Chapter 87: N. Anxious Longing

In the cramped car, two long-limbed people had no space to stretch out, and their embrace became all the more intimate due to the confinement.

Wrapped in Ning Yixiao’s coat, Su Hui rested his hands on Ning Yixiao’s shoulders, biting his lip. His misty eyes revealed a type of naive innocence rarely seen in the 26-year-old version of himself.

After bumping their heads against the car roof time and again, Ning Yixiao placed a hand over the top of Su Hui’s head to protect him. Su Hui was limp, nearly falling backward, only to be scooped back into Ning Yixiao’s arms for a kiss. Under the influence of alcohol, he couldn’t find release, yet his senses were entirely controlled; the contradiction brought him to the brink of collapse.

The rain outside stopped, and Su Hui, like a string pulled to its absolute limit, finally snapped at the end of the intense suite, falling into a deep, unconscious sleep.

When he woke up, he was already in Ning Yixiao’s room. It was daylight, and the sun filtered through the curtains, diffusing throughout the space. Su Hui had a splitting headache and felt groggy. He rubbed his eyes, and the moment he turned his head, he saw Ning Yixiao’s sleeping face.

He subconsciously reached out, his fingertips brushing against Ning Yixiao’s tear mole. The sensation of the skin was warm—so familiar.

Ning Yixiao suddenly opened his eyes, grabbed Su Hui’s hand, and kissed the back of it.

“Awake?” Ning Yixiao’s morning voice was always a bit deeper than usual, but his tone was incredibly gentle. “Are you tired?”

Su Hui was about to speak, but the image of Ning Yixiao’s clean, calm face suddenly shifted in his mind, replaced by another memory.

It was chaotic.

[Su Hui, you got it all on my face.]

[Lick it clean.]

Almost instantly, a deluge of memory fragments—good, bad, and too painful to recall—rushed into his mind, all stemming from the previous night.

“Why are you staring at me again?”

“Don’t tell me you haven’t recovered yet?” Ning Yixiao laughed, leaning closer. He pulled Su Hui’s waist into his arms and rubbed his head against his ear. “Little Su, how old are you right now?”

Hearing that familiar question, every pore on Su Hui’s body seemed to shiver.

[Su Hui, do you have dreams like this when you’re 20?]

He instinctively wanted to hide, but Ning Yixiao held him firmly, making it impossible to pull away.

“Answer me.” Ning Yixiao’s nose brushed against his earlobe.

At that moment, Su Hui desperately needed a superpower to vanish instantly.

Seeing him like this, Ning Yixiao understood. “Looks like you’re awake.”

“I drank too much.” Su Hui buried his face in the crook of Ning Yixiao’s shoulder, complaining muffledly. “I’m never drinking again.”

“Mm, it is inconvenient when you drink too much.” Ning Yixiao traced his spine. “Do you know how long it took last night to…”

Su Hui immediately looked up and covered Ning Yixiao’s mouth, his eyes full of desperate pleading.

Ning Yixiao nodded, signaling he wouldn’t say another word, and only then did Su Hui let go.

“But you’re cute when you’re drunk.”

He was so easy to tease, it made one want to bully him.

“Stop.” Su Hui didn’t want him to review the events. He tried to get up to wash, but the moment he braced himself, he felt an ache spreading through every joint and bone. He couldn’t move.

Ning Yixiao leaned back against the pillows, looking at ease. He raised one hand. “Offering complimentary morning wake-up assistance, exclusively for the cat.”

Su Hui had no choice. The current Ning Yixiao, though expressionless, was incredibly smug.

“Then help me…”

“Okay.” Ning Yixiao got up immediately, scooped Su Hui into his arms, and carried him to the bathroom.

After freshening up, they shared a long, deep kiss in the bathroom. While kissing, Ning Yixiao kneaded Su Hui’s waist; the feeling of suffocation brought him a numbing pleasure, but Ning Yixiao pulled back just in time.

“You need to replenish fluids; your lips are cracked again.”

“Probably because you bit them.” Su Hui whispered in protest. “You always like to bite me when we kiss.”

Ning Yixiao felt absolutely no guilt, answering shamelessly, “Because it feels good.”

