Chapter 69: Love and Death

It was like a sudden nightmare. The ground he had mistaken for solid ground collapsed from under his feet with a roar, turning into an abyss.

In that second, Zhu Zhixi felt an immense panic and helplessness, surging towards him from all directions like a thick fog. Above him was the fate of death, pressing down on him with nowhere to run. Compared to the first time he became aware of the countdown, this fear was more certain, more real, and more difficult to accept.

Is it because I’ve been mentally avoiding this countdown that represents death, unwilling to look at my palm, that it has jumped out to appear before my eyes, leaving me no escape?

Why did it suddenly become so short?

Five days.

What could he do in five days…

Liang Yi’en, beside him, put an arm around him, squeezing his shoulder firmly to bring him back to his senses.

“Senior, what on earth happened? How much time is left on the countdown now?”

Zhu Zhixi didn’t speak. Xiao Yu, at his side, spoke up: “There are only five days left.”

“What?” Liang Yi’en grabbed Zhu Zhixi’s hand in disbelief. “Why? There were clearly over twenty days left before. He, he even went to find Professor Fu. Why has it become so short?”

In a daze, Zhu Zhixi spoke, asking, “Did something happen to Snowball?”

Xiao Yu’s expression was grave as he told them, “Snowball’s original lifespan was only 60 days. It was only extended because the countdown was transferred to you and you met Fu Rangyi. According to the original progression, the 60 days are up, and it should have returned to zero. Now, the remnants of Snowball’s soul have become extremely weak and probably won’t last much longer.”

“If it really returns to zero, then Senior, he…”

“I’ve said it before, this is the first time I’ve encountered an exchange situation. The countdown was about to go straight to zero just now. I couldn’t risk it, so I had to intervene,” Xiao Yu said. “I used my recovery power to fix it at five days, but this is a violation of the rules. As executors, we are not given any ability to pause or eliminate the countdown. All I can do is keep the countdown stable, prevent it from ending abruptly, and let it proceed at a one-second rate.”

“What about Professor Fu?” Liang Yi’en’s hands were trembling slightly. He supported Zhu Zhixi with one hand while fumbling for his phone with the other. “Can we get him to come back now? If he’s here, can this time be paused?”

However, Xiao Yu had consumed too much energy. His form became unstable again, and his hand turned somewhat transparent. He hid it behind his back, pressing it down with his sleeve, but Liang Yi’en still saw it.

After listening, Zhu Zhixi mechanically gripped Liang Yi’en’s wrist and said in a low voice, “Don’t tell him.”

Liang Yi’en was stunned.

“Why?”

Zhu Zhixi raised a hand, wiped away the blood, his expression and tone blank. “No reason. I just don’t want to tell him.”

The incandescent lights of the underground garage made his face look deathly pale, with blood smeared everywhere. Liang Yi’en’s eyes turned red. In all the time he had known Zhu Zhixi, every time they met, he was vibrant and happy, as if he had no worries at all.

This was the first time he had seen Zhu Zhixi so wretched and helpless.

He knew that Zhu Zhixi had witnessed his mother’s passing as a child. Death had always been his nightmare and a mental block.

Liang Yi’en hugged Zhu Zhixi, patting his back repeatedly, his voice choked with emotion. “It’s okay, Zhixi, we will definitely solve this. A lot can be done in five days. You absolutely will not disappear.”

Zhu Zhixi stood quietly in the embrace, his hands hanging at his sides. He didn’t cry, nor did he answer. But Liang Yi’en half-carried him into the car. Xiao Yu followed them. After getting into the back seat, he turned back into a hamster and burrowed into Liang Yi’en’s pocket to hibernate and conserve energy.

Liang Yi’en fastened Zhu Zhixi’s seatbelt and then moved to the driver’s seat. “From now on, I will stay with you at all times,” Liang Yi’en said and started the car. He was also in chaos, but forced himself to calm down. He couldn’t let Zhu Zhixi out of his sight. Staying at the hospital was unrealistic, and going to Fu Rangyi’s apartment now would likely trigger painful memories for Zhu Zhixi. What about going back to the Zhu family home? If he saw things left behind by his late mother, Zhu Zhixi would probably be in even more pain.

Therefore, without saying anything, he drove directly back to the stray animal shelter.

Zhu Zhixi was quiet the whole way. Liang Yi’en tried to talk to him several times, and Zhu Zhixi would respond, his tone even calm. But as soon as Liang Yi’en stopped initiating conversation, Zhu Zhixi would fall silent, his eyes fixed on the road ahead.

As they neared the shelter, Zhu Zhixi’s phone rang. During a red light, Liang Yi’en glanced over. It was a call from Fu Rangyi.

