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His Majesty offered to make inquiries on his behalf, but Yan Ke truly felt it was unnecessary.

Although it was a painful thought, if none of them ever returned, he could at least deceive himself into believing that an accident had held his beast back, that he wished to return but was simply unable to do so.

But what did this mean now?

It was possible to return, truly possible.

How long had His Majesty’s A-Li been gone? Barely over a month, and he had returned so quickly.

In contrast, what about him?

Five years.

Yan Ke had never previously thought of five years as such an eternity, yet now, every day, every night, and every second felt like a nightmare of piercing needles.

He climbed into the carriage, and the moment he entered the enclosed space, he could no longer hold back his emotions. Sitting straight, his fingers clenched into tight fists upon his knees. Inside the darkened cabin, there was only the sound of choked whimpers and the faint metallic smell of blood as his nails broke the skin of his palms.

If they were destined to part, why grant him such joy in the first place?

Ten years. How many decades did a person have in a lifetime, and how many more would he need to forget the ten years he had lost?

He finally understood Xie Jianwei’s feelings.

When despair became overwhelming, one truly lost the will to keep living.

Yet he still had his mother; he could not be so selfish.

After Yan Ke departed, Xie Jianwei remained anxious for quite some time.

He had intended to ask Lu Li about Yan Ke’s panda beast, but right then, an attendant rushed over and shouted anxiously outside the door, “Your Majesty! Lord Wei is critically ill, and we fear he may not last!”

Xie Jianwei rose immediately, putting personal sentiments aside.

Wei En was a Grand Secretary who had provided immense guidance to Xie Jianwei in the imperial court. He was a pillar of the realm and an upright official beloved by the people.

Facing his critical illness, Xie Jianwei felt deep sorrow and naturally went to visit him through the night.

Unable to accompany him, Lu Li comforted him, saying, “Please do not rush.”

Xie Jianwei said, “I must go see him.”

Lu Li assured him, “I will wait for you here, going nowhere.”

Xie Jianwei could not resist embracing him, murmuring, “Please, truly go nowhere.”

“I won’t,” Lu Li said. “Rest assured.”

Xie Jianwei quickly changed his clothes and left the palace for the Wei estate.

Advanced in years and burdened by chronic ailments, Wei En was beyond medical help.

He had clung to his final breath solely to see his sovereign one last time. Seeing Xie Jianwei and exchanging a few parting words, he closed his eyes forever.

Grieved, Xie Jianwei bestowed great imperial favors upon the Wei family, promoting Wei En’s three sons and granting him an honorable state funeral.

The emperor valued loyalty, and this gesture won great favor with the people.

Even after the first week of mourning passed, a smile still rarely graced Xie Jianwei’s face.

Watching him, Lu Li felt an ache in his chest and said, “Your Majesty, Lord Wei was utterly loyal. He would not want to see you grieving like this and hurting your health.”

He had realized that while Xie Jianwei was calm, brilliant, and impeccably capable, he had one fatal flaw, which was his inability to vent his emotions.

When faced with sorrow, he refused to voice it, keeping it buried inside until it fermented into poison that damaged his body.

Seeing Lu Li brought an unexpected calm to Xie Jianwei’s heart. He said softly, “Wei En was both a mentor and a friend to me. His sudden passing leaves me feeling unmoored.”

Lu Li shifted into human form and stepped behind him. “Lord Wei served three reigns and lived to a ripe old age. Being able to rest is not necessarily a bad thing.”

Xie Jianwei’s brow remained tightly knitted.

Lu Li carefully gathered him into his arms and murmured, “Many people are worrying about you.”

Hearing this, Xie Jianwei paused, realizing he had let his emotions run wild and that Lu Li had likely spent the past few days feeling miserable as well.

Guilt washed over him. He wanted to turn and talk to Lu Li, but his body stayed still, held securely against Lu Li’s chest.

Xie Jianwei blinked, feeling the warmth of the solid chest behind him, his face flushing slightly.

“A-Li.”

Lu Li’s breath brushed against his ear as he murmured, “Yes?”

Xie Jianwei felt quite shy. “I…”

Lu Li looked down, his heart leaping at the sight of the reddened earlobe.

Xie Jianwei looked back at him and murmured, “I feel a bit warm.”

