Chapter 82: N. Sincerely Wishing You Timeless Peace

They accompanied Grandma for lunch and didn’t head home together until she fell asleep.

On the way back, Su Hui shared everything he had seen and heard when buying coconut candies earlier. They were actually very trivial, mundane little things, but they sounded incredibly interesting coming from him.

Ning Yixiao loved staring at Su Hui while he talked—looking at the Su Hui of the present. Yet, the version of him from those years they spent apart felt like a lingering shadow, impossible to shake off.

If Grandma hadn’t spoken up, Ning Yixiao might have gone his whole life without ever knowing about those wild, frantic past events. Every single time he asked Su Hui if he had been doing well, Su Hui would always just smile and brush it off in a single sentence.

“Is it not funny?” Su Hui asked, stopping in his tracks to look at him.

The corners of Ning Yixiao’s mouth tugged upward. “It is funny.”

“Then why were you staring at me blankly?” Su Hui leaned a bit closer. “What’s wrong? Are you unhappy?”

Ning Yixiao shook his head, reaching out to gently scrape his finger across the bridge of Su Hui’s nose.

“It’s nothing.”

Su Hui let out an “oh,” gripping Ning Yixiao’s hand tightly. “You didn’t wash your hands on your own while I wasn’t around, did you?”

“No.”

Su Hui lifted Ning Yixiao’s hand to his nose and sniffed, his eyes lighting up. “It smells like oranges.”

Ning Yixiao smiled.

“My hair has grown out a little bit; the black roots are showing.” Su Hui ruffled his hair while looking into the car window. “How about I dye it another color?”

“What color?” Ning Yixiao asked.

“Red?” Su Hui looked at him. “Would red be too glaring? What about blue?”

Ning Yixiao reached out and stroked Su Hui’s head. “You look good no matter what.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I never lie to you.”

The street was congested. The driver sitting in the front seat stared boredly at the license plate of the car ahead, while Su Hui leaned against Ning Yixiao’s shoulder, watching the pedestrians walking back and forth on the street. Suddenly, he spotted a small shop selling all kinds of cultural and creative gifts.

He suddenly patted Ning Yixiao’s shoulder. “I want to go buy something in that shop.”

Ning Yixiao glanced in the direction of his fingertip. Without hesitation, he unbuckled his seatbelt and said to the driver, “You can head back first.”

Just like that, they got out of the car, crossed the gridlocked street, and arrived at the retro little shop. There weren’t many customers inside. Su Hui headed straight for the mahogany shelf that had caught his eye, picking up a heavy puzzle and holding it up for Ning Yixiao to see.

“Doesn’t this look a lot like the one you used to put together?” His eyes possessed a childlike clarity, bright and shining.

Ning Yixiao took it and looked it over. “It’s from the same series. They’re all NASA-co-branded nebula patterns.”

“I want to buy this one.” Su Hui intended to check out directly, but then he suddenly discovered another puzzle with a different pattern hidden behind it, and couldn’t resist picking it up too. “Oh, there’s another one…”

“If you like it, buy it.” Ning Yixiao bent down to help him check the shelf. “Are there any other different ones left? Should we ask the shopkeeper?”

He said everything Su Hui was about to say, so Su Hui looked up. There didn’t seem to be any staff in the shop, so he asked in a low voice, “Is anyone here?” A response came quickly.

“Yes.”

A white-haired old lady stepped out from the back room. “What do you need?”

Su Hui walked forward with the puzzles in hand, asking if there were any other styles. The old lady put on her reading glasses and squinted at them for a long time. In the end, she had to call for backup—summoning her husband.

The old gentleman helped Su Hui pull out all the styles, six in total. Unfortunately, the only one missing was the exact one Ning Yixiao had put together in the past.

Even so, Su Hui bought them all, refusing to let Ning Yixiao pay and using his own card instead.

He had a delightful conversation with the old lady, whom he had never met before.

“You and Grandfather have been married for forty-five years? Heavens.” Su Hui thought about it. “That seems to be a sapphire wedding anniversary, isn’t it?”

