SNOW CH44
Chapter 44: Gentle Comfort
Fu Rangyi searched two streets before finding a small noodle shop that hadn’t yet relocated or closed down. The shop owner was very kind, filling a large paper bowl with hot water for him and refusing to take any money.
So, Fu Rangyi carried this bowl of water all the way, hurrying back. It was only when he saw the white car, so beautiful it was out of place on this street, that his anxious heart settled slightly.
Just as he got close, the car window rolled down. Zhu Zhixi stuck half his head out with a smile, waving at him as if his earlier discomfort had completely vanished. The water had already become lukewarm, and he watched as Zhu Zhixi drank it sip by sip. The delayed sensation slowly surfaced now, and Fu Rangyi clenched his fingertips, which were red from the steam.
“Thank you.” The corners of Zhu Zhixi’s eyes were red, and his eyelids were still a little swollen, making the red mole there even more conspicuous, as if it had smudged.
Fu Rangyi averted his gaze. “Feeling better?”
“Mhm. Shall we go home?”
Fu Rangyi nodded.
On the way, Zhu Zhixi kept talking to him, about everything under the sun, but never mentioning what had just happened. Many times, Fu Rangyi felt that he was exceptionally perceptive, always able to pierce through pretense with a single-pointed accuracy, straight to his softest parts.
But Zhu Zhixi’s perceptiveness was also exceedingly merciful. He had clearly dug up and seen everything, yet he would gently help him cover it all up again, and then, use not-so-subtle means to change the subject.
“Fu Rangyi, look, this snowflake! It’s a perfect hexagon.”
With one intersection left before home, at a red light, Fu Rangyi looked at the snowflake he was pointing at, then finally shifted his gaze to him.
“If only snowflakes could be kept…” Zhu Zhixi muttered to himself.
Hearing this, Fu Rangyi thought of a sentence he used to repeatedly admonish himself with—forcefully seeking something unattainable would only make his life more painful.
“Mhm.” He also repeated softly, “If only… it could be kept.”
Still no progress at all.
From meeting Zhu Zhixi, speaking to him coldly, acting with a mix of truth and lies, getting along half-heartedly, to the post-susceptible period self-struggle, sounding alarms for himself, yet being unable to resist, giving in to his every request, changing himself for him, learning from scratch how to care, how to communicate, and once again, and most thoroughly, baring himself completely, leaving not a single secret behind.
It was all to keep this person.
It was like this every time. When he particularly wanted something, wanted it to belong to him, a frighteningly bad premonition would begin to appear, a feeling that he was about to lose it.
It turned out that what had been ringing was never an alarm bell, but the bell shaken in Pavlov’s hand.
Pleading to stay had become his stereotyped behavior.
He was helpless against himself, even a little disheartened. Therefore, upon returning home, Fu Rangyi locked himself in the bathroom, ran the water, took a shower, and washed away all those excess emotions and desires. When he felt he had once again returned to his usual self and pushed the door open, he saw Zhu Zhixi, who had changed into pajamas.
Fu Rangyi froze for a moment, his gaze falling from his face to his body. Zhu Zhixi was wearing the cream-colored pajama set he had bought.
He looked clean and soft, the tips of his ears and the joints of his fingers tinged with a faint pink. He took a step closer, tilted his face up, and asked in a low voice, “Are you tired?”
Fu Rangyi lowered his eyes, staring at the teeth revealed when he spoke. “Why are you speaking so softly? It’s not even dark yet.”
Zhu Zhixi’s voice became even softer. “Because I’m going to pretend it’s 10 PM now, and then I’m going to invite you to sleep with me.”
“What?” Fu Rangyi was a little baffled.
“Shh.” Zhu Zhixi pulled his wrist. “I don’t know if you’re tired, but I’m so tired. But the countdown is ticking so fast, it’s really affecting my mood, and I’m sure I won’t sleep well. You have to help me.”
He said it all in one breath, then smiled again and said softly, “Let’s just pretend we’re in America today. Come on.”
