He Is Constantly Jealous Of Himself

JOH CH123: Confession

“It’s okay, Ting-ge,” Su Yiran hugged Gu Yuanting and gently stroked his hair. “In this life, you haven’t done those bad things.”

Gu Yuanting looked up, staring blankly at Ranran.

“The things from your past life are already gone. In the end, your fate…” Su Yiran said, thinking about how Ting-ge had self-immolated in the fire, and his heart still ached, “at least there was some closure.”

He didn’t ask Ting-ge exactly what bad things he had done, and Gu Yuanting had no intention of elaborating further. Su Yiran understood that Ting-ge had confessed enough already.

Su Yiran kissed Ting-ge. “I understand you. Don’t think too much about it. Those people from your past life are all fine now. You are doing well, you haven’t done anything wrong, and you’re still the Ting-ge I love.”

Perhaps this wasn’t fair to those people in his past life, but the human heart is naturally biased. Su Yiran loved Gu Yuanting, so his stance was never neutral — it naturally sided with Gu Yuanting and justified him.

Gu Yuanting stared at Su Yiran’s serious, loving eyes, his heartbeat quickening until it drummed loudly in his ears. Suddenly, he hugged Su Yiran tightly, as if snapping back to reality, his heart filled with excitement, emotion, love, and being loved, and passionately kissed him.

In the past, he had imagined many times how Ranran would react upon learning the truth. He thought of many scenarios and how he would respond — but never imagined that Ranran would accept him completely, so forgivingly.

Su Yiran was kissed fiercely for a while. At first, he could respond, but soon he felt dizzy and breathless, and hurriedly pushed Ting-ge away with a muffled sound.

Only then did Gu Yuanting release Su Yiran’s lips. They held each other to catch their breath, then resumed kissing gently and tenderly.

Yesterday he had already felt the peak of happiness; he never expected even greater happiness awaited him today.

His Ranran.

He loved Ranran so much.

After a tender kiss, they parted, and Su Yiran suddenly recalled something. “The doctor said you seriously lack a sense of security. You’re worried… after I know everything about you, I might not be able to accept you, right?”

Gu Yuanting nodded, then quickly added, “Sorry, I… didn’t trust you enough.”

He truly lacked security, but that had nothing to do with Ranran. Ranran had already given him enough love. It was his own psychological problem.

“Why are you apologizing again?” Su Yiran stroked Ting-ge’s hair. “That’s normal. If I were you, I’d feel uneasy too.”

Gu Yuanting hugged Su Yiran tightly and carefully kissed him. “Do you think I’m annoying?”

After finally being with Ranran, he read many books about love psychology and realized his behavior wasn’t normal. Not only was his personality a little abnormal, but his excessive insecurity, anxiety, and overthinking were also abnormal.

He knew he was exhausting to be around and understood love wasn’t an endless resource but a fragile thing. So he was very afraid of consuming Ranran’s love, always controlling and suppressing himself, unwilling to expose how often he felt insecure.

He was very afraid of losing Ranran’s love.

But now, he no longer felt so uneasy. Even the thing he worried most about — Ranran’s love being diminished — hadn’t happened at all. Ranran wouldn’t leave him.

Now, his love for Ranran was more confident than ever.

Gu Yuanting looked at Su Yiran expectantly, his eyes sparkling.

“Yeah, you are a bit annoying,” Su Yiran said seriously, nodding.

Gu Yuanting: “…”

Gu Yuanting started to panic, but Su Yiran smiled and kissed him. “But even if you’re a little annoying, I still love you.”

Gu Yuanting was stunned, then suddenly felt relieved and laughed. His heart settled.

No one is perfect. He couldn’t demand perfection from himself, but even imperfect, he still received Ranran’s steadfast love.

“Actually…” Su Yiran glanced at Ting-ge and suddenly said, “You know what? There’s a funny coincidence.”

Gu Yuanting saw the mischievous look on Su Yiran’s face and asked, “What?”

Su Yiran said, “Actually, like you, I’ve lived two lives too. But unlike you, I originally crossed over from another world.”

Since Ting-ge had confessed, Su Yiran felt he should tell him about his own origin.

He hadn’t said before because crossing worlds sounds like nonsense to ordinary people — telling it sounds like a story no one would believe. But now it was different.

Su Yiran told Ting-ge how he had crossed over and suddenly became the younger version of “Su Yiran.”

Gu Yuanting was stunned. No wonder Ranran accepted his past life story so easily. He never expected Ranran had a similar experience. Well, it was unexpected but somehow reasonable.

All previous doubts were explained — why young Ranran sometimes acted like a little adult, why sometimes he seemed distracted, thinking about things Ting-ge didn’t know, why sometimes Gu Yuanting felt Ranran wasn’t from the same world…

Why at certain moments he felt like he couldn’t quite hold onto Ranran…

Gu Yuanting instinctively tightened his embrace and asked, “What about your past?”

