EHRPS CH160 [Arc 3]

Tu Tianba died at the age of three hundred and twenty-seven.

As the saying goes, “There is no time in cultivation; millennia pass in a flash.” Mortals refine their qi and comprehend the Dao, but only upon successfully establishing their Foundation do they truly step onto the path. Depending on one’s physique, spiritual roots, and comprehension, they can enjoy a lifespan of two to three hundred years. In other words—

Three hundred and twenty-seven years old is exactly the prime age to go out and make a name for oneself.

However, at this very moment.

Tu Tianba’s physical body was completely cold.

If this news were to spread, it would undoubtedly shake the entire cultivation world.

Simply because he was no nameless nobody at the Foundation Establishment stage, but a major figure whose name resonated throughout the realms. Three hundred years ago, he founded the “Heaven Slaughtering Sect,” gathering countless cunning and ruthless demonic cultivators under his banner. Every single one of them respectfully addressed him as:

“Your Eminence.”

And even righteous cultivators, no matter what, had to grit their teeth and call him:

“Demon Lord!”

Tu Tianba entered the path of cultivation at a young age, and this was the terrifying reputation he had carved out through sheer slaughter.

In truth, he was originally just a child living in a desolate, impoverished village. His mother died of a hemorrhage the day he was born, and he was raised single-handedly by his butcher father. When he was seven, a wandering immortal cultivator passed through the village, discovered his aptitude for cultivation, and took him in as a disciple, leading him out of the village to practice the Dao.

Before his departure.

His butcher father and the villagers knelt on the ground to bid farewell to the immortal. His father held his small hand, earnestly advising, “My son, follow the immortal master and study magic well in the future…”

Tearfully, Tu Tianba bid farewell to his only kin and embarked on the path of seeking immortality.

His master, Lan Daozi, treated him exceptionally well. Not only did he teach him the mental cultivation methods for Qi Refining, but he was also never stingy with spirit stones and medicinal pills. Tu Tianba drew qi into his body within a month and established his Foundation ten years later. Such cultivation speed would be hailed as “genius” anywhere.

On the day of his Foundation Establishment, Lan Daozi stroked his beard in delight and sighed:

“My disciple, my good disciple…”

“You truly possess innate evil bones—the perfect material for cultivating immortality and refining treasures! My years of nurturing you have not been in vain. Now is the perfect time for you to repay your master!”

Thus, Tu Tianba watched helplessly as the kind immortal master in the plain white Daoist robe suddenly changed his tune. His face became sinister and malevolent. With a wave of his large hand, he summoned a completely pitch-black, evil cauldron that radiated a dark red glow.

“This is the Soul-Refining Cauldron!”

As soon as he spoke, the palm-sized black cauldron flew into the air and inverted itself, transforming into a massive shadow that blotted out the sun. Blood-red mist spilled from within, enveloping Tu Tianba. He could clearly see the exterior of the cauldron covered in the heads of vicious ghosts, seemingly roaring in silence, making one’s blood run cold.

The blood mist was mixed with the shrill, mournful wailing and shrieking of ghosts.

Tu Tianba, who had only just reached Foundation Establishment, was naturally no match for Lan Daozi, who was nearing the peak of the Nascent Soul stage. In an instant, he was thrown into the cauldron to serve as refining material.

Dark souls pierced his body; evil flames burned his spirit.

He stayed in the cauldron for forty-nine days. All his hair, flesh, and blood were refined away, and even his skeleton was scorched black.

Only later did Tu Tianba learn—

This Lan Daozi was no wandering immortal cultivator, but a ruthless demonic cultivator. He simply loved to pretend to be a benevolent man, coaxing his victims first before casting them into a boundless purgatory, laughing wildly as he watched their despair.

He had obtained this supreme treasure, the Soul-Refining Cauldron, by chance, but didn’t dare drive it recklessly for fear of its evil backlash. Thus, he went around capturing people to throw into the cauldron to burn.

Tu Tianba also learned—

That right after Lan Daozi took him away, he immediately sacrificed every human and animal in the village to the cauldron.

That day’s farewell had actually been a final parting.