Just like that, Fu Rangyi was dragged to the guest bedroom. Watching Zhu Zhixi push the door open directly, he actually felt a strong urge to perform a door-knocking ritual.
The room was dimly lit, the curtains drawn tight. The light in the tent was on, the small safe haven filled with light, turning it into a large yellow lantern. An aromatherapy candle was lit on the bedside table, its flame flickering slightly, emitting a faint fragrance, like lavender, or perhaps bergamot, very comforting—in any case, not the sandalwood incense used to suppress pheromones.
Zhu Zhixi closed the door, pulled him to the bedside, lifted a corner of the quilt, and made a gesture at him. “Please.”
Fu Rangyi: “I thought you were going to invite me to sleep in the tent.”
“Of course not, the tent is so small.”
Fu Rangyi said faintly, “Every time I come to your room, I sleep in the tent.”
He heard Zhu Zhixi mutter softly, “Is that what you call sleeping in a tent…”
But soon, Zhu Zhixi cleared his throat and pulled the derailed topic back. “My quilt is soft and comfortable, do you want to try it or not?”
He certainly had no reason to refuse.
Zhu Zhixi’s duvet cover and sheets were fluffy. When he lay down, Fu Rangyi had the illusion of being immersed in a hot spring. Soon, another guest entered the hot spring, pushing aside the wrinkled waves of fabric, approaching him, reaching out an arm, fumbling in the quilt for a moment, and finally, with a “click,” took off his bracelet.
“I told you, the first thing to do when you enter is to take this off and put it in the box.” Zhu Zhixi reached his hand out of the quilt, placed the bracelet on the bedside table, and turned back to lie face-to-face with him. “You’re home, aren’t you going to let it come home too?”
Fu Rangyi didn’t take off his glasses, quietly looking at him. Looking at every small detail on his face, every subtle expression.
Until Zhu Zhixi moved closer again, almost touching the tip of his nose. “Are you listening to me?”
“Mhm. I’ll remember next time.”
Fu Rangyi smelled a faint fragrance—the aromatherapy candle in the room, the fruity scent emanating from his skin, the light scent of toner on his cheeks. These scents all seemed to be Zhu Zhixi’s pheromones, soothing his emotions.
Zhu Zhixi’s dark pupils were still so bright in the dim light.
He blinked, then suddenly reached out, and gently took off Fu Rangyi’s glasses, putting them on himself.
Fu Rangyi reminded him, “4.50 D.”
“I can tell.” Zhu Zhixi squinted, not daring to open his eyes completely, and even smiled. “You’re distorted.”
“How do I look in your glasses? Do I look good?”
Fu Rangyi: “I don’t know, I can’t see clearly.”
Zhu Zhixi froze for a second, then was amused into laughter by him.
He looks very good when he smiles, Fu Rangyi thought.
“I’m going to get an identical pair of non-prescription glasses.” He took off the glasses, carefully folded them, and placed them next to the bracelet.
Fu Rangyi’s heartbeat slowly quickened, but he realized that Zhu Zhixi didn’t seem to think these actions were very intimate.
As expected. Zhu Zhixi shrank back into the quilt, then extended his arms again and said, “I want a hug.”
Without waiting for Fu Rangyi’s reply, he scooted over on his own, squeezed into Fu Rangyi’s chest, buried his face in the crook of his shoulder, and even pulled his arm to place it on his own waist.
The scent surrounded him. Fu Rangyi hesitated for a moment, then pressed the tip of his nose against his soft neck, deeply inhaling the fragrance of his skin, his arm tightening in response.
He didn’t know if it was an illusion, but he could feel a faint airflow hitting the back of his neck. It seemed Zhu Zhixi was also smelling him, smelling the pheromones he couldn’t perceive.
“Close your eyes,” Zhu Zhixi gently stroked the short stubble on the back of his head, then his nape, his spine. “Get a good sleep.”
Fu Rangyi closed his eyes. After a while, he asked in a low voice, “Of all the places you’ve been, is there any you particularly like?”
Hearing this question, Zhu Zhixi thought for a moment. “Mhm… yes, there are many beautiful, beautiful places that don’t seem like they’re on Earth.”
