermit hides in the wilderness. Sheng Shaoyan had never expected that he would one day meet this Master He in this mountain village, and that he would be Shen Xici’s elder.

“My grandfather has been looking for you for many years. A few years ago, when the group’s headquarters was being built in Ningcheng, he even tried to inquire about you.”

“It’s all a matter of fate. If your grandfather had found me, wouldn’t I have missed meeting Xici?” Grandpa He slowly worked with his hands. “The first time I saw Xici, he was still in swaddling clothes. His family brought him to me for a name. A one-month-old baby, born so fair and lovely. Unfortunately, his fate is peculiar, his destiny is thin, and he has a flaw. He has little affinity with the couple Wu Licheng and Zhuo Suli. This world is full of hardships and dangers for him, and he is very prone to an early death. But his life force is extremely strong, as if he is fighting against fate.”

Grandpa He sighed. “That child, Xici, since he is willing to be with you, he should have told you everything, right?”

“Yes, I know he can’t feel pain.”

Understanding Sheng Shaoyan’s purpose in coming to him, Grandpa He’s tone became heavy as he mentioned, “Actually, he could feel it at first. When he was three or four, that beast Wu Licheng burned his arm with a burning piece of wood. I didn’t know at first. It was because the wound kept getting infected from friction and wouldn’t heal. After I saw it, I quickly applied medicine for him. He was trembling from the pain, his face covered in tears, but he didn’t dare to cry out. Such a small child, he had even bitten his lip until it bled. But later, one time he fell and scraped his knee. It was bloody, but he just stood up and continued walking as if he didn’t care.”

Sheng Shaoyan had heard Shen Xici mention this in that rental apartment. Hearing it again now, he still felt a sharp pain as if a blade were cutting his heart.

After confirming what illness Shen Xici had, Sheng Shaoyan had searched all related medical papers and immediately thought, “According to your description, it’s more like progressive pain pathway disorder within congenital insensitivity to pain. A key transcription factor that regulates the differentiation of pain-sensing neurons has mutated. With age, the perception of pain decreases each year, and eventually disappears completely.”

“Yes. When he was five, he came to me one day and secretly told me, ‘Grandpa He, I can’t feel pain anymore.’ Only then did I know that the ‘flaw’ in his fate was manifesting in this way.”

Grandpa He still felt regret as he spoke. “He was a smart child from a young age. After discovering he couldn’t feel pain, he vaguely sensed the danger and didn’t dare to tell that couple. He secretly came to me.”

From the fragments Shen Xici occasionally mentioned and the scars that wouldn’t fade from his body, many shadows of the past could already be pieced together. Sheng Shaoyan said coldly, “They don’t deserve to be parents.”

For a five-year-old child to not tell his mother first after discovering he couldn’t feel pain, that already said a lot.

“Yes. After I found out he couldn’t feel pain, I didn’t sleep all night. A child who can’t feel pain, even with meticulous care, would have a hard time growing up. Most die in childhood, let alone with unkind parents and no one to care for him. I thought about it for a whole night. The next day, I instructed him that this matter was a secret, that he must not let anyone know. From now on, you have to learn many things. You will be scared, and it will be much harder for you than for everyone else around you. He was young then, but he wanted to live. Whatever I taught him, he was willing to learn, willing to practice. In the beginning, he would often injure his corneas when he rubbed his eyes in the morning, and his eyes were constantly inflamed. He wouldn’t know if he bit his tongue while eating, and his mouth would be full of blood and sores. He didn’t know if water was too hot and would often have blisters all over his mouth. But that small child, day by day, endured all this pain and suffering. Whatever I made him practice, no matter how tedious or difficult, he would complete it meticulously. Every time I asked him, ‘Can you still persevere?’ he would tell me with a bright smile, ‘Grandpa He, I want to live. I can persevere.'”

The bamboo shoot sheath was torn open. Sheng Shaoyan remembered in Heyi’s hospital room, Shen Xici had tried to persuade him, saying that anxiety, fatigue, and panic would become a constant torment.

But he himself had gone through it that way.

Just to live, he had exhausted all his efforts.

Sheng Shaoyan thanked him sincerely again, “Grandpa He, thank goodness I had you.”

“No, it was mostly on his own. He was the one supporting himself all along. His fate is thin, and I was punished by heaven, hiding in this remote corner to eke out a living. My fate cannot be too deeply entangled with his, otherwise it would only drag him down. But for just a bowl of rice, a bed, he regarded it as a great kindness, remembered it in his heart, and tried to repay it.”