Filled with grief and indignation, Tu Tianba miraculously merged with the Soul-Refining Cauldron at the final moment. His cultivation surged, and he drove the evil cauldron to successfully counter-kill Lan Daozi, whose cultivation was vastly superior. He refined and absorbed all of Lan Daozi’s cultivation base, leaping overnight from Foundation Establishment to Nascent Soul.

However, his flesh, blood, and hair had all been absorbed by the cauldron, and his soul was inextricably bound to it. He could only use the blood mist to cover his skeleton and reshape a physical body. Tu Tianba no longer knew if he was still human or if he had become a part of the Soul-Refining Cauldron. He only knew that the crying and howling of the wronged souls within the cauldron constantly echoed in his ears.

It was so loud it made his head ache, making him want to dig out his brain and gouge out his ears.

He tried, but it was useless.

After killing Lan Daozi, Tu Tianba first returned to his hometown, only to see with his own eyes that the isolated little village had been burned to ashes. Only desolation remained; not a trace of human vitality was left.

Tu Tianba’s heart was filled with profound sorrow.

However, the more agitated his emotions became, the more he was influenced by the Soul-Refining Cauldron, as if he himself had become an evil weapon craving to devour flesh and souls, his sanity nearly gone.

After much thought, Tu Tianba decided to solve the problem of his fusion with the cauldron.

There was no other way.

It was simply too noisy.

Every moment, nearly ten thousand voices wept and wailed in his ears. Whenever he saw a person, they would scream ‘Kill, kill, kill!’ Even if a wild dog walked past, it was still ‘Kill, kill, kill!’

The cries of slaughter were endless.

Tu Tianba could not bear the harassment.

Coincidentally, he heard of a sect in the cultivation world called the “Wondrous Immortal Sect.” The entire sect was highly skilled in healing and curing diseases. The Sect Master, in particular, possessed miraculous medical arts; it was said there was no incurable disease she could not resolve.

Thus, Tu Tianba tucked away the storage bag he had looted from Lan Daozi and set off to seek their help.

He absolutely did not expect to encounter numerous cultivators along the way. Upon seeing him, these people would yell ‘Demon Lord!’ and brandish their weapons, wanting to kill, kill, kill him.

Tu Tianba: “?”

At first, Tu Tianba tried to explain: he was not a demonic cultivator. He only looked like a bad guy because the demonic qi from the Soul-Refining Cauldron had flooded his body. His bloodshot eyes weren’t due to a bloodthirsty nature; it was just that he couldn’t get a single peaceful night’s sleep, ruining his appearance…

But those righteous cultivators just took it as sophistry and still wanted to kill, kill, kill him.

The result? Without exception.

Naturally, Tu Tianba counter-killed them all.

It was too annoying.

These righteous cultivators were just far too annoying.

After the battles, the Soul-Refining Cauldron automatically absorbed their cultivation without him even driving it, pushing Tu Tianba’s realm to the next level. But he himself was not happy at all. Because the higher his cultivation became, the louder the noise in his ears grew, splitting his head with pain.

Taking his head off was useless too.

This voice acted upon his very soul; there was no escape.

Except, before Tu Tianba could even reach the Wondrous Immortal Sect, he was surrounded by a massive horde of rallied righteous cultivators. The crowd glared at him, shouting for his death, claiming they were delivering justice on behalf of the heavens…

With a single move—’Instant Refinement’—Tu Tianba’s ears finally found a little peace.

Unfortunately, he spent ten years outside seeking medical help, only encountering cultivators who showed him no quarter. Tu Tianba endured countless hardships to finally arrive at the Wondrous Immortal Sect, only for them to decisively activate their mountain protection formation, shutting him out, while repeatedly proclaiming that:

If he took one more step, they would unleash the formation and execute the demon lord.

Tu Tianba really couldn’t swallow this anger.

He just wanted to see a doctor!

But he didn’t listen to the crying souls inside the cauldron telling him to kill everyone who dared block his path. Instead, he found a scenic land with abundant spiritual qi, established his own cave dwelling, and began searching through the storage artifacts he had harvested over the years for medical books and cultivation methods.

It wasn’t a big problem.

He could study medicine and save himself.

And he actually found some.

Tu Tianba tried them one by one.

If one didn’t work, he changed to another method.