Lu Li had thought of releasing him, but meeting his gaze, letting go became impossible. He was stunned by the intense affection welling from deep within his heart.

“A-Li?” Xie Jianwei called softly.

Lu Li felt his throat go dry. “May I…”

Before he could finish, a loud rumble sounded from between their stomachs.

Both fell silent. Finally, Xie Jianwei smiled. “Are you hungry? I will have dinner served.”

Dazzled by that blushing smile, Lu Li lost his focus, allowing Xie Jianwei to slip away from his arms.

Lu Li was deeply annoyed with himself. He was indeed hungry, but not for food; he wanted to devour him.

He really should not have asked, and should have just kissed him instead.

However, Xie Jianwei had already sent word for the evening meal.

While it was being prepared, Xie Jianwei asked Lu Li, “What would you like to eat?”

Lu Li had an idea. “The lamb spine hotpot we had previously was quite good.”

Xie Jianwei teased him, “The weather is getting hotter, yet you still want to eat that?”

Lu Li said, “I want it, preferably on the spicier side.”

Xie Jianwei naturally indulged him. Never mind hotpot, even if A-Li wanted the stars from the sky, he would find a way to pluck them down.

The attendants prepared the ingredients and the copper cauldron, keeping their eyes lowered respectfully when delivering them, not daring to look around.

They knew a strange man resided in the imperial bedchamber, but Xie Jianwei commanded immense authority, and the servants were impeccably disciplined. They dared not look, let alone speculate.

With summer fast approaching, sitting together eating hotpot was undeniably sweltering.

Though delicious, the spicy broth soon brought a delicate flush to Xie Jianwei’s cheeks, a faint mist gathering in his eyes.

Lu Li marveled at how humans could invent such a wonderful dish, making one feel thoroughly invigorated.

Still, it had one drawback. It was hot, especially down below, where a restless heat stoked an increasingly undisguised hunger in his gaze.

Xie Jianwei noticed it too. Being stared at so brazenly was something he had never experienced as an emperor, yet he did not dislike it. Whatever A-Li did, he never minded.

Both were sweating after the meal. Once the table was cleared, Lu Li suggested, “Let us bathe.”

Feeling sticky, Xie Jianwei agreed that sleeping without washing would be difficult.

An open-air pool was built behind Chaoyang Palace, which was delightful in the heat.

Without overthinking, Xie Jianwei undressed and stepped into the water, the cool pool wrapping around him with immense comfort.

Leaning against the ledge, just as he wondered where Lu Li was, the man arrived. He was completely bare, lean muscles defining a body of flawless proportions.

Xie Jianwei looked at him, his face suddenly heating up as he quickly turned his head away.

Water splashed as Lu Li stepped in and walked straight toward him. Xie Jianwei felt as if the cool water had absorbed heat, making him feel boiled like the hotpot earlier.

Lu Li drew close until barely any space remained between them, his deep, magnetic voice ringing softly. “A-Wei…”

“Yes?”

“I want to kiss you.”

Xie Jianwei’s face flushed crimson, keeping his head down and refusing to look up.

Driven wild by desire, Lu Li lifted his chin and looked straight into his eyes. “I… like you.”

Xie Jianwei’s voice trembled slightly. “Mm.”

“I like you like this.” Saying so, he leaned down and claimed the lips he had dreamed of day and night.

Xie Jianwei’s eyes widened in surprise.

Pressing against his lips, Lu Li whispered, “Push me away if you dislike it.”

How could Xie Jianwei push him away? His hands rested against Lu Li’s chest without any force, trembling with nervous anticipation.

Lu Li restrained himself no longer, deepening the kiss into a breathtaking storm inside his mouth.

Dizzy from the kiss, far from refusing, Xie Jianwei ended up wrapping his arms around Lu Li’s neck, resting his entire weight against him.

Greatly encouraged, Lu Li released his lips and pressed hot kisses along his neck, leaving Xie Jianwei tingling as desire took over completely.

Lu Li supported his waist and lifted him to the edge of the pool. Water dripped down his long dark hair, framing skin as fair as frost.

Admiring every inch of him, Lu Li murmured, “So beautiful.”

That soft compliment made Xie Jianwei ache with heightened arousal.