His fingers drew light circles on Fu Rangyi’s back as he began his fanciful description: snow-capped mountains, sinkholes, glaciers, galloping herds of horses, penguin babies lining up to dive into the water, magnificent coral reefs under a jelly-like sea, red sand dunes at sunset, the crimson magma of an active volcano at night, the mysterious morning mist of the Borneo rainforest, the golden sunrise under a vast fog, the legendary “God of the Rainforest”—the hornbill, flapping its wings as it flew over his head…
Fu Rangyi listened quietly, matching each description to a corresponding image, to the videos he had watched late at night. Compared to those magnificent landscapes, the beginning of each video, with Zhu Zhixi’s vibrant smile and loud “Mom, look—,” seemed to be the most profound.
“Do you want to go?” Zhu Zhixi said, suddenly nuzzling the back of his ear with the tip of his nose, his words also tempting him. “Which one do you want to go to? I’ll take you next time.”
His gland was brushed against. A warm current surged up again. Fu Rangyi couldn’t help but dodge.
His Beta classmate was completely unaware of his transgression, and even cupped his face to prevent him from dodging. “So many beautiful places, you don’t want to see any of them? You’re too much of a homebody…”
Before he could finish, Fu Rangyi kissed the most beautiful and rare spectacle he most wanted to see.
It was a light, fleeting kiss. Fu Rangyi calmed his breathing, moved away from the soft lips, and said in a low voice, “I don’t have many holidays, I need to think about it carefully.”
After being kissed, Zhu Zhixi suddenly became exceptionally quiet.
“It seems like it’s still snowing outside…” He started making small talk again.
“Mhm.”
“Fu Rangyi.” His fingers climbed up, hooking Fu Rangyi’s collar, his fingertips slightly damp. “The glutinous rice balls you mentioned, what are they like?”
“Are you hungry?” Fu Rangyi held his restless fingers, gently clasping them in his palm.
“I’m just a little curious,” he asked. “Are they… like tangyuan?”
“No.” Fu Rangyi closed his eyes and thought for a moment. “They’re balls made from beaten cooked glutinous rice, very chewy, with a slight graininess from the rice. They’re filled with sesame, crushed peanuts, and white sugar, rolled into round balls, with a small red dot on the skin.”
“On the glutinous rice skin?” Zhu Zhixi asked.
“Mhm,” he emphasized. “It has to be dotted right in the center.”
Zhu Zhixi let out a long “Mmm,” and said, “That sounds delicious. Make them for me next time.”
“Okay.”
Holding his hand, being gently caressed on his shoulder and back, with his eyes closed, Fu Rangyi returned to his childhood. The lid of the steamer was opened, steam filled the air, and it was full of little rice balls. A line of children, each holding a small bowl.
He was at the back of the line, standing on tiptoe to look, waiting obediently.
As he was about to fall asleep, he moved his lips in his weariness. “Zhu Zhixi…”
“Mhm?”
“In the future, don’t talk about death so casually, okay?”
His consciousness was too blurry. He felt Zhu Zhixi say “okay,” but he wasn’t quite sure.
The aromatherapy candle burned out. The room was so quiet that only the sound of long, even breathing remained. Zhu Zhixi opened his eyes and tentatively called Fu Rangyi’s name in a very soft voice.
No response. He was asleep, sleeping very, very soundly, still clutching his left hand. Their intertwined fingers still couldn’t block the flashing light of the countdown.
Zhu Zhixi moved closer, withdrawing the right hand that had been stroking his back, and extended it in front of him. From a small distance, he carefully traced down his brow bone, the tip of his nose, the peak of his lip, outlining his entire face, as if playing a game where a single touch meant failure.
Mom, look.
This is the person I like.
A very good-looking little bitter melon.
He traced it three times. He lifted the hand Fu Rangyi was holding. He felt him stir and warily stopped all movement.
But soon, Fu Rangyi fell back asleep, like a robot that had run out of battery.
