He Is Constantly Jealous Of Himself

JOH CH39: At That Time, He Wanted a Divorce

Su Yiran carefully placed three small colorful candles on the cake. Seeing that Ting-ge hadn’t moved and wasn’t going to look for a lighter, he turned to glance at him, puzzled.

He saw that Gu Yuanting was frozen in place, lost in thought. He hadn’t said a word or even moved, seemingly still processing something he’d just learned.

Su Yiran noticed Gu Yuanting’s strange reaction, and a vague unease rose in his chest. A fleeting thought crossed his mind—but he quickly brushed it away. Today, he just wanted to share a quiet, tender moment with Ting-ge.

Without saying anything, he got up to search for a lighter, rummaging through two metal boxes under the coffee table.

Seeing Su Yiran searching silently, Gu Yuanting snapped back to awareness.

“I’ll help you look,” he said quickly.

He crouched down to help search for the lighter, but they didn’t find it there. Then he went to the study and eventually found it in a drawer of the desk. He brought it back and handed it to Su Yiran. “Found it.”

Su Yiran looked at him. “You light the candles.” He wanted him to do it.

Gu Yuanting met Su Yiran’s hopeful eyes. His grip on the lighter tightened slightly, and he forcibly suppressed his emotions as he lit the three wedding anniversary candles—candles meant for Su Yiran and the original Gu Yuanting.

Three candles.

Gu Yuanting clenched his jaw silently.

Su Yiran pulled him close to make a wish together, then they blew out the candles.

But either they blew too hard or the candles hadn’t been inserted properly—when they blew, the flames went out all at once, and the candles toppled over, landing messily on the cake.

“Ah,” Su Yiran tried to salvage it, but it was too late. He had to use a small fork to fish the three candles out and set them aside.

Then he handed the plastic cake knife to Gu Yuanting. “Ting-ge, cut the cake.”

Gu Yuanting: “…”

He forced himself to suppress the boiling jealousy in his chest and took the knife. But as he went to cut the cake—meant to commemorate Su Yiran’s marriage with someone else—his grip on the plastic handle was too tight. With a sharp “crack,” it broke in his hand.

Su Yiran looked at him in surprise, picked up the broken piece, and said, “What happened?” After checking the remaining half, he said, “It’s fine. Still usable. I’ll cut it.”

Gu Yuanting: “…”

He watched as Su Yiran used the broken knife to neatly slice the mango double-layered cake.

Su Yiran served a slice on a small plate and handed it to Gu Yuanting. “Here.”

Gu Yuanting took it and stared at the mango cake.

He knew it must’ve been because the original Gu Yuanting liked mango that Su Yiran had gone out of his way to make this mango cake. It had nothing to do with his own preferences.

The more he thought about it, the more jealous he felt.

Just imagining Su Yiran happily planning this day for someone else made his heart burn.

Seeing him not move, Su Yiran paused.

“Don’t you like it?” he asked anxiously.

Gu Yuanting heard the concern in his voice and quickly took a bite with the fork. “Of course I do. It’s delicious.” He began eating the slice, bite by bite.

Seeing him eat, Su Yiran relaxed and began eating his own piece.

Gu Yuanting forced himself to finish the cake, barely tasting anything as his jealousy surged. At the same time, he made sure Su Yiran didn’t eat too much—just one small piece.

When Su Yiran finished his slice and reached for another, Gu Yuanting grabbed the plate from him. “One is enough. No more.”

Su Yiran looked helplessly at the plate being taken away. “But I only had a small piece. My toothache was over a month ago,” he explained, knowing Gu Yuanting was worried about his dental issue.

Gu Yuanting shook his head sternly. “No. One piece per time. Protect your teeth.”

Su Yiran looked at the remaining cake longingly. “But… if I don’t eat it, it’ll go to waste.”

Gu Yuanting stared at the cake on the plate for a long moment. “…I’ll eat it.” He ate Su Yiran’s slice to make sure it wasn’t wasted.

When he saw Su Yiran glance again at the cake on the table, he finished off the rest—bite after bite—pretending it was delicious.

Su Yiran could only watch as Gu Yuanting devoured the entire cake without leaving a single crumb for him. “…”

He dipped his finger in the tiny bit of cream left on the base of the cake plate and licked it, feeling a little pitiful.

Gu Yuanting saw that.

That cream—he’d made it specially for the original…

His eyes darkened, flames of jealousy burning in his chest. He threw the empty plastic plate onto the glass coffee table with a light “pop.”

Then he lunged at Su Yiran, who was still staring blankly at the empty cake plate, and kissed him fiercely, almost violently.

He tasted the sweetness of the cake, the scent of mango—it only made him more jealous. He wanted more.