Lu Li could not bear to see him uncomfortable, so he leaned down and took him into his mouth.

Having completely crossed the threshold, the two shared passion deep into the night.

It was Xie Jianwei’s first time, unable to endure such intensity, repeatedly pleading for mercy toward the end.

Lu Li brought out his shameless side, coaxing, “Just rubbing, only rubbing on the outside.”

Xie Jianwei believed him, only to be pushed straight into.

Once inside, Lu Li refused to leave without delivering a proper gift, and Xie Jianwei had no choice but to take it.

The following morning, Xie Jianwei, who had been so diligent for a decade that officials felt pity, entertained the thought of skipping court for the first time.

Sleeping for barely an hour was fine, but the exhaustion beforehand was overwhelming.

He had merely been handled back and forth, yet felt as battered as if riding a horse all day, his waist and back sore.

Lu Li said, “Why not take sick leave and rest?”

Xie Jianwei glared at him. “I told you to stop last night!”

Lu Li looked innocent. “When I stopped, you told me to move.”

Blushing furiously, Xie Jianwei was speechless.

Lu Li wanted to move again, but knowing Xie Jianwei’s character, he knew he would never skip court over this, so he refrained from teasing him.

Xie Jianwei forced himself out of bed. The medicine Lu Li applied had eased the pain, and though his waist and legs were weak, he could stand steadily.

Lu Li personally tended to his washing without letting others interfere.

Xie Jianwei felt too lazy to move, letting himself be carried around.

When it came to dressing, however, Lu Li was helpless.

Imperial court robes were far too intricate. Lu Li only knew how to strip them off, unable to handle such elaborate layers.

Xie Jianwei called the attendants inside. The eunuchs kept silent, not daring to breathe heavily or look around.

With outsiders present, Lu Li behaved properly, but ancient pavilions offered poor soundproofing, making it impossible for the attendants outside to have missed the sounds from the night before.

They understood what had happened, but since speaking of it meant execution, they wished they had amnesia.

Though struggling to get there, once court began, Xie Jianwei concentrated fully, discussing flood control projects for the southern rainy season with several ministers.

Usually, some officials stayed behind to report on private tasks after court was dismissed.

Feeling drained today, Xie Jianwei listened briefly before waving his hand. “Let us leave it at this for now.”

Seeing his fatigue, the minister expressed concern, “May Your Majesty take care of your imperial health.”

Xie Jianwei replied, “It is fine. The summer heat was oppressive, so I slept poorly.”

It was indeed hot and dry, but far from oppressive, his mood so bright that holding back a smile was difficult.

Seeing the emperor in pleasant spirits, the officials relaxed and bowed out.

Xie Jianwei had always been hardworking, busy every day since ascending the throne.

Holding court at dawn, he would often consult with ministers until noon.

He occasionally hosted working lunches, rested briefly, and reviewed memorials until dusk, when he would practice archery and horsemanship.

At night, stacks of documents kept him occupied until midnight.

Yet since Lu Li moved in, Xie Jianwei’s routine had changed completely.

Exhausted at night, a brief midday nap stretched into mid-afternoon.

Waking groggily, it was already time for dinner, while the memorials remained unread.

Xie Jianwei felt like a student facing school tomorrow without having finished their homework, deeply distressed.

Heart aching for him, Lu Li simply helped review the memorials.

This was a major breach of propriety, but Lu Li did not care, and Xie Jianwei did not mind either, feeling only curious.

“You did not know how to write before.”

Lu Li paused before explaining, “Panda paws cannot hold a brush easily.”

Xie Jianwei said, “Your handwriting is quite good.”

Lu Li hesitated. “It does not resemble your script.”

Xie Jianwei said, “It matters not. When I was ill, I often had others write on my behalf…”

Before he finished, Lu Li interrupted, “Ill?”

Xie Jianwei hesitated.

Lu Li realized this could not have happened while he was a panda, or Xie Jianwei would have assumed he knew.

Slipping up and trying to avoid the topic meant it occurred after his departure.

Lu Li asked, “You fell ill after I left?”

Ill enough to be unable to hold a brush? He knew how diligent an emperor Xie Jianwei was.

Xie Jianwei soothed him, “It was nothing, just a mild cold.”