Lifting the hand, Zhu Zhixi lowered his head and very lightly kissed his clasped fingers. He pushed the sleeve of his pajama up to the crook of his arm, and his whole body moved down, leaning over to kiss those deep and shallow scars.
Finally, he rested against Fu Rangyi’s chest, and almost in a whisper, pressing against the thumping heartbeat, he said, “Nian Nian.”
“Nian Nian.”
Mom, this is his name.
He repeated it many times.
“Bless him, and let him have a good dream.”
As if under some magic spell, Fu Rangyi had the best dream of his life. Although in the dream, his fate was not altered in any way, Zhu Zhixi had appeared early. He was carrying a schoolbag and bumped into him as he was riding his bike to school. Then he suddenly made a scene, saying he was almost killed and demanding he take responsibility.
Differentiating into a Beta was also his fault. If it weren’t for being bumped. He would definitely be an Alpha. The little rascal in the dream said so.
At every painful juncture of his life, there was an additional, inexplicable Beta. When he was confessed to by someone he didn’t like, Zhu Zhixi descended from the sky, beating gongs and drums, clanging and banging…
Fu Rangyi frowned. The sound was too real, piercing right through the dream.
In a daze, he opened his eyes and took a few seconds to react. He sleepily felt the space beside him; there was no one else in the bed. The quilt instantly felt less soft and warm.
And the clanging and banging sounds were still continuing, coming through the door. Only then did Fu Rangyi realize he had been woken up by the noise.
What’s he doing? Without even putting on his glasses, he groggily put on his slippers and pushed the door to go out. The hallway was very bright, and he wasn’t used to it, squinting his eyes.
Then he suddenly heard Zhu Zhixi’s voice, very loud, and seemingly a little embarrassed.
“Fu Rangyi! Go back!”
Fu Rangyi didn’t understand. But receiving such a strongly emotional command, he subconsciously turned and walked back.
He pushed the door, went back to the bed, and sat down. Outside the door, Zhu Zhixi’s shouting hadn’t stopped.
“Don’t come out! You can only come out when I call you—”
He nodded and pinched his arm.
It wasn’t a dream.
Fu Rangyi obediently waited for a while and found that the wait was longer than he had imagined. So he got up to wash his face, then quietly pulled open the tent curtain. As expected, it was piled high with Zhu Zhixi’s clothes again.
He sat in the pile of clothes, hesitated for a moment, then lay down, burying his face in them, and took a deep sniff.
Until a knock sounded on the door.
“You can come out now.”
Only then did he get up nonchalantly, mess up the clothes a bit to restore them to their original state, close the curtain, and exit the room with feigned composure, walking into the living room.
Outside the floor-to-ceiling windows, snowflakes were fluttering in the night. The living room was very warm. He squinted his eyes and felt that the kitchen was a mess. Zhu Zhixi was standing in the middle, he didn’t know what he was doing, as busy as if he were tap-dancing.
Seeing him come out, Zhu Zhixi immediately stopped, untied his apron with a grin, and pulled him to the dining table. “Sit.”
Fu Rangyi sat down as instructed. There was a bowl of something on the table. It was covered with a lid, so he couldn’t see what it was.
“You cooked for me?” he asked.
“Yep.” Zhu Zhixi lifted the lid for him. “Ta-da—this is my comfort food, loofah and chicken soup noodles. Whenever I’m wandering outside, tired and unhappy, I really crave this.”
To be honest, it didn’t look very appetizing. Fu Rangyi resisted saying it out loud. “It smells very fragrant.”
“Right?” Zhu Zhixi gave him chopsticks and a spoon. “Hurry up and try it.”
Fu Rangyi picked up a piece of loofah, squinting as he examined it for a long time. “This is the first time I’ve seen someone cut a loofah like this.” It wasn’t roll-cut or diagonally sliced, but cut into vertical cross-sections.
“Don’t you think it’s cute this way?” Zhu Zhixi pushed his own bowl over, which had a large pile of round loofah slices floating on top. “Look, every loofah has an expression, they’re smiling.”
Fu Rangyi stared at the loofah face for a moment. “It’s smiling like a bitter melon.”
