Chapter 81: N. Evidence of Love

After the banquet ended, Su Hui said goodbye to Bella and got directly into Ning Yixiao’s car.

This left Bella utterly shocked. She had originally thought the undercurrents swirling between the two of them tonight were merely the lingering flirtations of exes, but the reality seemed to have progressed far beyond that.

She couldn’t resist sending Su Hui a message to gossip.

[Bella: Are you two back together?]

Su Hui was kissing Ning Yixiao inside the car at that moment and didn’t see the message at all.

It wasn’t until five in the morning that he finally replied.

[Eddy: Ah, I thought I told you. Did I really not?]

Receiving the message, enlightenment finally dawned upon Bella. It turned out this wasn’t some ambiguous, flirtatious phase at all—it was the passionately in-love phase of a reconciliation!

[Bella: I knew it!]

[Bella: You two match so well. I didn’t dare say it before, but now I can finally say it out loud and proud!]

[Bella: Ever since the New Year’s party last time, I had a premonition that you two would get back together sooner or later. As expected, I’m practically a genius!]

Su Hui smiled and put his phone down.

The room had been left in a complete mess by them. Knowing that this lack of tidiness would be unbearable for Ning Yixiao once he woke up, Su Hui very quietly organized everything before lying back down to accompany him.

Lying beside a soundly sleeping Ning Yixiao, Su Hui very lightly caressed his back.

Every time he did this, even if Ning Yixiao was asleep, he would subconsciously lean closer, as though he deeply craved being touched this way.

Recalling the name of the company mentioned at the banquet, Su Hui was still deeply moved. It was clearly a momentous naming decision; anyone else might have chosen something for a prosperous omen, but Ning Yixiao had chosen their story to commemorate those fleeting six months, and those brief fifteen minutes and twenty seconds beneath the hanging sun.

Playing word games didn’t seem like his style at all, yet Ning Yixiao was constantly doing things that didn’t feel like him for Su Hui’s sake—the person who hated lateness most would become late for his sake, and the man who claimed to be a staunch egoist acted altruistically in everything.

Su Hui had never experienced such favoritism before. He even felt that even if he poured out everything he possessed, he wouldn’t be able to return an equal amount of love.

It was a disheartening realization, yet it also seemed to be the truth.

Su Hui quietly took Ning Yixiao’s hand, locking their fingers together.

If only he were a bit more outstanding, a bit more whole, it would be so much better.

Construction had already begun on MsnF’s New York campus, and the project was progressing rapidly. Because of this, Ning Yixiao stayed in New York for two weeks instead of returning to the Bay Area immediately.

Su Hui was also incredibly busy with his solo exhibition, working non-stop. The two of them couldn’t even scrape together enough time for a proper date. It was only at night that Su Hui would take out the letters people had sent in to sell, picking out a few amusing and witty ones to read aloud to Ning Yixiao to make him laugh.

Most of the time, Ning Yixiao wouldn’t laugh. Su Hui would feel a bit awkward, thinking his own sense of humor was a bit abnormal, so he would switch to the next letter. Halfway through reading it, he would be laughing so hard he couldn’t straighten his back.

Only then would Ning Yixiao be genuinely amused, pinning Su Hui onto the sofa to kiss him.

Many times, his movements would be rough, leaving marks of various sizes all over Su Hui’s body. He would apologize afterward, but Su Hui would tell him that he disliked the apologies—he liked it when Ning Yixiao used more force, liked it when he made him feel pain.

By late April, the traces of spring finally spread to the concrete jungle.

The two managed to find a day when neither of them was too busy to visit Grandma at the hospital. Compared to when Su Hui had come alone three days ago, Grandma’s spirits were much better, and the caregiver noted that she looked more energized by the day.

Even though Ning Yixiao was now someone who could hold his own and had completely transformed, the days they spent apart were still vivid in his mind. Facing Su Hui’s relative, he still felt an indomitable sense of estrangement.

The words Ji Tailu had spoken back then were like a thorn that had never been extracted over the years. Ning Yixiao had originally believed he could conquer that voice, but as the years piled on, he had gradually come to believe the “fact” that Su Hui had never loved him.

Even though it wasn’t true, it had become a shadow that was difficult to dispel.

