Dou Sheng sat in his chair, fingers lightly tapping the tabletop, his voice carrying a hint of nostalgic reflection.

He looked remarkably like he was speaking the sincere truth.

In reality, he wasn’t at all.

“That year I was in my second year of junior high, my dad had his accident. I was trudging forward, caught between betrayal and pain. I suddenly developed a lot of doubts about life—is striving meaningful? Is being upright the right thing or just being stupid? Can you truly trust your own flesh and blood? I thought I understood everyone, but did I really?”

Xie Jingming’s expression gradually became bewildered.

Xie Lan had a similarly confused face, “What does ‘trudging forward’ mean? The thing about being locked in a small room… lingering?”

Dou Sheng shook his head, “The words are jǔ yǔ. Jǔyǔ qiánxíng means the road ahead isn’t smooth, or that one feels an internal resistance toward moving forward.”

“Um…” Xie Lan knit his brows in deep thought, then gave up on the communication after a moment and started scanning the QR code to order food.

Xie Jingming asked, “Didn’t Wenying talk to you?”

“Talked every day. My mom and I became drinking buddies; she cried every day. For a while, I seemed to be depressed—everything I saw was grey, I didn’t eat much, I didn’t go to school during the day, and I didn’t go home at night. I’d just wander outside all day.”

Dou Sheng looked up to meet Xie Jingming’s startled gaze, “Uncle, you should know about my dad’s situation, right?”

Xie Jingming hesitated, “I know some of it.”

Dou Sheng gave a bleak tug at the corner of his mouth, “Back then I was thinking, maybe the one at fault wasn’t my dad, but me. If I didn’t exist, he could have just divorced my mom directly; it would have been better for both of them.”

Xie Lan’s heart suddenly twinged with pain, and he looked up at Dou Sheng.

Dou Sheng’s expression was the same as before, eyes lowered, making it impossible to tell how much of this was an act.

Regarding that past, he had only heard Dou Sheng mention bits of it while comforting Chen Ge, but he had never pressed for details.

Xie Jingming asked, “And then?”

Dou Sheng let out a heavy sigh, tapped his finger on the table, and his eyes suddenly lit up.

“Then one day, I suddenly opened YouTube.”

“…” Xie Jingming was caught off guard, “YouTube?”

“Yes. That day I had been in a fight and was in immense pain. I stumbled into Xie Lan’s video by mistake. Suddenly, the gauze and iodine in my hands felt a bit trivial. I didn’t want to do anything else at that moment; I just wanted to stand there quietly and finish watching that video.” As Dou Sheng spoke, he took out his phone, skillfully navigated to Xie Lan’s YouTube homepage, scrolled to the bottom, and pointed at the very first upload. “To be embraced by a stranger across thousands of miles—Uncle, have you ever felt that?”

Xie Jingming froze for a moment, “I have… and I haven’t…”

“I can’t put that feeling into words,” Dou Sheng interrupted him. “Even now, I can’t. It was like the tranquility in the eye of a storm. No matter what the world was staging every day, there would be a person quietly playing the violin, and there would be a leaf sitting there listening to him.”

As Dou Sheng said this, his tone seemed to lift involuntarily as he pointed to the gently vibrating plane tree leaf on the screen. “I had a very strong sense of empathy with this little leaf. I was this leaf.”

Xie Jingming looked at the screen in disbelief.

“You identified with the leaf?”

Dou Sheng nodded, “After that, I sent Xie Lan private messages every day, taking photos of plane tree leaves to send to him. Gradually, my state improved. My grades were still trash, but my mood stabilized. Until one day.”

Dou Sheng suddenly, inconspicuously, squeezed Xie Lan’s hand under the table, like a pre-emptive comfort.

“That day, in Xie Lan’s video, the green leaf suddenly changed to a withered one. Other viewers just laughed it off, but I suddenly had a feeling—it was like the end of an era. The leaf had withered; it was time for me to pull myself together. So I cut off the internet and started a final sprint for the high school entrance exams.”

Xie Lan turned his head in shock, looking at him in disbelief.

—That was the final video of Xie Lan’s SilentWaves period, posted after his mother passed away.

The leaf withered, and his mother was gone. Yet that turned out to be the catalyst for Dou Sheng’s decision to return to the light.

