The next day at noon, a plane landed at the capital airport of Huaxia. That evening, when Lin Xuan returned home, he had just stepped out of the elevator when he suddenly stopped. No, perhaps it was because he simply couldn’t move forward. The entire hallway was filled with Japanese blue roses.

That expanse of azure ocean, like the man’s eyes, glowed with freedom and confidence.

The man, who had been squatting by the door for an unknown duration, suddenly saw Lin Xuan and immediately stood up, looking at the other with apprehension. This time, he was no longer stingy, no longer only willing to buy 99 roses. Clemens gazed from afar at the baby-faced young man, separated by countless roses.

After a long while, Lin Xuan said indifferently, “Is this how you pursue me, Mr. Holt?”

His words were casual, completely lacking in seriousness. Lin Xuan even lifted his foot, stepping on the roses one by one as he walked to the door. He took out his key to open the door, seemingly oblivious to the fact that he was crushing the roses, crushing Clemens’s heartfelt gesture.

Clemens froze for a moment: “Lin Xuan, I like you.”

Lin Xuan turned to look at him, a half-smile on his face: “Since you like me, why don’t you remember I once said I have pollen allergies?” As soon as he finished speaking, the door slammed shut, scattering countless rose petals.

Clemens Holt was completely frozen in place.

Having lived for over thirty years, Clemens had directed many films and won many awards, but he had truly never pursued anyone. He had directed romance films, but he could manipulate his actresses, making them fall in love with the male lead, making the two protagonists reciprocate each other’s feelings.

But in reality, he could never manipulate another person’s emotions.

Lin Xuan truly no longer loved him.

Lin Xuan had been busy planning a national tour recently. He put aside a major film with hundreds of millions in investment, following and accompanying it day and night. That person said nothing, as if he didn’t exist, and never let him enter his home.

Clemens had never imagined that he would remember those few months fourteen years ago so clearly.

At that time, no one in the entire crew wanted to deal with him, not even Old Liu wanted to talk much to him. Only that little chubby guy, he always looked at him smilingly. No matter how much Clemens lost his temper or became irritable, that little chubby guy would seriously comfort him.

In the entire crew, hundreds of people, only Lin Shen, was always by his side.

What kind of person could be considered gentle?

Ten years ago, he directed a romance film; the female lead was extremely gentle. Now, thinking back, that was Lin Shen.

What kind of person could be considered diligent?

Eight years ago, he directed an inspirational film; the male lead worked hard. Now, thinking back, that was Lin Shen.

Even when everyone in the crew was laughing at him, mocking a fat person for wanting to play a lead role, his little translator never got discouraged. He had ideals, he had a goal, and he diligently moved towards that direction, acting in front of him again and again, while he himself laughed again and again. His Lin Shen just wanted his guidance, but what did he do?

Again and again, he treated those dedicated performances as jokes and amusements.

Aside from his looks, his Lin Shen was diligent and intelligent, gentle and tolerant. And he, apart from his looks, had nothing.

Now, his Lin Shen had lost even his last flaw, becoming Lin Xuan. But he was still the same Clemens, with only a facade and so-called talent. What did he truly possess?

Sr. Holt had asked three times: Clemens, what do you truly possess?

What did he possess?

He had nothing left.

Even Lin Shen was gone, only Lin Xuan remained, who no longer loved him.

After two consecutive months of failure, Clemens gradually felt overwhelmed. He tasted despair, and he truly believed that this person no longer loved him. On the morning of Lin Xuan’s first concert, Clemens still waited at Lin Xuan’s doorstep. This time, he brought no gifts, only asking, “Why aren’t you acting anymore?”

Lin Xuan walked towards the elevator, too lazy to even acknowledge him.

“I’ve seen Silence. You acted very well, just as I used to guide you.”

Director Xu once said that Lin Xuan’s acting had a professional, trained quality. Lin Shen’s acting was indeed tutored by Clemens, and Clemens was greatly influenced by Old Liu, so Lin Xuan’s acting being a professional style was indeed correct.

However, his Lin Xuan had been in the entertainment industry for over a decade, yet had only acted in one film, Silence.

“With such good acting skills, why don’t you act in more films?”