The old lady smiled, saying she didn’t know herself, and even complained, “I’m sick to death of him. He nags every day so much I can’t sleep, his movements are as slow as a snail, and his ears don’t work well anymore.”

The old grandfather put on a pitiful expression. “If I had known, I should have married someone else, right?”

Hearing this, the old lady lowered her head and smiled. While packing the items, she whispered to Su Hui, “But he’s still the one who treats me best. Don’t look at him now with his hunched back and missing teeth—he was very handsome when he was young.”

Su Hui smiled and said, “I can tell. You must have been very beautiful when you were young, too.”

The old lady beamed with joy and even specifically walked out to see them off. Su Hui turned his head back several times; she and her husband were still standing at the door watching them until they turned the street corner.

The weather was beautiful. Su Hui pulled Ning Yixiao to sit on a long bench under a parasol tree, staring blankly at the endless stream of vehicles.

“I really envy them,” he suddenly spoke up.

Ning Yixiao looked at him. “Envy them for what?”

“Forty-five years, that’s so long.” Su Hui had a coconut candy in his mouth, making his words a bit muffled. “Being able to accompany each other into old age is true happiness.”

Ning Yixiao was suddenly reminded of Su Hui’s hallucinations.

He really wanted to say, Haven’t you already grown old with me once? But puncturing the illusion like that felt too cruel. Su Hui would definitely withdraw into his shell.

“Su Hui.”

“Hmm?”

“Tell me, will I look very ugly when I get old?” Ning Yixiao gazed at him.

Su Hui blinked very slowly, his subconscious moving faster than his conscious thought. His tone was earnest. “You’ll still be very handsome when you’re old. A very tall old man.”

Ning Yixiao smiled, pinching his cheek. “How do you know?”

Realizing something, Su Hui avoided his gaze, swinging his outstretched legs. “I… guessed.”

“What about you? What will you look like when you’re old?” Ning Yixiao asked. “Will you still be a very picky eater? Will you run to the park in the middle of the night to look at flowers instead of sleeping?”

Su Hui glared at him. “Yes, I’ll be very difficult and troublesome when I get old.”

The corners of Ning Yixiao’s mouth twitched with amusement. “When I’m old, I won’t be able to handle it, and I’ll get incredibly anxious if I can’t find you. How about we take a rope and tie you to me in advance?”

“You never have any good ideas in your head.”

“Yeah, so how about we practice first? We still have plenty of time.”

As Ning Yixiao spoke, he made a move to loop the packaging twine around Su Hui’s waist, tickling him so much that he couldn’t stop laughing. Eventually, Su Hui stood up, telling Ning Yixiao with a stern expression to “be serious.”

But he couldn’t even keep a straight face for more than a few seconds before laughing again.

Su Hui smiled so sweetly, the corners of his mouth upturned, the wind blowing through his hair like a child who had never been hurt.

Though the truth was far from it. He was scarred all over, wandering through life like the Little Match Girl in the fairy tale, relying on one burning illusion after another to survive.

Ning Yixiao looked up at his smiling face, drifting slightly into his own thoughts.

No one could ever repay Su Hui for the misery and suffering of those years.

Upon returning home, Ning Yixiao locked himself in the study once again, pulling out all the evidence he had gathered to review every single detail. He had always been extremely patient, always making sure he was fully prepared before seizing an opportunity to strike for the sake of success. But when it came to anything regarding Su Hui, Ning Yixiao had absolutely no tolerance for delay.

To this end, he had poured a massive amount of time and financial resources into digging up everything possible. Everyone had something to hide; it was impossible to be a seamless, unyielding iron wall—let alone a degenerate who committed all kinds of evils like Xu Zhi.

Through the private bank from before, Ning Yixiao located the account Xu Zhi used for payments. He spent a sum of money to buy off connections, obtained intelligence, and by following the clues step-by-step, he found one of Xu Zhi’s private accounts.

