EHRPS CH171

The incident happened so suddenly that even Tu Tianba didn’t expect it.

He looked down at the empty porcelain bottle in his hand, then glanced at the bullshit Immortal Lord who was grimacing in a daze from the pain. Decisively shoving the incriminating evidence back into his sleeve, he stepped forward to support the man with an exaggerated tone.

“Did you suffer a sudden acute illness?!”

“Quick, lie down and let me diagnose you!”

The man’s face was deathly pale, unable to speak. His breathing was rapid and out of rhythm, taking in more air than he let out. Even so, that face was still devastatingly handsome.

Supporting him, Tu Tianba somewhat reluctantly settled him onto the hay bed scattered with double-petaled Epiphyllum flowers. He even wanted to ask if the man could hold on a little longer? He was really in a rush to dual cultivate right now.

However, just as Tu Tianba was about to ask, a damp, cold wind blew in from outside the cave, causing the ointment on his face to send waves of icy sensation… Tsk. He was just too soft-hearted after all.

Tu Tianba very reluctantly swallowed his words. He sat cross-legged beside the man, pretending to take his pulse, but actually opening his Heavenly Eye to sweep over the man’s lower abdomen.

He saw a fist-sized cluster of spiritual breath swimming actively within the man’s dantian. It oozed countless golden threads that drilled into every single one of his meridians, merging with them.

The situation was not good. Why did the Spirit-Gathering Pill look as if it were alive?

Fortunately, his many years of reading medical texts were not in vain. It didn’t take long for Tu Tianba to figure out some clues.

Earlier, he had fed the man an entire bottle of Spirit-Gathering Pills. The effects of these pills were roughly the same as the Pill-Gu described in the book; both could remain inside a human body long-term to block spiritual energy. But the essence of a Pill-Gu was a Gu worm, a living creature that could devour, digest, and assimilate the host’s spiritual energy for its own use. The Spirit-Gathering Pill merely absorbed and stored spiritual energy, and would explode once full, pointlessly wasting the spiritual energy of heaven and earth.

Back then, Tu Tianba took one look and thought this thing was utter trash. But since he had already refined it, he couldn’t just throw it away, right? The alchemy ingredients were all rare, hard-to-collect treasures. It would be a pity to toss them.

Adhering to the fine virtue of diligence and thriftiness, Tu Tianba kept these failed pills, and sure enough, they came in handy today.

He had fed them all to the unconscious man. Exactly ninety-nine pills, no more, no less. Originally, there were a full hundred pills in that batch; one was destroyed when he tested it, and the rest all went into the belly of this bullshit Immortal Lord. Heaven as his witness, he didn’t hold a single one back for himself.

This amount of Spirit-Gathering Pills was enough to drain the spiritual energy of a large secret realm. Now, gathered in a single person’s lower dantian, even if the bullshit Immortal Lord’s constitution was favored by the Heavenly Dao, he would have to obediently be a mortal.

Tu Tianba knew he was a meticulous, rigorous, and intelligent man, but sometimes he had to admit that even the most rigorous person could make little mistakes—

To prevent the man from choking to death on the pills, the medicinal water he casually fed him turned out to be the very last bottle of Essence Moon Dew. This was absolute top-tier good stuff!

This spiritual treasure traced back to a century ago when Tu Tianba first started cultivating his Flesh Ganoderma body.

Those Flesh Ganodermas with shorter lifespans couldn’t withstand the corrosion of demonic qi; the moment he got close, they would immediately wither and die. The older ones could hold on a little longer. But the outcome was virtually the same.

The moment all the Flesh Ganodermas saw him, it was as if they suddenly gained sentience, crying out in unison “I don’t want to live anymore!” Ignoring Tu Tianba’s heartbroken pleas for them to stay, they kicked the bucket right there on the spot. Tu Tianba was both heartbroken and angry.

It was just that these Flesh Ganodermas growing in the secret realm were the key ingredients to reconstructing his physical body. Rounding it up, they were essentially him… Thinking of it this way, Tu Tianba instantly stopped being angry.