“Come, take a seat. Xiao Ning, sit down.” Grandma had a smile on her face, her voice sounding much more resonant than before. “It’s a rare sight for you two to come together. Just looking at you makes me happy.”

Su Hui added hot water to Grandma’s teacup, then stood up to grab a disposable cup to pour some water for Ning Yixiao.

“Grandma, you’ve run out of tea leaves. I’ll bring you a new tin when I come over tomorrow.”

“Alright, remember to bring me the same kind. This tea tastes very good.”

Su Hui smiled and sat back down next to Ning Yixiao. “Mm, I’ll remember.”

Ning Yixiao appeared somewhat silent, seemingly uncomfortable. Su Hui had noticed it from the moment they walked in; he was exceptionally sensitive to Ning Yixiao’s emotions, so he reached out directly to grasp Ning Yixiao’s hand.

He wasn’t wearing gloves today, making him look less unapproachable, but only Su Hui knew how tense he actually was.

Feeling his hand enclosed, Ning Yixiao lifted his eyes to look at Su Hui, and then at Grandma.

Su Hui hadn’t been fully prepared before, but having decided to come together this time, and seeing Ning Yixiao’s unease, he felt that he was ready.

Looking at his sole remaining close relative on the hospital bed, he smiled and said, “Grandma, Yixiao and I are together.”

Grandma’s face didn’t betray any unexpectedness; there wasn’t even a hint of surprise.

In contrast, it was Ning Yixiao who hadn’t anticipated Su Hui would be so direct and swift.

Su Hui gripped his hand firmly, squeezing it tightly. “During the six years we were apart, he never forgot about me and still loved me very much. I felt the same way. We’ve talked through all those misunderstandings, so we decided to get back together and start anew.”

He rarely spoke in such a formal manner—like a mature adult, rather than a patient constantly struggling within the quagmire of illness and erratic emotions.

The room fell dead silent. Two seconds later, Su Hui heard Grandma chuckle.

“I guessed it long ago. I was just waiting for you two to come.”

She was still hooked up to a thin, transparent oxygen tube and looked much older, but her expression was as gentle and loving as ever.

“The heavens were unfair to you both, and my heart ached for it. Frankly speaking, I already have one foot in the grave, yet I couldn’t help but worry. Every time Xiao Hui came over, I wanted to ask a few questions, but he always insisted you were just friends. Eventually, I couldn’t press further.”

Ning Yixiao lowered his head, glancing at his hand tightly clasped by Su Hui. Like a traumatic flashback that repeated from time to time, numerous memories he had almost forgotten flashed through his mind.

Grandma looked at Ning Yixiao, her heart filled with guilt. “Xiao Ning, you are a good child. Our family has wronged you.”

Ning Yixiao shook his head immediately. “No.”

“These things genuinely happened. You returned enmity with kindness, and you were still willing to help me and Xiao Hui like this when we met again. There isn’t a second person as good as you under the sun.”

“It’s what I should do,” Ning Yixiao said.

“How can anything be a ‘should’? You don’t owe anyone anything; it’s only us who owe you.”

As Grandma spoke, she smiled, shifting the topic. “Xiao Hui, those coconut candies you bought me last time were very delicious. I wonder if there are any left? I suddenly have a craving for them.”

Su Hui stood up immediately, pulling open the nightstand drawer to check, only to find an empty packaging box.

“There are none left.” He picked up his trench coat. “Grandma, I’ll go buy some for you. I got them at the supermarket near the hospital.”

Grandma nodded. “Then bring some fruit back while you’re at it.”

Ning Yixiao also stood up. “I’ll go with you.”

“Xiao Ning.” Grandma called out to him, picking up a palm-sized device from the side. “Could you help me look at this? I can’t find my reading glasses and can’t see the instruction manual clearly. How do you use this?”

Su Hui patted Ning Yixiao’s arm. “I can go by myself. It’s very close, I’ll be back in a jiffy.”

Only then did Ning Yixiao nod, offering Grandma a smile. “I’ll help you look at it.”

He knew Su Hui’s grandmother wanted to dismiss Su Hui so she could talk to him alone, but he wasn’t sure what it would entail. Even though they had been validated, his heart remained uneasy.

