Chapter 13: P. Hanging in the Balance

Ning Yixiao had always believed his heart was as hard as stone. He lived his life for the sole purpose of climbing upward, never to be swayed by anyone or anything.

His social interactions were mostly utilitarian. He would weigh whether someone could help him or contribute to his next steps. With every person who approached him, he made a judgment: Could they be a friend? This depended entirely on their utility—like the professors who taught him, the classmates with numerous publications, or the seniors with internal job referrals.

Ning Yixiao was acutely aware that he was a vulgar, cold-hearted person.

But.

When the word “but” appeared in his mind, Ning Yixiao constantly reminded himself that he and Su Hui were people from two different worlds.

The gap between them was like the sun hanging in the sky; no matter how one tried to hide from it, it remained, impossible to erase.

Su Hui was clearly the type worth utilizing—distinguished family, wealth, and power. In Ning Yixiao’s vulgar value judgment, he belonged to a category of extreme usefulness.

Yet, he felt an instinctive fear of getting close. He didn’t want to judge, and he didn’t want to evaluate.

He was such a pragmatic person, yet he didn’t want to know the rank of Su Hui’s grandfather, nor did he care to understand the extent of his family’s assets. Knowing these things wouldn’t move him.

Ning Yixiao didn’t even want to figure out why Su Hui was willing to get close to him, or how much closer he might get.

He felt as though he were standing before a beautiful whirlpool, fully aware that a single step forward might make it impossible to escape.

“Is that so?” Ning Yixiao stepped back, offering a faint smile. “Maybe wearing that makes you feel better; it doesn’t matter who discovers it.”

Always slick and pragmatic, he abruptly returned to the previous topic. “I have OCD; I’m not used to sleeping with other people. Sorry, I think it’s better if I send you home.”

The statement was direct enough, but to his surprise, Su Hui smiled. “But when we were in the study room, it was just you and me, and you were sleeping soundly then.”

Ning Yixiao twitched his lips. “I was tired then.”

“You’re tired now, too.”

Su Hui’s directness was effortless and yet impossible to dislike—a display of intense free will. “I can tell. You’re not happy, and you’re very tired.”

The smile on Ning Yixiao’s face gradually faded, and he remained silent. Sometimes, he envied Su Hui’s directness and innocence.

Their silence was brief. Outside, a door slammed, followed by the muffled snippets of a man and woman giggling.

Su Hui tilted his head slightly, looking at Ning Yixiao.

“That must be the couple I’m sharing the place with; they’ve returned,” Ning Yixiao explained. “I just moved in. The landlord told me about them, but I haven’t met them yet.”

Su Hui nodded, then said with a smile, “Well, since there are already two people, one more shouldn’t hurt, right?”

Ning Yixiao was almost amused by his logic, though he felt he shouldn’t argue with a drunk person. “They don’t live in the same room as me.”

Su Hui made a tiny sound like a kitten, taking a long time before speaking again. “Alright then, I’ll go.”

He gripped the edge of the bed, trying with great effort to stand, only to find it wasn’t easy.

“Are you going home?” Ning Yixiao reached out to steady him.

Su Hui shook his head honestly. “No.”

“Then where are you going?”

“Just…” Su Hui’s eyes were still dazed. “Just wander around nearby, look at things. The night will pass quickly.”

He had already decided he could walk the streets in the early morning, or perhaps head to the Drum Tower.

Ning Yixiao frowned slightly. “What’s there to play with outside at night? The shops are all closed.”

Su Hui’s thoughts were chaotic, and he replied instinctively, “There must be shops that stay open at night…”

He wanted to continue, but Ning Yixiao suddenly compromised. “Forget it. You can stay.”

He didn’t know why. Su Hui swallowed the words “[24-hour convenience store]” that were stuck in his throat; he’d achieved his goal anyway.

Without a word, Ning Yixiao pulled out a quilt and laid it on the floor, then retrieved a thin blanket from his suitcase for the bed.

“You sleep on the bed,” he said.

Su Hui immediately stated, “No need, I’ll just sleep on the floor.”

“You’re not well, and the bed is a bit small. Just make do for one night.” With that, Ning Yixiao headed to the bathroom.

Su Hui sat quietly on the bed. Perhaps it was a pathological excitement that made him feel he had so many things to say to Ning Yixiao, yet the drugs—and his own desire to be “normal”—pulled at him, keeping his conversation mundane.

In the past, he had never been afraid of appearing like an outcast in front of anyone.

But now that Ning Yixiao had appeared, Su Hui was both anticipating Ning Yixiao discovering his differences and hoping he wouldn’t be afraid.

Ning Yixiao was as strange as him—he never asked too many questions. He didn’t ask who he had a conflict with, why he deliberately acted out, nor did he press him about the drinking or ask why he wouldn’t go home. He treated all his bizarre behaviors with a huge capacity for tolerance, bordering on indifference.

He really is a cold person, isn’t he? Su Hui thought.

But soon, Su Hui dismissed the idea. Ning Yixiao wasn’t cold; when he was truly about to leave alone, he had softened his heart.