“And, over the years, I have cast his fate countless times. It’s like walking a tightrope on a cliff’s edge. Almost every year, there is a threat of death. But that child, ever since he went away to school, learned to report the good and hide the bad. Whatever happened, he was afraid of worrying me, so he would always hide it and not tell me, bearing it all himself.”

Sheng Shaoyan had never believed in so-called metaphysics, but hearing the phrase “threat of death every year,” and thinking about how in the past year, Shen Xici had almost been hit by a steel frame and almost had a drug injected into him, he thought for a moment and said, “My grandfather once said that when you were in Hong Kong, you predicted that the Sheng family’s fortune was flourishing, soaring to become a dragon. Would that be useful to Xici?”

Knowing what Sheng Shaoyan was asking, Grandpa He shook his head. “The Sheng family has indeed lived up to its name. You also carry great fortune and deep blessings. But whether he can benefit from it by being by your side is hard to say.”

The ingredients were all prepared. Sheng Shaoyan wanted to continue helping with the cooking, but was shooed away by Grandpa He. “Go, go, you’re not needed here. Go inside and see if Xici is awake. If he sleeps too long now, he won’t be able to sleep at night.”

In the room, Shen Xici, intending to get up and chat more with Grandpa He, had only slept for half an hour before waking up.

Just as he mustered the courage to throw off the covers, a thick jacket was draped over his shoulders, balancing the temperature difference between inside and outside the quilt.

Putting his arm through the sleeve, Shen Xici was still not fully awake. “A’Shao, did you just go out?”

“Yes, I went to chat with Grandpa He for a bit.”

His sleepiness dissipated a little. Belatedly realizing that Sheng Shaoyan’s mood was a bit off, Shen Xici asked curiously, “What did you talk about?”

“About your past.” Sheng Shaoyan leaned down, zipped up his jacket for him, his eyes lowered to hide his emotions. “Did they hit you often?”

Shen Xici’s expression didn’t change as he said lightly, “Actually, it was okay. Zhuo Suli just ignored me. Wu Licheng was often not home, and would only get violent when he came back drunk after losing at gambling. But you know, when I was beaten, it just so happened that I didn’t feel pain, right? Later, when I got a little older, he couldn’t beat me anymore.”

His tone was so light, as if those dark times had never existed.

The sound of a dog barking came from afar. The mountain forest was quiet, and the cold wind rustled through the pine trees.

Sheng Shaoyan didn’t speak, just gently touched the corners of his eyes, which were damp from his nap.

Being looked at like that, Shen Xici paused. After a long while, he looked away, a little sullenly. “I was very good at imitating the reactions of the other kids nearby when they were beaten by their parents—dodging, crying, acting cute, asking for help. I acted very convincingly. At least, neither of them ever suspected. But every reaction seemed to make Wu Licheng swing the stick faster. Later, I stopped dodging and making a sound. He would get bored, curse, and throw the stick away. Because I didn’t feel pain, I never knew how hard he was hitting me. Sometimes, lying on the ground, staring at the ceiling beams, I was terrified that if I moved, I would just die like that.”

Shen Xici had a good memory, so he always tried not to think back on these things, preferring to let those memories hide in a dark corner and slowly rot away.

But at this moment, really telling Sheng Shaoyan, it seemed it wasn’t that hard to say.

“I was about ten, I think. There were a few moments when I thought about suicide. I thought, since I might die any day anyway, there’s not much difference between a little earlier and a little later. Being alive wasn’t happy anyway, it was meaningless. And I wouldn’t feel pain, so no matter what method, I wouldn’t suffer. It was perfect, right?”

Sheng Shaoyan’s voice was very hoarse. “And then?”

“Then I don’t know how I gave up. I was still very young then, and my mind was full of chaotic thoughts. Maybe I just slept on it and felt like maybe I could try not to die. Because once you die, you can’t come back to life. But if you’re alive, everyone dies once in their lifetime. Makes sense, doesn’t it?” Shen Xici then immediately made a “shh” gesture. “I’ve never told Grandpa He any of this. Only you know. You must help me keep it a secret!”

With that, he deliberately tried to lighten the mood. “This is your hush money.”

After saying that, he leaned over and kissed Sheng Shaoyan’s thin lips.

Unexpectedly, just as he was about to pull back after the kiss, Sheng Shaoyan followed.

But unlike the usual kisses full of aggression and tension, this kiss was incredibly gentle.

Shen Xici used to always think that it would be good if someone felt sorry for him, but seeing Sheng Shaoyan so sad because of his past, he felt that a little less heartache would also be nice.