“Come sit closer, over here.” Grandma smiled at him, specifically taking a tissue to wipe down the surface of the chair beside the bed. “Xiao Hui says you love cleanliness and keep the house very tidy. That child of mine is hopeless; he likes to scatter his things all over the place. He must cause you a lot of worry normally.”

Ning Yixiao shook his head and sat down. “He is very good.”

Hearing this, Grandma let out a sigh, as if not knowing where to begin. She took an orange from the bedside, lowering her head to slowly peel off the skin. “There are some things I can only tell you alone while Xiao Hui isn’t here. If he were here, he definitely wouldn’t let me speak.”

“Whatever you wish to say, please tell me. I won’t repeat it to him.”

“It’s not that it can’t be said to him, it’s just that he’s unwilling to mention it himself.” Grandma drifted into her thoughts, speaking slowly. “As for what happened back then, you two have probably cleared it up and know what the situation was, so I won’t bring up those heartbreaking matters again. Seeing you come over today, I know most of the knots between you two have likely been untied. Honestly, it’s good that you are together now. Xiao Hui… compared to a few years ago, he really is doing much better.”

Ning Yixiao felt a bit bewildered. “A few years ago?”

“I knew it. He definitely wouldn’t tell you about the days he lived through these past few years. Even if he did, he’d gloss over it in a few sentences. He’s my grandson; I know him best.”

“Sometimes he’s very good at avoiding the heavy aspects,” Grandma said. “He appears as though he doesn’t care much and doesn’t possess that many feelings, but that’s not true. He’s just afraid to say it.”

Grandma handed the peeled orange to Ning Yixiao. “Xiao Hui’s illness only took a turn for the better in the last two years. When he chose to leave you back then, there were many reasons, but he probably didn’t tell you any of them. He viewed himself as a stumbling block. If he didn’t move away, it would be unfair to you. He steeled his heart to move, yet he couldn’t walk out of it himself.”

“Xiao Hui stayed in a psychiatric hospital for two years. He should have told you that.”

“Yes, he did,” Ning Yixiao nodded.

Grandma’s expression turned grave. “Later, he met that professor and lived with him for a period of time. Heaven opened its eyes and allowed us, old and young, to reunite. But the Xiao Hui back then was truly riddled with wounds, completely unlike how he used to be. I asked Professor White, and I asked him too, gradually piecing together his situation over those years.”

“When he was in the psychiatric hospital, he never thought about committing suicide. It was as though something was constantly sustaining him. If this stone couldn’t land, he couldn’t leave.”

As Grandma spoke, the rims of her eyes grew a bit red. “He never had a good time every winter. He was terrified of spending winter. Starting from December, his mental state would become very poor, sleeping heavily every day, unable to get out of bed. But on certain nights, he would sneak out to burn joss paper. Sometimes when he couldn’t buy any, he would make it himself.”

“At first, I found it strange because those days weren’t any holiday, nor was it the anniversary of his mother’s passing. So, taking advantage of his absence, I sneaked a glance at the joss paper he had folded. The name written on it was someone I didn’t recognize—the surname was Qin.”

Ning Yixiao’s heart suddenly throbbed with a sharp pain, as though constricted by an extremely fine wire, making it impossible to breathe.

Su Hui was paying respects to his mother.

“Every year he was like this. Every time he would also chant scriptures and talk nonsense, mentioning birthdays and going to see her.”

Grandma paused, still feeling immense heartache when thinking of that past. “For the rest of the time, he just lay in bed, and he was highly resistant to treatment. The doctor said his prolonged lethargy was actually a form of self-protection, because he couldn’t face his own emotions while conscious.”

“Sometimes when the manic phase hit, Xiao Hui couldn’t sleep. He would ride his bicycle to a temple very, very far away to burn incense and pray to Buddha. When he came back, his hands were red from the cold, and he would secretly bring back some Buddhist amulets or protective charms, hiding them so I wouldn’t see.”

Grandma smiled as she recalled it. “I don’t know what happened, but once he threw a tantrum, packed all the amulets he had prayed for into a small pouch, and said he was going to bury them outside. I asked him what was wrong, and he kept muttering that Ning Yixiao was sick, had a fever, and wouldn’t get better no matter what, so these things were useless.”

Ning Yixiao hung his head, his brows furrowed tightly, almost visualizing Su Hui’s appearance at that time.