Su Yiran was caught off guard by the sudden attack. He’d just been thinking that with the cake gone, there was nothing left to do—that their wedding anniversary had officially ended.

The realization sobered him, pulling him out of the warmth of the past few days and reminding him of his unease.

He recalled conversations they’d had about the anniversary.

Ting-ge… seemed to have forgotten their wedding anniversary.

But he didn’t have time to dwell on it—Gu Yuanting was already kissing him breathless. Like he wanted to devour him whole…

Just before he lost consciousness, Gu Yuanting finally let go, only to sweep him up and carry him swiftly to the bedroom, laying him on the bed…

But Su Yiran still couldn’t shake his unease. He wasn’t in the mood. He quickly found an excuse: “Ting-ge, my back’s sore. I feel really uncomfortable…”

In truth, his back was only slightly sore, nothing serious. It had been that way for a few days—probably from being busy and stressed at the shop.

Gu Yuanting paused and leaned over him again, about to continue, but hearing Su Yiran say he was unwell made him sober up a bit. He asked, “What’s wrong? Where does it hurt?”

Feeling guilty for lying, Su Yiran lowered his lashes. “My lower back… It’s just sore. Feels uncomfortable.”

“You’ve overworked yourself these days?” Gu Yuanting’s concern was immediate. He had Su Yiran lie on his stomach and started massaging his back gently. “Here? Or here?”

Su Yiran lay face down, burying his face in his arm, and murmured vaguely.

Seeing him like that, Gu Yuanting didn’t press the issue. He stopped what he had planned and continued to massage Su Yiran’s lower back carefully.

After a while, Su Yiran pushed him away and said weakly, “I feel better. I’ll go shower.”

Gu Yuanting nodded. “Alright. Go ahead and rest early.” He watched Su Yiran pick up his sleepwear and head to the bathroom.

Left alone, he sat on the bed, dazed.

The thought of today’s “anniversary” lingered in his mind.

That night, as they lay together, Su Yiran curled up silently in his arms. He wasn’t asleep. Gu Yuanting could hear his breathing. He gently stroked Su Yiran’s back to help him sleep.

Eventually, Su Yiran’s breathing became slow and steady. Gu Yuanting finally exhaled.

But he couldn’t sleep.

Thoughts of the day ran circles in his mind.

Jealousy. Guilt. Tenderness.

He tightened his embrace around Su Yiran and buried his face in his neck, breathing in his scent deeply.

No matter what—it would be him and Su Yiran from now on.

The original no longer mattered.

One day, he would make Su Yiran truly fall in love with him.


Su Yiran woke up early the next day. He had planned to head to the shop by himself, but as soon as he stirred, Gu Yuanting opened his eyes. “Awake?”

He kissed Su Yiran gently and checked the time—it wasn’t even six yet. “So early?”

Su Yiran nodded. “I want to get to the shop early today.”

“I’ll go with you,” Gu Yuanting said.

They got up together, washed up, had breakfast, and headed to the shop.

Su Yiran remained a little quiet. Gu Yuanting sensed it, and remembering certain things, grew anxious as well. He said nothing either.

The shop was still busy. Gu Yuanting stayed close, helping however he could—cutting fruit, mixing ingredients, baking, serving customers.

They worked all day until 8 or 9 at night before heading home.

On the way back, Su Yiran didn’t speak. Gu Yuanting, nervous and uncertain, stayed silent too.

Once home, Su Yiran changed his shoes and went to sit on the sofa. He watched as Gu Yuanting followed, put things down, and approached him.

Just as he was about to sit beside him and cuddle like usual, Su Yiran raised a hand to stop him.

He pointed to the single-seater nearby. “Sit there.”

Gu Yuanting froze, then obediently sat on the lone sofa.

Su Yiran finally spoke. “Let’s talk.”

His voice was dry—he felt parched. That meant he was nervous about what was coming. He reached for a cup on the table, planning to get some water. Gu Yuanting took it from him and said, “I’ll get it.”

He brought back a cup of warm water and handed it over.

Su Yiran took a few sips, then slowly asked the one question that had weighed on his heart for days—the one he feared the most.

“…Do you remember that time?” He continued without waiting for a reply, “You probably do.”

Gu Yuanting’s heart sank at the words.

Su Yiran went on. “That day, you suddenly said you wanted to sleep in separate rooms.”

It was something he’d tried to forget. But over the past few days, details from that moment had been replaying in his mind again and again. Even though Gu Yuanting never finished his sentence, Su Yiran had instinctively sensed something.

…Gu Yuanting remembered that day.

At the time, he had wanted… to get a divorce.

Gu Yuanting looked at Su Yiran, and a surge of panic overwhelmed him. His whole body tensed. His hands and feet went numb.


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