“It’s Professor Fu’s call,” he reminded him softly. “Won’t he worry if you don’t answer?”

Zhu Zhixi glanced at him but still rejected the call. Instead, he went back to WeChat and sent a message.

[Wifey (rabbit emoji): I’m in a meeting right now, can’t take your call.]

Liang Yi’en said nothing. After the light turned green, he drove through the intersection, turned onto a small road, and looked for a place to park.

A moment later, however, he heard Zhu Zhixi’s very quiet explanation.

“If I answered, he would’ve known.”

After saying that, he even managed a small smile and added in a low voice, “He’s a very difficult person to fool.”

Liang Yi’en felt pained and anxious. He had once been unable to accept the arrival of the so-called angels. Just when he finally could, his only friend fell into trouble, and now even faced an unknown death.

His hands were shaking as he opened the gate to the courtyard. It was Zhu Zhixi who reached out and gripped his wrist.

Liang Yi’en covered it up with a smile, explaining, “This thing is a bit rusty.” He pushed the gate open. “It needs to be replaced.”

To divert Zhu Zhixi’s attention, after leading him inside, he opened the door to the puppy dormitory and also opened the cages one by one. A group of fluffy puppies rushed out joyfully. Seeing Zhu Zhixi, whom they hadn’t seen in a long time, they were extremely affectionate. Regardless of size, they all fought to surround him, wagging their tails and jumping up on him.

Zhu Zhixi was already in a daze and, losing his balance, was knocked over. He sat down on the ground, surrounded by a dozen dogs, submerged in a sea of enthusiastic fluff.

“Are you okay? No! Don’t be so excited, your big brother isn’t feeling well today…” Liang Yi’en stepped forward, trying to pull away some of the smaller ones to get Zhu Zhixi out. “Did you fall on anything?”

Sitting among the puppies, Zhu Zhixi suddenly lowered his head, his shoulders shaking with sobs. Tears fell, one by one, onto the fluffy fur, onto the puppies’ wet noses.

Liang Yi’en froze too, his outstretched hand suspended in mid-air.

He watched Zhu Zhixi wipe his tears with the back of his hand, but the more he wiped, the more they flowed, and he cried more and more sorrowfully, like a child. This was the first time he had seen Zhu Zhixi cry so hard.

The excited furry kids, who had been clamoring to be petted and trying to lick his hands, now moved a little more gently. They gathered around him, trying to lick away the tears streaming down his face.

Every single one of them was a vibrant life they had rescued and painstakingly raised. They were all desperately welcoming him, comforting him, trying to keep him.

Liang Yi’en finally couldn’t hold it in anymore. He turned away and wiped the corners of his eyes.

“You haven’t eaten all morning. I’ll go cook some noodles for you to eat.”

Entering the kitchen, he silently washed his hands, opened the fridge to find some greens and an egg, and boiled water for the noodles. Xiao Yu, in his hamster form, climbed up from his pocket to his shoulder and nuzzled his neck.

He heard Xiao Yu’s thoughts.

[Don’t be sad.]

Liang Yi’en’s movements paused. He wiped away his tears and said honestly, “I can’t.”

“I…” he began again, his voice extremely low, afraid that Zhu Zhixi outside might hear him, “I have no family, you know that. When I was at my lowest, he helped me get through it. He’s my best friend… he’s my family.”

“I’m begging you, no matter what, you have to help him… save him.”

His tears finally fell, large drops that rolled down his neck onto the hamster.

Human tears… are so heavy.

[I promise you. No matter what happens, I will do my best to help him.]

When he came out with the noodles, Zhu Zhixi was no longer in the front yard. Liang Yi’en panicked for a moment, but felt relieved when he walked into the room and saw him lying on his bed.

Although Zhu Zhixi had no appetite, he still forced himself to eat a few bites. He kept staring at his phone, the screen frozen on the WeChat page. Fu Rangyi seemed to have sent a few messages, but Zhu Zhixi didn’t reply.

Liang Yi’en, usually a man of few words, suddenly became talkative, explaining the dog-finding plan he had devised while cooking: “I saved the attending doctor’s number. I’ll call him in a bit and tell him he must persuade the grandmother to have the surgery when she’s awake. As for the cost, if we say you’re helping, she definitely won’t agree, so we’ll just say we used another plan that wasn’t as expensive. Snowball cares so much about his grandmother, he’ll definitely show up during the surgery. We’ll be able to find it then and switch back. Within five days, there’s definitely enough time.”

Zhu Zhixi listened quietly, nodded, and then pushed the bowl away. “Xiao En, I can’t eat anymore.”