After going downstairs, Su Hui moved slowly to the dining table, took the glass of water offered to him, and stared at Ning Yixiao’s face while he drank.

Ning Yixiao really had changed a lot.

Six years ago, he had to constantly disguise his cold, indifferent core with a friendly facade, which made him conflicted. He was tense yet indifferent, indifferent yet burdened by life. After they reunited, Ning Yixiao’s coldness was blunt and awkward. But as they spent time together, he gradually began to reveal more of his human emotions and desires. Sometimes, he was like a child, enjoying childish, wicked pranks.

Walking through these different stages of Ning Yixiao was Su Hui’s trial in life.

He could capture Ning Yixiao’s sinking soul at the first glance of their eyes meeting, and like looking into a mirror, he could see his own loss of control and surrender through him. Every hug and every kiss was an exploration of each other’s most fragile parts, as well as a healing.

Neither of them was their former self anymore, but those precarious, crumbling moments had become stable because of each other’s existence.

Perhaps change is the meaning of loving each other.

“Staring at me again.” Ning Yixiao noticed and smiled.

Su Hui put down his empty glass and went over to hug him for a long time.

“What’s wrong?” Ning Yixiao gently stroked his hair.

“Nothing, I just like you.”

Su Hui only hoped that Ning Yixiao would never again need to use coldness to mask his insecurity and loneliness. He hoped he would be happy.

Signing his mother’s will wasn’t enough to inherit the entire estate. Upon returning to the country, Su Hui went to the bank and the trust office under the guidance of Attorney Chen to complete many procedures. Even excluding the properties, the exorbitant trust fund his mother left him was enough for a lifetime of ease. However, these assets transferred to his name were indirectly responsible for his mother’s death, so it didn’t bring Su Hui any joy.

The only fortunate thing was that he could finally pay off all his debts at once. Su Hui organized his bills, calculated every penny borrowed for his grandmother’s illness, and returned the money one by one.

This included, of course, Ning Yixiao’s share.

“I know you don’t want to take it.” Su Hui’s tone was sincere. “But we agreed it was a loan. Just because I’m your boyfriend doesn’t mean I can gloss over it.”

Ning Yixiao didn’t refuse directly but asked a counter-question: “But my boyfriend paid off my debts six years ago. How does that count?”

Su Hui was surprised. “How did you know?”

Ning Yixiao raised an eyebrow. “I was lying in the hospital for half a year, not dead. It would have been easy for those people to come after me, but they never did. It was obvious they had been settled. In this world, besides you, who else would be so merciful as to pay off 200,000 for a poor boy like me in one go?”

“And you still thought I didn’t like you?” Su Hui pursed his lips, smiling like a child. He leaned over and sat on Ning Yixiao’s lap, wrapping his arms around his shoulders, and kissed Ning Yixiao’s tear mole.

“You’re not a poor boy; you’re a big CEO.”

Ning Yixiao tilted his head back, expressionless. “I accept the first word.”

“Ning Yixiao, you are truly indecent.”

“I accept that, too.”

With only two days left before the exhibition, Su Hui was almost drowning in anxiety.

He had fallen into a strange state: brimming with inspiration, efficient and tireless due to his hypomania, yet simultaneously terrified that his work wouldn’t be liked. He feared that everything he had done was trash, not good enough to be displayed publicly.

He was even more afraid that he would suddenly enter a depressive phase at the last minute and ruin everything.

This thought had surfaced several times while dealing with Guan Cheng, and during his first few days back in the country. Su Hui could clearly feel his state of instability, terrified that the moment he turned around, he would be plunged into the abyss of depression.

This manic phase was exceptionally long.

Su Hui wanted to prolong it, and when the alarm for his medication went off, he even had the thought of dumping the pills in his palm. He truly didn’t want to leave this hypomanic state.

But thinking of Ning Yixiao’s instructions, Su Hui didn’t do it and obediently took his medicine.

Because of his last-minute return to the country, Keisha had handled a lot of the work herself. They met several times after his return to discuss progress; Keisha was highly efficient and had basically finalized everything.