“This account has engaged in multiple large-scale overseas securities transactions, and it has consistently been in a state of loss. Yet, it continues to invest every single time. Losing money line after line like this doesn’t seem normal. I did a search and found several mirror accounts that almost perfectly balance out the income and expenses of this account. I’ve already got people keeping an eye on them.”

The person helping to audit the accounts on the other end of the line was an investment consultant Ning Yixiao trusted deeply. His information sources were incredibly reliable, especially in the fields of securities trading and digital currency transactions.

“So he’s laundering money.” Ning Yixiao made a definitive conclusion, his tone certain. “This shouldn’t be his only channel. If we keep investigating down this line, we might even find a few shell companies.”

“You actually reminded me. I’ll have my people look into that angle.”

After finishing his sentence, the other person reminded Ning Yixiao over the phone, “These things are of grave importance. You need to make proper plans as well. If the other party bites back, the losses will outweigh the gains.”

“That’s why the more evidence we have, the better. It’s best to crush him entirely in one go, rendering him unable to ever stand back up.”

Not long after hanging up the phone, Ning Yixiao received an email from Charles regarding the exact same matter.

Ning Yixiao scanned it quickly and called Charles back.

“He won’t take this job.”

Charles got straight to the point, putting the other party’s refusal out there first before continuing, “It’s normal, though. The web of interests entangled behind Xu Zhi is too vast. For journalists like them, once they jump into this game, whether they can keep their jobs becomes a secondary concern. You understand this too.”

Ning Yixiao had anticipated this kind of situation and wasn’t discouraged by it. “Are there any other candidates?”

“We’ll have to look further. I only know a few people well on my end, and since it’s transnational, it’s not easy.” After Charles finished speaking, he recalled something. “Right, you mentioned last time that Xu Zhi might be involved in a homicide. Do you have any concrete evidence?”

“I suspect that’s the case. So far, I haven’t gathered any powerful criminal evidence. I’m only inferring based on how he handled Su Hui and his grandmother that Su Hui’s mother died because of him.”

Charles pondered for a moment. “But the mere act of him sending Su Hui and his grandmother abroad is actually legally sound. Because Su Hui is a psychiatric patient, after his family members passed away one after another, Xu Zhi naturally became his legal guardian. Of course, Su Hui’s grandmother was one too. To eliminate the grandmother from the equation, he chose to send her to an overseas nursing home, slapping a label on her that she was incapable of self-care. Consequently, Xu Zhi automatically became Su Hui’s sole legal guardian. All of Su Hui’s travels, treatments, and property inheritance had to go through him. We can’t convict him based on this point alone—this is where he was clever. That’s why I said if we can find evidence of him committing a felony, coupled with a reasonable channel for public exposure, our current predicament can be easily resolved.”

“Yeah.”

Outside the window, the sky turned a deep blue. New York City was resplendent with lights, golden pinpricks of brightness connecting the dazzling, prosperous metropolis.

Ning Yixiao took out paper and a pen from his drawer, put on his glasses, and listened to the conference call while lowering his head to write. Over the years, he had long since developed a multi-threaded processing mode; if time wasn’t used to do several things at once, it felt as though it wasn’t time at all.

Half an hour later, he heard a knock on the study door. Reflexively, he picked up a nearby document to cover the paper, capped his fountain pen, and turned his head to look.

Su Hui was wearing mint-colored pajamas made of Tencel fabric, his hair tied up into a small sprout-like ponytail at the back. Standing barefoot at the doorway, he lowered his voice to ask, “Are you busy?”

“Having a conference call.” Ning Yixiao extended a hand toward him, and Su Hui immediately walked over, naturally straddling his lap face-to-face. He kissed Ning Yixiao’s lips, resting his chin in the crook of Ning Yixiao’s shoulder like a plush cat doll that automatically sought hugs.

Afraid that others might hear his voice, Su Hui verified that Ning Yixiao wasn’t wearing headphones on this side before leaning in closer and whispered very softly, “I’m so tired, but I can’t sleep. I want to lean against you.”

“Okay.” Ning Yixiao wrapped his arms around Su Hui’s waist. The size difference made their embrace fit perfectly, just like pieces locking together—enveloping and being enveloped.