Perhaps knowing his true history, Dou Sheng had guessed the symbolism of that withered leaf. He had never told Xie Lan about this.

Xie Jingming, full of confusion, asked Xie Lan: “You used a withered leaf?”

Xie Lan’s eyes flickered, his gaze suddenly going blank, and he gave a low “um.”

“How inauspicious,” Xie Jingming couldn’t help but frown, appearing as if he wanted to bring up old matters, but he hesitated.

He didn’t know it was Xie Lan’s last video, nor did he know it was filmed after Xiao Langjing’s death.

Xie Lan had long known that Xie Jingming didn’t follow his video account at all, yet he still subconsciously knit his brows.

The door to the private room was knocked, and a waiter came in with drinks, temporarily interrupting the conversation.

Xie Jingming poured juice for the two of them and reminisced with Dou Sheng about the past. Dou Sheng followed his questions and calmly gave a few more answers about his previous thoughts.

Those narratives were a mix of truth and lies, seasoned with fabrications and exaggerations, but they were also the shameful pasts he rarely spoke of.

And just like that, he brought them up at the dinner table with total nonchalance.

“So, Uncle,” Dou Sheng lightly squeezed Xie Lan’s hand under the table and smiled, “You can’t say there’s no meaning in Xie Lan making videos. When Auntie Xiao was sick, she could watch her son’s videos for comfort. And who knows how many people like me in the world fall asleep every night listening to the sound of his violin? How can you say it has no meaning?”

Xie Jingming sighed, “Your example is indeed quite special…”

“It’s not special.” Dou Sheng shook his head calmly. “I believe people with energy have a responsibility to influence others. That year or so of watching SilentWaves established my original intention for making videos later on.”

Xie Jingming paused. Having his casual dismissals met with such serious rebuttals left him momentarily unsure of how to respond.

He was brewing something to say when his hand knocked over a chopstick. One fell to the floor, and he bent over to pick it up.

Xie Lan’s mind was still reeling from what Dou Sheng had just said when, suddenly, Dou Sheng let go of him, brought his hand above the table, and poured a glass of juice for Xie Jingming. “Uncle, you should drink some too.”

Xie Jingming stood up with the chopstick—he likely hadn’t seen anything—and smiled, “You drink more. You’re quite the talker; I suddenly remember Wenying being just as talkative back in school.”

Xie Lan breathed a silent sigh of relief.

The waiter knocked again, this time to serve the food.

Dou Sheng didn’t continue the topic. He took out his phone to record short clips of the dishes, and after recording, he sent them to Xie Lan right in front of Xie Jingming.

Xie Jingming looked at Xie Lan several times but ultimately said nothing more.

Halfway through the meal, he couldn’t help but get curious about Dou Sheng’s experience as a creator. “What’s your ID? I’ll download the app and search for you.”

Xie Lan suddenly became nervous.

Dou Sheng’s chopsticks paused mid-air. “The Peerlessly Handsome Dou of the Human World.”

“Dad,” Xie Lan suddenly stammered with nervousness, “Just eat. Why bother looking at his account?”

Dou Sheng also followed up with a laugh, “Uncle, the videos I film aren’t serious; they’re all for laughs.”

Xie Jingming just hummed a couple of times and still managed to find the homepage. “So many followers? Let me see…”

He suddenly paused, frowning at the videos on Dou Sheng’s homepage.

Xie Lan’s heart went cold.

Xie Jingming was different from Zhao Wenying. One look at Zhao Wenying and you knew she had never encountered homosexuality; her first reaction to those videos was to laugh out loud. But Xie Jingming was quite experienced in this regard. Not to mention things further away, he had personally mediated a father-son relationship when a friend’s son came out, and the neighbors of their old house in London were a gay couple raising a French bulldog.

Xie Jingming frowned at the small text on the screen, “‘Pretending I have a boyfriend’? You filmed this with Xie Lan?”

Dou Sheng smiled casually while eating, “Yeah, a platform-assigned prompt. Just filmed it for fun.”

“This isn’t very good,” Xie Jingming hesitated. “You have so many followers; if you make jokes like this, it’s easy for them to misunderstand.”

Dou Sheng was amused, “So what if they misunderstand? My sexual orientation has nothing to do with them. I can’t be expected to pick a partner from a follower giveaway, can I?”