Lin Xuan stepped into the elevator and pressed the floor button. Clemens stood outside the elevator, just as every time before, prepared for the outcome of being ignored. But this time, just as the elevator doors were closing, Lin Xuan chuckled softly: “Shouldn’t you be the one who knows the answer to that question best?”

The elevator door closed with a “ding.”

Still unable to figure out the answer, Clemens entered the concert venue that evening and sat in the first row.

When he came to Huaxia, he came alone. He had thought that when he left, perhaps he could take his beloved with him. But now, he was still all alone, with only a concert ticket in his pocket, along with his plane ticket and passport.

His flight was set for early this morning. The film had been halted for months; he had to go back.

This time, he truly gave up. He truly couldn’t win back his Lin Shen. The current Lin Xuan didn’t love him at all. No matter how much he humbled himself, as Sr. Holt said, abandoning unnecessary arrogance, and constantly showing love and apologizing, Lin Xuan wouldn’t waver.

He had hurt Lin Shen too deeply back then. After meeting again, he not only failed to recognize him but continued to hurt him again.

In fact, for these fourteen years, he had never truly fallen for anyone else. He should have realized that there had already been someone in his heart. His arrogance wouldn’t allow him to admit that he had fallen in love with a chubby young man, but his heart made it impossible for him to love anyone else.

From beginning to end, there was only this chubby young man, only his Lin Shen.

But now, Lin Shen was dead, only Lin Xuan remained.

Lin Shen was dead…

Only Lin Xuan.

In the stadium, the roaring music continued, and the singing pop king received cheers and applause from the entire audience. Everyone’s attention was focused on the stage. Few noticed a blond, blue-eyed Hollywood director slowly standing up and turning to walk out of the venue.

He walked out dejectedly, as if he had lost the most important thing in his life.

And in fact, it was the most important thing.

His Lin Shen was dead, already dead. What was he still doing here?

The better Lin Xuan didn’t love him, and he couldn’t afford to love him.

Clemens had never, at any moment, wished more that the person he loved was still a chubby person. No matter how fat he was, no matter how the world mocked him for loving a fat person, he wished that Lin Xuan was still a fat person, so that he might still be worthy of his love, and perhaps still be able to love him!

Step by step, he walked towards the exit, passing through several rows of seats, almost reaching the aisle.

Just then, he heard tens of thousands of fans in the stadium suddenly gasp. Countless fans stood up, screaming wildly, some even sobbing.

“Ah Xuan! Ah Xuan! Is Ah Xuan okay?! Ahhhhh my Ah Xuan!!!”

His body suddenly stiffened. Clemens saw many security guards who were originally guarding the aisle suddenly sprint towards the stage. At this moment, time became incredibly long. He heard the fans beside him crying out, “Call 120… Yes! Call 120 quickly! Hurry!”

Clemens suddenly spun around, only to see that on the spacious stage, the person who had been dancing had disappeared. Countless people gathered at the base of the stage, doing who knows what. Clemens’s heart pounded violently. His eyes slowly widened, and he suddenly saw the group of people seemingly lifting a stretcher. The next moment, he ran forward like a madman.

Countless fans surged together, no one willing to give way to him.

Clemens exerted all his strength, finally pushing his way through the crowd. His face was covered in fingernail scratches, his clothes were torn and wrinkled, and his hair was a messy tangle, completely devoid of Clemens Holt’s usual dignity and nobility.

“I’m Clemens Holt! Clemens Holt! I need to go too, take me there!”

Clemens grabbed a staff member’s clothes, tugging desperately, his eyes frighteningly red. The staff member, scared, nodded repeatedly and took Clemens into a car, rushing straight to the hospital.

In the car, several staff members discussed anxiously.

“How could he suddenly fall? What do we do, Lin Xuan won’t be in danger, will he?”

“It was a three-meter high stage. I saw Er Mu bleeding a lot. If he really landed on the back of his head, then he might really be… Even if he didn’t land on the back of his head, if he injured his spine, could he be paralyzed too…”

“Shut up!”

A furious roar immediately silenced the staff members.

His heart was pounding rapidly, as if it would leap out of his chest. Clemens’s eyes were bloodshot. As soon as the car reached the hospital, he immediately got out and sprinted into the building. He ran directly towards the most crowded area, shouting his name as he ran, telling people to make way for him.