“Am I getting in the way?” Su Hui inquired carefully in a breathy voice.

“How could you be?”

Ning Yixiao turned his face to kiss his cheek. “This is just right.”

Su Hui nodded, burying his face in the crook of Ning Yixiao’s neck, closing his eyes within an embrace that was filled with a sense of security.

“Recharging my batteries for a bit.”

“Alright.”

Having worked for too long, Su Hui’s mental and physical strength were completely depleted. Going without sleep for over forty consecutive hours had left him entirely controlled by mania. Although his energy was surging and he was full of enthusiasm and drive, this was undoubtedly a massive overdraft of his stamina. Even when he forced himself to take medication and lay in bed with his eyes closed to rest, his thoughts still raced wildly, as if a small universe were exploding inside his brain.

He didn’t want Ning Yixiao to know about any of this, even subconsciously acting normal in front of him.

After several failed attempts, Su Hui had no choice but to seek comfort from Ning Yixiao.

It was highly effective. Leaning in Ning Yixiao’s arms, he listened to him occasionally respond and give feedback in a deep resonance. Ning Yixiao spoke very little, listening more than talking, rarely giving long strings of answers—at most a sentence or two.

Yet these vocabulary words and sentences, which were worlds apart from Su Hui’s own work, brought him a profound level of comfort. It felt like lying in a giant, warm palm, being gently caressed and soothed.

Ning Yixiao’s broad palm was indeed gently stroking his hair and back.

“Yes, the engineering funds have been implemented. Leave the rest to them to handle.”

“Let’s stop here for now. Report back promptly if there are any new developments.”

Thirty minutes later, Ning Yixiao hung up the phone. He noticed that Su Hui’s breathing was very steady and his entire body was soft; he seemed to have truly fallen asleep.

“Su Hui?” Ning Yixiao tried calling him in a soft voice, but received no response.

A bit of mischief rose in his heart, and he called out a term of endearment he rarely uttered normally. “Baby.”

Su Hui was indeed sleeping like a child; he didn’t answer, but seemed to hear the sound, nudging slightly.

Ning Yixiao stopped teasing him. He held him quietly for a little while, feeling that sleeping like this would be uncomfortable. Thus, his arm slipped beneath the hollow of Su Hui’s knees, carrying him face-to-face like a koala back to the bedroom and placing him onto the mattress.

Su Hui seemed to be dreaming, murmuring something indistinctly. Ning Yixiao couldn’t hear clearly, so he lowered his head to get closer.

“Ning Yixiao… birthday…”

Ning Yixiao couldn’t help but smile. “Why are you still celebrating my birthday? It’s been so long.”

He took off his glasses, lay down to hold Su Hui, and gently patted his back. “Little cat, have some good dreams.”

In this absurd real world, everyone faced nightmare-like terrible things every day, deeply mired in predicaments large and small—meeting only to part, gaining only to lose. Ning Yixiao wanted to bring Su Hui many beautiful new memories; he didn’t want him to remain trapped in the past.

He noticed a new wound on Su Hui’s hand, likely caused accidentally while creating his installation art. Ning Yixiao checked it carefully, found the medical kit, and applied medicine with very gentle movements. He wrapped the deeper cuts with Band-Aids, turned off the light, and held him close to fall asleep.

Su Hui slept all the way until morning, a rarity for him.

When he woke up, Ning Yixiao was already gone. He lay alone in his bed, surrounded by Ning Yixiao’s scent. Su Hui lingered for a while before turning his head to find a note left by Ning Yixiao on the nightstand, pressed beneath a mug.

[Once you’re up, finish this cup of water first. There’s curry in the kitchen; heat it up before eating. Take your medication on time. I have to go to the tech park for a meeting; I’ll come home to have dinner with you tonight. —Ning Yixiao]

Su Hui had a habit of collecting odd things. For instance, he saved every single note Ning Yixiao wrote, occasionally pulling them out to take a look; these were like tickets to the real world.