Xie Lan, who had been nervously drinking water, choked, nearly spraying it out.

Xie Jingming was also startled; the shrimp he had picked up fell.

Dou Sheng smiled as he gathered more food, “Though Xie Lan could actually do that. No need for a giveaway, just pack himself up and air-drop him down to see which lucky fan he hits.”

Xie Lan: “…”

Xie Jingming was amused to the point of exasperation, “You kid, your words have no… no…”

“No basis, no beginning or end, no grounding.” Dou Sheng finished for him, laughing, “I talk nonsense daily, don’t mind me.”

The elaborate meal lasted over three hours. Afterward, Xie Jingming dragged his luggage and returned to the Wangjiang Liying apartment with them.

Xie Lan and Dou Sheng tried to pull him several times, but he refused to go upstairs. He just wandered around below and handed the suitcase to Xie Lan to take up.

The suitcase was deathly heavy. Xie Lan opened it in the room and was shocked.

—Xie Jingming had bundled up all the materials for his IMC sprint and brought them over. Books and materials are the heaviest; half the weight of the suitcase came from them. Additionally, there were several cameras Xie Lan used to use, his laptop, the headphones and fountain pen Xiao Langjing gave him, a photo of the family of three, and two blocks of violin rosin he frequently used…

In the corner of the suitcase, some wrinkled old T-shirts were stuffed. Xie Lan pulled them aside, and two stacks of pink bills fell out—it looked like twenty thousand RMB in cash. Tucked between the cash was a small transparent plastic card holder containing a domestic bank card.

Dou Sheng stared at the money for a long time, “Your dad has been away for too long; he doesn’t know that cash is rarely used in China anymore.”

Xie Lan gave an “um,” “Electronic payments have spread a bit in the UK, but it’s not comparable to here. There are still many people who swipe credit cards or pay in cash.”

He initially wanted to give the money back to Xie Jingming, but then he realized that Xie Jingming had no use for these RMB. Tucked among the bills was a foreign currency exchange receipt from Barclays Bank; it was likely that Xie Jingming had gone to the bank specifically to exchange it before returning to China.

Thus, after a moment of conflict, Xie Lan put the cash away in his room with his luggage. Before heading downstairs, he only pocketed the bank card.

In the afternoon, they took Xie Jingming on a sightseeing ferry on the river. He and Xie Jingming still didn’t have much to say, but Dou Sheng chatted easily, talking animatedly about the country’s development. Xie Lan couldn’t get a word in and just listened quietly.

Xie Jingming seemed to quite admire Dou Sheng. He was usually a proud person who didn’t even talk much with his own son, let alone others. But that afternoon he talked a lot with Dou Sheng. His scholar’s habit kicked in, and he had Dou Sheng critique various things as if it were an interview. Xie Lan was so awkward he could only stare out at the river alone, but when his mind drifted back, he found Xie Jingming had started asking about Dou Sheng’s hobbies and daily habits.

Sitting in the open-air seats on the third level of the ferry, Xie Lan looked at the buildings of Wangjiang Liying on the riverbank, suddenly feeling very dazed.

The more they interacted, the more he felt Xie Jingming had changed significantly. But he didn’t know if these changes were brought about by Elizabeth or by his own departure six months ago, and it was hard to investigate.

The ferry ride lasted an hour and a half. During the second half, Xie Lan got a bit seasick. When they disembarked, he was dizzy and felt like vomiting.

As he was carefully walking down the steep stairs, he caught an earful of the discussion between Dou Sheng and Xie Jingming behind him.

Xie Jingming was saying, “The country is encouraging people to have more children now. Back in our day, we were only allowed one. Only children are lonely; it’s quite good for you and Xie Lan to go to and from school together. When your generation has children, there won’t be this kind of problem.”

Dou Sheng yawned, “I’m not having kids anyway, so it has nothing to do with me.”

Xie Lan’s legs went stiff. He paused for a moment before forcing himself to continue down.

Xie Jingming was surprised, “You’re not having kids? Why?”

Dou Sheng said, “I just want to stay with the person I love.”

“Everyone says that when they’re young.” Xie Jingming sighed, “When you get older, you’ll understand—you need children to accompany you, otherwise it’s truly lonely.”