Later, for some unknown reason, demonic cultivators gradually began gathering in the vicinity. Hearing that he was troubled by headaches and soul-splitting methods, they took the initiative to offer up relevant spiritual plants, medicinal pills, magical artifacts, and various secret arts as tribute. They even crowned Tu Tianba as their master, calling him ‘Your Eminence.’

Tu Tianba didn’t like demonic cultivators one bit.

Of course.

He also didn’t like the righteous cultivators who never gave him a good look.

Comparing the two, demonic cultivators were slightly better.

At least when it came to killing them, there was far less nonsense.

For the next three hundred years, Tu Tianba became obsessed with researching how to separate himself from the Soul-Refining Cauldron so he could finally get a good, quiet night’s sleep. During this time, whenever he really couldn’t stand the endless chorus of slaughter in his ears, he would grab a butcher knife, walk to the little hollow outside his cave, and slaughter a pig to satisfy the craving.

And also to celebrate the initial success of his ‘Flesh Ganoderma’ therapy.

In the past century, Tu Tianba had figured out a method of separation: first, use the Flesh Ganoderma to nourish his bones, allowing them to regrow mortal flesh and blood. Second, he was now a Body Integration stage cultivator, and would soon break through to the Mahayana stage. When the time came, he would use the heavenly tribulation lightning to sever himself from the Soul-Refining Cauldron.

If he didn’t succeed, he would die trying!

For this very day, Tu Tianba had made ample preparations.

However, before the tribulation lightning arrived.

Someone suddenly appeared near his cave dwelling.

On this day, dark clouds hung low, and a sinister wind howled, carrying a piercing chill.

The air was thick with the scent of decay and blood. The distant mountains were rugged and barren, looking incredibly demonic beneath the gloomy sky, entirely devoid of the beautiful scenery from three hundred years ago.

At that moment, Tu Tianba was walking toward the hollow with his knife in hand. As he turned a corner, he saw a strange man standing right in front of him.

The man stood tall and straight, dressed in a plain moon-white robe. His sleeves fluttered in the wind like flowing moonlight, and his features were exceptionally handsome. His entire being was like jade—clear, flawless, and luminous.

Tu Tianba couldn’t help but pause, stunned for a fraction of a second.

The cultivation world was practically paved with handsome men and heavenly immortals, but this was the first time he had seen someone so good-looking. One could say he was an immortal among immortals.

The man paused in the gloomy hollow, a faint radiance seemingly lingering around him. When he focused his gaze, Tu Tianba felt a gentle, breeze-like softness in those eyes, yet they carried an invisible, oppressive aura that made him slightly uncomfortable. Instantly, the shrieking in his ears exploded:

“Definitely a righteous cultivator looking for trouble, kill!”

Tu Tianba immediately raised his palm and fiercely slapped himself across the face, cursing angrily, “What are you being so noisy for? I haven’t spoken yet, when is it your turn to chirp?!”

Smack. The crisp sound echoed through the small hollow.

Nie Wuhui was slightly taken aback. “Little friend, why do you hurt yourself?”

Nie Wuhui’s appearance here was no accident. There were countless sects in the cultivation world, and among them, the “Guiqing Sect” was universally recognized as the leader of the righteous path. The sect had stood for a thousand years. Nie Wuhui was a Guiqing Elder who guarded Mount Lingzhao; even the current Sect Master had to respectfully address him as Martial Uncle. However, he had been in closed-door cultivation for over three hundred years, seeing absolutely no one during that time. Even his personal disciple, Gu Chen, hadn’t seen him in three centuries.

Therefore, no one knew that the moment Nie Wuhui emerged, he came straight here.

In truth, just moments ago, he was still in seclusion when he suddenly felt the jade slip at his waist grow faintly hot. A line of text bearing a location appeared on the jade slip… and the next second, Nie Wuhui was teleported here.

Thinking of this, Nie Wuhui lifted his gaze to the unidentified youth standing not far away.

The youth had a baby face and delicate features, looking about sixteen or seventeen years old. But the physical appearance of cultivators meant nothing; Nie Wuhui himself was nearly thirteen hundred years old, yet he perpetually looked to be in his early twenties. Moreover, the demonic qi in this place was billowing straight to the heavens. Anyone wandering around here could not possibly be an ordinary teenager.