Later, he spent a lot of effort to obtain the only three remaining bottles of Essence Moon Dew in the world. He then entered the secret realm again and successfully retrieved the plumpest King Ganoderma from within.

Thinking back on it now, Tu Tianba was still filled with deep emotion. …What an incredibly difficult wild harvest that was.

Then, he remembered how this century’s worth of blood, sweat, and tears had all gone down the drain. His pulse-taking action unconsciously turned into tightly gripping the man’s wrist with immense force. He was still a bit angry.

However, considering that the amnesiac man had asked if his face hurt and had applied ointment for him, Tu Tianba decided to temporarily suppress this anger and make a decision after they dual cultivated. Mainly, the inner demon voices were too noisy. He was enduring it so painstakingly.

“Mng…”

His thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the man’s low cry of pain. Tu Tianba let go and looked down, seeing a ring of dark bruises left on the man’s wrist, and hurriedly covered it back up with his palm.

Looking at the man again, his current condition was truly far from good. The clothes and hair that had been painstakingly dried earlier were now soaked with sweat again. A few strands of hair clung to his forehead, and veins bulged beneath his skin.

He pursed his lips and closed his eyes, jaw clenched tight. One hand clutched his stomach, while the other, clasped in Tu Tianba’s hand, was balled into a fist, the fingernails almost digging into his palm.

Tu Tianba raised a hand to scratch the back of his neck, leaned his upper body toward the man’s ear, and said softly, “Ah, well, right now I have one piece of good news and one piece of bad news. Which one do you want to hear first?”

Seeing that the man didn’t respond, Tu Tianba just continued on his own. Taking advantage of the fact that the other’s eyes were closed and couldn’t see his shifting gaze, he said without any disguise:

“Let’s start with the good news.”

“Earlier, in order to ‘save you,’ I fed you a lot of good stuff, which is why you were able to wake up so quickly and act all lively. But…”

One had to know, a single drop of Essence Moon Dew was equivalent to the spiritual energy required for a Ganoderma to grow for a hundred years, and he had accidentally poured an entire bottle down the man’s throat. Later, out of sheer laziness, he fed the man a nourishing pill. Add to that the fact that the man had a constitution capable of spontaneously absorbing spiritual energy to repair his meridians… All these preceding causes resulted in the current outcome.

To sum it up in one sentence: Under the infusion of massive amounts of spiritual energy, the Spirit-Gathering Pills developed a self-awareness.

It instinctively sensed the myriad benefits of staying inside this body. Terrified of being extracted, the ninety-nine pills unified into one, even transforming spiritual energy into flesh and blood to take root in the man’s body to achieve its ultimate goal.

—To be born from his womb and undergo a complete rebirth.

Fearing the man was in too much pain to hear him clearly, Tu Tianba leaned in even closer, his lips brushing against the man’s cold ear.

“Simply put…”

“You seem to be pregnant.”

“…”

“Hey, why aren’t you speaking?” Tu Tianba was just wondering how the man could be so calm, when a second later he noticed the man’s breathing slowing down. He brushed aside the man’s hair to look—

He actually fainted from the pain?!

He was a bit confused. “Is it really that painful?” With that, he cast a sensory resonance spell, transferring the man’s current pain to himself. After experiencing it carefully, he was even more baffled.

“It’s fine?”

“It doesn’t hurt at all, does it?”

Inside the system space.

The white orb hesitated to speak.

As crazy as this host was, he was still pretty pitiful.

It looked at the protagonist, who had been awake for less than half a day before being tormented back into a coma, and still spoke up for justice:

“Host, you once suffered the agony of being burned by yin fire in the Soul-Refining Cauldron. Your soul is bound to the cauldron, constantly surrounded by malice and resentment, entangled by inner demons…”

Your pain tolerance is completely out of balance, your senses have been abnormal for a long time! A disrupted sense of taste is just the most insignificant part of it.