“Is that so?” Dou Sheng smiled, “Then I’ll adopt. I’ll pick a lucky fan to be the child for me and… and the person I love.”

Xie Lan: “…”

Here he goes again.

He couldn’t help but turn back and ask sincerely, “Can you please let the fans go?”

Xie Jingming’s expression was complex. After a long time, he sighed and turned away.

They had hotpot for dinner. Both Xie Jingming and Dou Sheng could eat spicy food, so they got a split pot with a clear broth for Xie Lan. Hotpot is a magical invention; the three of them ate with great enthusiasm. Very few serious matters were discussed; just the act of swishing and scooping meat and serving each other was enough to carry the entire evening’s conversation.

It was past 8:00 PM by the time they returned to the hotel. It was only after entering the lobby that Xie Lan pulled the bank card out of his pocket. Dou Sheng glanced at it and said to Xie Jingming, “Xie Lan will see you up. I’ll wait down here.”

Xie Jingming nodded in agreement. Xie Lan followed him into the elevator. Xie Jingming asked again, “You’re not staying with your father tonight?”

Xie Lan paused, “I think we booked a room with one large bed.”

Xie Jingming nodded, “Fine, suit yourself.”

The hotel hallway was intentionally designed with a dim atmosphere. The carpet was thick, automatically silencing footsteps.

It was only after entering the room that Xie Lan placed the card on the table, “Take this back. I can support myself by making videos.”

“That is your own capability,” Xie Jingming looked at him. “As a father, I have the responsibility to support you until you are an adult. When I spoke of cutting off funds before, it was to make you come back. It seems you have made up your mind now.”

Xie Lan gave a low “um,” “Yes. I’ve made up my mind. I don’t want to be British; I want to stay in China.”

He looked at the card; the surface was very new. He didn’t know how much money Xie Jingming had put in it.

He didn’t really want to know either. If he stuffed it into an ATM to check and an astronomical figure came out, then Xie Jingming might as well just announce he was going to have children with Elizabeth and start a new life.

“Don’t worry, I didn’t give you much.” Xie Jingming smiled, “Twenty thousand in cash, and thirty thousand in savings. This is your living expenses until you go to university, including tuition and the living costs you’ll give to your Auntie Zhao. Once you’re in university, you’ll be an adult. If you’re short on money, give me a reason when you ask.”

Xie Lan looked at him for a long while, gave an “um,” and picked up the card. “You should rest. Dou Sheng and I will come to pick you up for breakfast tomorrow morning.”

“Wait a moment.” Xie Jingming suddenly called out to him, sitting on the neatly made hotel bed. “I want to ask you—what is the relationship between you and Dou Sheng?”

The truth was laid bare in one sentence.

Xie Lan’s head snapped up, his expression uncontrollably stiff.

Xie Jingming was, as always, sharp and relentless. He didn’t even give Xie Lan a chance to prepare himself; he just asked directly.

His first reaction was that it was because of Dou Sheng’s half-joking testing today, but he soon felt that wouldn’t be enough to make Xie Jingming so certain.

Xie Jingming looked at him for a moment, his expression turning neutral. “This reaction… I guessed correctly?”

Xie Lan instinctively wanted to say no, but the word reached his lips and he swallowed it back down.

He steadied himself and asked, “Guessed what?”

No anger or much emotion could be seen in Xie Jingming’s expression. After a moment of thought, he said, “The way you two interact is very unusual. If you were ordinary friends, a video collaboration like that would be impossible. But if you were good friends, you shouldn’t compromise to the other after just a few sentences when you have a difference of opinion—not to mention asking for the other’s opinion on everything, from what to eat to where to go. I felt awkward all day, thinking about it the whole way, and then I suddenly remembered—isn’t this exactly how Shannon’s son and his boyfriend acted when they were together secretly?”

Xie Lan was speechless.

Xie Jingming paused and asked hesitantly, “Is it that he likes you?”

“It was a mutual agreement,” Xie Lan replied immediately. He paused, and for fear of ambiguity, he repeated the words used by Che Ziming and the others: “The two of us are… together.”

The secret was out; there was no point in hiding it.

Though his hands and feet were cold at this moment, he wasn’t completely surprised. He had known since he was a child just how piercing Xie Jingming’s gaze could be.