Su Yiran slowly began to tell Ting-ge about his past life. Actually, his story was simple — a somewhat hard childhood, then self-reliance as he grew up, a good life step by step, then crossing over and meeting Gu Yuanting.

Gu Yuanting listened carefully and often asked for details, unwilling to miss any little thing about Ranran.

In his heart, he felt a little confused and scared. Ranran came from another world, so they truly were not from the same world…

“Ting-ge,” Su Yiran asked, “Why do you think it’s such a coincidence that we met and ended up together?”

Su Yiran found it a bit magical to ask.

Gu Yuanting was stunned. Yes, why was it such a coincidence? They originally lived in two completely unrelated worlds, but suddenly, one was reborn, the other crossed over, and both awakened at the same point in time over twenty years ago, just like that, they met, accompanied each other, and fell in love.

Gu Yuanting was enlightened. He straightened up and his eyes shone brightly as he looked at Ranran.

He knew!

During his amnesia period, he had studied quantum entanglement and parallel universe theories. Actually, even before losing memory, he had researched and read many papers on this.

This must be because, due to some reason, the “souls” of him and Ranran living in different worlds became quantumly entangled across time and space. Otherwise, how else to explain why among billions of people in countless parallel universes, only he and Ranran were pulled together through rebirth and crossing over in such a miraculous way?

Quantum entanglement locked their “souls” together. No matter where Ranran’s soul went, whether back to his original world or to other worlds, his soul would always follow, and they could never be separated.

Su Yiran saw Gu Yuanting’s excitement and asked, “What’s up?”

Gu Yuanting excitedly explained the whole analysis to Su Yiran.

Su Yiran was silent for a moment, but the more he thought, the more it made sense…

It very likely was like that. Otherwise, how else to explain it? How could it be such a coincidence?

Su Yiran nodded. “You’re right.” Once accepting this, his eyes sparkled too. “No matter where we go, we won’t be separated.”

Seeing Ranran confirm his theory, Gu Yuanting felt even more sure. He decided to invest more in quantum science and parallel universe theory to advance domestic science and solve the mystery of quantum entanglement.

Having finally solved his worry and completely confessed to Ranran, Gu Yuanting’s anxiety vanished. He kissed Ranran hard.

“Ranran…”

He wanted to get even closer to Ranran.

Su Yiran noticed Ting-ge’s intention and blushed, but he also desired Ting-ge…

Time passed slowly, and before they knew it, three months had gone by.

“Everyone, remember, don’t whip the cream all the way,” Su Yiran was doing a live stream in the cake room at home, whipping cream and explaining to his viewers, “Whip it to about 80-90% done, so it’s firmer. That way, the rolled sponge cake will hold its shape better.”

Today’s live was making the store’s new seasonal hit: matcha rolled cake.

The matcha series had launched in March, and the matcha roll, with its novel design and delicious taste, had quickly gone viral online.

Now that the matcha series had been out for over two months, Su Yiran, following his habit, began streaming the full process of making the new dessert, which delighted viewers.

Su Yiran’s live stream schedule had returned to normal: five times a week, two hours each session from 3 to 5 pm, with adjustments for special events or days off.

Recently, due to various reasons, he had stopped streaming for long stretches or did shorter streams. Though many fans remained loyal, some had been lost. Those who stuck around were true fans.

After three months of regular streaming, his audience had bounced back, and his stream was again frequently ranked high on real-time viewer charts.

Although Su Yiran no longer needed money, his original intention to share dessert knowledge and communicate with others remained strong, so he still loved streaming.

The dessert shop was growing similarly on schedule.

Now the shop no longer needed his daily attention. Recently, Su Yiran was busy with branch and franchise matters. The first branch in the university town was ready to open in a few days, and franchise talks were ongoing.

After the shop became popular online, many people contacted him via Weibo messages and store phone calls asking if they could use the “Yi Ting” brand to open franchise stores in other provinces and cities.

Su Yiran knew that franchising was not just words. After signing agreements, he would need to support franchisees in brand, products, personnel, management, and marketing, and also carefully select franchisees with proper qualifications.

This would not be done overnight, but Su Yiran was confident he would make “Yi Ting” a household name nationwide.

“Those who like fewer layers can roll two to three sheets,” Su Yiran continued rolling the sponge skin while explaining, “Those who want more layers can roll five or six, but I don’t recommend more than seven.”

While Su Yiran streamed in the cake room, Gu Yuanting was in the living room taking care of their child.

The baby was now able to hold onto the wall and walk by himself. Sometimes, without support, he could wobble a few steps. Gu Yuanting was nervous that the baby might bump or hurt himself, but also wanted him to be independent. So he kept his eyes on the child without blinking.