“It’s okay.” Liang Yi’en took a deep breath and cleared the bowl and chopsticks for him. “You’ve eaten this much, that’s already great.”

You’re already doing great.

Liang Yi’en asked again, “Do you want to rest for a bit? We can also go to the hospital this afternoon and talk to the doctor in person. That might speed things up. What do you think? Do you have the energy?”

Zhu Zhixi shook his head and said, “I’m fine, I can do it.”

“Xiao En, I want to go home for a bit,” Zhu Zhixi said softly. “There’s a lot of red wine at home. I want to… drink.”

Hearing this, Liang Yi’en breathed a sigh of relief.

He must be recovering.

“Okay, I’ll get changed. We’ll go right now.”

Once in the car, when he heard Zhu Zhixi’s navigation directions, Liang Yi’en realized that the “home” he was talking about was Fu Rangyi’s apartment.

This was his first time here. It was very different from what he had imagined. Based on his understanding of Fu Rangyi, he had thought this place would be cold and impersonal, like his workspace—neat, clean, without any extra decorations.

But this was not the case at all. As soon as he pushed the door open, he saw the warm orange cloud-shaped light in the entryway. The rug for changing shoes was obviously custom-made, with [Home of the Archaeologist] printed on it.

The walls of the entryway were decorated with paintings. The sofa had a blanket with colorful pom-poms, the rug had a colorful geometric pattern, and the black vase in the center of the dining table held Freud roses. The floor-to-ceiling glass windows had ice-blue snowflake stickers, and on the kitchen island sat two small dolls, a rabbit and a border collie.

This place was so “Zhu Zhixi.”

Zhu Zhixi walked in silently, took an opened bottle of wine from the wine cabinet, led him to the dining table, and poured himself a glass.

“I remember you get drunk easily,” Zhu Zhixi said, downing a large glass in one go, then pouring some into Liang Yi’en’s glass. “I’ll give you a little less.”

Liang Yi’en nodded. “Okay.” He took the wine and drank it all in one gulp too.

“Xiao En, I think we should prepare for both outcomes.”

Liang Yi’en frowned slightly. “What do you mean?”

Zhu Zhixi tilted his head, looking like he wanted to smile but couldn’t manage it naturally, still trying hard to hide it. “I mean, what if five days really isn’t enough…”

He pursed his lips. When he looked down, his gaze fell on the screen again.

The phone vibrated again. A new message from Fu Rangyi. The nickname he had changed last night now looked somewhat sad.

[Nian Nian must be safe: Photo Shared]

The photo itself was nothing special, just a small flower blooming near the worksite. A nameless pink flower. Would the old Fu Rangyi have cared about this flower? Would he have taken a picture of it and shared it with someone else?

His gaze shifted up. Zhu Zhixi saw the message he had sent half an hour ago. On the way back, he had read it countless times.

[Nian Nian must be safe: A new partner team came today. There’s a professor in it who, like me, has participated in archaeological fieldwork abroad before. But he went to Arabia. We chatted for a while during lunch. I told him you love to travel the world and even showed him your videos. He said you must be a particularly interesting person and gave me a collection of poems he bought at a second-hand market in Arabia a few years ago for me to give to you.]

[Nian Nian must be safe: I just flipped through a few pages myself, with the help of a translation app. I read one or two poems and thought they were pretty good. It seems foreigners are more passionate in their expression of emotions.]

[Nian Nian must be safe: This second-hand book also had a leaf vein bookmark in it. Look.]

The page with the bookmark had the title: Ya’aburnee.

Fu Rangyi had watched every single one of Zhu Zhixi’s videos. He knew he had never been to Arabia, but he didn’t know that when he was traveling in Turkey, he had actually made an Arab friend. Every time he met a friend from another country, he would learn a few phrases in their native language. His favorites to learn were “thank you” and “I love you.”

Ya’aburnee was not the Arabic for “I love you,” but that friend had written this line in his notebook.

This is what he had said: “This phrase actually means ‘you bury me.’ In the context of lovers, this phrase is a thousand times heavier than ‘I love you.’ Because I cannot bear the pain of losing you, so please, you must live longer than me. After I pass away, you will be the one to bury me.”

The color of that leaf vein bookmark was too fresh. How could it have been put there years ago?

He couldn’t read the whole poem, but he could read Fu Rangyi’s roundabout, poorly concealed, and unspoken feelings.

When love is too concentrated, it can burn both people. A drop of scalding sugar on the heart hurts much more than boiling water.

These nine letters, and the incessant “tick-tock” sound in his ears, were like round lead weights, falling one by one, sinking heavily into his heart and stomach, pulling at him with so much pain.