When he finally reached the emergency room door, he saw a nurse just coming out of the door, who said, “Spinal damage, severe head injury. He’s bleeding non-stop and his life might be in danger. Who can sign the consent form? We need to perform craniotomy downstairs.”

Boom!

The world seemed to collapse in an instant. Clemens fell heavily to the ground. He vaguely saw Lin Xuan’s manager step forward, anxiously signing a consent form. Then came a long wait.

Clemens sat on the cold tile floor, staring blankly at a spot on the ground, unmoving. If not for his chest slightly rising and falling with each breath, he might have looked like a corpse, awaiting the doctor’s final judgment.

Another two hours passed, and the operating room door suddenly opened. Clemens quickly rushed over. Just as he reached the front, he heard the doctor sigh, “We did our best. Time of death: 1:06 AM. Please accept our condolences.”

Smack!

A fierce punch landed squarely on the doctor’s face, making the doctor gasp in horror and cover his face. A blond-haired lunatic grabbed his collar, pulling him with surprising strength to the stretcher covered with a white sheet, and roared, “He’s not dead! What nonsense are you saying?! Get him back! Resuscitate him immediately, now, immediately!”

Whether it was surprise that a foreigner could speak Chinese so well, or being intimidated by such aggressive behavior, this doctor, who had worked for over ten years, had never seen such a frenzied family member of a deceased patient. He vaguely felt that this foreigner looked a little familiar but couldn’t remember who he was. After all, the deceased’s dignity was paramount, and it was understandable for a family member to be emotional after a sudden loss. The doctor could only patiently say, “I’m very sorry, please accept our condolences.”

“Impossible! He can’t be dead!”

Several doctors quickly pulled Clemens away, but Clemens’s strength at this moment was astonishing. He pushed everyone aside and lunged onto the white stretcher. Through the white sheet, he trembled as he caressed the person on the bed. Each touch was like the most solemn tenderness. Tears flowed like a broken dam, already soaking his handsome face.

Clemens knelt on the ground in disarray, trembling as he embraced the corpse, crying uncontrollably.

How could this be…

How could this be!

Four hours ago, he was watching this person sing and dance on stage, watching his fans applaud and cheer for him.

Only four hours, and everything was over.

His Lin Shen died fourteen years ago.

Now his Lin Xuan also died.

Both dead, truly dead… he would never see them again.

His heart pounded rapidly in his chest. A sweet, metallic taste rose in his throat, and the next moment, vivid red blood stained the white cloth. Lin Xuan’s manager immediately pulled Clemens away, angrily shouting, “Are you sick! Are you going to vomit blood?”

“…Why are you spitting blood on my girlfriend’s corpse? Who are you to her, who are you?!”

Clemens’s lips were stained with blood. He lifted his face, the blood and tears making his face no longer handsome or noble, looking instead like a penniless beggar. He laughed, a bitter, self-mocking sound, “Who am I to him…? Who am I to him…? I’m nothing, nothing at all.

He doesn’t like me anymore. I have no right to his affection.

He hates me, yes, many people in this world hate me, but why does he hate me too…?

He’s not acting anymore. I should be the one who knows why. I disappointed him. He wasn’t disappointed in this industry; he was disappointed in me. With someone as disgusting as me alive in this world, I did that to him, and then placated him with a role, trampling on his self-esteem… He never wants to remember me again, so he won’t act anymore…”

At this, another mouthful of blood spilled from the corner of his mouth.

The doctors and nurses quickly rushed forward: “Deep breaths, don’t get too agitated. Sir, please accept our condolences, don’t let your emotions fluctuate too much, calm down! Calm down!”

Clemens was laughing and crying like a madman. He hadn’t calmed down yet, but Lin Xuan’s manager, who wasn’t far away, couldn’t stay calm either: “You’re telling him to calm down, why aren’t you telling me to calm down! My damn girlfriend suddenly died in a car accident, and I haven’t even had time to grieve, and now a cuckold’s hat pops up. Should I, her boyfriend, grieve first or get angry first, damn it, you scoundrel, I’ll kill you!”

Clemens’s eyes turned red: “Fuck! Whose boyfriend are you! Say that again!”