But N001 considered itself a system with high emotional intelligence, so naturally, it wouldn’t speak so bluntly. Instead, it phrased it tactfully:

“The Host can endure what ordinary people cannot. The protagonist definitely isn’t as amazing as you are. Your medical skills are so exceptional, you must have figured out his current situation by now, right?”

Tu Tianba felt light and floaty from the flattery and immediately responded, “Naturally!”

Following that, he fully disclosed his diagnosis to the clever inner demon. “Spiritual treasures in this world that can develop self-awareness are extremely rare. But once such a treasure appears, no one wouldn’t covet it. After obtaining it, they would either refine it or force the treasure to acknowledge them as its master to control it…”

“Once the master-servant contract is formed, it is hard to escape. The Spirit-Gathering Pill developed a sliver of consciousness and actually wants to use the bullshit Immortal Lord’s body to reinvent itself. However, a dead object is ultimately just a dead object. If it isn’t taken out, I’m afraid this person’s life force will soon be squeezed dry, turning him into a mummified corpse,” Tu Tianba explained eloquently.

In the next instant, the clever inner demon started wailing loudly in his ear, making Tu Tianba subconsciously frown.

“Holy crap! Host, you, you, you are about to kill the protagonist?!”

“This point in time is only the beginning of the original book, and you actually caused such a huge incident! If the protagonist dies, who are you going to complete the key plotlines with? Then you won’t get your rewards!”

And this endangered book world will also completely collapse.

Enduring his annoyance, Tu Tianba explained, “I didn’t kill him.”

He paused, then added another sentence, “I just knocked him up.”

The white orb: “…”

Shortly after, Tu Tianba thought for a moment and corrected his own statement. “This is a phantom pregnancy. It’s just a spiritual treasure borrowing a human body, attempting to deceive the laws of the Heavenly Dao to reinvent itself.” As he spoke, he couldn’t help but let out a long sigh, “As expected of the pill I refined. It truly is as witty and extraordinary as I am, actually refusing to accept its fate like this!”

The white orb: “……”

What time was it, and he was still here sighing with emotion!

The white orb was terrified that an accident would befall the protagonist, leading to a mission failure. Because once the endangered world collapsed, it would be teleported back through the Main Bureau’s escape channel. Wouldn’t that mean certain death?? It absolutely did not want to undergo a comprehensive wipe for the third time!

The white orb attempted to awaken a trace of tenderness for the protagonist in the host’s heart, asking in a sweet voice, “Aren’t you worried he might lose his life just like this? While amnesiac, he even personally wiped ointment on you. At that time, the Host’s emotions were in turmoil, you were clearly very touched, right?”

Hearing this, the youth revealed his true nature to his inner demon.

On the light screen.

That childish face wore a cold expression, looking hollow and numb.

Tu Tianba asked back, “So what? This Venerable has never forgotten that he said he was going to kill me. He is good to this Venerable because my lie was so real that he believed it to be true!”

“When he recovers his memory, won’t he still try to kill me!”

The white orb: “…”

Mother of God, he nailed the original plot segment.

The more Tu Tianba spoke, the angrier he got.

Over the past centuries of experience, he had learned a lot from righteous cultivators. The most unforgettable point was—never show mercy to those who want to kill you. Even if he didn’t drive those people to extinction, they would do exactly that to him, even resorting to deceptive methods. Tu Tianba had experienced this long ago.

Just then, he heard the clever inner demon ask him, “According to the system’s analysis, the Host has a ‘rather be a shattered vessel of jade than an intact tile of clay’ personality. Why would you agree to the system’s mission requirements instead of killing the protagonist right from the start?”

Hearing this, Tu Tianba’s eyes started to drift.

Of course, it was because he wanted to investigate these two newly born inner demons. Later on…

A few breaths later.

Tu Tianba’s cold, numb expression gradually faded, his eyes refilling with anger, “Who asked this bullshit Immortal Lord to look so good, and the book described things so vividly, causing me to become a cut-sleeve? Damn him!!”