[Wifey (rabbit emoji): Wow, what a beautiful bookmark.]

After replying, Zhu Zhixi looked up at Liang Yi’en, his tone frighteningly calm. “I’ve thought about it. Whether we can switch back or not, there are only two outcomes, good or bad. If it’s the worst-case scenario, it hits zero, and I die, I want you and Xiao Yu to help me act out a play.”

“A play?” Liang Yi’en put down his glass and frowned.

“Yes.” Zhu Zhixi took another large gulp of red wine, took a deep breath in and out, trying to calm himself further. “He’s coming back tomorrow night… On the last day, if there’s still no other way, just pretend the countdown has been successfully switched. He’ll be sleeping, or when he’s not paying attention, give him a sedative. When he wakes up, you guys tell him I left. That I don’t want to be trapped by his side anymore, that I want to be free and travel the world like before, so I left. Not just Fu Rangyi, but also my dad, my brother—help me hide it from all of them.”

“Impossible…”

“Listen to me,” Zhu Zhixi interrupted him.

Liang Yi’en interrupted him back: “He won’t believe it. You just up and leave like that? Professor Fu would never believe it.”

With red-rimmed eyes, Zhu Zhixi said, “We can find a way. In five days, we can make this lie very convincing. I can write a letter.” He was starting to panic, his speech becoming rapid. “For example, I could say I fell in love with him before because of Snowball soul, it was a kind of transference. Now that it’s completely switched back and Snowball is gone, I… I don’t love him anymore…”

He couldn’t even continue himself, struggling to breathe, and turned his face away.

“You can’t even convince yourself,” Liang Yi’en said bluntly, his head aching.

“Then what should I do?” Zhu Zhixi broke down. “Xiao En, I really don’t know what to do… I don’t understand, why must we be torn apart when we love each other the most? He… he has been abandoned his whole life. He’s never had anything that truly belonged to him. And now, now even I…”

I shouldn’t have confessed my feelings. I clearly saw the countdown ticking away, second by second, but out of selfishness, I wanted to love him, wanted to possess him. Now the price has come.

“His illness isn’t cured yet… I don’t even dare to tell him the real countdown. On the day it hits zero, I can’t imagine how much pain he’ll be in.”

Zhu Zhixi’s mind was filled with the scars on Fu Rangyi’s arms. He was speaking incoherently, as if he were truly drunk.

“It was my mistake. I shouldn’t have gotten him involved in the first place. It’s too late to say anything now. But… but disappearing is better to accept than dying, right? Just let him look for me, yes, look for me. That way he won’t do anything extreme, at least he won’t…”

“Stop talking,” Liang Yi’en lowered his head, unable to listen anymore, and cut him off.

But Zhu Zhixi didn’t listen, rambling on, “Xiao En, only you and Xiao Yu know my countdown has only a few days left. They can’t see the countdown on my hand. You just have to help me hide it from the others…”

Liang Yi’en’s voice was so low it was almost inaudible.

“Zhu Zhixi, if you really die, I can’t pretend in front of anyone that you’re still alive and well. Have you forgotten? That terrible play I was in, you saw it with your own eyes. You know how bad my acting is.”

He shook his head continuously, his neck flushed red, his voice trembling. “I can’t do it.”

“If that day really comes, I would rather you be a little more selfish. Be happy for as many days as you have left.”

As he spoke, he looked up at Zhu Zhixi. “Have you forgotten? Back in school, you said that even in death, you wanted to be the one who died with the most style and flair. You wanted your funeral to be a grand party, inviting all your friends to drink, chat, and sing. You said it wouldn’t be a death anniversary, but the ‘Zhu Zhixi moves into heaven’ anniversary.”

Zhu Zhixi was stunned. He never thought Liang Yi’en would remember his few joking words so clearly.

Liang Yi’en was clearly drunk, and his emotions became more exposed. He leaned his head back against the chair and told Zhu Zhixi, “There’s no such thing as a white lie. Don’t lie to him. You can’t fool him either. He will only be in more pain. What are you thinking, talking about leaving when he’s asleep?”

“He will only spend the rest of his life regretting over and over again why he fell asleep, why he closed his eyes, why he didn’t even get to see you one last time.”

Those words were like a soft slap across Zhu Zhixi’s face.

Liang Yi’en took a deep breath and said softly, “Zhixi, I know you love him, you’re afraid of his pain. But what about you? If that day really comes, the one who truly leaves, who loses everything, is you.”

“Your father, your brother, everyone who loves you. Especially Fu Rangyi. They will all hold on to one thought: hoping you can live happily until the very last second.”