However, although the youth possessed round, bright apricot eyes with slightly upturned corners that seemed to carry an innocent smile, his gaze was exceedingly dim, as if completely exhausted. His clothes were nothing more than short-cut garments made of coarse cloth. Add to that his behavior of ruthlessly slapping himself at the slightest disagreement… there were plenty of suspicious points.

Nie Wuhui knew that demonic cultivators loved to capture ordinary people to refine pills, serve as sacrifices for arrays, or enslave them for chores. He didn’t make any rash moves, instead opting to confirm:

“Little friend, may I ask if this place is ‘Lianlu Peak’?”

The youth tilted his head, his expression confused, as if he hadn’t heard the question clearly. Nie Wuhui had to repeat it.

Rubbing his swollen cheek, the youth replied in utter bewilderment, “No, I’ve lived here for quite a while, never heard of it.”

Nie Wuhui asked again, “Then the place behind you, is that the ‘Blood Bone Cave’?”

He raised a hand and pointed, his every gesture carrying a natural immortal elegance. Tu Tianba turned his head to look in the direction he pointed, which was exactly where he had just come from. Confused, he replied, “Ah? Blood what cave? Isn’t that just a normal cave?”

The last thing to live in there was a wild bear.

“Never heard of that either,” he added.

After speaking, Tu Tianba secretly sighed to himself that his temper had indeed improved a lot over the past century. He could actually talk peacefully with a righteous cultivator! Maybe it was because this person was just too beautiful and hadn’t drawn a weapon on him right away. But it could also be that his treatment was taking effect; not only had his appearance recovered significantly, but he could also retract and release his demonic qi freely.

Tu Tianba. You are amazing.

Thinking of this, his mood improved a bit, and he even took the initiative to advise, “This place is full of demonic cultivators, you’d better leave quickly.”

Granted, he couldn’t stand other demonic cultivators setting foot near his cave dwelling—whoever dared to trespass was instantly greeted with a ‘kill, kill, kill’ from Tu Tianba, so he was actually the only demonic cultivator left on the nearby mountains. It was just that for the past century, Tu Tianba had been single-mindedly nourishing his physical body, preparing for the heavenly lightning tribulation. This was a critical moment, and he didn’t want to be distracted.

Mainly, the person opposite him spoke gently and softly, which was quite pleasant to listen to. That was why he rarely found the patience to tell the honest truth.

However, Nie Wuhui didn’t take a single step.

He couldn’t leave.

Over three hundred years ago, the Grand Elder of the Astrology Sect visited the Guiqing Sect. He confided in Nie Wuhui that he had burned his entire cultivation base to perform a divination, calculating that an apocalyptic catastrophe would soon befall the cultivation world. When the time came, the entire world might perish, and only Nie Wuhui could turn the tide and dissolve this tribulation. The Grand Elder left behind only a prophecy jade slip before passing away right there in the Guiqing Sect.

For the next three hundred years, Nie Wuhui cultivated in seclusion, waiting for the day of the tribulation to arrive.

That day was today.

Recalling the words that had flashed on the jade slip, he said slowly, “I am looking for a demonic cultivator.” Meeting the youth’s eyes, Nie Wuhui continued, “Endless Slaughter Peak, Blood Bone Cave.”

“——I am looking for Tu Xiaoming.”

He pondered, his tone somewhat hesitant. “The astrological prophecy said I must kill him to stop the apocalyptic catastrophe.”

As soon as his voice fell, the shallow smile on the youth’s face abruptly froze.

His appearance looked harmless, his baby face exceptionally playful and cute, but a violent surge of blood-soaked, sinister qi abruptly erupted from his body. Beneath that innocent facade hid a heart-palpitating murderous intent.

“…Tu Xiaoming?”

Tu Tianba hadn’t heard this name in a very long time. Logically speaking, everyone who knew this name was already dead—like his father and the villagers, like his master Lan Daozi, and like the righteous cultivators he had slaughtered during his ten years of wandering.

Just hearing this name repeated aloud made Tu Tianba feel as if tens of thousands of steel needles were churning in his brain. The pain was so intense he wanted to smash his head against the ground. Cold sweat immediately rolled down half his face, veins bulged on his forehead, and bursts of malicious whispers echoed in his ears.