“I’m my damn girlfriend’s boyfriend, what does it have to do with you, you homewrecker!”

“Who’s the homewrecker!”

“You’re the homewrecker! You’re my girlfriend’s homewrecker!”

“Fuck! What girlfriend, he doesn’t have a boyfriend at all, he…” The voice abruptly stopped. Clemens suddenly froze, his face covered in tears, his mouth stained with blood. He closed his eyes tightly, then opened them again, asking in astonishment, “Who are you?”

He saw that this tall, thin man, similar in build to Lin Xuan’s new manager, had the exact same mustache and wore the same glasses. Clemens was stunned for a moment, then lunged forward and quickly pulled back the white sheet.

Everyone froze.

Clemens, even more so, looked at the unfamiliar female face, speechless with shock.

A doctor suddenly understood the situation: “Sir, who exactly are you looking for? Aren’t you Ms. Xu’s family?”

“He’s looking for me.”

A hoarse, weary voice sounded from behind the crowd. Everyone turned their heads and saw a handsome and elegant young man leaning against the emergency room door, looking at them. His right hand was in a white sling, his face was pale, seemingly from excessive blood loss, and he looked very unwell.

The moment everyone saw this person, they suddenly thought to themselves: Lin Xuan! It’s Lin Xuan!

At the same time, a dark figure rushed forward at an incredibly fast speed, embracing Lin Xuan and holding him tightly in his arms. Feeling the warmth in his embrace, Clemens’s heart slowly returned to a steady rhythm, his eyes so red they seemed to be weeping blood. His body trembled, yet his arms embracing this person remained steady.

“It’s good that you’re okay, it’s good… As long as you’re alive and well, everything’s fine…” Clemens repeated this phrase like a mantra for several minutes, then suddenly thought: “Right, you don’t want to see me anymore, you never want to see me again. Then I’ll leave, I’ll leave now, I’m leaving right away…”

Thud!

As he turned, Clemens fell straight to the ground. Lin Xuan hadn’t even had time to react, and the surrounding doctors, nurses, and family members of patients couldn’t even reach out in time, watching as the man collapsed.

The doctor immediately stepped forward to check: “…His emotions fluctuated a bit much; he’s temporarily fainted, nothing serious.”

Lin Xuan breathed a slight sigh of relief: “I didn’t even faint, yet he did.”

It was just a large gash on his arm. The next morning, Lin Xuan was discharged from the hospital and held a press conference to reassure his fans. After all matters were settled, he returned to the hospital. Clemens had already woken up and was preparing to be discharged.

The two met in the hallway. After a long silence, Clemens said hoarsely, “I’m going back to America today. Take good care of yourself.”

Lin Xuan’s expression was calm: “You’re not coming back?”

Clemens tried to force a smile, but he couldn’t. He lifted his chin, just as he had every time in the past, looking down at the young man before him, and said arrogantly, “No. You’ll be better off without me, Lin Shen. I’ve given up. It’s enough that you’re alive.”

This deliberately feigned appearance was even more humble than his usual self. Although he lifted his chin, his voice was full of bitterness.

After the fright of last night, he no longer hoped for himself, only begged God for this person to live. He had to live longer than him, he had to die before this person, otherwise he truly didn’t know if he would have directly rushed into the operating room and committed suicide with a knife if he had discovered that the person under the white sheet wasn’t Lin Xuan a little later last night.

Before that moment, Clemens Holt had filmed several movies about lovers dying for each other, but he had never taken them seriously.

Why die for love? Why not live well? Dying for love had no meaning, it was simply foolish and cowardly.

But when he saw that white sheet, he suddenly felt as if the sky had fallen.

At that moment, he also became incredibly cowardly. How could he live on, how could he endure day after day? Perhaps if he were given some time to calm down, he might become rational and abandon such immature thoughts. But how could he get through that time?

He wouldn’t even have a chance to be rational; he would directly end his life, fantasizing about seeing that person in heaven.

Until the very last moment, you truly don’t know how deeply you love him.

As long as this person is alive and well, does being together truly matter that much?

No.

As long as he’s alive, that’s more important than anything.

Carefully gazing at this person, watching the peaceful light shimmer in those blue eyes, at this moment, Lin Xuan couldn’t help but clench his fingers, feeling as if something had changed.