He must have been incredibly anxious. Once he got anxious, he became like a child—completely helpless, only able to take his anger out on the amulets.

“But how could such things be buried?”

Grandma leaned forward slightly, pulling a small yellow cloth pouch from behind her pillow. She unfastened the drawstring and handed it to Ning Yixiao.

The pouch was heavy. It was filled with all kinds of Buddhist amulets and protective charms. Just looking at it made Ning Yixiao incredibly sorrowful.

Every single protective charm had a name written on it—not Su Hui’s, but entirely his own.

Turning them over, there were blessings written by Su Hui’s own hand, still those exact eight words—Healthy and happy, bright future.

He didn’t know how long of a distance Su Hui had to travel alone to find such a temple in a foreign country, nor how long he had to wait for the doors to open just to light a stick of incense, kneeling on a futon to beg the deities to grant protection to a person who could no longer be found.

When he journeyed back, he was probably very happy, looking at the amulets and not feeling tired at all.

Even if that person really would never appear again.

“He was severely ill and frequently spoke incoherently. Later, after hearing from the doctor, I found out he was hallucinating. At first, I wasn’t used to it and even found it a bit frightening. When it was just the two of us eating, Xiao Hui insisted on setting an extra pair of bowls and chopsticks, and he kept saying you didn’t like dirty places, wiping the dining table over and over again multiple times.”

As Grandma spoke, she lifted her hand to wipe the tears from the corners of her eyes. “He didn’t want to take medication or treat his illness because he was afraid the hallucinations would disappear. I disagreed at first, but later I couldn’t win against his stubbornness, and I felt he was pitiful, so I let him be.”

She pointed to the cloth pouch, reached her hand inside, and pulled out a small red jewelry box. Opening it, what lay inside wasn’t any precious jewelry, but a pair of paper-folded rings. One of them had already deformed, its edges frayed, while the other was slightly larger and still as pristine as new.

“These are rings he made himself. He wore his for a very long time. Then, suddenly one day, he wasn’t very happy and stopped wearing it. I asked him why, and he said, ‘Ning Yixiao argued with me and didn’t want my ring anymore, so I won’t wear it either.’ In truth, your ring had always been kept in the box and was never taken out. He only discovered later that no one had ever worn the ring, so he became heartbroken and argued with the hallucination of you.”

Ning Yixiao picked up the paper ring he had never seen before, his vision growing somewhat blurry. He could faintly see a letter written inside—N.

He slid the ring onto his ring finger; the size fit flawlessly without a millimeter of error.

These were all the evidences of love that Su Hui had hidden away.

“At first I wasn’t used to it. How could there be a third person when clearly there were only the two of us? But later, gradually, I got used to it. As long as he was happy, what reason did an old woman like me have not to play along with the act?”

Grandma’s eyes grew red, her voice cracking as she remembered the Su Hui of that time. “Then there was one time where he genuinely intended to leave. He wrote me a letter and swallowed a huge amount of pills. I was scared out of my wits back then. Fortunately, Professor White helped, and we rushed him to the hospital immediately for emergency stomach pumping. When the anesthesia was being administered, he woke up, still talking nonsense, telling the doctors not to save him. The doctors all said this was the weakest his will to survive had ever been.”

“I didn’t understand. I thought that with the hallucinations, even if Xiao Hui was a bit crazy, at least he spent every day happily and wouldn’t try to end things again. I stayed by his side the entire night, thinking for the whole night and still couldn’t figure it out.”

Grandma covered her face and wept. Ning Yixiao handed over a tissue, his hand covering her weathered one.

“Later he woke up. I watched him cry, and he stared at me blankly, asking, ‘Grandma, why don’t you ever get old?’ I said, I’m already very old. Xiao Hui just shook his head, saying that when he was twenty, I looked like this, and now that he was sixty, why did I still look like this?”

Sixty years old…

Ning Yixiao’s back stiffened for a second.

He thought of Su Hui getting drunk, earnestly wishing him a happy 21st birthday. The bewilderment and confusion on Su Hui’s face when he said he was already 27 had also been entirely genuine.

He truly couldn’t distinguish it.

“Xiao Hui said, ‘I’m already very, very old, and so is Ning Yixiao. He left last night, we agreed to leave together, why did you save me? He’s still waiting for you.'”