Lu Li frowned, remembering how thin and frail Xie Jianwei had looked when he first returned, his robes draping over him loosely.

Even now, his color had improved, but he remained thin.

A sharp pain struck Lu Li’s heart, and he asked, “Was it because I left?”

Xie Jianwei lowered his gaze.

Lu Li said, “Did I not return quickly?”

Xie Jianwei sighed softly, finally admitting, “I truly thought you would never return.”

Exactly twenty years, matching the ancient texts without flaw, so how could he doubt it?

Lu Li’s heart ached, and he embraced him, saying, “Why believe that rubbish?”

Xie Jianwei said, “It was not just that.” Thinking it over, he mentioned Yan Ke. “A-Ke said he waited five years without his return.”

Lu Li paused. “He had a guardian beast as well?”

Xie Jianwei said, “Yes.”

Lu Li murmured, “That should not be.”

“Why?” Xie Jianwei looked at him.

Lu Li said, “In recent decades, only Loren and I were summoned. There should be no one else.”

Xie Jianwei did not quite understand.

Lu Li asked, “Do you know what his beast was called?”

Xie Jianwei shook his head. “He did not say.”

Lu Li asked, “Was it a giant panda?”

Xie Jianwei was certain. “Yes.”

Lu Li asked about the timeline, which Xie Jianwei recounted clearly from Yan Ke’s words.

Calculating the dates, Lu Li realized they matched Loren’s arrival in the mortal realm exactly.

What was going on? A coincidence, or a mix-up?

Unfortunately, with his amnesia, he did not know the details, and the voice in his mind had vanished. In reality, Yan Ke panicked internally, thinking the script had gone completely wrong.

Xie Jianwei said, “I wanted to ask you to inquire on A-Ke’s behalf to see why his beast never returned.”

Though unsure whether Loren was Yan Ke’s beast, Lu Li knew why guardian beasts never returned.

He explained, “The transformation ritual washes away mortal memories. A-Ke’s guardian beast likely forgot everything.”

Hearing this for the first time, Xie Jianwei looked at Lu Li in surprise. “Is that so? Why didn’t you…”

Lu Li confessed, “I lost my memories too.”

“What?” Xie Jianwei widened his eyes. “Then how did you…”

Lu Li gently tapped his nose and said softly, “Even amnesia could not make me forget you.”

Xie Jianwei blinked.

Lu Li added, “I suppose I simply love you too much.”

The sudden confession made Xie Jianwei blush, but his heart felt wrapped in boundless sweetness.

He wanted to kiss Lu Li, but thinking of his miserable cousin Yan Ke, he felt it best to explain things without delay.

Xie Jianwei set out for the Grand Princess’s residence.

Meanwhile, Yan Ke had been suffering terribly, nearly driven to despair.

After returning from the palace, Yan Ke had locked himself away for a full day and night, unable to eat, crying until the Grand Princess broke the door down to pull him out.

Seeing him like this, her heart melted in worry. “What on earth happened to you?”

Facing his mother, Yan Ke’s tears fell uncontrollably as he sobbed breathlessly.

Having only this son, she felt immense heartache and coaxed him gently, “What is wrong? Who upset you?”

Feeling his life was ruined, Yan Ke saw no point in hiding the truth, sobbing, “Mother, your son has failed you. I fear I can never give you grandchildren in this life.”

Startled, the Grand Princess looked downward, saying in alarm, “Did you injure yourself there? Do not cry, I will summon physicians and seek renowned doctors from His Majesty, it can surely be cured…”

Despairing, Yan Ke cried out, “There is nothing wrong with me there! I have simply fallen in love with a man.”

The Grand Princess experienced an emotional whirlwind, first terrified for her son’s health, then stunned by his words.

“What?!”

Refusing to deceive an innocent maiden, Yan Ke laid it all bare. “I love a man, I…”

The Grand Princess gasped, “You foolish boy!”

Closing his eyes, Yan Ke added, “And I was abandoned by him.”

The Grand Princess was left speechless, exasperated by her son.

Weeping, Yan Ke explained how he waited five years, only to realize the man would never return, having been discarded and lied to all along.

Hearing his sobs, maternal affection won out. Stopping her scolding, she soothed him, “Do not cry, such a scoundrel will be struck by lightning sooner or later.”