Until he fell asleep, Su Hui stared at Ning Yixiao’s back as he lay on the floor, fixated on his old, faded black shirt, while constantly convincing himself to stay quiet—just think, don’t make a sound.

He was willing to be eccentric at birthday parties that required dignity, but he didn’t want to disturb Ning Yixiao’s sleep.

Unfortunately, the couple next door was nowhere near as considerate. The walls were paper-thin, and small, urgent sounds drifted through—like images behind frosted glass, unclear, but evocative.

Su Hui lay quietly, mind wandering. The sounds next door grew more distinct; the moans were barely muffled, heavy and ragged.

Ning Yixiao wasn’t asleep.

Every time he closed his eyes, the image of Su Hui showing him his tongue piercing flashed before him. It wouldn’t stop, so he had to face away from the bed, eyes wide open. Just as things quieted down, the sounds next door erupted again.

This was his first night living here; he hadn’t expected the couple to be so passionate, clearly in the heat of a new romance.

Thinking of Su Hui saying he didn’t need to sleep, Ning Yixiao wanted to sigh. He leaned against the wall, the bed so hard—no mattress—that the young master probably couldn’t sleep even if he wanted to.

Remembering he had a pair of earplugs, he turned to ask Su Hui if he needed them. As he turned, he saw Su Hui looking like a small animal completely incapable of understanding human desire—pure, eyes wide open, completely empty.

Seeing Ning Yixiao turn around, Su Hui blinked slowly.

Ning Yixiao lowered his voice. “Do you want earplugs? This room has terrible soundproofing.”

Su Hui shook his head.

Ning Yixiao thought he didn’t want to talk, but then he spoke.

“I really want to go knock on the door.”

What?

Ning Yixiao was stunned.

“But would it scare them if I went now?” Su Hui whispered to himself, as if he were seriously considering the proposal.

“Don’t go. You’ll feel better with earplugs; you can basically hear nothing. No need to confront them over this.” Ning Yixiao leaned toward the head of the bed, reaching out to find the earplug case by his pillow.

“That’s not it.” Su Hui’s voice was much closer now. He leaned in too, his eyes shining brightly in the darkness. “I’m just… curious.”

Ning Yixiao’s hand paused. “Curious about what?”

Su Hui’s expression was serious, carrying a distinct, thirst for knowledge. “They seem very happy. Is it really that comfortable?”

As he said this, the commotion next door suddenly grew much louder, only to be cut short, the gasps suppressed and feverish.

Ning Yixiao’s heart felt even more suppressed than them, meeting Su Hui’s gaze in the dark and the breathing.

“Is that all you wanted to ask?” he asked.

Su Hui nodded, eyes misty.

“You should be very familiar with this kind of thing, shouldn’t you?”

In the darkness, Ning Yixiao’s tone was colder than usual.

Su Hui’s voice was filled with confusion. “What?”

“They all say you have many… playmates.” He didn’t know which words to use to describe it accurately without being offensive.

Even after finding the word, after it left his lips, he felt he had been reckless—like catching a glimpse of a glowing fish at the bottom of a lake in the dark, only to choose to throw a stone into the water.

The heat climbed to a boiling point; the air seemed to congeal because of the other side of the wall.

After the ripples faded, he heard Su Hui’s light laughter.

“So, you’re curious about me too?”

Ning Yixiao was momentarily choked by his words. This kind of conversation happened between them often, which wasn’t unusual. It was like playing a game of spin-the-bottle; Su Hui neither admitted nor denied, only using a provocative stance to spin the bottle, pushing the neck toward him. If he admitted his curiosity, he would seem to be at a disadvantage.

So, Ning Yixiao simply remained silent.

The silence between them made the intimacy next door seem even more distinct—the playful banter, the whispers of love—the lingering warmth between lovers permeating this thin wall, spreading a restless heat.

In the end, it was Su Hui who broke this expectant quiet.

“Ning Yixiao.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m hungry. Do you have anything here I can eat?”

He changed the subject, moving closer to the edge of the bed.

It felt like Ning Yixiao was being handed a way out, so he didn’t struggle much, crossing over the previous topic to catch the new thread Su Hui had thrown.

“I’ll go check.”

“Wait, I’m coming with you.” Su Hui quickly got out of bed, following behind Ning Yixiao. He felt that Ning Yixiao actually wanted to stop him, but because he moved so quickly, the words were swallowed back.

Both were afraid of disturbing the people in the next room, so they silently lightened their steps, walking one after the other into the kitchen.

It was too dark to see anything, but Ning Yixiao seemed to possess a talent for living in the dark, moving through the hallway with ease, not forgetting to wait for Su Hui.

Su Hui was a young master living in magnificent towers, someone floating in the clouds. He wouldn’t know how to navigate a dark, cramped room piled with trash and debris.

The kitchen had no door. Ning Yixiao felt for the doorframe, didn’t turn on the light, and simply walked over to open the refrigerator.

