WRA CH14

Chapter 14: [Hubby, Let’s Get a Divorce]

Xiang Zhen sat on the bed, staring at his phone with tear-brimmed eyes. How could a perfectly good husband turn out completely rotten?

Xiao Kui Bao was still adding fuel to the fire, urging him to get a full physical and screen for a five-panel infectious disease panel: “The screening cost at a Grade 3A hospital ranges from 500 to 1,000 yuan. You absolutely must make your husband pay for it!”

Xiang Zhen blinked. So expensive!

[Xiang Zhen: I’m not going.]

[Xiao Kui: I’m truly frantic on your behalf! Your husband still has a WeChat balance of 1,949 yuan, which is more than enough to cover it!]

My husband’s money is my money!

Xiang Zhen shut down Xiao Kui Bao. Human infectious diseases couldn’t be transmitted to plants anyway.

Wait, no—could Zhou Sicheng even still be his husband?

Zhou Sicheng stepped out.

Xiang Zhen looked at him through a hazy veil of tears. Sister Wang had said that if he brought it up today, their domestic life would be completely finished.

He desperately wanted to ask, yet he didn’t want to lose his husband. But he couldn’t accept a cheating husband either.

As it turned out, the places the Guide to Adulthood failed to capture were precisely the tribulations of becoming human.

Seeing Xiang Zhen cry for the very first time, Zhou Sicheng had no idea what had happened. Terrified that Xiang Zhen was hurt somewhere, he didn’t dare touch him recklessly, half-kneeling on the bed: “Does your stomach hurt?”

Xiang Zhen turned his head away. He was really about to lose such an impossibly handsome husband.

Zhou Sicheng: “A foot cramp?”

Xiang Zhen squeezed his eyes shut. Don’t look anymore. The more he looked, the harder it was to let go. His husband gave him bank cards, cooked for him, drove him around, and bought him cakes. Without his husband, his entire world would plunge into pitch-black night.

Zhou Sicheng: “A headache?”

Xiang Zhen couldn’t help nodding slightly.

Cuppng the back of Xiang Zhen’s head with four fingers, Zhou Sicheng gently massaged his temples with his thumb: “We’re going to the hospital.”

As he spoke, he wrapped one arm around Xiang Zhen’s back, intending to scoop him up.

Xiang Zhen clutched the duvet tightly: “I don’t want to get tested for infectious diseases!”

Zhou Sicheng: “?”

Pulling back slightly, Zhou Sicheng reevaluated Xiang Zhen, only to find he looked more like a coddled baby who had stubbed his toe on the bedpost—ready to forget the pain in his foot the moment a new conversation started.

The phone screen on the bed lit up with an incoming call from Secretary Gao.

“What infectious disease?” Zhou Sicheng patted Xiang Zhen’s back with one hand while picking up the phone with the other.

Gao Ou was accompanying the President on this business trip. At this moment, he and the chauffeur had already pulled the car up downstairs, waiting to escort him to the airport.

Gao Ou: “Mr. Zhou, there are less than two hours before the flight departs.”

Xiang Zhen asked suspiciously, “Who is calling?” Could it be that because Zhou Sicheng hadn’t visited last night, the residential escort was making a follow-up customer service call?! Totally exposed!

Seeing that Xiang Zhen had stopped crying, Zhou Sicheng bent down to pick up a towel to dry his hair: “The airline.”

Life was getting rougher by the day; he was even picking up towels that had dropped onto the floor now.

Xiang Zhen remembered that Zhou Sicheng had a plane to catch. This was Zhou Sicheng’s very first job since transitioning away from ride-hailing. If they had a massive blowout fight right now, missing the flight would not only forfeit a ticket refund, but could easily get him fired during his probationary period—his supervisor often warned him to keep his head down during probation.

The Guide to Adulthood stated: Never fight while rushing to catch transit; you are guaranteed to miss your ride.

Conveniently, Xiang Zhen didn’t want a face-to-face confrontation with Zhou Sicheng either, terrified that he would waver. Having shared a bed for seven days, they should at least preserve some dignity for each other.

His little sun was weighed down with heavy thoughts, a fact Zhou Sicheng naturally picked up on. Seizing the keyword from Xiang Zhen’s outburst earlier, he pondered for a second: “Infectious disease? Did Xiao Kui Bao tell you something?”

Xiang Zhen glared at Zhou Sicheng. Was Zhou Sicheng a detective?

Zhou Sicheng: “Xiao Kui Bao’s medical features are far from refined; it easily spews nonsense.”

Xiang Zhen: “It wasn’t spewing nonsense.”

Listening to the conversation drifting through the receiver, Gao Ou raised an eyebrow in surprise. At Zhou Sicheng’s level, health was worth more than gold. Yet before moving in with Xiang Zhen, Zhou Sicheng didn’t seem to have asked to see Xiang Zhen’s health checkup report at all, rushing into the shared apartment with reckless haste. Tsk.