Like mockery. Like sneers. Like wailing.

Tu Tianba suddenly heard his father’s shrill scream. He couldn’t help but look up at the sky, only to see the heavens dim and lightless. He muttered unconsciously, “Dad, I don’t want to cultivate immortality. Cultivating immortality isn’t fun at all…”

The next instant, Nie Wuhui watched as two lines of blood tears suddenly flowed down the youth’s face. The boy sternly questioned him:

“So you’re here to kill me too?”

Before Nie Wuhui could react, the youth’s face completely twisted. Full of anger and disgust, his body was enveloped in a thick blood mist that faintly formed the shape of a massive cauldron.

He gave a cold shout, roaring low:

“This Venerable is the Heaven Slaughtering Sect’s Evil Bone Demon Lord, Tu Tianba!”

“You court death, I will grant it!”

Yet in the blink of an eye, the youth started slapping himself crazily again, screaming at the top of his lungs:

“Shut up, all of you shut up!”

“No talking! Whoever talks again gets a slap!”

The vicious blood mist rushed straight for Nie Wuhui’s face, transforming into shrieking skeletal faces that seemed hellbent on tearing him to shreds. As a Mahayana stage cultivator, his figure instantly flashed, and his natal immortal sword, Untamed, was already in his grasp.

But Nie Wuhui didn’t act rashly. The youth, surrounded by the blood mist, alternated between crying and laughing, looking stark raving mad.

Right at this moment, Nie Wuhui seemed to sense something. He looked up, and his expression instantly turned severe.

Above the celestial dome, dark clouds furiously churned. Lightning snakes glowing with a biting, cold blue light coiled among the clouds, emitting a bone-chilling cracking sound. In a fraction of a second, they struck down toward the earth, as if to tear the two people below into pieces!

It was the Heavenly Tribulation Lightning!

“…”

“…”

Tu Tianba died, but not completely.

Only his physical body went cold.

His soul was still there.

The cauldron was still there too.

It was all bad news!

It was a damn pity for this hundred-pound flesh body he had spent nearly a century painstakingly nourishing. Now it lay on the ground, charred on the outside and tender on the inside, actually smelling quite savory. However, after enduring this strike, not only did Tu Tianba fail to separate from the Soul-Refining Cauldron, but they fused even more flawlessly than before.

He squatted next to his own fleshy corpse, so heartbroken he almost cried.

…Fuck, it smells so good.

After a long while.

Tu Tianba struggled to hold back his tears, raising his eyes to scan his surroundings.

Where the heavenly tribulation lightning had passed, the already barren land was torn completely apart. The sharp ridges of the rolling mountains had been blasted flat, let alone the small hollow and cave dwelling he had been standing in.

After the heartbreak came fury and resentment.

He truly hated himself for not immediately killing that… damn it, he didn’t even know what the guy’s name was! Anyway! That good-looking man, damn him to hell!

He would never smile at a man wearing white clothes ever again!

Tu Tianba first stowed away his fragrant, roasted physical body, then surveyed the nearby mountain peaks. Finding no severed limbs or remains of that man, he couldn’t help but mutter viciously:

“It’s best if he was blasted into ashes…”

“Otherwise, this Venerable will definitely find you and make you regret ever appearing before me!”

As he spoke, sorrow welled up in Tu Tianba again. “Crap, it seems my fusion with the Soul-Refining Cauldron has deepened, and the coaxing voices of the inner demons have multiplied too…”

Otherwise, how could he have heard a strange, bizarre voice suddenly ‘ding’ in his head, followed by words he couldn’t understand at all?

“Hello, Host.”

“This system is the Ex-Husband Roleplay System N001. Due to the absence of the ‘scumbag ex-husband’ character in this book world, we have specially bound you, Host, to complete the key plotlines involving this role. Once the mission is completed…”

Inside the system space.

The white orb’s electronic voice grew quieter and quieter.

Before it could even finish its introductory script for binding a new host, it looked at the portrait displayed on the light screen and the auto-generated basic resume of the host next to it, and couldn’t help but let out a curse. “Holy shit, I bound a local NPC!”

Having bid farewell to its previous host, N001 had dragged its sub-system along for a data jump, preparing to bind a new host and send them to the corresponding endangered world…

Never in a million years did it expect to bind a character right out of the original book.

