This was definitely a terrible reason, Zhu Zhixi knew, but in that instant, he lost the ability to think. Only one thought floated in his mind.

Would Fu Rangyi look at anyone else with those kinds of eyes?

Eyes as transparent as water, as soft as silk, like a puppy’s.

At this thought, he couldn’t help but lean in and kiss him. The action surpassed reason. Afterward, of course, Zhu Zhixi was very annoyed. He felt he had turned into a kitten or a puppy, trying to mark his territory with his own small tricks.

But I’m clearly a Beta, why am I having such thoughts?

He thought about how he had once told Fu Rangyi that he could sense when others liked him, through feeling, through their eyes. How arrogant that was. It turned out that this sensitivity could also be disrupted and invalidated because of a certain person.

Just as he was at a loss, he suddenly heard Fu Rangyi’s voice, lower than usual.

“Is holding hands… not enough anymore?”

Zhu Zhixi’s hand, clutching the corner of the scarf, loosened slightly. He looked up at him. “Hmm?”

He suddenly regained some rationality and nodded hastily. “Right, just now I saw it was ticking very fast. Even though we’ve been together this whole time, it was still fast. I-I just suddenly felt a little uneasy, and then I thought of last time, when you kissed me during your rut, the countdown went back a lot. You should remember, right? It was very useful.”

What a messy lie.

“Anyway, it was just a spur-of-the-moment thing, I’m sor—”

Before he could finish, a hand suddenly pressed against the back of his neck, pulling him closer abruptly. His heart rate instantly soared. In a daze, Zhu Zhixi even had the illusion that the small patch of skin held in Fu Rangyi’s palm had also grown a gland, burning intensely.

Their foreheads touched. His skin was so hot; the glasses were hard and cool. Their breaths mingled in a white mist, with nowhere to hide in the snowy night.

Fu Rangyi’s gaze also became very hot. The snow on his eyelashes melted.

He lowered his head slightly, about to kiss him.

The music from the cultural festival drifted from a distance. Zhu Zhixi suddenly woke up and quickly reached out, covering Fu Rangyi’s lips. His hand was barely squeezed between their two pairs of lips, and the light on his palm also stopped.

“No, that’s not what I meant.” Why are you cooperating with me so much.

Zhu Zhixi took a breath, his eyelids lowered as he said softly, “You’re a teacher, and this is a school…”

Fu Rangyi didn’t move away immediately. As he spoke, his soft lips were still pressing against his fingers. “Everyone knows I’m married.”

“That’s still not good. What if a student sees…” Zhu Zhixi struggled free. His fingers, having been brushed against, were very itchy. He clenched and unclenched them, then shoved them into his pocket.

He had thought that someone with such a strong sense of boundaries like Fu Rangyi would be a little unhappy after being randomly kissed on the cheek. He didn’t expect that the only thing on his mind was the life-extending mission.

I did order you to unconditionally cooperate with physical contact, but this is too…

“Fu Rangyi.”

He seemed to let out a long breath, then responded in a deep voice, “Hmm?”

“Hug me.” Zhu Zhixi held out his arms. “This will be enough.”

The executor of every whim and command did as he was told, even though he had said he hated hugs the most.

Zhu Zhixi buried his burning face in Fu Rangyi’s scarf, but it didn’t help at all; in fact, it made it worse.

After a short while, he felt Fu Rangyi lift an arm and half-embrace him in response. He seemed very calm, not flustered at all.

“Is this enough?” Fu Rangyi asked.

“Mmm,” Zhu Zhixi mumbled, his head buried, but he extended his left hand and held it up in front of Fu Rangyi, shaking it. “It’s very effective.”

He was lying. He didn’t even know what the minutes and seconds were now.

“Are you happy?” Fu Rangyi asked again.

“Mmm, of course.” Very happy.

“Because the countdown went back?”

Zhu Zhixi took a deep breath but couldn’t smell a single trace of Fu Rangyi’s pheromones, only the faint, clean scent of laundry detergent on him. He could only imagine that complex but pleasant scent in his mind.

“Not entirely,” he answered honestly.

Fu Rangyi was quiet for a moment, then asked again, “Because someone finally understands you?”

The snow fell silently, landing on the tip of Zhu Zhixi’s ear. It was cool and a little itchy. He tilted his head, rubbing the melted snow off on Fu Rangyi’s shoulder.

“To be honest, I was worried you’d think I was lying to you before. Of course, I did tell you some small lies…”

“Some?”

He didn’t need to look up to imagine Fu Rangyi’s questioning, raised-eyebrow expression.

“Those were all jokes, just teasing you a bit,” Zhu Zhixi cleared his throat. “But about the countdown, I really gathered all my courage to be honest with you. Every word was true. And… ever since I found out that no one else could see it and they all thought I was crazy, I haven’t told anyone. You’re the first.”

He felt Fu Rangyi’s tense shoulders seem to relax a little.

“Although this day has been messy and absurd, you finally believe that I wasn’t lying to you. Of course I… would be a little happy.”

More like getting carried away, Zhu Zhixi thought.

The large hand on his back moved up a little, almost touching the nape of his neck, but not quite. He heard Fu Rangyi’s very slight intake of breath before speaking.

“I’m sorry I didn’t believe you before.”