He offered a thoughtful reminder: “Mr. Zhou, your ride has arrived. Please come downstairs within five minutes.”

Zhou Sicheng: “Show me your chat logs with it.”

Xiang Zhen refused to hand it over: “Just go catch your flight.”

Zhou Sicheng stared at Xiang Zhen’s phone. He hated leaving unresolved problems lingering on the road; it was best handled right now.

“Fine. Then tell me: what symptoms do you suspect you have, and what illness do you think you caught?”

Xiang Zhen’s eyes rounded in shock. How could Zhou Sicheng turn around and shift the blame onto him? “Not me. You.”

Zhou Sicheng pulled on his suit trousers: “I’m in perfect health.”

Xiang Zhen: “Maybe you just caught it the day before yesterday.”

Zhou Sicheng tucked the hem of his dress shirt into his trim waistband: “Oh? Walk me through your analysis.”

Xiang Zhen’s fingers twitched with habitual urge. A virtuous wife was supposed to tie her husband’s necktie… No, no, no, he was about to divorce Zhou Sicheng.

Fully dressed, Zhou Sicheng braced both hands against the mattress and leaned in: “Starting from the beginning?”

A striking face magnified before Xiang Zhen’s eyes, breathtakingly handsome with overwhelming pressure. Xiang Zhen clamped his lips tightly shut. He had dropped such blatant hints, yet Zhou Sicheng was still playing dumb. He truly lacked the heart to expose his husband’s filthy deeds directly to that face, desecrating his Sun God.

Besides, he didn’t know how to pick a fight!

Human bickering was a profoundly complex discipline. Xiang Zhen was terrified that he couldn’t win an argument against Zhou Sicheng, and even more terrified that in a fit of rage, Zhou Sicheng would smash his milk tea buckets.

When humans attacked, they picked on the softest target. Zhou Sicheng would surely vent his wrath on the worthless sunflowers—and that was Xiang Zhen’s fatal weakness.

Zhou Sicheng patiently ground down Xiang Zhen for five minutes, yet Xiang Zhen was like a stubborn clam whose shell refused to pry open. Even after exhausting his negotiation tactics, he realized he had underestimated Xiang Zhen, foolishly believing everything could be settled in five minutes.

Zhou Sicheng wasn’t attending an internal Zhoufu meeting this time; he could not afford to be late. Furthermore, there was air traffic control today, meaning that missing this flight would make rebooking an immense ordeal.

“I’m heading out first. Call me anytime.”

Carrying his phone downstairs, Zhou Sicheng messaged Shi Ting to keep tight surveillance on Xiang Zhen, telling Ye Yun to probe for information.

Ten minutes later, Ye Yun knocked on the door, casually pretending to ask if Xiang Zhen wanted to go for a morning jog.

Xiang Zhen was getting ready for work: “I don’t need a morning jog. I get plenty of exercise on my way to work.”

“Oh…” Ye Yun thought to himself: Doesn’t customer service work involve sitting in front of a computer all day?

Under strict orders to trail Xiang Zhen and watch him step into his company building, Ye Yun pretended he was heading down for a run anyway, following right behind Xiang Zhen. If Xiang Zhen took the bus, Ye Yun could just jog alongside; morning rush-hour buses weren’t particularly fast.

A minute later, Ye Yun watched Xiang Zhen stuff an entire bun into his mouth and take off sprinting… ?

Wait, hold on, President Zhou—your wife sprints to work on foot?!

Ye Yun was an exceptionally fit bodyguard with formidable long-distance stamina; otherwise, he wouldn’t qualify for this high-paying assignment.

Yet he never could have anticipated that the fair, delicate, seemingly frail Xiang Zhen would sprint like a miniature golden whirlwind!

A pursuit unfolded across the long boulevard, two people and four legs moving far faster than the four-wheeled traffic jammed on the main thoroughfare.

Xiang Zhen sprinted all the way to the company in a single breath, saving another whole yuan in bus fare!

With no husband to drive him to work from now on, the little sunflower had no choice but to run on his own.

Sitting at his cubicle and calculating the time, Xiang Zhen sent a message to Zhou Sicheng: “Hubby, has your plane taken off?”

Zhou Sicheng: “Taxiing onto the runway.”

Xiang Zhen felt at ease. Once the plane’s wheels left the tarmac, Zhou Sicheng wouldn’t be able to get off.

Zhou Sicheng had already lost his shot at becoming a bureau chief because of him; he couldn’t afford to ruin this critical business trip too.

At 1.9 meters tall, Zhou Sicheng was bound to feel dreadfully cramped in economy class, unable to even stretch his legs.

Xiang Zhen thought to himself: I truly love my husband far too much.

If Zhou Sicheng hadn’t committed a dealbreaker, they would have stayed together forever and ever.

Opening Xiao Kui Bao, he took screenshots of their entire chat history, took a deep breath, and sent them to Zhou Sicheng.

[Hubby, let’s get a divorce.]