“Even if he has to die, he has to wait until I finish experiencing the fun of dual cultivation before dying!” Tu Tianba spoke with total conviction.

The white orb: “…”

Forget it, forget it.

As long as it knew the host wouldn’t kill the protagonist for now, it was fine.

That being said, N001 still wanted to grind a little affection points for the protagonist. Putting on a sweet voice and adopting the posture of an intimate, understanding little orb, it said, “Oh my, if the Host keeps dwelling on this matter, won’t it affect the quality of the dual cultivation?”

Tu Tianba listened and felt it made some sense.

Seeing the host slightly moved, N001 continued, “The system sincerely suggests that the Host look at the problem, as well as the protagonist, dialectically~”

Tu Tianba was confused: “What does that mean?”

“It means, Nie Wuhui is Nie Wuhui, and A-Hui is A-Hui…” The white orb’s tone became even more beguiling. “Nie Wuhui is the Immortal Lord of the Guiqing Sect who wields his sword to eradicate demons, but the amnesiac A-Hui is just your wife, right?”

“Doesn’t the Host like people with gentle personalities?”

“Could it be that A-Hui isn’t gentle enough? He speaks to you so softly. Oh my, oh my, today he applies ointment for you, tomorrow he’ll massage you, and maybe he’ll even wash his hands to make soup for you. By then, it will be absolute marital harmony…!”

“Hehe.”

Tu Tianba raised a hand to cover his mouth. After a light cough, he kept a straight little face and said in a serious tone:

“Looking at the problem split in two like this does sound somewhat reasonable, but I still have to observe this person’s future performance!”

Inside the system space.

The white orb raised a nub to wipe the non-existent sweat from its forehead, unable to stop itself from flattening into a pancake in exhaustion. “Then has the Host thought of a way to solve the protagonist’s phantom pregnancy problem?”

Tu Tianba had long since become a doctor from prolonged illness, not to mention he himself was the most difficult of difficult diseases. He nodded confidently:

“Since this spiritual pill insists on occupying the bullshit Immortal Lord’s belly and refuses to detach from the mother body, then we’ll just cut it out!”

“But during the pill extraction process, the mother body will definitely be in grave danger. If we want to preserve the mother body’s life, we’ll have to rely on the Sect Master of the Wondrous Immortal Sect’s artifact, the ‘Life-Extending Shuttle’…”

Tu Tianba had visited the Wondrous Immortal Sect in his early years, and it hadn’t gone smoothly.

Fortunately, today was not like the past. Even though he had reverted to his blood mist incarnation state, Tu Tianba’s demonic qi was hidden perfectly. Anyone who looked would just think he was a low-level medical cultivator. On this point alone, he was quite satisfied with the inner demon.

And so, Tu Tianba regretfully bid farewell to his favored little cave. Just like before, he moved the unconscious man onto a flying artifact and flew toward the mountain gate of the Wondrous Immortal Sect.

According to his observations, the bullshit Immortal Lord wouldn’t die anytime soon, and Tu Tianba hadn’t gone out in a very long time, so he slowed his pace, flying leisurely without rushing.

The starry night stretched endlessly.

As soon as he opened his eyes, this was the sight A-Hui saw.

The intense agony in his body had vanished without a trace. He slowly rolled his eyes and found the youth sitting cross-legged beside him, holding a book and reading it with extreme focus. Seeing him wake up, the youth shoved the book into his sleeve so fast that A-Hui didn’t even have time to see the cover clearly.

His throat was dry. He swallowed twice, tasting a faint metallic tang of blood, and unconsciously remembered—before fainting, he seemed to have experienced an auditory hallucination.

…Mm. It must have been a hallucination.

But before he could speak, he saw the youth lean over, bringing his face close. After examining him a few times, he asked, “You’re awake?”