Finally, when the baby got tired from playing, Gu Yuanting quickly picked him up to soothe him to sleep. The baby rested drowsily on his dad’s chest and soon fell asleep.

He carefully placed the baby in the crib and finally breathed a sigh of relief.

Leaving the nanny to watch the baby, Gu Yuanting looked up at the tightly shut cake room door, feeling a bit gloomy.

It was Friday. He had managed to finish work early, hoping to come home and kiss Ranran right away, but Ranran was still streaming.

Gu Yuanting looked at the closed door again, then quietly went upstairs feeling a little disappointed.

Gu Yuanting’s work had also returned to normal. The large backlog of tasks from before had long been cleared. On workdays, whether he went to the office or met people outside, he tried to handle things early. Sometimes he even worked from home.

Gu Corporation was developing very smoothly domestically. He understood many future development trends, and every decision hit key points. Gu Corporation had already established a strong foundation in the country, and Gu Yuanting planned to move the company headquarters to the mainland within a year.

At the same time, he knew City A would become a new first-tier city. He had already cooperated with relevant departments to promote the city’s industrial upgrading, aiming to develop it mainly as a high-tech industry hub with tourism as a secondary focus, pushing City A to complete its upgrade to a new first-tier city ahead of schedule.

Unless something unexpected happened, he and Ranran planned to live in City A for the long term. Naturally, he hoped City A would develop better and better.

Gu Yuanting also understood Ranran’s ambition. Since Yi Ting Desserts was a brand they both pinned their hopes on, he hoped the Yi Ting brand would spread all across the country. However, he would only provide support—sometimes openly, sometimes discreetly—when Ranran needed it, without interfering in everything.

Besides these, Gu Yuanting was paying extra attention to one person.

That person was his rival from his past life. In the later half of his previous life, a rival appeared who was very eye-catching from the start. At first, Gu Yuanting didn’t care much, but unexpectedly, the rival seemed almost supernaturally aided and gradually became a major threat. Even though Gu Yuanting defeated him multiple times, the rival always managed to survive and even counterattack.

In the end, their conflicts drew out more contradictions, and Gu Yuanting headed toward his failure.

Having battled this rival for years, Gu Yuanting already knew his background thoroughly and easily found out the rival’s current situation.

It was the same as in his past life: the rival was now poor and humiliated, living in miserable conditions but still persevering and struggling through the low point.

Gu Yuanting had no intention of interfering in the rival’s life or crushing the underdeveloped rival “in the cradle.” He bore no hatred toward him. In the past life, their relationship was simply one of winners and losers.

After understanding the rival’s situation, Gu Yuanting stopped paying close attention and only had his subordinates keep watch on the rival as a precaution. Perhaps, when the rival grew stronger, they might even cooperate.

After reading documents in his study for a while, Gu Yuanting’s mind wandered to Ranran. Feeling a little distracted, after finishing reviewing a file, he opened a drawer and took out their marriage certificates.

The one they registered during his amnesia period was not shoved away in a corner but placed next to this marriage certificate. After all, it was also their marriage certificate, filled with special memories.

As time went by, the dissociation and cognitive confusion he experienced right after regaining memory had healed. Sometimes he even felt like his dissociated self back then was a fool.

He opened the red booklet and looked at it sweetly for a long time.

He and Ranran had been married for over four years now, soon almost five.

Gu Yuanting tenderly touched Ranran’s photo on the certificate, then picked up the other marriage certificate beside it and fondly caressed it, recalling the sweet memories at the seaside chapel.

Having married Ranran twice, he felt he had gained so much.

After looking for a while, he eagerly wanted to see Ranran. He put the two marriage certificates away and went downstairs.

Pushing open the cake room door, Gu Yuanting saw Ranran making desserts while answering viewers’ questions: “Yes, freezing for thirty minutes is enough. But if you can freeze the rolled cake a bit more solidly, the cut surface will look nicer.”

Su Yiran heard the noise behind him and looked back, smiling at Ting-ge. “You’re here.”

Gu Yuanting couldn’t help but smile back and quickly walked over. “Hmm, the baby just fell asleep. What are you making? Let me help.”

“Matcha rolled cake, almost done.” Su Yiran glanced at the live chat, and the chat lit up excitedly:

[Yi Ting appeared! Level 1 couple goals alert!]

[All battle personnel prepare! Gu Tingting is here! Protect our side!!]

Su Yiran blushed and hurriedly continued making desserts. “You just sit by me.”

The freshly made roll had already been put into the freezer to chill for half an hour. But Su Yiran had prepared an extra roll earlier, so now he just needed to sprinkle matcha powder on it.

Gu Yuanting obediently sat beside him, watching Ranran work seriously and glanced at the chat comments:

[I’ll help you, so sweet!!]