Yan Ke’s heart twisted at that phrase. He did not want him struck by lightning, because if struck dead, his beast would die too.

The beast was the man, yet he still cared for him, feeling utterly foolish.

The Grand Princess could only pamper him gently. “Loving a man is fine as well. There are plenty of good men under heaven. Your mother is not rigid, we can always find someone else.”

Yan Ke was successfully pacified. He liked men, but not just anyone, and had no wish to make it public.

Still, his mother was capable of anything.

Afraid to cause more grief, Yan Ke talked with her until he calmed down.

Over the following days, Yan Ke stopped hiding in his room, though remaining listless.

When the Grand Princess visited the palace, Yan Ke declined to join, fearing that seeing A-Li and the Emperor would suffocate him with heartache.

Yet moping at home helped nothing. An old friend invited the Grand Princess to admire flowers, so she brought her son along for fresh air.

The host was the Duke who had recently found a wonderful son-in-law.

The old Duke had been in high spirits, having dreamed of recruiting a live-in son-in-law, only for one to appear out of nowhere.

His daughter favored him as well, making a wedding seem imminent.

Meanwhile, Loren was miserable, planning to slip back to Panlia early.

He could not handle women, especially delicate ladies who spoke in whispers, gasped for breath after walking, recited poetry constantly, and cried over fallen petals.

Loren felt his ten mortal years must have been pure agony.

He never should have believed the prince and searched for his master.

Five years ago, he had likely escaped misery, only to leap back in like a fool.

After five days, Loren had no idea where Lu Li was, figuring he had satisfied his curiosity and ought to leave.

Whatever the prince did was his own affair, as Loren could not bear another day.

Just as he prepared to flee secretly, he spotted a young man.

Walking beside a noble lady, the youth was strikingly handsome, yet his brows carried a cool aloofness. When solemn, he resembled a solitary winter plum blossom, beautiful yet distant.

The lady spoke, and the youth smiled in response. That smile was like a burst of spring blossoms, dispelling the cold entirely.

Loren’s heart raced, his mind consumed by the thought of love at first sight.

He could not explain it, feeling as if he had searched for an eternity just to see that smile, longing for it to be directed at him.

Who was he?

Loren yearned to know his name and draw near.

He had intended to leave, but his feet refused to move.

Just as he moved to step forward, a soft female voice called out, “Luo-ge.”

Goosebumps rose on Loren’s skin.

His delicate master, Miss Shen, looked at him shyly, asking, “What are you doing here?”

Loren knew she favored him. He had intended to slip away silently, but now that he wanted to stay, he needed to make things clear.

Before he could speak, Miss Shen slipped and fell with a cry.

Standing right in front of her, Loren reflexively caught her.

Miss Shen blushed like peach blossoms.

The commotion caught the attention of those walking ahead.

A handsome man and a graceful lady, appearing like a perfect couple.

The Grand Princess asked, “Is that Xue’er? The man beside her…”

The Duchess chuckled, “Do not worry, wedding invitations will arrive at your door in a few days.”

The Grand Princess asked in surprise, “Is that the prospective son-in-law from your letter?”

The Duchess laughed, “Do not mention our private letters out loud!”

The two ladies chatted intimately, speaking without reserve.

The Grand Princess teased her, “Looking at your smile, you are clearly delighted.”

The Duchess smiled in silent approval.

The Grand Princess praised him, “He is indeed very handsome.”

While they chatted happily, Yan Ke’s face turned stark white, devoid of all color.

Loren.

It was Loren.

Even from a distance, he recognized him instantly.

Having yearned for him through countless nights for five years, how could he fail to recognize the man who brought him joy and searing pain?

He had returned. He had returned long ago.

Yan Ke’s mind spun in chaos, the noblewomen’s words piercing his heart like poisoned needles.

Perhaps he had never left at all.

Perhaps he had simply grown tired of him, pretended to leave, and was now preparing to marry another.

Did he prefer women? If so, why share such intimacy with him?

Yan Ke stared wide-eyed as the memories of those two years flashed past like paintings.

He swore he loved him, promised never to leave, and claimed he wanted only him.

Believing those promises made Yan Ke feel completely foolish.