Right as the plane pitched into its steep ascent, Zhou Sicheng received the message. Compounded by the g-force of the climb, it wasn’t an exaggeration to say his heart nearly detonated on the spot.

As the wide-body jet surged into the clouds, Zhou Sicheng remained pinned by his seatbelt, his face thoroughly livid. Where was the parachute? Or someone install an ejection seat under him right this instant—he was going back to ask Xiang Zhen if he had a single shred of conscience!

Every single day, he cooked to wait on him, drove to drop him off and pick him up, and coddled him with sweet pastries. What on earth was he dissatisfied with? Picking the precise moment he took to the sky to drop a breakup text—did he bank on the fact that he couldn’t physically reach him?!

Noticing the President’s abnormal complexion, looking as though he were suffering a myocardial infarction, Gao Ou hurriedly patted his shoulder: “President Zhou? President Zhou?”

“I’m. Fine.”

Zhou Sicheng ground the words out through his teeth. Xiang Zhen had been acting suspicious and muttering under his breath before he left; sure enough, he was stirring up trouble like an unruly Yao. A breakup? Without even offering a single reason!

Ping. Ping. Ping.

The in-flight Wi-Fi was unstable, causing images to lag behind text and arrive completely out of order. Xiang Zhen’s screenshots trickled into Zhou Sicheng’s phone slowly and chaotically.

Zhou Sicheng clicked open one image, reading it three times in disbelief.

Since a single screenshot could only hold limited text, what met his eyes was:

[—Your husband is a ride-hailing driver who sits for over 8 hours a day… easily suffering from erectile dysfunction. Let me ask you: does your husband’s car feature ventilated seats?]

[Xiao Kui: Then that means it doesn’t! Let me tell you, poor localized heat dissipation indirectly leads to a decline in sperm quality!]

???!

Zhou Sicheng was so furious he laughed aloud.

So, because he had acted like a restrained gentleman and refrained from having a sex life with Xiang Zhen, Xiang Zhen suspected him of having erectile dysfunction?!

He could piece together the entire chain of events: faced with his departure on a seven-day business trip without him turning into a ravenous wolf, Xiang Zhen had grown anxious and secretly consulted Xiao Kui Bao for the reason.

Connecting it to his occupation, Xiao Kui Bao had fabricated slander about his sexual performance on the spot.

One dared to ask, and the other dared to invent!

And because he allegedly had erectile dysfunction and degraded sperm quality, Xiang Zhen had stammered about sending him to a doctor this morning, ultimately jumping straight to a breakup!

All over this?!

If Xiang Zhen loved him even a fraction—even if he gave him a shred of grace purely for his handsome face—he should have at least accompanied him to an andrologist before handing down the death penalty!

Sitting in first class as an ultra-VIP, Zhou Sicheng stoically took a sip of ice water. Just wait until I get back; I’ll rail him into the mattress.

With a chilled heart, he clicked open the next screenshot. Who could have known that the next one would be even more explosive?

“Cough, cough, cough——”

Zhou Sicheng barely managed to swallow down the ice water. If I ever drink water while reading Xiang Zhen’s texts again, I’m an idiot.

The screenshot showed:

[Xiao Kui: Yes, just as you suspect, there is a 50% probability your husband is cheating on the sly.]

[Xiang Zhen: Cheating on the sly?]

Things had taken a completely bizarre turn.

Zhou Sicheng’s fingers swiped rapidly through the dozen-plus screenshots Xiang Zhen had sent, his razor-sharp mind instantly reconstructing the timeline to piece together the truth.

Throughout the entire record, all he saw was a bewildered, helpless wife desperately speaking up in his defense, and an artificial idiot incessantly brainwashing him and churning out slander!

The fury he didn’t dare vent on his wife multiplied exponentially.

Rebellious wretch! Backstabbing traitor!

Three hundred million yuan in daily computing expenditures, and it was actually being squandered on slandering him day in and day out!

This was the artificial idiot he had spent hundreds of billions to cultivate. Raising it was truly worse than raising a piece of barbecued pork.

“Who is the project manager for Char Siu Bun—no, for Xiao Kui Bao?” Zhou Sicheng demanded.

Secretary Gao began to suspect President Zhou wasn’t suffering a heart attack, but a cerebral stroke: “Wang Jianbin.”

Zhou Sicheng: “Delete him.”

Secretary Gao: “Pardon?”

Zhou Sicheng: “I said, make him delete Xiao Kui Bao’s code.”

To make matters worse, inside the chat window between him and Xiang Zhen, the other Xiao Kui Bao processed the images faster than he did.

[Xiao Kui: If all the aforementioned facts hold true, I support your divorce. Please grant custody of me to @Xiang Zhen.]

[Xiang Zhen: T_T]

[Zhou Sicheng: Wifey, I didn’t cheat. The 398 and 598 were for buying cakes.]

[Zhou Sicheng: Just you wait until I delete your source code with my own hands @Xiao Kui.]