A-Hui looked out at the vast starry night, the sound of the howling wind in his ears, yet his body didn’t feel cold at all. He subconsciously asked the person beside him,

“What happened to me?”

“Where are we going?”

As soon as his voice fell.

The youth let out a ‘huh?’ and somewhat impatiently tugged at his fragmented bangs that were blown by the wind, complaining, “So you didn’t hear it earlier? Then I’ll just say it again.”

For some inexplicable reason, a foreboding premonition suddenly arose in A-Hui’s heart.

“Wait, maybe you shouldn’t…”

The youth ignored him and just continued on his own,

“You’re pregnant.”

“I’m taking you to someone else’s house for an abortion right now.”

Two short sentences carrying an overwhelming amount of information.

The man fell silent for a moment, then slowly closed his eyes.

He definitely hadn’t woken up yet.

“Hey? Why did you faint again?!”

“You clearly can’t even feel any pain right now, are you a delicate little crybaby?!”

“…”

·

Guiqing Sect, Proclamation Hall.

Sect Master Gu Fengji sat at the head position, instructing the dozen or so disciples below: “The once-in-a-half-century Immortal Sect Grand Competition is right before our eyes. This time, it is the Wondrous Immortal Sect’s turn to host it. You shall all depart in a few days…”

“Yes, Sect Master!”

These dozen individuals were young in appearance, all wearing Dharma robes symbolizing their status as inner disciples. They were disciples of the Guiqing Sect with immense potential in recent years. The young man leading them had starry eyes and sword-like eyebrows, an exceptionally handsome and dignified appearance. Upon closer inspection, he even bore some resemblance to the Sect Master seated above.

With a wave of his hand, the Sect Master distributed the communication jade slips. He said, “Gu Chen, as the Eldest Shixiong of this generation of disciples, and as Elder Nie’s personal disciple, you must naturally set an example for your junior brothers, understand?”

Gu Chen nodded in agreement, though his expression was somewhat dim.

After the Sect Master finished explaining the matters regarding the Immortal Sect Grand Competition, Gu Chen and the other disciples exited the Proclamation Hall. Just as they stepped out the doors, one of the disciples asked:

“Shixiong, everyone is ready. Are we departing right now?”

Gu Chen restrained his expression and smiled, saying, “I’ll have to trouble my junior brothers to wait for me. I will be right back.”

Once he had walked far away, the others began whispering amongst themselves,

“Shixiong went to Spirit Omen Peak again, right?”

“Elder Nie has been in seclusion for three hundred years, seeing no one during this time. Why does Shixiong still go there so diligently?”

“A personal disciple is always different.”

“Yeah, I heard Shixiong has been following Elder Nie to practice the sword since he was young. Their bond is extraordinary. Besides, heading to the Wondrous Immortal Sect to participate in the Grand Competition is no small matter…”

“I hope our Guiqing Sect can seize first place.”

“…”

Gu Chen rode his sword at top speed, arriving at Spirit Omen Peak in less than a quarter of an hour. This peak possessed the most abundant spiritual energy and the most beautiful scenery in the entire Guiqing Sect, even surpassing Sect Master Gu Fengji’s Zuowang Peak. It was just like an immortal wonderland.

He landed outside a small wooden cabin on a perilous cliff of the mountain peak. Blocked by a barrier, he couldn’t take another step forward, and naturally couldn’t detect that it was completely empty inside.

Gu Chen stood quietly for a moment, then transmitted his voice:

“Master!”

“Chen’er is leaving the mountain today to head to the Wondrous Immortal Sect. I came specifically to bid farewell to Master…”

By the side of the cliff, clouds and mist swirled, leaving only the sound of the wind.

Inside the wooden cabin, it was completely silent.

__

Author’s Note:

Ming Zai [Xiaoming] is super cute, but his affection points are actually really hard to grind.

He hasn’t even called the Immortal Lord by his name yet, it’s only [Hey] and [Bullshit Immortal Lord]. Right now he purely just wants physical intimacy; a pure-hearted but lustful ghost attribute.