The Duchess asked in surprise, “Xiao Ke? What is wrong?”

Yan Ke realized tears were falling again, having shed more tears recently than in twenty years.

Unwilling to cause a scene, he took a breath. “It is nothing, perhaps an allergy to the flowers, making me feel unwell.”

The Grand Princess assumed he was merely reminded of his lost love, covering for him, “If unwell, do not force yourself. Go rest.”

Excusing himself, Yan Ke left the Duke’s estate immediately.

He would never step foot here again, nor ever see Xue’er-jie.

Let them marry, let them…

Yan Ke hurried home and rushed into his room.

Panting and drenched in sweat, exhausted to the limit, fury and defiance compelled him to slam his fists onto the wooden table.

The solid rosewood did not budge, but Yan Ke’s hands bled.

It did not hurt. When the heart was shattered, physical pain became numb.

Unable to bear it, he struck the table repeatedly until his hands were covered in blood, humiliation and despair gnawing at his soul.

Why treat him like this?

“What are you doing?” an anxious male voice called out.

Yan Ke froze.

The door swung open, and the tall man rushed forward in distress, terrified by the sight of his bleeding hands.

“Why must you torment yourself like this?”

Looking at Loren, boiling rage overwhelmed Yan Ke as he shoved him away, his voice freezing cold. “Yes, I torment myself, I damn well love tormenting myself!”

Loren was utterly bewildered. Having fallen for him at first glance, the youth had vanished before he could ask his name. Finding him with great effort, he only saw him beating a table bloody.

The wood was thick and hard, why hurt himself over whatever was wrong?

Heart aching, Loren stepped forward, wishing he could pour all his healing salves onto those wounds.

Yan Ke wondered why he returned. Avoiding him for five years only to reappear while arranging a wedding made past sweetness feel like poison, leaving him thoroughly repulsed.

Only a blind fool would love him. Refusing to look at him, Yan Ke yelled, “Get out, get out of here!”

Loren’s dark eyes flickered with hurt.

Yan Ke could endure no more, feeling as if Loren’s presence had robbed the room of air.

“Leave, get away from me!” Yan Ke cried like a cornered beast, stretched to his breaking point.

Loren parted his lips, unable to explain how he had offended him, unable to bear seeing him in such pain.

After a pause, Loren left dejectedly, leaving the salve behind. “Remember to apply the medicine, do not…”

“Get out!” Yan Ke rasped.

Loren departed pitifully.

Once he left, Yan Ke collapsed into the chair, only for the bottle of medicine to catch his eye.

Consumed by fury, he hurled the bottle out the window.

Having thrown it, his strength evaporated completely, sitting in a daze.

After some time, when the blood dried, Yan Ke rose suddenly, pushed the door open, and hurried beneath the window.

The bottle had shattered against an ornamental rock.

Yan Ke stared blankly, feeling as if his own heart had been smashed to pieces in the same manner.

Squatting down, he stared at the ground in complete despair.

It was over, completely over.

Yan Ke assumed he would never see Loren again, yet opened his eyes the next morning to find him right there.

Loren sat by the bed, furrowing his brow as he bandaged his hands.

Yan Ke exploded instantly, wrenching his hands back with a freezing tone. “What are you doing here again?”

Loren said with heartache, “Your hands…”

“None of your concern!”

Pursing his lips in wounded sorrow, seeing Yan Ke’s disgust, Loren lowered his head. “Do not be angry, I will leave shortly, I…”

Yan Ke laughed in sheer exasperation. “Loren, what in the world do you want?”

Loren paused, looking up. “You… know my name?”

Furious, Yan Ke snapped, “Does everyone forget and let go as easily as you do?”

Loren did not understand. “What are you talking about?”

Seeing his reaction, Yan Ke lost all will to speak, feeling powerless against a heartless man.

He was exhausted; five years was long enough, and he refused to suffer further.

Since the man was marrying, he would bury his hopes. Deceit or betrayal, perhaps it was merely his own delusion.

Loren had left back then, so he should have known everything was over.

Calming down with deep exhaustion, Yan Ke said, “Loren, I beg of you, leave and never appear before me again.”

Loren was silent.

Right at that moment, the imperial attendant announced loudly, “His Majesty has arrived!”