“The activity you participated in last time had such high online engagement that several investors who previously rejected me came back, saying they want long-term cooperation. They are very willing to support our touring exhibition.”

Su Hui was surprised and helpless. “Why do I feel like I’m relying on my face to support my main career?”

Keisha laughed. “It’s my first time encountering this, too. Perhaps you could develop a side hustle.”

After a few jokes, the topic turned back to business. Keisha was sharp and rigorous, constantly emphasizing the importance of the first day of the exhibition.

“Many media outlets will visit that day. I’ve arranged a small collective interview and received some questions in advance. You can prepare a bit so there are no awkward silences.”

She handed a file to Su Hui. “This is an emergency manual. Take a look; I’ve listed potential situations we might encounter. We can solve them together, though it would be best if we don’t need it.”

“Tomorrow, we’ll check every installation in the venue and do a run-through. We absolutely cannot afford any mistakes.”

Su Hui’s stress was nearly off the charts, but he appeared calm and nodded. “Okay.”

That afternoon, he messaged Sean, with whom he hadn’t spoken in a long time.

[Eddy: Long time no see! I’m holding my first solo exhibition soon. I’d love to invite you to see it. The exhibition runs for a long time, so you can come when you’re free. I’d like to send you an invitation; can you receive mail?]

Ten minutes later, he received a reply.

[Sean: Really? Congratulations. I wouldn’t miss your solo exhibition. It’s an honor to receive your invitation.]

He provided an address. To Su Hui’s surprise, the address happened to be in New York as well.

[Eddy: Are you in New York recently? Did you move here, or are you working here?]

[Sean: Just working in New York recently. This is a friend’s address; send it to him, and he’ll pass it on to me.]

[Eddy: Okay! Looking forward to seeing you there! If possible, please leave me a note—I’ve set up a suggestion box right next to the final exhibit! That way, when I see your note, I’ll know you came.]

[Sean: I’ll definitely be there.]

Su Hui was delighted. Because his connection with this special collector began with the work Net, Su Hui hand-painted a butterfly on the cover of the invitation for him and wrote “For Sean.” Otherwise, it was the same as the others.

The only truly handmade invitation was the one for Ning Yixiao. He had spent a long time cutting and folding paper, finishing it only yesterday.

He waited until Ning Yixiao was asleep, climbed out of bed in the middle of the night, and placed the card by his pillow.

The next morning, Su Hui, feigning sleep, watched Ning Yixiao sit up, holding the handmade invitation.

Unlike the simple cards of the other invitations, this one was 3D. Opening it along the folded creases, a small paper box popped out containing a small white cat and a Doberman puppy that looked remarkably like Snowy.

“S & N” was written on top of the paper box.

He squinted, terrified of being discovered, but seeing Ning Yixiao seem to love the little card—closing and opening it repeatedly, even leaning in close to stare at the little cat and dog—made him smile.

“How did you make this…”

Ning Yixiao stared for a moment, placed the card on the nightstand, and turned to look at Su Hui.

Su Hui immediately closed his eyes and pretended to sleep, feeling a kiss on his exposed arm and another on his neck. The touch was cool.

Then Ning Yixiao got out of bed, leaving behind a lighthearted remark.

“If you pretend to be asleep again, I’ll tie you to the bed.”

Su Hui was instantly wide awake.

That wouldn’t do. It was the last day before the exhibition; Keisha would hunt him down to his home.

But Ning Yixiao was only joking. After Su Hui obediently got up, he just walked over and tapped his forehead.

“I have a lot of work today—very busy. I might not be able to reply to messages right away.”

“No problem, you’re the big CEO. Focus on work; don’t think about me.”

After Su Hui went out, he received a call from Ryan, who said that Mike, the guy who had previously clashed with him, was causing trouble at the Fine Arts department again.

“Come later, or don’t come at all. We’ll help you bring the final assembly parts over.”

“It’s okay, I’m already on my way.”

Su Hui feared that if only the students were there, it would lead to a larger conflict, so he rushed over.

On the way, he received a call from the academy.

“Hello, this is the academy’s administration office. Yesterday we received a signed report claiming your teaching assistant qualification doesn’t meet academy standards, suggesting it was special treatment granted by Professor White, and requesting an investigation.”