“How can you be blamed for that? If it were me, I would have thought the person was crazy too.”

Fu Rangyi’s voice was extremely calm, which made Zhu Zhixi feel even more that the kiss just now wasn’t impulsive at all, at least not mixed with much emotion. It was just to help him.

“Actually, you didn’t have to tell me at all. Admitting the countdown means admitting the real reason for the marriage. You couldn’t have guessed how I would react after hearing it. It could have been even more resistance to getting close.”

Zhu Zhixi nodded in his heart.

But I still don’t want to keep you in the dark while using you.

Fu Rangyi continued, “The safest approach would have been to say nothing and find opportunities for more contact.”

For some reason, Zhu Zhixi didn’t want to hear any more. A sour liquid began to accumulate in his chest, welling up more and more, uncontrollably.

“I don’t want to do that,” he said bluntly.

“I know, it’s just a hypothetical,” Fu Rangyi was silent for a few seconds, his tone even taking on a hint of encouragement. “You could do that too. Nothing is more important than life. I wouldn’t mind.”

That immense sourness instantly engulfed Zhu Zhixi’s reason. He replied stiffly.

“Then you’d better mind.”

“Hmm?”

Zhu Zhixi suddenly pushed him away. “Can you please mind?”

Finally face to face, finally seeing Fu Rangyi’s face. He actually looked utterly astonished, rendered speechless by this sudden outburst.

Zhu Zhixi even got off the bench. A small, clean circle was left on the bench.

“When I first met you, I thought you were so annoying. You were cold, and so serious. So what if I went to the wrong table? What was there to be angry about? This is not okay, that is not okay, you get upset at the drop of a hat. You’re so gentle to everyone else, but you speak so harshly to me. Of course, I’m not saying I speak very nicely, but anyway, at that time I just thought you were very troublesome, a real double standard.”

Fu Rangyi listened to him quietly, without refuting a single word.

“But I quickly saw through you. All the badness you show is just a paper tiger that breaks with a single poke. In fact, you leave the light on for me every day. Even though your schedule is very stable, you always wait for me to come home before going to your room to sleep. You pick me up from far away, wash strawberries for me—yes, I know you washed all the strawberries at your house. Do you think you’re a good actor?”

The more Zhu Zhixi spoke, the angrier he got, but when the anger reached a certain point, it suddenly dissipated. He turned his face away and sniffled. “You love to act indifferent, as if you don’t care about anyone, but in reality, anyone can bully you.”

“Fu Rangyi, I know you feel guilty towards me because of the rut, so you unconditionally agree to all my excessive requests. Actually, I’m the one who has the least standing to say these things. But I just can’t hold it in. You’re a person too, your heart is made of flesh and blood. Why do you always ignore your own needs and put others before yourself?”

The temperature was getting lower and lower. He spoke quickly, his voice even trembling slightly. “Why do you always think, ‘Ah, it’s fine as long as you find it useful,’ ‘It’s fine as long as it stopped,’ ‘It’s fine as long as I can help you.’ Why?”

He knew he was speaking chaotically and emotionally, but even so, Fu Rangyi didn’t leave.

Faced with such a barrage of almost scolding questions, he didn’t seem angry at all. He just looked at him quietly, blinked slowly, and when he spoke again, his tone was lighter than snow.

“Because that’s how I grew up.”

Because I was born without priority. To be chosen was already lucky, and I should be grateful.

Because that way, it won’t be painful.

Zhu Zhixi looked at him and suddenly felt very sad. This was a reason he hadn’t expected, and it didn’t sound like the whole reason either.

His voice weakened. “I want you to mind. I want you to speak up if you feel uncomfortable.”

Is it really such a selfless thought? Zhu Zhixi asked himself.

For a moment, what he was actually thinking was, Do you really not mind? Being kissed, being asked to do the hug you hate the most, being used, being used to extend my life, is all that okay?

What if it were someone else?

“I understand what you’re trying to express. Thank you.”

Zhu Zhixi’s petulance flared up again. “You don’t understand at all. I don’t want to hear thank you.”

“Then I take back the thank you.” Fu Rangyi tolerated his willfulness and continued, “In the future, I will try to face my own needs, as you said. But there is one point where I think our understanding has deviated, and it needs to be clarified.”

Zhu Zhixi lifted his eyelids and looked at him.

“Before you told me to mind, all the hypotheticals I made were based on the premise that the person was you.”

Zhu Zhixi was stunned.

That question that had been circling and circling was still uncontrollable and slipped out. “What about someone else?”

Fu Rangyi didn’t answer immediately.

And he surprisingly couldn’t think of a single person who was particularly important to Fu Rangyi. Family? Forget it, what kind of family was that? If Fu Rangyi considered them important, he would be sick with anger.

What about a good friend?

Zhu Zhixi immediately pressed on, “Like Li Qiao, what if it were him?”

Fu Rangyi’s brow suddenly furrowed very deeply. “Do you have to make me imagine such a thing?”

“Mmm,” Zhu Zhixi nodded heavily.

Fu Rangyi was very good at saying cruel things in a flat tone. “Then I can only say that life and death are fated.”

Zhu Zhixi couldn’t help but burst out laughing. He didn’t know what he was laughing at. Belatedly, he realized it was probably not very polite, and that whole tantrum just now was even more so.

So stupid, what am I even doing?