After eating something, Su Hui left the apartment and headed to the studio to keep busy. Someone from the academy came over to inform him that there was an art weekly interview the day after tomorrow, telling Su Hui to prepare slightly. Su Hui didn’t know what he was supposed to prepare, so he simply agreed, tied up his hair, and began working.

As the date of his solo exhibition drew closer, Su Hui grew increasingly nervous, experimenting over and over again, forgetting to eat and sleep.

When Ryan walked into the studio, Su Hui was stepping onto a ladder, securing a dyed fishing net. The colorful net draped over him from above. With his head tilted back, he hammered nails into it, creating a hazy, dreamlike scene.

Ryan watched intently, zoning out a bit until Su Hui noticed his entrance first and called his name, snapping him back to reality.

“Oh right, I came to bring you something. I just saw there was a parcel for you, so I brought it along while I was at it.”

As Ryan spoke, he placed a small box down by Su Hui’s feet. “I’ll leave it here for you.”

“Yeah.” Su Hui finished securing a nail, clapped his hands, and climbed down from the ladder. He squatted down to inspect the box. He had ordered a batch of secondhand materials online earlier; he hadn’t expected them to arrive so quickly.

“Want to go grab food together? I can help you secure the rest, I have the blueprints.”

Su Hui shook his head. “You go ahead, I’m not hungry yet.”

“Then I’ll bring some back for you.” Ryan grabbed his coat from the studio. “I’ll send you the menu in a bit.”

“Okay.” Without even lifting his head, Su Hui used a utility knife to slice open the package.

The door was pulled shut, and the workspace fell silent. Su Hui opened the box, only to find that it didn’t contain the materials he had purchased, but rather many letters.

But he had already bought a sufficient amount of handwritten letters, and the project had closed. Why would new letters be mailed here?

The envelopes were off-white. There were no streets or names written on them, nor were there any stamps. They were simply marked with sequential numbers, each one identical and sealed.

Puzzled, Su Hui opened the envelope marked with the number 1. He pulled out the letter paper, took a glance, and froze in place.

The handwriting inside was far too familiar—exactly the same as the note he had seen upon waking up this morning.

[Su Hui:

Seeing these words is like seeing my face.

This is my first time writing a letter to someone. Originally, I had so much to say, but when I picked up the pen, I kept deleting and revising in my mind, not knowing what to write. Are you in that small room right now? Do you always look out at the same tree? Perhaps you can think of it as me. If possible, I really wish I could turn into that tree, to accompany you day and night.

The man in the room diagonally opposite cries out in the middle of the night; you must be very scared, right? I truly wish I were there to hold you to sleep. You don’t need to feel guilty; between us, there has never been a concept of forgiving or being forgiven—only a relationship of loving and being loved.

If possible, I would also really love to return to the day I first met you—even earlier than the moment I fell in love with you at first sight. In that café, if I had known I would fall in love with you in the future, I definitely wouldn’t have left behind just a single Band-Aid that day. That way, we would have been together much sooner.

I can’t leave for the time being. Right now, my entire body is covered in plaster casts, lying on a hospital bed every day. Occasionally, I have nightmares at night, dreaming of a car running over my body. I’m truly sorry; I used the Little Cat Rearing Fund without permission, but I will work hard to earn it back in the future. Right now, I’m covered in stitches all over and I’m afraid of scaring you, so let’s meet a bit later.

I miss you very much, every single day I want to see you.

Su Hui, I hope you are safe and happy, and that you return to my side.

—Written by Ning Yixiao’s own hand.]

After finishing this one, Su Hui’s hands shook as he randomly pulled out another letter, the sequential order broken.

[Su Hui:

Seeing these words is like seeing my face.

Today I can stand up. The rehabilitation doctor praised me for having great willpower, but I still feel it’s too slow. I want to walk normally quickly; just standing up is far from enough.

I wonder if you are doing well? Do they give you letter paper every day? Did you go wait by the glass door again? You’ll definitely press your forehead against the glass, your eyes staring at the people coming and going, refusing to leave even when your forehead turns completely red. It’s all my fault; my movements are too slow, I need to run to come see you.