“What does that mean?” Su Hui got out of the car and entered the Fine Arts building. “My qualification was reviewed by the academy; there’s no special treatment involved.”

“We will investigate these claims; this is just a notification. Furthermore, we’ve found your work visa has expired, and the reporter provided your medical history of mental illness…”

Su Hui’s emotions surged, and he couldn’t help but interrupt. “My medical history? I think everyone in the academy knows that. From teachers to students, I have never hidden the fact from anyone that I am a bipolar patient.”

There was a pause on the other end. “Please calm down. We just need your cooperation in the investigation. We’re notifying you so you understand.”

“I will cooperate, but the employment contract doesn’t state that mental patients aren’t hired. If it did, I wouldn’t have been hired in the first place.”

Su Hui hung up the phone. He stood in the elevator to calm himself for a moment and realized that his manic symptoms were becoming obvious; he couldn’t control his emotions.

He took several deep breaths, trying to settle his mood.

When he stepped out of the elevator, he heard arguing down the hallway. He went over and, as expected, Ryan and his group were fighting with Mike’s gang.

Su Hui was so suffocated by anxiety that he held his emotions back, stepped forward, pulled them apart, and stood in front of the students.

He stared at Mike’s face. “Running over here first thing in the morning—is there a problem?”

Mike sneered, opening his mouth with the same old racist clichés that were truly tiresome.

“Don’t think you can do whatever you want just because you have that old man White backing you! Damn chink.”

The students behind him heard the slur and were immediately about to clash again, but Su Hui stopped them.

He looked back at the injuries on the students’ faces, confirmed them, and then pulled out his phone without hesitation to call the police. “Hello, someone is causing trouble here, regarding…”

Mike immediately reached to grab his phone, but Su Hui blocked him with his other hand. “That’s right, he is currently attacking me and preparing to engage in violent behavior.”

Hearing the police on the other end ask about the other party’s condition, Su Hui sized Mike up. “He looks abnormal; he might be on drugs.”

Hearing this, Mike’s complexion changed instantly. He looked back at his accomplices. The group exchanged glances, threw out a threat, and retreated.

“Just wait.”

Seeing them leave, Su Hui reported the location of the School of Photography to the police and hung up.

“Are you guys okay?”

The students shook their heads, though they were very indignant about what had just happened.

“He just can’t stand that you’re about to hold an exhibition and is doing everything he can to mess with us.”

“Yeah, I even found the studio door lock smashed a few days ago. Luckily, the exhibits were fine; they had already been moved.”

“He’s only acting this way because he has his own backers!”

Thinking of the investigation call he’d just received and the previous scene Mike had made at the Fine Arts office, everything had a trail. Aside from this guy with a grudge, no one else would be so impatient as to run to report him before the exhibition.

Su Hui looked up, saw the paper with insults posted at the studio entrance, tore it off, crumpled it into a ball, tossed it into the trash, and opened the studio door.

Once inside, he walked straight to the large boxes, which had been organized last night. Su Hui checked the components of the installations and called Keisha, who summoned professional service personnel to transport the exhibits.

Watching the final pieces being moved out, Su Hui felt relieved and closed the studio door.

He planned to head to the academy leadership’s office first to see exactly how they intended to investigate. At the very least, he couldn’t let them delay his main business at this critical moment, and he certainly couldn’t drag Professor White into it.

Su Hui walked out and said to the waiting students, “I’m going to the venue. You guys go to class; I’ll see you there this afternoon.”

Ryan looked at him closely, unable to stop himself from showing concern. “Are you okay? Don’t let him get to you.”

“I’m fine, he’s not worth it.” Su Hui’s tone carried a hint of rare irritability. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a cigarette, lit it, took a puff, and paced to the balcony at the end of the corridor, blowing out a cloud of gray smoke.

An anxious longing crept up, like a rodent constantly gnawing at his heart. He had just told Ning Yixiao to focus on work.

But he suddenly longed for Ning Yixiao to be by his side.

It didn’t matter if they did nothing, or if they went to bed.

He just needed to hold him tight.