“Are you going to eat it or not?”
He said no more, lowered his head, and as he was about to take the first bite, he suddenly felt his pockets. His phone wasn’t there. He couldn’t take a picture.
But this was the first time Zhu Zhixi had cooked for him.
He looked up and asked, “Did you take a picture of these loofah emojis?”
Zhu Zhixi smiled, pursing his lips and nodding several times. “Hee hee, you guessed it.”
Fu Rangyi lowered his head to eat the noodles. “Send it to me.”
“What for?”
“It’s very funny. I’ll send it to Li Qiao.”
Unlike its appearance, the bowl of noodles was more delicious than he had imagined. The soup base was hot and had the clean sweetness of loofah. After a few bites, he discovered a poached egg nestled underneath.
For him, a poached egg was an extremely distant metaphor. He had only seen it in movies and articles, where it usually represented a kind of ordinary and warm care.
He bit into the soft egg, and the sourness in his heart flowed out along with the runny yolk.
“Is it good?” Zhu Zhixi said. “My mom taught me this. It’s the only dish I know how to make. When I was little and hungry at night, or unhappy, she would cook this for me. I would feel very happy and satisfied after eating it.”
Fu Rangyi could imagine the scene.
“It’s delicious,” he said honestly, but he didn’t look up. “I’ve never had it before. Thank you.”
“Mhm… then…” A new plate of comfort food appeared in the middle of the dining table. “This, I hope you find it delicious too.”
Fu Rangyi looked up and froze. It was a round glutinous rice ball, with a small red dot in the very center.
His gaze slowly moved up, landing on Zhu Zhixi’s half-lowered eyelids, and that small mole.
He muttered embarrassedly, as if reading a disclaimer. “I just spent a long time making it, and this is the only one that’s barely presentable. The filling, I scraped it out of frozen tangyuan, I don’t know how to make it. But I steamed the rice, and I pounded it. The red dot, I don’t know what yours was dotted with before, so I squeezed some strawberry juice and dripped it on, but it spread. Then I could only cut a very small strawberry tip and put it on top. Is it in the center? My eyes are so tired I can’t tell if it’s crooked or not…”
Zhu Zhixi’s hair was all messed up, and he looked very nervous. He pushed the small plate in front of him, cleared his throat, and began to formally recite his lines. “It’s snowing. Have a little rice ball.”
“No complaining allowed. Only you get one.”
Author’s Note:
–What Xiao Zhu did to wreck the kitchen while Professor Fu was asleep–
- Carefully selected ingredients on an app, and also bought a pile of snacks that were not in the plan at all.
- Steamed glutinous rice, cut the peanut-filled tangyuan and black sesame tangyuan in half, and scraped out the filling (Xiao Zhu: I’m such a genius!).
- Made chicken soup (didn’t know how, so he called his dad).
- Cut the loofah, laughed for three minutes after finishing, sent it to Xiao En and Da Zhu, got an instant reply from Da Zhu, and had a two-minute text argument with Da Zhu.
- Clang, bang, pounded the rice cake, thumping and pounding (Xiao Zhu: Die, you damn ltp teacher, die, die!).
- Kneaded the sticky glutinous rice dough (Xiao Zhu: Eh, why is it all sticking to the gloves… what do I do? Let’s check a tutorial. Oh, I need to wet my hands! Crap, why is it getting watery…).
- Steamed the rice balls (Xiao Zhu was so tired he zoned out, wondering if he should just wrap cooked tangyuan in the glutinous rice. It’s all glutinous rice anyway, you probably can’t tell the difference…).
- Screened for qualified rice balls, juiced strawberries, dripped strawberry juice, fail, fail, fail… cut a strawberry tip…
- Shushed away the half-awake Professor Xiao Fu, cooked the noodles, drained the noodles, and jumped around after getting burned.
- Ate with Professor Xiao Fu, secretly took pictures of him eating noodles, and said his lines to him: “It’s snowing, have a little rice ball…”
In his heart, he added the words, “Little kid Nian Nian.”
this chapter made me cry so much
this