[So obedient, as soon as Yi Ting told him to sit beside, he did.]

[So sweet, just seeing them together makes me cry happy tears.]

[Was Yi Ting just soothing the baby? After that, he’s helping Yi Ting work, so virtuous QAQ.]

[Mama, I believe in love again ┭┮﹏┭┮]

[I refuse QAQ daring to compete with Tingting for Yi Ting.]

[While Tingting isn’t looking, quickly hug Yi Ting like a 100-meter sprint! Sneak in a kiss too.]

Gu Yuanting happily enjoyed the chat until he saw the last two comments, and his face immediately darkened. He felt an impulse to hide Ranran quickly and to find and beat whoever posted those comments.

He didn’t know how many such comments there were, and thinking about this made his face as black as the bottom of a pot. He stifled his jealousy and mentally scolded himself.

He blamed himself for having agreed to Ranran’s live streams out of jealousy.

“Now decorate it with some parchment paper, and the matcha rolled cake is done,” Su Yiran smiled at the audience. “You can also make the plain or chocolate flavor this way. For chocolate, just sprinkle cocoa powder.”

Gu Yuanting looked at the chat a few more times, then at the smiling Ranran’s face. Finally, he took a deep breath and suppressed his jealousy.

Ranran loved him so much; he had to grow and improve. He couldn’t be jealous and try to hide Ranran like before.

He told himself to grow and not care about those irrelevant people. After some mental preparation, he successfully regained composure and could now look at the chat calmly.

Su Yiran finished making the matcha rolled cake, chatted briefly with the viewers, then said goodbye and ended the live stream.

He looked back and saw Ting-ge sitting there, looking calm and composed but with lips tightly pressed. He couldn’t help but laugh, hugged him, and kissed him — too adorable.

“Little jealous spirit,” Su Yiran affectionately tapped Ting-ge’s nose.

No doubt, Ting-ge was jealous over the chat comments again.

Gu Yuanting didn’t expect to be caught, but Ranran’s affection was so evident he didn’t mind at all.

Gu Yuanting felt sweet inside, hugged Ranran, kissed him, and earnestly said, “I will improve.”

“You’ve already improved a lot.” Su Yiran smiled, stroking Ting-ge’s head. He truly had grown a lot. Even when he got jealous today, he didn’t interrupt Su Yiran’s work and quietly persuaded himself on the side.

Su Yiran brought over the freshly made matcha rolled cake. “Try it, just made it, still a little cold.”

“Very delicious.” Gu Yuanting ate a piece and smiled with his eyes bent toward Ranran.

Su Yiran couldn’t help but kiss Ting-ge again.

Being kissed by Ranran again, Gu Yuanting’s heart danced with joy, almost drunk on sweetness.

The two sat together and finished the dessert they made that day. Every time Gu Yuanting took a bite, he couldn’t help but glance at Ranran. Seeing this, Su Yiran laughed and asked, “What’s up?”

“Why do you love me so much?” Gu Yuanting accidentally said what he was thinking and, after saying it, blushed rarely.

Why would Ranran like him, even love him?

Lately, this question popped up in Gu Yuanting’s mind from time to time. Thinking about it without guessing the reason, he would suddenly laugh like a fool.

Hearing Ting-ge’s silly question and seeing his reddened earlobes, Su Yiran couldn’t help but laugh. After laughing, he realized he was also stuck on the question.

Why did he fall in love with Ting-ge?

Su Yiran looked at Gu Yuanting and thought for a long time. “Maybe… simply because I love you.”

Does love need a reason? Or does it not?

If you really start analyzing love’s reasons, it’s complicated. Is it looks? Personality? Kindness? Hormones? Memories? Companionship? Feeling? Su Yiran couldn’t say.

But he loved him.

Gu Yuanting seemed shaken. His question was casual, but Ranran’s answer was simple, not exactly an answer, but it shook him more than any explanation.

“And you?” Su Yiran asked, also asking the silly question.

Gu Yuanting hugged Su Yiran, looked deeply at him, and after a while, gently and solemnly kissed him. “Also simply because I love you.”

Why did he fall in love with Ranran? There were thousands of reasons: from their childhood meeting to every little moment until now, the warmth Ranran gave him, his kindness, the things that excited and intoxicated him, how Ranran saved him from the abyss of darkness…

But if there was no past?

If there were no memories together, and they just happened to meet among ordinary people?

Even losing all memories of being together, he would still fall in love with him again.

Su Yiran was also moved. When he said the answer himself, he felt nothing special, but hearing Gu Yuanting say it made him realize how powerful the answer was.

Neither spoke again. Their eyes intertwined like spun sugar; unspoken words surged between them.

They naturally moved closer and shared a long, passionate kiss.

—The End—

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