“Clemens Holt, you once were with a fat pig.”

This sentence was spoken in Chinese. In broad daylight, many passersby were already secretly watching Lin Xuan. Upon hearing him suddenly call out Clemens’s name, they remembered who this foreigner was. And knowing who it was, they were even more surprised: “…Fat pig? What fat pig? Clemens Holt and a pig?”

Lin Xuan said, word by word, “He was a fat pig, a lump of fat. Being with him was the most disgusting thing in your life. No matter how much you deny it, you were with this lump of meat, this pig.”

Clemens spoke: “I wasn’t with him.”

Everyone was astonished.

Lin Xuan slowly unclenched his fingers, revealing a disappointed smile: “So that’s how it is…”

“I wasn’t ‘with him,’ you should have directly said, ‘I had slept with him.’ I liked him, that’s why I had slept with him. I knew it from the beginning; if I didn’t like him, I wouldn’t have had slept with him. I love him, the whole world should know that I fell in love with the ‘pig’ I spoke of. I called him a pig, called him a lump of fat, but I just fell in love with him. All of Hollywood should know that I, Clemens Holt, had slept with him and fell in love with him.”

His voice slowly faded, and Clemens slowly curved his lips, revealing a pale smile amidst the strange and surprised gazes of those around him: “As long as he’s doing well, it doesn’t matter what happens to me. Lin Xuan, do you think he’ll be doing well?”

Lin Xuan clenched his fingers, not making a sound.

Clemens didn’t expect an answer either. He stepped towards the door. From there, he would soon take a taxi directly to the airport, and then leave this country. From now on, he would accept the mockery of those in Hollywood. His news would likely be front-page news tomorrow, discussed by fans worldwide, and ridiculed by many who disliked him.

And his Lin Shen would live a good life.

This kind of life was something he had never dared to imagine before. If it really came to that, he would wish he could just die.

But now, as long as his Lin Shen lived well, as long as Lin Xuan lived well, what did it matter what happened to him?

“…Are you really not coming back to Huaxia anymore?!”

Suddenly hearing this, Clemens paused in his steps and looked back.

In the sunlight, that smile that had disappeared for fourteen years slowly bloomed on that beautiful baby face. Fourteen years of missed time, fourteen years without companionship, countless cold and lonely nights, countless times having to embrace himself and cry sadly. Lin Xuan, now thirty-two years old, chuckled softly: “In three months, Rongrong and I will have a joint concert. Are you really not coming? Aren’t you on pretty good terms with Rongrong?”

The cold blood in his veins slowly began to warm.

“Can I… come then?”

Lin Xuan gazed intently at the blond man in the distance. This time, the brilliant sunlight still shone on the man’s hair, making his golden hair seem to blaze. But this time, what the man left him was no longer a turned back, but a gaze filled with apprehension and fear, belonging to a Clemens Holt he was unfamiliar with, yet one he couldn’t refuse.

Fourteen years of pain and torment, finally condensed into two simple words—

“You can.”

The one and only first love in this world belonged to Lin Xuan, and to Clemens Holt.

This first love, each kept for fourteen years, may not quickly forget the pain, but as long as they still loved, they would not forget.

I cannot let you go in this life, only because, I love you.

---

Author’s Note:

[Short Play]

Three months later—

Rongrong: …So you used me as an excuse to say you could date?

Er Mu: Who said I’m going to date him? Who said that, who said that?

Rongrong: =_= What do you mean then?

Er Mu: At least… let him pursue me for another fourteen months, hahaha~

---

This concludes the official completion of this novel.

I originally wanted to write a sweet little extra story as the final bonus chapter, but firstly, I’m too tired to write it. Secondly, I haven’t thought of any good ideas recently, no inspiration, and forcing myself to write it wouldn’t be interesting.

Finally, a word about Qin Chengcheng’s hidden identity. My Qin God is very clumsy and cute, but this clumsiness and cuteness are only for Rongrong to see. In front of others, Qin God is always Crazy Qin [I don’t know if everyone still remembers, the full name of the Qin Fengfeng group is: (How to gain the upper hand and mercilessly crush Qin Cheng, making him so ashamed he wishes he could dig a hole and crawl into it)]~