Xie Lan took a deep breath, “No matter what, Dou Sheng and I won’t separate because of other people’s thoughts. If you want—”

“Sh… sh…” Xie Jingming immediately told him to shut up, using the interjection Xie Lan had hated since childhood.

But Xie Lan still paused, “Go ahead.”

Xie Jingming frowned, “First, answer my question honestly: how long have you been together?”

“Three months.” Xie Lan paused, “Less than four months. Why?”

“Three or four months can’t count for anything,” Xie Jingming immediately evaluated coldly. “Children with hot blood—do you even know what you want? Do you know what you have to bear by taking this path in China?”

Xie Lan met his gaze for a moment, “I haven’t thought about what Dou Sheng and I want. I only know that I like him, he likes me, and being together was natural.” As he spoke, he gave a mocking smile, “If that requires considering what to bear, did you think about what you’d have to bear when you decided to be with Elizabeth?”

Xie Jingming was stunned for a long time. Then he gave a bitter smile, “Xie Lan, you are too aggressive. Let me ask you, does your Auntie Zhao know about this? What is her attitude?”

Xie Lan was suddenly silenced.

“She… doesn’t know yet,” he said hesitantly. “Since you were the first to see it, what is your attitude?”

Xie Jingming looked at him, “My attitude—do you care?”

“I do,” Xie Lan said. “Of course I care. Like you said, we can’t truly sever the relationship between father and son.”

“I really don’t know whether to be happy or sad hearing you say that.” Xie Jingming rubbed his fingers bitterly. “I am very unhappy. But—”

“But?”

Xie Jingming scrutinized him for a moment, “But I also cannot and should not allow myself to force you on a matter like sexual orientation. If you and he are serious, and you don’t find him, you would eventually find another boy anyway.”

Xie Lan felt a wave of relief in his heart. Suddenly, it was a bit easier.

He probably hadn’t realized it lately, but there had been a stone weighing on his heart. He had hoped that one day that stone might loosen, but he hadn’t expected Xie Jingming to be the one to bring him a sliver of comfort first.

Xie Jingming didn’t speak again, frowning at the floor as if in deep thought or weighing options. He often had this expression when encountering difficulties in his research.

After a long while, Xie Jingming frowned and said, “If you want to know my attitude: my attitude is non-support, but non-interference. Provided that, first, it must not interfere with your studies. You must truly get into your mother’s university, and into a math-related major. Do not brush me off, and do not brush yourself off. Second, if you are still together before you go to university, you must have Dou Sheng’s parents’ consent, otherwise I will withdraw my tolerance. Third, a father’s advice: if you have longer-term plans, you can consider studying abroad and staying in the UK. The West is more inclusive and advanced than China on any level, and it could also…”

Xie Lan immediately interrupted him, “The first point is fine. The second point cannot be guaranteed. The third point is rejected.”

He suddenly felt like he was in a debate match and said quickly, “I cannot force Dou Sheng on matters involving the relationship between mother and son. As for future development—China or abroad—you and I have never reached an agreement.”

“I am not negotiating with you.” Xie Jingming rubbed the bridge of his nose and added, “The third point is just my suggestion. You must achieve the first two.”

Xie Lan wanted to say more, but Xie Jingming waved his hand tiredly, “Fine, let me have some peace.”

The intent to dismiss was too obvious. Xie Lan hesitated before saying, “Then Dou Sheng and I will come pick you up for breakfast tomorrow.”

“No need. I haven’t been back in a long time; I’ll walk around by myself tomorrow.” Xie Jingming glanced at him, “When your Auntie Zhao returns, let’s have dinner together tomorrow night. Don’t bother me during the day.”

Xie Lan paused, “What are you going to say to Auntie Zhao?”

“What can I say?” Xie Jingming sneered, “That your son and my son are together?”

Xie Lan looked at him warily.

He couldn’t tell if Xie Jingming was being sarcastic or serious. His brain gave up thinking; he just wanted a definite answer.

Xie Jingming, stared at by him for a long time, let out a sigh, “If you distrust me that much, I can skip tomorrow’s dinner. Go back and think about it yourself. If you won’t let me see your Auntie Zhao, then tomorrow at noon you and Dou Sheng come over and accompany me for another meal.”