Warm yellow light spilled over the small kitchen. Su Hui watched clearly as Ning Yixiao stood before the fridge, rummaging through it with a slight frown, finally pulling out a plastic bag.

“Only this,” Ning Yixiao explained. “The food inside is theirs, not mine. I can’t cook it for you.”

“That’s okay.” Su Hui leaned in. “What is it?”

Through the plastic film, he saw the shape of fruit. Ning Yixiao untied the bag to reveal two peaches.

He took one out, rinsed it under the faucet, and handed it to Su Hui. “Just eat a little to cushion your stomach. If you’re really hungry, I’ll take you out.”

“Peaches are fine, I like them.” Su Hui took it. The honey peach was large, barely fitting in one hand, soft and white, with a rich, deep red flush.

“When did you buy these?” Su Hui lowered his head, taking a bite elegantly. It was clear he hadn’t anticipated the abundance of juice, and he was caught off guard for a moment. But his well-trained upbringing made Su Hui like a conditioned toy—unhurried, processing the juice in a quiet, composed manner.

The warm light of the fridge felt like mist, filling the space. Su Hui’s face was vivid and beautiful, his lips stained with translucent juice, his hands holding the peach sticky with sweet liquid.

“Do you want some?” After wiping his clothes, Su Hui looked up at Ning Yixiao, holding it out. “It’s very sweet.”

Ning Yixiao refused, but he felt a wave of heat.

“Why buy it if you’re not going to eat it?” Su Hui tilted his head in confusion, licking the pale pink peach juice from his lips.

Ning Yixiao didn’t speak. Memories surfaced.

It was just a day ago. He had finished his class, so exhausted he had almost fallen asleep while standing on the bus. When he got off, he had happened to see an old man selling peaches—pink, fresh, and beautiful peaches piled in baskets, arranged neatly, looking clean and fresh.

He didn’t know why, but at that moment, he had thought of Su Hui in his pink shirt, thought of his full, translucent cheeks, the tiny peach fuzz on his face in the sunlight, and the innocence that filled him.

But the price wasn’t cheap; two peaches cost him fourteen yuan.

At that moment, Su Hui reached out his peach-scented hand and waved it in front of Ning Yixiao’s eyes, staring at him with his big eyes.

Ning Yixiao came back to his senses and cleared his throat. “I just saw them and thought they looked good. I happened to be coming to get the keys from the landlord, so I bought two to put in the fridge. Eat them when I have time.”

He couldn’t say that he had stood there, as if possessed, simply because seeing the peaches reminded him of him.

“Alright.” Su Hui nodded, taking a small bite of the remaining peach, and reached out toward Ning Yixiao again. “Do you want to taste it? It’s very sweet.”

“You eat it,” Ning Yixiao said, but Su Hui kept his hand extended, so he had to take hold of it to gently pull it back.

The fridge door had been left open, emitting a warning beep. As they tugged at each other, they suddenly heard a sound from outside.

“Oh? You must be our new roommate.”

The boy had dark skin and was shorter than Ning Yixiao, needing to look up to meet his gaze.

“Yeah.” Ning Yixiao let go of Su Hui’s hand and cleared his throat. “Hello.”

When the boy saw him, he gave a shy smile and scratched his buzz cut. He turned to look at Su Hui, and the moment their eyes met, he was visibly stunned, staring for a long time until Ning Yixiao coughed.

“Ah, sorry. I’m Wang Cong. The landlord told me my roommate was just one guy, I didn’t expect two.” Wang Cong continued, not seeing that Ning Yixiao was about to explain, and continued on his own. “I didn’t expect my roommates to be such handsome guys. You both look like celebrities. I was just going to pour some milk for my girlfriend, so…”

Ning Yixiao immediately moved aside, standing next to Su Hui, glancing down at the remaining peach in his hand. It wasn’t finished yet, so he whispered, “You’re eating so slowly.”

Su Hui looked up at him and whispered back, “No, it’s just because it’s too big.”

Wang Cong took a carton of milk from the fridge, watching the two of them as he poured, not paying attention, and the milk almost overflowed from the glass.

“Hey, your milk.” Su Hui saw it and immediately reminded him.

“Oh! Oh! Whoops, it spilled. It’s fine, just a little bit.” Wang Cong gave him an embarrassed smile, picked up the milk, and said, “Anyway, I won’t disturb you guys. You… you carry on, carry on. Goodnight.”

He quickly and carefully carried the milk away, leaving the two of them alone.

Once the sound of the bedroom door closing was heard, Su Hui suddenly burst into laughter.

Ning Yixiao looked at him. Even in a situation that should have been awkward, he was laughing, and the corners of his own mouth couldn’t help but lift. He pursed his lips, suppressing it, and asked Su Hui, “Aren’t you curious? The person involved was just right in front of you—why didn’t you ask?”

Su Hui knew what he was talking about and took another sip of the peach in his hand.

“Suddenly, I don’t want to know anymore.”

“Why?”

Su Hui looked directly into Ning Yixiao’s face, his tone airy.

“I feel like I’ll know in the future. No need to ask him.”