This book world was derived from a Xianxia novel, and an angst-filled master-disciple romance at that.

The protagonist, Nie Wuhui, was the Immortal Lord of the Guiqing Sect. His character was upright and pure. Though he seemed cold and aloof, he harbored great benevolence and love in his heart, willing to sacrifice himself for the Great Dao if necessary.

The story began with a massive battle between the protagonist, Nie Wuhui, and the Demon Lord, Tu Tianba.

The novel didn’t explain the cause of the fight, only stating that the Demon Lord died, while Nie Wuhui was severely injured and his whereabouts became unknown.

The protagonist ‘Gong’ of the story was Nie Wuhui’s only disciple, Gu Chen.

Gu Chen searched bitterly for his master. He searched for five whole years before discovering that his master, severely injured and amnesiac after falling into a river valley, had been saved by an ill-intentioned medical cultivator.

While Nie Wuhui was unconscious, the medical cultivator recognized that he possessed the rare “Pure Qi Constitution.” Its effects were somewhat similar to a human cauldron, but unlike a cauldron, which could increase the other party’s cultivation—dual cultivating with a Pure Qi Constitution could purify the impure qi in the other person’s body or refine their spiritual roots.

The medical cultivator was an unorthodox rogue cultivator whose spiritual roots happened to be a mixed mess. If he hadn’t accidentally obtained a secret manual, he wouldn’t even know this constitution existed in the world. Instantly, malicious thoughts arose in his mind.

Taking advantage of the man’s coma, he fed Nie Wuhui a parasitic Pill-Gu.

Two months later, Nie Wuhui woke up, but had lost his memory.

The medical cultivator was overjoyed. He decisively took advantage of the situation, deceiving Nie Wuhui into believing they were deeply in love Dao Companions. He then drove the Pill-Gu to force consummation. For the next five years, he violated Nie Wuhui night after night, using his constitution to purify and refine his own spiritual roots, while also obsessing over his looks, subjecting him to all sorts of despicable acts.

Right in the fifth year.

The protagonist Gong, Gu Chen, finally found his master Nie Wuhui, only to accidentally stumble upon a dual cultivation scene between him and the medical cultivator. Shaken to his core, he recklessly smashed the door in, which directly caused Nie Wuhui to recover his memories.

After regaining his memory, Nie Wuhui furiously chopped off the medical cultivator’s junk and pierced his heart with a single sword strike.

The ordeal of these five years became a secret between master and disciple.

It was just that Gu Chen, having witnessed Nie Wuhui’s enchanting state, could not forget it day or night and only then realized he had harbored deeply disrespectful thoughts toward his master…

The plot after that was nothing more than an angsty romantic tug-of-war between the Gong and the Shou. Meanwhile, the medical cultivator—this scumbag ex-husband who had long since wrapped up his role and died—became a thorn in Gu Chen’s heart, occasionally brought up as ammunition during arguments.

In the novel’s ending, after many twists and turns, the two finally achieved a Happy Ending (HE).

That wasn’t important.

What was important was…

N001 desperately needed a host to play the role of this despicable, lecherous, beast-in-human-clothing medical cultivator, and then be unilaterally divorced and “widowed” (killed) in the final mission, but now…

The problem had arrived.

How on earth could the host be THIS person!!!

The white orb rapidly scanned the host’s resume, its two little nubs grabbing its round head in a silent scream. It then shoved the blue orb in front of the light screen and whistled nonchalantly, washing its hands of the matter.

“Didn’t you want to ‘ding’?”

“Then you ‘ding’.”

Blue orb: […]

__

Author’s Note:

Two chapters in one (riding a bike away while shedding fur). No angst. For this arc, I want to try writing a slightly silly and comedic story.

The Gong will change his name; don’t panic. He is the type of person who believes “when you’re out and about, you give yourself your own name,” and even likes naming others for no reason!

A baby-faced, crazy Demon Lord, the pig-slaughtering edition.

Actually, his surname isn’t really Tu [Butcher]. He mainly wanted to commemorate his dad being a butcher. Xiaoming isn’t his real name either; it was just a nickname his dad called him!

He does have a real name!!! I just haven’t written it yet!