Lying in bed unable to sleep, I watched Interstellar again. I really wish I could enter the higher-dimensional space inside the black hole. Even if I were trapped inside, I could still see your every move and transmit information using a wristwatch. You’re so smart, you’d definitely be able to decipher it. It’s a pity we are both trapped in our respective spatiotemporal anomalies.

The patient in the neighboring bed said that since I survived a disaster, I will definitely accumulate good fortune, and very good things will happen in the future. If they really do, this good fortune won’t be brought by this car accident—I know it’s you who accumulated it for me, bit by bit.

Winter in Canada is also very cold. Remember to cover yourself well with a blanket when you sleep at night, drink more water, don’t catch a cold, and don’t be sad.

Su Hui, I hope you are safe and happy, and that you return to my side.

—Written by Ning Yixiao’s own hand.]

The ending of every single letter was exactly the same. What was written was entirely about the time Su Hui had missed—it was Ning Yixiao, stroke by stroke, earnestly making up for the echoes of the past.

[Su Hui:

Seeing these words is like seeing my face.

I’ve come to California. The West Coast isn’t as great as we imagined, but it’s not bad either. My schedule is packed very tight. Occasionally, I really miss the Manhattanhenge, but I don’t want to go see it by myself. I always feel like you will come back.

I’ve given up on socializing; I just want to do my own things. However, I met a very strange person. He’s mixed-race, but he wanted me to call him by his Chinese name, Jingming. I always get the feeling you would like an eccentric person like him, so I became friends with him.

There is a botanical garden here with huge cacti. You would love it here, but because of that, I’ve never actually stepped inside to take a look. Strange, isn’t it?

Today, when I was standing on the stage delivering the mid-term startup presentation, I constantly felt like you were sitting down there listening to me speak—just like before. Once you finished listening to mine, you would quietly send a message, asking me to sneak out with you.

But you weren’t there. Today I waited for a long time, waited until everyone dispersed, and you still weren’t there.

Su Hui, I hope you are safe and happy, and that you return to my side.

—Written by Ning Yixiao’s own hand.]

[I found the baby elephants you adopted, and I also brought along the harmonica you mentioned. I even touched their trunks and fed them grass. They’ve already grown up, just as cute as you.

But I always feel like something is missing. You should be here.]

[I registered a company and gave it a very strange name. Jingming said it definitely wouldn’t work because it’s too a mouthful, suggesting I change it. But I couldn’t think of anything better. If you were here, you would definitely come up with a better name.

Starting a business is so hard. I spend the whole day riding back and forth on the subway, looking for investments, holding venture capital meetings, and repeatedly explaining the things I made to those people. Most of them can’t understand it; they just think I’m being fantastical.

How are you? I really hope you aren’t being bullied by anyone. I wonder if Professor White has found you yet? He is a very good person; if you go with him, you will have a brand-new future.]

[Su Hui, after we parted, I grew to dislike rainy days. Rainwater always reminds me of the way you barged into the audio-visual room, and it also makes the places where I was injured ache faintly. These bones and muscles that snapped and healed haven’t learned their lesson; they still long for you.

I’m also very afraid of spending winters, though it doesn’t snow often in San Francisco—at least I haven’t seen it. My memory is still stuck on that heavy snow in Beijing. I hope the next time I walk into the snow, I can run into you.]

[Su Hui, I went to Iceland. I know you will definitely blame me for why I didn’t wait to go together with you. Because back then, I was too foolish; I thought I couldn’t wait for you anymore, so I wanted to go take a look first. It’s not very convenient here; I tried driving by myself, but the situation wasn’t great and I almost had an accident. Fortunately, I was rescued by a passing group of tourists.

My entire body was frozen stiff, and I almost lost the gift I wanted to give you.

Iceland is pretty good, but since you aren’t here, it doesn’t seem as beautiful as imagined.

Next time let’s go climb a glacier together. I have experience now; I won’t let you get hurt.]

Invariably, every single letter was a response to those missing six years, and every single letter ended the same way.

[Su Hui, I hope you are safe and happy, and that you return to my side.]