Ning Yixiao was stunned.

It turned out that in Su Hui’s hallucinations, they had already grown old together.

Speaking to this point, Grandma ultimately found it unbearable and shook her head, her expression unable to conceal the grief. “It was only on that day that I realized I had thought too simply. Letting him remain in the hallucinations without coming out would actually harm him.”

“So I could only steel my heart to have him hospitalized and force him to undergo treatment, letting him gradually step out of the hallucinations. He also slowly let it go afterward. I frequently told him that Ning Yixiao was likely living very well too, and that he needed to learn to slowly walk out of it. He tried very hard, trying to make me forget about all these things. Xiao Hui isn’t like before where his reaction to everything was very quick; now he’s always slow. It’s not that he doesn’t want to respond to you faster—perhaps he’s just trying to distinguish. He’s afraid that if he can’t clearly tell what is reality and what is a hallucination, he will do something wrong.”

Grandma held Ning Yixiao’s hand. “Child, I’m saying all this to tell you that he did indeed give up on you, but he loves you far more than you imagine. He’s just afraid to say it, afraid of scaring you.”

“The Xiao Hui you see today is someone who has already overcome many difficulties, spent an immense amount of determination and willpower, and gradually improved. Many people meet him, hear about his illness, and feel very surprised, thinking he doesn’t look like a patient at all. Only I know that he once was very severely ill and in immense pain. Even up to today, he might still feel that he isn’t worthy of you. There’s no helping it; this is this child’s fate.”

She looked at Ning Yixiao. “To tell the truth, if I were your parent, I wouldn’t want you to be with a child like this. It will hold you back.”

Ning Yixiao shook his head, his voice very quiet yet incredibly firm. “But I can’t live without him.”

Grandma nodded. “I know. Both of your hearts have only ever held each other. But if he ever makes you feel uncomfortable or does something poorly, please be more tolerant, or tell me and I will teach him, alright?”

Ning Yixiao’s face was pale, his brows knit tightly like a frozen lake surface—seemingly incredibly solid, yet minute fractures were spreading, fragile enough to break at a single touch.

“He won’t. Please rest assured, I will take good care of him.” Ning Yixiao lifted his eyes, the rims of his eyes reddening.

“During the years we were apart, I wished every single day that I could give Su Hui a home where he could be happy and joyful. Although it’s a bit late, this wish has never changed.”

When Su Hui returned, he happened to see Ning Yixiao pushing Grandma out to sunbathe. The two of them were chatting, and their relationship seemed to have grown much closer, making him very happy.

Thus, from afar, he waved his arms, loudly shouting Ning Yixiao’s name without a care for the gazes of others.

Ning Yixiao followed the sound and looked over, seeing Su Hui standing beneath a cedar tree waving his arms. His blue trench coat was unbuttoned, its hem caught by the wind. The sunlight bathed him in a vibrant vitality, like an iris that had crossed mountains and rivers to bloom for him.

Seeing him smile, Ning Yixiao instead felt pain.

Su Hui ran over, but he didn’t crash directly into his embrace, still showing some restraint in front of Grandma. He stopped before him, his hair strands still swaying, his smile radiant.

“Grandma, your coconut candies.” Su Hui pulled a bag of candies from the paper bag, placing them on Grandma’s lap. “I had to run to several shops just to buy them.”

“Thank you, Xiao Hui.” Grandma smiled and patted his arm.

“You’re welcome.” Su Hui smiled, tilting his head to look at Ning Yixiao. “I also bought ice cream. It has your favorite flavor.”

He lifted his hand, shaking the bag. “Want some?”

Instead, Ning Yixiao reached out his arms directly, pulling him into a tight embrace.

Su Hui froze for a moment, then caressed his back. “What’s wrong?”

Afraid of being overheard by Grandma, he leaned close to Ning Yixiao’s ear and asked in a very small voice, “You didn’t miss me after just this short while, did you?”

“Yeah.”

Su Hui suppressed a smile, thinking in his heart that Ning Yixiao truly resembled a puppy—very much so. Thus, he hugged him even tighter, not fearing being teased by Grandma.

Yet Ning Yixiao leaned into the crook of his shoulder, repeating without any logic:

“I really miss you.”